Category Archives: Relationships

We Can’t Afford a Wedding so Let’s Just Play House

I live on Pinterest.  I window-shop on Zillow.  I spend my free time dreaming of what my future life might be like.  I have a board that is specifically dedicated to what I want for my dream wedding, which for me doesn’t mean floor to ceiling flowers or a dress that costs more than my car, but instead fun reception games and fans that say “Toit Nups”.

The problem going forward is not that I don’t have a husband in mind, but rather that he and I cannot imagine paying for any of it.  I find myself in a situation that generations before us didn’t worry about: affording to move forward in my relationship.  I have been with Ian for over two years, but with the average cost of a wedding, and living in a state where the cost of living is high, we feel stuck.  We can afford to live our lives and pay our expenses, but we can’t afford much else.  We want to spend our lives together, but our future still has a big question mark when it comes to the next steps.

This is not a comment on our relationship, but rather about every outside factor.  We are perfectly happy the way we are, but we do want to move forward.  We love our Tuesday date night, lazy Saturdays, and church on Sunday morning before I go to work.  We have not only a routine, but the communication skills that we use in our partnership that keep us strong and fulfilled.

Ian is already the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person I talk to before I go to bed.  When I have news, good or bad, he is the first person I tell.  We are a team already.  In a lot of ways, I feel like the wedding is just putting an official title on what we already know.

Believe me, I do want to get married.  I do care about it and I want to have a wedding, but I simply have no extra money to spend.  So I’ll stick to Pinterest and Zillow.  I will save dresses to my cart and dream up bridesmaid gifts.  We will walk through Pier One and discuss our favorite furniture.  We can dream all we want, but that won’t change the numbers in our bank accounts.  I guess for now we will just have to play pretend.

 

My Boyfriend is a Smoker and It’s My Fault

I knew Ian was a smoker long before we even started seeing each other.  Going to a small college with only so many students, the smokers stand out.  You smell it in the air when you walk by.  Sometimes you hold your breath or cough.  To any non-smoker, the odor is offensive and disgusting.  We associate smoking with something that old people do.  My grandparents smoked and so do many of our generation’s parents.  With the knowledge we now have about the harm it causes to our health, why would anyone start?

I cannot count the number of times I have asked Ian why in the world he would take up smoking.  His answer is always the same: he is the product of his environment.  He was raised by a single mother (a smoker) and all four of his older brothers started smoking around the age of eighteen.  Ian would get so upset when his mother and brothers would smoke.  He used to steal lighters and hide them away–you can’t take cigarettes without getting blamed, but you can definitely “misplace” lighters.  Despite all of this, the culture of smoking was contagious. One day, when he was feeling particularly stressed during his senior year of high school, he picked one up and that was it.  He has now been smoking for nearly five years.

According to my parents and several other well-meaning “friends”, I should put a stop to this.  I have been told countless times that I am responsible for getting him to quit.  At first, I thought they were right and that this was possible.

I’ve tried badgering him.  I’ve stolen his lighters.  I’ve taken to hiding his cigarettes when I am drunk.  I have asked him to cut down.  I have monitored how many cigarettes he has smoked in a day.  I have done everything I can possibly think of.

Except for one thing.

I am always told to do it.  I am always told it would work.  I refuse.

I will not give him an ultimatum.  I will not say to him “Give up smoking, or I will leave you.”  Just the thought of this is horrible to me.  The idea that I should leave him unless he makes this change is unfair.  I could stay with him and help him follow through his plan to quit which is mainly based on his plans to move out of his mother’s house and get away from that environment.  Or, I could throw away the relationship we have built for the last two years and threaten to leave on this condition which will not only hurt him, but hurt me as well.  Even if it were to work, is giving an ultimatum any way to have a healthy relationship?

Some may disagree, but it all boils down to this: Why am I the one being held responsible for making him quit?  At first, the question was “How?”, but I have realized that the real question is “Why?”. Why am I expected to fix the problem?  I was not the one that caused it and while I certainly do not encourage or condone the habit, is it mine to break?  This is not the first time something like this has come up for me or for anyone else.  In fact, it is a problem in our society.  Too often women are expected to fix the problems of the men in their life.

I was reminded of this recently when Mac Miller passed away and Ariana Grande ended up disabling her Instagram comments due to trolls blaming her for his death.  This is any woman’s personal nightmare.  While she is thinking “what could I have done differently?” and “is it my fault?” awful people sit behind their screens blaming her for every factor leading to his death.  She is not responsible for him taking drugs.  She is not responsible for his addiction.  And even if she broke his heart, she is not responsible for his unhealthy ways of dealing with that.

Am I responsible for Ian’s smoking?  Is there anything I can do?  If he develops cancer or emphysema or heart disease and dies, is that my fault?  A stupid 18 year-old boy made this horrible life decision, so why is the 23 year-old woman in charge of fixing it?

I’d like to order a “F***boy”

If you’re not looking for a hook up nowadays, good luck dating! We have seem to be stuck in this F***boy generation, you know what I mean. That generation where dating is sending nudes, sliding into DM’s, swiping left and right, being selected based off of a picture (even if it is not a picture of who you really are). Its a sad time, its a time where the saying “its whats on the inside that counts” could not be more wrong! 

Sorry hopeless romantics, unfortunately this is the sad reality we live in. Its an interesting time where being overweight but not too overweight is sexy and if you don’t have all the right curves in all the right places you’re-looked over; BUT while being told its okay be confident in who you are. Then we have all these sub groups and titles, by the people who scream the loudest “DONT LABEL ME”…. all very confusing. Any-who then we get to the infamous “F***boy”. 

You may ask yourself “what really is a “F***boy”?” And how can I get one?” Wwwweeeelllllllll let me tell you!

A F***boy is what we refer to as a guy who is only looking for sex and will do ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING to get it. This includes lying, cheesy lines, spoiling you in compliments, giving you a fake sense of love, paired by talking to 5-8 other girls, saying the same things to them, guilting you into feeling bad about saying no, being emotionally unavailable, and to top it off he is a PRO at ghosting! Now doesn’t that sound appealing? Doesn’t that just sound like the kind of guy you want to be with! And the worst part about it all and they come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors! The nerd can be a F***boy, the jock, the quiet one, the funny one, even the friend! So good luck picking which are and which aren’t! Though I will say not all guys are F***boys, just about 82.458% are.

Some tips on how to spot the infamous F***boy is by posting a very flirty picture on social media, wait a few minutes and bam, they will flock! But how to pick which one you will waste the next 2-3 months on, well thats easy! They’ll be the one that keeps blowing up your phone till you give them attention, then slowly become distant! After that comes the nudes, then the hook up, then the lovely questioning yourself. With such questions like, “I don’t know what gave them the idea I just wanted to hook up! why aren they leaving me on read?” And that is when you know you have bagged a successful F***boy!

Will that be cash or credit? 

In all honesty everybody, respect yourself, if a person wants to chill so badly based off of aspects of your body, that is no reason to spend time with someone. If you stand by what you feel is right for yourself and someone has an issue with it, let them go. Respect is everything in any type of relationship, don’t let anyone tell you what you want; in fears of losing someone that was never really yours to begin with.

To the Boys I Shouldn’t Have Given My Number To

unknown: Hey beautiful.! What’s Up

me: “I’m sorry who is this?” “I am not trying to be rude”

unknown: “You are beautiful -”

me: “Thank you… who are you?”

unknown: “I’m paul, steve, joe…[insert generic name here]”

We all have those days when an ex or a non-entity texts you and you have no clue in the world who they are. For me, this has happened more than once but last night was the strangest occurrence at all.

Last night, while in class I received a text from an unknown number. A boy claiming we met at a party, but his story didn’t add up.

Now, it was not too hard to make a select number of guesses before realizing that 1. I had met this boy online and not in person. 2. nothing he was trying to sell me was true and 3. it is because of people like this that I realize that I probably shouldn’t have access to a phone two – three out of seven days a week.

See when it comes to giving out my number I tend to say why not – and regret the rest later [ I mean why else would someone invent a block button other than to annul mistakes made? right? ] wrong.

And here are 5 reasons why

  1. boy or girl – it doesn’t matter who is on the other end of the line, if you do not know who he or she is, they haven’t put the work in to be worth your time.
  2. if they start with “hey beautiful” it’s a line – don’t let this society continue to allow it.
  3. if they want a picture – wholesome or otherwise, they will ask for your social media… it’s verified – legitimate and the facts will add up.
  4. if they want you, they will ask for a date
  5. if they don’t want you-you will immediately be able to tell what they do want – then walk away.

Key Takeaways

Learn from my failures

Never give out your number while intoxicated because it truly never ends well.

And by this, I do not mean I have ever been in danger, but it is a general uncomfy feeling that could have been avoided in the first place had I had the ability to meet people the generic way rather than online.

Protect your personal info

and in general – avoid online dating because the longer you keep it online the less and less likely it is to become real – so if they don’t want a date within two weeks, they aren’t worth your time and walking away will be the best thing you can do.

 

 

On NOT Finding Love

Call me hopeless but I am a sucker for a lost cause, an f boi, a dud, or a fixer-upper.

and maybe that’s why I always find myself on apps like tinder and bumble looking for ‘love’ I can’t find elsewhere – but for me what’s worse is that my brother [who I look up to for his resilience and strength and gigantic heart] finds love all day every day – but maybe that’s because he is never looking for it?

Choose Friendship over Boys

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I guess you could say I am a total glutton for punishment when it comes to men. I like the ones that never like me back – but how does one break the trend of broken men?

As you can assume – I wouldn’t be writing this post if I knew, but I do know one thing. I have felt a real connection, I have known easy romance – and it isn’t always sexual, in fact, I have had so many more easy friendships with men than I have had relationships. Which honestly can get pretty darn confusing if feelings get involved. [And they have]

See for me – it is ironically about trust, communication, and ease of speech. It’s finding a conversation in silence and being able to say absolutely anything without the additives and the bs – but I have only found that kind of ‘love’ and it is and will always be- far from possible.

Maybe it’s the fact that I get hung up on the idea of someone that keeps me from finding someone or something that is good for me. Maybe I joke and play and close myself off – but then again, if he can’t handle me at my strongest – he doesn’t deserve me decaffeinated.

I guess what it comes down to is that we all have the idea of the perfect person we would do anything to be with – but while that person might be perfectly right for you – maybe they aren’t right now.

At the end of the day, love is a waiting game paired with a game of chicken. Where at the end I will either find the perfect person to be with or get trampled by the cat lady/dog lady old maid lifestyle.

I Refuse to be Alone – But I will Never Settle

This past summer was one of extreme growth. Suffice to say – I made quite a few mistakes when it came to the men in my life. But what I realized through this is that growing up and becoming an adult isn’t about being in a relationship with anyone other than myself. Of all the boys I have loved, and all the ones who did me wrong – I learned from those experiences. I learned that the choices I make inebriated or not affect the life I live and honestly, I am grateful to have made those mistakes in the safe and controlled environments that I did.

The way I see it – romance is like a science experiment. You set a standard hypothesis, a possible outcome, pick your variables and see where the experiment takes you. When you start your journey you are not meant to know where it will lead – but that’s what makes following your intuition so powerful and interesting.

Look I am no love guru, I usually can’t give myself enough patience to love myself every day, but I am not now and I never have been alone.

Continue reading On NOT Finding Love

Dear Teenagers, ‘Adults’ and Americans

This post contains content relating to sexual assault – the contents of this post are not graphic but may trigger some readers due to its stance. If you or someone you know has been affected or impacted by sexual assault call the National Assult Help Line at 1-800-656-4673 or go to Womenshealth.gov for help.

An aside: this post was inspired by multiple conversations I have seen on social media today. It features content that is heated and inspired by events that this writer has both seen and experienced.

That being said, if you see a friend who is struggling or in need, reach out. Talk to them and help them in any way you can.

As a young female, some of my writings blame males for events I have encountered but the fact of the matter is that men are not entirely to blame. While reported assaults suggest that more females are assaulted than males – there is also a population of males who are affected. As much as we want to genderize this issue – It is also important to recognize that we as people, as a society, and as human beings need to make a move to change the status quo and take claims of assault seriously.

The current administration in the United States is not doing a good job when it comes to protecting our young women – there should be a shrinking number of girls who say #metoo but instead, it continues to grow. If you or someone else is in need call the National Assult Help Line at 1-800-656-4673 or go to Womenshealth.gov

and know that you are not alone.

Continue reading Dear Teenagers, ‘Adults’ and Americans

Until the End of the Road

On this fall day,

I will walk with you until the end of the road comes

Where it reaches the gravel and no path has been made

Where the leaves have already turned their curtain call colors

The tall weeds that are beginning to die, block the sight of the valley that lays below you

And a thin silver chain that can not stop even a silk moth.

But it stopped me.

You can beg me to keep walking, i will not go.

You see, i haven’t prepared to walk down that steep even if it is a hill

I am wearing sandals and you are wearing boots.

I know we talked about wearing the right things to this journey,

 

But you know i never listen.

 

This road was never in my visionary dreams.

I was never destined to walk this far, not on this road with you.

I know you felt sometimes when you dragged me on this road,

maybe it was the childhood dream coming true for you

For me, i felt like your anchor

Preventing you from taking this road faster

Creating friction just from my diction of the challenges that lay in front of us.

Yet you carried me?

I guess you are more amazing than i deserve.

 

But its time for you to continue this journey,

 

Create blame for this change on me,

You say you’ll never remember me that way, but if it helps you succeed in the future

ill take the arrow, ill be the pin cushion, ill stand in front of the bullet

As long as it creates peace within one soul

Now go, the sun sets over my shoulder.

Just remember that if this was meant to be, i know this road

I am a fast walker, Hell, ill run to catch up to you.

But i may change along the way as you should to…

So just keep walking until the end of the road

maybe we will be walking on another road

Together.

 

 

 

 

Slutty or Single – the ‘Nice Guy’ and the Lack of a Middle Ground

In this day and age, I struggle to understand dating culture. If I am single, I have to be clear what I am looking for, but if I don’t take the bait quick enough I am a prude. Similarly, if I am very interested but decide that this is not a good route for me, I am playing games or a slut.

So for me, personally, it sometimes feels like I can’t win. And I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way.

The Break Down

The ones who are interested don’t always commit [they prefer the buffet rather than the steak dinner], the ones who commit – ought to be committed with how fast they plan our future, and well, the ones in between don’t respond to you texting first because that is against protocol? Then, of course, you have the weekend flings, the line drive sliders [popping right into the Direct Messages] Now obviously these standard experiences do not wholly represent the population. I for one know a dozen brilliant, beautiful and amazing humans, but for every ‘good guy’ and goofball there is another a** hat who cheats, guilt’s, or pushes the envelope.

and yes. sometimes that one DB ruins the dating pool for the good ones and the ones who end up being a shoulder to cry on but that shouldn’t be the case. I mean …When did the first question in dating become “is he, or she, slutty and single? And what chance do I have with someone like that?’ when did dating become a death trap? and what can we, as young people do to change that?

Enter the Nice Guy

So I am one of those people who has messed up when it comes to finding the good ones. From my experience, the nice guy is the wrong guy, but the bad boy breaks your heart. And while every girl wants the boy who treats her right, she too quickly falls for the one that talks right, walks right, etc. etc. etc.

So technically, I have “dated” a lot of bad boys, but I have also never been in a relationship… Confused? Me too – but here’s how I see it – when I say dating, I  don’t mean officially in a relationship, but if someone has asked me out a couple times (on dates) and I have gone on said dates, I can reasonably assume that we are dating… right? – at least that would make sense, but no, often the good guys are the ones who want to date and the bad boys are just the ones we are talking with. So why don’t we go for the good ones?

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The Good Guy is the One that Stays

He’s the one who sticks around at the end of the party to walk you home, he can seem like a dork because “people like him don’t exist” [except they do]. He’s the one you can count on and the one who will tell you how it is.

In essence, the good guy is the one you underestimate but after living with the stereotypical “good guy” for most of my life [ie. baby bro] the good guy is also the one that gets the most hurt.

SO WHY DONT THE GOOD GIRLS GO FOR THE GOOD GUYS ???

I honestly don’t know – maybe we’re stupid, maybe we’ve lost the trust, maybe we don’t see you, but in any event, I think when it comes to being “Slutty or Single – when it comes to the ‘Nice Guy’ and the Lack of a Middle Ground” the middle ground we’re actually looking for is the good guy! 

but what do you think mr. mrs. or etc interweb – where do you think the middle ground is – and what do ‘we – the people’ need to do to get our heads out of our a**** and find it?

 

I’m Engaged!

IM ENGAGED! AND OFFICIALLY OFF THE MARKET

Today I have fully committed to the love of my life –  and ladies, let me say I could not be happier  because he put three rings on it! And by ” He ” I mean the machine that put my three ring binder together….

ok lets get real for a minute – I am 22 damn years old. I don’t have time to take a 40minute bath [ don’t worry I shower religiously ] let alone work on a relationship … outside of the one I have with Netflix

yes I am dating Netflix, yes I know he is in thousands of bedrooms in America and around the world – I’ve been cheated on time and time again, I am working on it ok?!

I DIGRESS

look – we say it all the time, dating these days is hard. Yet every other damn day I see someone on my Facebook feed with a ring shinier than the sun and a smile plastered across their face. and if I had a dollar for every time an adult tells me that

it’s ok, you’ll find someone … don’t rush just focus on yourself

I’d be rich enough to buy my own ring.

Truth be told – I think its crazy that people are able to find love at this age – and don’t get me wrong I am happy for you all – but I’m also wondering how you found the time to grow up with someone so fast…

I’m not jealous, I’m confused.

Of all the possible people to date out there it often feels like the pretty ones are often [not always] assholes, the reliable ones are taken, and the others – well they aren’t into me.

I know what you’re thinking…

but Rachel you’re a catch!

and to that I would say “Thank you ! I agree!” but it isn’t about being caught – it’s about finding someone that matches your kind of crazy. And for me that means finding someone who – like my father – stuck it out and worked through it all, for better or worse, in sickness and in health – till death did us part.

But finding someone like that isn’t easy….

And yet people are getting married???? How?

I may not understand but I am not against it

These days people are starting families younger, and while this may not be a stable way to build a family [depending on your job and support system] this is a trend I see emerging.

For a while I was told that people are putting their career first and love life second, and I get it – If you Know – You Know, but for me Marriage is a pretty adult thing to be doing and with the rate of divorce these days – I feel like entering into it too quickly could be dangerous

Call me cautious, call me jealous

Maybe I am cautious but I always tell my family I am more equipped to handle an infant than I am to handle a man in my life – my reason ? THE BABY HAS AN EXCUSE FOR ITS BS BUT A FULL GROWN MAN DOES NOT.

And while it is true that dating culture – and my rocky relationship with Netflix has seemed to make me a bit more jaded than the rest I still think that I would just rather keep looking for someone that matches my crazy and keeps up with my career goals. and since I don’t know if that man exists yet… I’m calling in a place holder – and a favor from something I have loved for many years of my life –

Notice: I am Getting Engaged… In my Education

ATTENTION ALL I AM ENGAGED TO MYSELF – MY PASSIONS – AND MY STUDIES!

I know I have kept my relationship a secret for four years, but my lover is modest. But I can not keep it a secret any more – I am in love with my learning potential and I want to shout it from the rooftops! So I will

I am in love with my career, my education and myself – and I don’t need anything else

for all interested parties there will be a small ceremony in May for all who want to attend – please RSVP by following us on WordPress and on Facebook where we will continue to share announcements on the event. Thank you and good Luck in love my friends

 

To My Best Friend on her 23rd

To my beautiful, amazing, brilliant, wine addicted, insecure for no reason (sorry not sorry), did I say beautiful, bad ass mother********* friend. Today is not a day you want to celebrate – so instead we treat today as a funeral [ just go with it ]

(Though she still Lives) The Tomb Reads

Here Lies your 22nd year. May it rest in peace and pieces like the cake we smashed on your face exactly one year ago today – or was that two – I blame the wine… I Digress back to your tomb

It sits next to all the rest of your stones  21, 20, 19, 18 [damn those were wild], lined with yellow flowers (sunflowers), sand from your favorite beach, peanut allergy jokes, the caution tape we wore on Halloween when we were freshman, countless empty bottles of wine [of which I now realize there are far too many] I digress again –

My Eulogy reads – Here Lies your 22nd year – and I am sorry I don’t miss it more, but while it was one of the best, this day – your birthday – your first day as a 23 year old [ I mean if a day was a year you’re still a baby so…] Today let’s pretend we [you] will never grow old – and let’s take this time to appreciate all you achieved and all your 22nd year sacrificed so that you can be reborn today and earn the title 23.

Oh what a 22nd year

At 22 you graduated college, you published an academic paper or 3?, you had a fight or two with me – which sucked but it was the best thing to ever happen to us – you broke up with boyfriend, got back together with Boyfriend after realizing that you and I couldn’t date cuz he (apparently) gives better cuddles … and neither of us like girls.

At 22 you helped merrimack college parents cope with their kids being dropped off at school during orientation, sweated and swore through five too many tests, struggled with the heads of at least two departments or was it three organizations? you had a couple days that were stressful and so many more that were happy, but more than anything on your 22nd year you lived.

SO RAISE A FREAKING GLASS TO THAT 

Now I hope as you read this you realize you’re going to have to get married for no other reason that my  maid of honor or drunken best friend speech will be the best thing you or your mother will ever hear – of course after she hears it she may have a heart attack and your husband will most likely realize that he married me too – he won’t like this of course so good luck to him.

On to your 23rd

So since I know you don’t want to grow up these will pose as my peter pan predictions for this year

  1. this year will be epic
  2. you will work your ass off
  3. your body will finally realize its only 23 and it needs to calm the f down

This year I predict will be the best one yet – it will be filled with screams, smiles and tears. There will be days we don’t get along, and days we do. There will be days you want to run away to Spain and honestly, if you give me six months I can make it happen – but beware that the foreign boys make me crazier than you’ve ever seen… This year, your 23rd year is going to be the best one yet. I know it because I’ve dreamed of it somewhere along the way.

So to my beautiful, amazing, brilliant, wine addicted, insecure for no reason (sorry not sorry), did I say beautiful, bad ass mother********* friend.

Who I know doesn’t want to hear it – Happy Birthday. You may not be happy that your a year older – but I am beyond happy that you were born and that some how – some way – some crazy bastard or magic force in the universe decided to put you into my life because you may not want to be a year older – but after all the times you’ve saved me I can say I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today without you.

so Happy Birthday Dork – Here’s to MANY MANY MANNNNNY MORE

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The Do’s and Don’ts of the Dating Death Trap

Introducing – the Millennials Guide to The Do’s and Don’ts of the Dating Death Trap – [feel free to add]

Point one: Communication

[DO] Improve your practice of good communication

Chivalry is always the first to be thought dead, but our ability to communicate has diminished so much that we have resorted to ludicrous terms like ‘ghosting.’

‘Ghosting’ can be defined as one person, who often reached out to communicate with another suddenly stops completely. It is also rude and most of us have done it…

I for one will tell the people I am interested in that being honest is paramount to all else. If you tell me that you aren’t interested anymore, I will be ok, if you ignore me until I’m forced to figure it out for myself, I won’t be as relaxed about the issue. And similar to this is the idea of buffet style dating. The route taken when one person choses to pick, choose and use a number of other individuals at one time. Being honest about that style of dating may not be highly approved of, but at the same time, no one can blame you if you have been up front from the jump. So just be honest and communicate.

[DON’T] Allow Communication to be One sided

Here is where we get into the “playing games” debate. So from my experience in dating, I have realized that the guys I was with never lead me on, never played games – but I took what they said and got it jumbled in my head. I can admit that is on me. But allowing communication to get jumbled in the first place is a major issue that contributes to drama and severed relationships.
At the end of the day we can’t force something that isn’t there. Be honest with your partner because that kind of communication practice might help you in other areas of your life as well.

Point two: Pace

[DO] Go at your own speedpexels-photo-638487

Remember that your relationship is equal between two people, the rest of the world has no business knowing what you do and when. Being comfortable and trusting the person you are with is so crucial to how you treat yourself, your partner, and those around you. Rushing things could lead to some ill feelings and if those are not expressed one could resent the person they are with.

[DON’T] Rush

I feel like these days we move so quickly. With apps like tinder and bumble the dating scene becomes a mix of sexually frustrated individuals, lonely love-struck wannabees, and genuine people wanting to find a real connection.
But rushing isn’t just a concept with intent, but one where ‘coming on too strong’ ie. showing interest, can become an immediate turn off. So while there is a benefit to playing hard to get, the best advice is to just take it at your own pace.
If you cant tell if you are moving too fast check out this link from the Huffington Post here.

Point three: Boundaries and Space

[DO] Have Boundaries

If you can’t hang out with your best friend 24 hours a day 7 days a week, odds are you can’t handle your significant other for that amount of time either. Creating boundaries allows for the much needed space to continue growing as an individual, not just one half of a whole. Be your own person, then share that person with those you love.

[DON’T] Overwhelm each other

The best way, I have found, to kill a new romance is to be on top of each other (not literally of course). When you spend all your time with one person you tend to cut yourself off from the other important people in your life, and in doing so you risk missing out on invaluable opportunities to learn and grow. If you truly love someone, and make the choice to spend your lives together then you can use that time to drive each other crazy, but right now, take it day by day.

[DON’T] Have so many boundaries that you are scheduling other romances in

In all relationships and on every side of the dating spectrum, the idea that someone isn’t open enough, can lead to doubt and a lack of trust. It seems like an obvious rule, but making yourself available (in whatever way you are comfortable) is a huge aspect of being in a relationship. It isn’t about always being 100%, that would be too high of an expectation, but being yourself and making time to be with someone you care about shouldn’t have to be a schedule based item. We make time to do the things we care about, so if you care about someone, and feel like you at e struggling to schedule them in, odds are you aren’t as into it as you could be.

…AND TO THAT SAME END…

If you are scheduling one romance around another, do yourself and that other person a favor and cut it off. If you need more than one at a time, odds are the ones you are with aren’t giving you what you really need.

For more info on the proper way and reason why to set boundaries Click here.

 

Additional Notes

hookups are not dates

no one person is in charge of paying for everything

a relationship is about equal give and take

 

Have more do’s and don’ts? add them below in the comments