To My Best Friend on her 23rd

To my beautiful, amazing, brilliant, wine addicted, insecure for no reason (sorry not sorry), did I say beautiful, bad ass mother********* friend. Today is not a day you want to celebrate – so instead we treat today as a funeral [ just go with it ]

(Though she still Lives) The Tomb Reads

Here Lies your 22nd year. May it rest in peace and pieces like the cake we smashed on your face exactly one year ago today – or was that two – I blame the wine… I Digress back to your tomb

It sits next to all the rest of your stones  21, 20, 19, 18 [damn those were wild], lined with yellow flowers (sunflowers), sand from your favorite beach, peanut allergy jokes, the caution tape we wore on Halloween when we were freshman, countless empty bottles of wine [of which I now realize there are far too many] I digress again –

My Eulogy reads – Here Lies your 22nd year – and I am sorry I don’t miss it more, but while it was one of the best, this day – your birthday – your first day as a 23 year old [ I mean if a day was a year you’re still a baby so…] Today let’s pretend we [you] will never grow old – and let’s take this time to appreciate all you achieved and all your 22nd year sacrificed so that you can be reborn today and earn the title 23.

Oh what a 22nd year

At 22 you graduated college, you published an academic paper or 3?, you had a fight or two with me – which sucked but it was the best thing to ever happen to us – you broke up with boyfriend, got back together with Boyfriend after realizing that you and I couldn’t date cuz he (apparently) gives better cuddles … and neither of us like girls.

At 22 you helped merrimack college parents cope with their kids being dropped off at school during orientation, sweated and swore through five too many tests, struggled with the heads of at least two departments or was it three organizations? you had a couple days that were stressful and so many more that were happy, but more than anything on your 22nd year you lived.


Now I hope as you read this you realize you’re going to have to get married for no other reason that my  maid of honor or drunken best friend speech will be the best thing you or your mother will ever hear – of course after she hears it she may have a heart attack and your husband will most likely realize that he married me too – he won’t like this of course so good luck to him.

On to your 23rd

So since I know you don’t want to grow up these will pose as my peter pan predictions for this year

  1. this year will be epic
  2. you will work your ass off
  3. your body will finally realize its only 23 and it needs to calm the f down

This year I predict will be the best one yet – it will be filled with screams, smiles and tears. There will be days we don’t get along, and days we do. There will be days you want to run away to Spain and honestly, if you give me six months I can make it happen – but beware that the foreign boys make me crazier than you’ve ever seen… This year, your 23rd year is going to be the best one yet. I know it because I’ve dreamed of it somewhere along the way.

So to my beautiful, amazing, brilliant, wine addicted, insecure for no reason (sorry not sorry), did I say beautiful, bad ass mother********* friend.

Who I know doesn’t want to hear it – Happy Birthday. You may not be happy that your a year older – but I am beyond happy that you were born and that some how – some way – some crazy bastard or magic force in the universe decided to put you into my life because you may not want to be a year older – but after all the times you’ve saved me I can say I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today without you.

so Happy Birthday Dork – Here’s to MANY MANY MANNNNNY MORE


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