I live on Pinterest.  I window-shop on Zillow.  I spend my free time dreaming of what my future life might be like.  I have a board that is specifically dedicated to what I want for my dream wedding, which for me doesn’t mean floor to ceiling flowers or a dress that costs more than my car, but instead fun reception games and fans that say “Toit Nups”.

The problem going forward is not that I don’t have a husband in mind, but rather that he and I cannot imagine paying for any of it.  I find myself in a situation that generations before us didn’t worry about: affording to move forward in my relationship.  I have been with Ian for over two years, but with the average cost of a wedding, and living in a state where the cost of living is high, we feel stuck.  We can afford to live our lives and pay our expenses, but we can’t afford much else.  We want to spend our lives together, but our future still has a big question mark when it comes to the next steps.

This is not a comment on our relationship, but rather about every outside factor.  We are perfectly happy the way we are, but we do want to move forward.  We love our Tuesday date night, lazy Saturdays, and church on Sunday morning before I go to work.  We have not only a routine, but the communication skills that we use in our partnership that keep us strong and fulfilled.

Ian is already the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person I talk to before I go to bed.  When I have news, good or bad, he is the first person I tell.  We are a team already.  In a lot of ways, I feel like the wedding is just putting an official title on what we already know.

Believe me, I do want to get married.  I do care about it and I want to have a wedding, but I simply have no extra money to spend.  So I’ll stick to Pinterest and Zillow.  I will save dresses to my cart and dream up bridesmaid gifts.  We will walk through Pier One and discuss our favorite furniture.  We can dream all we want, but that won’t change the numbers in our bank accounts.  I guess for now we will just have to play pretend.