Tag Archives: sex

Dear Teenagers, ‘Adults’ and Americans

This post contains content relating to sexual assault – the contents of this post are not graphic but may trigger some readers due to its stance. If you or someone you know has been affected or impacted by sexual assault call the National Assult Help Line at 1-800-656-4673 or go to Womenshealth.gov for help.

An aside: this post was inspired by multiple conversations I have seen on social media today. It features content that is heated and inspired by events that this writer has both seen and experienced.

That being said, if you see a friend who is struggling or in need, reach out. Talk to them and help them in any way you can.

As a young female, some of my writings blame males for events I have encountered but the fact of the matter is that men are not entirely to blame. While reported assaults suggest that more females are assaulted than males – there is also a population of males who are affected. As much as we want to genderize this issue – It is also important to recognize that we as people, as a society, and as human beings need to make a move to change the status quo and take claims of assault seriously.

The current administration in the United States is not doing a good job when it comes to protecting our young women – there should be a shrinking number of girls who say #metoo but instead, it continues to grow. If you or someone else is in need call the National Assult Help Line at 1-800-656-4673 or go to Womenshealth.gov

and know that you are not alone.

Continue reading Dear Teenagers, ‘Adults’ and Americans

I’m Engaged!

IM ENGAGED! AND OFFICIALLY OFF THE MARKET

Today I have fully committed to the love of my life –  and ladies, let me say I could not be happier  because he put three rings on it! And by ” He ” I mean the machine that put my three ring binder together….

ok lets get real for a minute – I am 22 damn years old. I don’t have time to take a 40minute bath [ don’t worry I shower religiously ] let alone work on a relationship … outside of the one I have with Netflix

yes I am dating Netflix, yes I know he is in thousands of bedrooms in America and around the world – I’ve been cheated on time and time again, I am working on it ok?!

I DIGRESS

look – we say it all the time, dating these days is hard. Yet every other damn day I see someone on my Facebook feed with a ring shinier than the sun and a smile plastered across their face. and if I had a dollar for every time an adult tells me that

it’s ok, you’ll find someone … don’t rush just focus on yourself

I’d be rich enough to buy my own ring.

Truth be told – I think its crazy that people are able to find love at this age – and don’t get me wrong I am happy for you all – but I’m also wondering how you found the time to grow up with someone so fast…

I’m not jealous, I’m confused.

Of all the possible people to date out there it often feels like the pretty ones are often [not always] assholes, the reliable ones are taken, and the others – well they aren’t into me.

I know what you’re thinking…

but Rachel you’re a catch!

and to that I would say “Thank you ! I agree!” but it isn’t about being caught – it’s about finding someone that matches your kind of crazy. And for me that means finding someone who – like my father – stuck it out and worked through it all, for better or worse, in sickness and in health – till death did us part.

But finding someone like that isn’t easy….

And yet people are getting married???? How?

I may not understand but I am not against it

These days people are starting families younger, and while this may not be a stable way to build a family [depending on your job and support system] this is a trend I see emerging.

For a while I was told that people are putting their career first and love life second, and I get it – If you Know – You Know, but for me Marriage is a pretty adult thing to be doing and with the rate of divorce these days – I feel like entering into it too quickly could be dangerous

Call me cautious, call me jealous

Maybe I am cautious but I always tell my family I am more equipped to handle an infant than I am to handle a man in my life – my reason ? THE BABY HAS AN EXCUSE FOR ITS BS BUT A FULL GROWN MAN DOES NOT.

And while it is true that dating culture – and my rocky relationship with Netflix has seemed to make me a bit more jaded than the rest I still think that I would just rather keep looking for someone that matches my crazy and keeps up with my career goals. and since I don’t know if that man exists yet… I’m calling in a place holder – and a favor from something I have loved for many years of my life –

Notice: I am Getting Engaged… In my Education

ATTENTION ALL I AM ENGAGED TO MYSELF – MY PASSIONS – AND MY STUDIES!

I know I have kept my relationship a secret for four years, but my lover is modest. But I can not keep it a secret any more – I am in love with my learning potential and I want to shout it from the rooftops! So I will

I am in love with my career, my education and myself – and I don’t need anything else

for all interested parties there will be a small ceremony in May for all who want to attend – please RSVP by following us on WordPress and on Facebook where we will continue to share announcements on the event. Thank you and good Luck in love my friends

 

Heart for Rent – Not For Sale

“The more people you let in the more they have a chance to walk right out of your life.” At my age – I’ve let a couple guys lease my heart but I  have never been good at breaking down the walls and they never stay long enough for me to collect rent.

I’m that girl that indulges in toxic relationships. That listens to sweet talk and ignores all the warning signs – because when he tells me “you’re beautiful” I’d rather not translate that to mean – I want to sleep with you.

Truth is – I’ve never been good at finding the right guy. Never been good at knowing my worth – and with no experience in love I tend to go with the flow [ translation, lay down and get taken advantage of. ]

In short – I am the girl that wakes up feeling ashamed for something that wasn’t supposed to feel wrong – for drinking too much and walking herself home. Translation:

I am the cautionary tale you tell your daughters before they go to sleep at night because you never want to see them get hurt in the way most – if not all – girls inevitably do.

this isn’t a pity party

Of all the regrets I have, I wouldn’t change the lessons I have learned. I wouldn’t change the life I have lived, not only because I can’t – but because I have come to terms with the way my heart works.

To quote a movie – and a book – “The more people you let in the more they have a chance to walk right out of your life.” 

And as much as I wish this quote wasn’t true, it is – because I have felt it first hand. For me – and I think I have said this before – loss comes easier than love – because for me – I learned loss before I could understand what love was.

The reason I spent weekends watching trashy teen dramas [ and yes this is diluted ] was to understand the way other people thought. For them it wasn’t thoughts of falling one parent short of  being an orphan, it wasn’t contingency plans if mom dies. It wasn’t black dresses and churches and services and flowers and casseroles – it was boys, and designer brands – it was drinking yourself stupid and talking about the things you shouldn’t have done on Saturday come Monday morning.

So for me – teen dramas were the way out – because I didn’t have to let anyone in and I didn’t have to watch any more people I cared about – walk out.

me – I write sins, not tragedies

I get caught up in the nights I should have had, the boys I should have kissed, the mistakes I couldn’t make because – because if something happened to me my family would suffer. My greatest sin before being reborn in college was not living my own life but the mistake of only existing in the pages of my novels and pretending that I could escape from my nightmares.

My sin in college was pushing people away to see who would come back – and hurting more when the first guy I hooked up with didn’t. My greatest sin has not been a tragedy though. Because I don’t believe in living tragedies. Because – like Shakespeare – even the greatest tragedies can be made into comedies.

Cinematic Discretion

If my life was a movie – you would think it sad. But in reality the choices I have made – the decisions that have defined me only prove that when it comes to love – and when it comes to my heart.

When I watched “to all the boys I’ve loved” the other day I wondered how many people feel the way I do. I wondered what my chance at love was if it still scared me. I wondered what my odds were if my biggest fear wasn’t being forgotten or dying, but being left behind. And I don’t know when those answers will come, or when love will – and that sucks but it doesn’t mean I cant learn from what scares me. I guess it took me writing this [ and who knows what else in regards to soul searching ] that while

I may always [ for now ] be for RENT – I will NEVER BE FOR SALE

 

“Foot Poppin Kiss”

NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS

I’d like to say I’m accepting applications for America’s next best kisser, but I don’t know if he is here. I mean Anne Hathaway had to become a fricken princess of Genovia to get the kind of men I’d like to find. So my hope is a little skewed.

HONESTY HOUR

So I am utterly and completely one of those God Damn Independent types that DOES NOT NEED A MAN, but, that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a man who knows how to kiss me like I deserve every once in a while.

Now this doesn’t have to be a gender normative type of story. I can assume that a few of us know what I am talking about. It’s that feeling when they kiss you so good that you still feel it echoing through your lips when it ends. The kind of kiss that makes you want to tell your best friend the moment after it happens – the kind of kiss that makes your foot POP.

First Kiss

As a teenager I waited a long time for my first kiss. I was a senior in high school writing about romance and knowing nothing about it. I would still write love stories, but most of my “research” was television based. It wasn’t until my senior homecoming dance that I couldn’t wait anymore – so I kissed the first boy who offered.

Shortly after this I wrote my first love story – with much better descriptions of what it was like to be kissed and kissed well – it’s no wonder the story caught the eye of Delaware Scholastic Competition Judges.

THINKING BACK

I think my hopeless romantic edge comes from romantic comedies being my first experience of love. I developed a look but don’t touch mentality, falling in love through a screen for men like Paul Wesley and Zac Efron and Cody Linley from Hannah Montana.

But the thing was – movies never made up for the real feeling and they still don’t.

A lot of people measure time in different ways – lately I have been thinking about the timeline of kisses. I mean what if we measured time by the last time we felt something more than just Lust or Loss, Fear or Bravery, what if time was measured in unexpected moments.

THE LAST TIME I WAS KISSED

I didn’t think it would be the last, and I regret that it was. Turns out I made a couple more mistakes than I can remember – and I am sorry for that, but truth is – he hadn’t made my foot pop since the first time he kissed me. And maybe that is my fault to, but maybe measuring time in those great – charged – unexpected moments, is the key to keeping things exciting, and the key to us continuing a mutual chase no matter who our relationship is with.

You turned me off but the feelings are still there

My mother likes to tell me that water seeks its own level – that in relationships we look for what we are used to. For me this means I look for a man like my father, one who makes me laugh, who is a bit rough around the edges, but cares and cooks and listens… but what often happens is – I don’t find a guy like that but instead I settle for a man I know won’t be around much – and while that is great for any future lover who has a life, it often just reminds me that love [or like even] tend to flicker and fade quickly like overused lightbulbs.

LIKE ISNT A LIGHT SWITCH

I realize that sometimes I get caught up in the idea of someone. As if I had never felt adrenaline – as if doing something I knew was bad for me never felt so amazing. As if one guy could be the only neon fast food sign I’ve seen in 50 miles and all I want is to skid to a stop. I’ve been the girl that turns on the light switch to a room I am not meant to be in and regretted it later – See the truth is we can’t force the way we feel about people. We can want and need something but just because a guy fits the description, doesn’t mean he’s fit to be your prince.

I mean….

In the princess diaries Mia had the perfect guy right under her nose – but she thought the popular guy was better. She raced through her life burning out her stang’ to catch the guy that didn’t even care. Maybe I should have learned from that more than I have.

At the end of the day I guess I have spent a lot of time settling, and while it has lead to some pretty epic kisses – I think I still have a lot to learn until I find that really special “foot poppin” guy.

 

 

Dear Racism

my mom always taught me that putting others down to push yourself up was wrong.

She always said that the ones that push hateful thoughts are the ones who lack love the most. In the past two days I have seen stories about  Laura Ingraham and her statement that:

In some parts of the country, it does seem like the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore. Massive demographic changes have been foisted upon the American people. And they’re changes that none of us ever voted for and most of us don’t like.

have proved to me that Laura Ingraham not only lacks love in her life, but she is blind to the fact that while she can point one finger at a “guilty” party – she neglects the three fingers pointing right back at her.

Stories published by CNN, GQ and the Washington Post are creating a platform to share Ingraham’s message – but luckily they strongly disagree with the stance she has taken.

In these articles, prominent writing platforms share how Ingraham is trying to boost and rally President Trump’s base. In this, she strongly states supporting evidence [one or two examples] that Illegal Immigrants are “rapists” – effectively generalizing a whole population that hasn’t earned the level of disrespect they have been given by the Trump administration.

But what gets me the most – this generalized opinion and racist tirade neglects to realize that this country was founded by men who were known for their sexual digressions. So when I hear “Make America Great Again,” when I hear that “the America we know and love doesn’t exist any more,” I hear that we loved oppression, that we loved violence, that it was ok for American born men like Thomas Jefferson to rape his slaves – but of course me stating that is wrong because the real villains are the ones crossing the boarder [not to help their families, not to find prosperity, but to rape, steal and incite fear].

Now I am not in any way supporting assault by any party, because you cant generalize rape by age, gender, race, or even the act [the qualification of what each victim defines as their own sexual violation]. What I am saying is that – it is so easy to pull one or two bad people out of a crowd and label them. It is so easy to put a witch on trial and say “if she floats she burns” but what isn’t easy and what isn’t right is that our country’s leadership and media is leveraging one or two reputations based on color rather than creating support for the massive population of people who have been sexually assaulted or effected by racial bias.

Dear Laura Ingraham,

When I hear that “the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore,” I am reminded of wars that aren’t currently happening, agriculture is flooded with pesticides to meet population needs, and that groups who identify as a minority or under a certain religion have a little bit of a chance of walking out of their homes without being scared of discrimination.

I am reminded that while we have countless members on the border, keeping their eye on ‘potential criminals and illegal aliens’ we have no one safeguarding our schools, or pushing for mental health and gun reform. When you say “the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore,” I say damn straight and thank god, because 20 years ago there was no #METOO, there was no Black Lives Matter, there was no Marriage Equality, and there sure as hell was no one under 25 with a voice and a hand in government policy on gun control.

Mrs. Ingraham, you may have lost your career with Fox this week, you may be getting quite a bit of back lash for what you decided to say, but let me give you one more thing to think about.

My name is Rachel, I am 22, I am an American – and I am not afraid of Immigration, I am not afraid of ‘Mexicans’ and I certainly don’t believe that they are terrorists.

Dear Mrs. Ingraham, my name is Rachel and I think the real threat to this country isn’t the people trying to enter it illegally – it’s the ones with the privilege, the power, and the influence to distract us from the people trying to tear us apart from the inside.

In the past 24 hours Ingraham has received large amounts of backlash, but I hope this issue doesn’t just become another blip in the grand scheme of the media and the public. Racism isn’t gone, prejudice is still very prevalent in this country, and day by day I realize that we as a country have given voice and power to the wrong people.

Hate is as violent as war, and I will not continue to watch people preach hatred.

My mom always taught me that putting others down to push yourself up was wrong.

She said that the ones who are the most cruel are the ones who need the most love because someone neglected to love them in the ways they needed. I hope the people who hate the most find the love they need, because otherwise we will never be the Great Country we were destined to be.

 

 

A Date is NOT a D*** Appointment

Maybe this next one won’t apply to you, but right now it is time to get real about a topic that a lot of us have on our minds… hookups. Enter the term ‘Dick Appointment.’ Now as a tasteful young lady don’t think ill of me for using this term; while obscure this slang actually and boldly details what some girls to be a scheduled hookup. It isn’t my favorite term… but it gets the point across.

If you go on a date you hope they call you back, but if you schedule a d*** appointment it is more like a visit to the doctors office, they only call once in a while when they need to check and make sure everything still works alright – and that is ok because the expectations on both ends are very different.

The Down and Dirty

Now guys, for a lot of us, we don’t want to be your 3 am booty call. Some do, but many do not. And for girls who are looking for something real – know that this kind of appointment won’t necessarily give you the all clear. See there is a difference between no strings attached and someone pulling on your heart strings so what troubles me most in dating culture today is the general wants and needs of the public. In general we WANT fun, to get to know someone, to be spontaneous, but what we NEED is a sense of honesty rather than entitlement. In other words having NEEDS and what we NEED are very different things.

On my Philosophies

Look I never expected to be any type of relationship writer. Heck most of my life my romantic experience was from television. Shows like “Sex in the City” taught me how to feel and be sexy without letting life [or men] get to me, and shows like “The Vampire Diaries” taught me the meaning of love in an oddly raw teen romance kind of sense.pexels-photo-1247933

Truth is, I don’t like making appointments with people I am interested in. I think that guys should call rather than snapchat if they are truly interested, and that if anyone likes a person because this happens in all relationships, effort should be put in on both sides to communicate what each party wants.

If that makes me old fashioned then fine, but there is more to life and love than the hints I have picked up and put down over the past couple months. At the end of the day, if you want sex to be a transaction, that is your choice. But a date… its not a d*** appointment because no one should be treated like that.

It’s not the other person’s fault

I have noticed lately that people play games. We do it to keep ourselves safe, to keep the playing field even, but from a female perspective I have to play devils advocate and call out the women who are playing with their own set of rules.

Recently, someone close to me was used. As a trusting person this guy fell for a girl and she broke his heart. For nice guys finding someone their age is hard. The young ones compete against the ones who talk smooth but treat people wrong and the old ones just do what they can to prove they care.

The end or the beginning

At the end of the day nothing seems to be fair in love and war, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop fighting. What steps can you do to change the stigma and end this war.

Good luck, God Speed, and Happy Friday Folks.

 

BETTER THAN SEX

the average person burns 85-100 calories per half hour of sex.

According to CNN, Womansday.com and a variety of other sources this is the statistic. Now obviously some people defy the odds based on what positions they do and how long they can last –  but on average this is the number that is shared.

Now what if I told you that you could do better? Not in bed… but in calories burned. What if I told you that some things you do every day, outside of the bedroom, counted for your calorie deficit and that sexersise wasn’t the only way to feel sexy or toned this summer. Interested yet?

pexels-photolet’s get physical

As someone who works for a business that focuses on longevity, health, and financial security, finding the best and most enticing ways to sell health to the public is kind of in the job description. So I figured I’d spark a theory on some of the summers best thought-less workouts. [and maybe if you guys have more you could leave them in the comments below.]

1. yoga

Did you know that 1 HR of yoga can burn 475 calories. [doubling the amount you could burn if you were rocking that downward doggy style]

Depending on severity, yoga is a series of stretches, balancing exercises and core stabilization techniques – which absolutely kicks my a** – but it often sounds much more appealing than a three hour run. And if you go for just a half an hour more, for a 1.5 HR class your count can go from 475 to a range of 630 -712. [like I said… better than sex]

2. dancing

depending on what time of dance you do, did you know that the bump and grind could benefit you more on the dance floor than it could behind closed doors. according to sources like new health advisor dancing could burn anywhere from 105-620 calories per hour.

Now personally, I only tend to think I am a good dancer if I have had a drink or two, but if a class like Zumba is more enticing than doing yoga, or going on a jog – then learning how to dance or just trying to could help you turn up by breaking it down.

3. rock climbing

forget numbers on a scale. Just a half an hour of rock climbing could help you burn 409 calories. This way of lifting yourself up beyond your own standards won’t just be fun, but it will help you work those quads and glutes way way better than the boy next door.

Side note: as someone who has been rock climbing, this excersise has the added bonus of sanding out that competitive edge so many of us have. Getting on top is well and good, but getting to the top of that wall and ringing the bell. Well… you know what I am going to say, its better than sex.

pexels-photo-326582the down and dirty… [truth]

Now keep in mind these three ways aren’t the best ways to be fit. They are not the end all be all, or the only ways you can be that person you’ve always wanted to be. Truth is – nothing I say will get you there… but you can. Taking adventures like this is the start, and if you are like me and you hate to be told to work out – then these types of activities could be better for you than running or jogging, or even having sex. Truth is, being healthier isn’t about what others think, it isn’t a number on a scale, it’s about you and at the end of the day, you are all that matters.

As an athlete and a young woman, being fit isn’t just about making my bosses trust me – it’s important to me too. At 22 I have explored a lot of the options above, and as the descriptions indicate, not all of them have really stuck… but truth is it’s not always easy to get to where we want to be, and not all of us can manage a steady stream of “workout buddies’ so that’s when I thought of something:

Could the best way to get a summer bod not be going to the gym, but could it be as easy as seeing a summer concert series. Could your favorite band not only claim to be better than sex… but actually be the key to a better you?

hello from the other side… I wish I only realized…

Truth is… yes. According to Livestrong 1 HR of jamming out can help you burn 300 – 400 calories, and similarly singing [which I know you all do in the shower, in the car, in the rain, and YES AT CONCERTS] also can burn 100 – 140 calories depending on the time and your size. [three words. better. than. sex.]

So wait… does this mean that Coachella, could really be COACH-ella? Well no that is a little bit of a stretch [and a horrible pun], but it does mean that those concerts and shows we all love to go to are actually a key factor in keeping us happy and healthy. Not to mention this could also explain why a lot of the people we see at the most popular shows can have the stamina to dance and sing the whole way through.

Based on the types of music you listen to, the shows you hang out at, and even the small town bars that feature your favorite swing singers could be playing a major role in you living your life. Which if you think about it… is kinda awesome.

its more than kinda awesome…

By the logic above I burned around 1200 calories seeing Taylor Swift, and that doesn’t even include the long ass walk I took to get there or the other acts I was jamming to.

By the logic above I burned 800 calories dancing with Jesse McCartney and at least 300 calories listening to Nina Nesbitt who will hands down be the next best star we have seen in a while.

By the logic above I have burned thousands of calories in my life doing something that cost me less than a gym membership – and made me hate a gym far less. And as an added bonus, I got to experience real moments with my friends rather than pretending that I was training to be the next American Ninja Warrior.

I guess what I am trying to say is that – I never expected there would be data on a question like this. I never expected that 100 bucks on dinner, a show, and a workout, would give me a reason to keep doing what I am. Today I realized that when I say I am exactly where I should be, doing exactly what I should it wasn’t just a line – it was an excuse. An excuse to realize that living our lives and singing our hearts out are not only a way to live happier lives but longer and healthier ones as well.

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featured shows include T-Swift, Jesse McCartney, Beyoncé, Budweiser Made in America (Macklemore), not featured. Logic, G-Eazy, Timeflies, SoMo, Daughtry, High School Musical. And how lucky am I that this is only the start.