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JustRachel

3 reasons to not compare yourself to others, or to an older version of yourself

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With the exclusion of what I like to call “womb-mates” (twins, triplets, etc.), who may or may not bear an uncanny resemblance to you, there is no one on, above, or under this planet that is exactly like you in any way. The experiences you have, the privileges or struggles you are born into, the way your hair falls – every aspect is unique. So why are we constantly comparing ourselves to others? And keep in mind that “others” could also refer to yourself because I don’t know about you, but I am just as guilty of comparing me to past me as I am to someone who certainly is not me.

3 reasons to not…

(1) The version of you that fit in “those jeans” wouldn’t fit into the life you have built for yourself: I saw this picture the other day that said,

“those extra 5-10 pounds, that place where your body naturally wants to be – that’s your life. That’s your late night pizza with your man, that Sunday morning bottomless brunch, your favorite cupcake in the whole entire world because you want to treat yourself. Those 5-10 pounds are your favorite memories, your unforgettable trips, your celebrations of life. Those extra 5-10 pounds are your spontaneity, your freedom, your love.”

anyway, it really resonated with me, not just because I love brunch but because some of the “extra” pounds I wear are due to meals I love or medications I need; and for a while I let it get to me but it’s far more worth it to be healthy than it is to fit any kind of aesthetic.

(2) Wishing you could “be someone else” (in the moment they are in) solely based on the parts of them that you can see, minimizes their experiences and gives you an excuse to fall short of the best version of yourself. Almost every single time I look at someone else and say, “I want that” – it comes with a reason why I can’t. And the reason why I can’t is almost never rationalized as an “I can’t right now” but an “I’m not them so I can’t ever.” So for example – I’ll find myself scrolling through Instagram and falling on an influencers page and thinking “I want to travel the world, but I can’t because I don’t have the time or the money.” And the truth of that is that it wouldn’t be impossible for me to do it but I am choosing not to because I don’t want to save the money or take the risk of leaving my job blah blah blah. My thinking this way completely minimizes whatever effort that person put in to living that life but worse than that it gives me an out on why I don’t have to work for it because I just want it right now.

(3) The rules have changed: The world we have inherited from the generation before us is not the same as the world they grew up in and neither is the economy. At this point, the playbook they keep telling us to follow is for an entirely different game and the more we try to follow it, the more we will disappoint ourselves for not getting the results we were conditioned to want. Maybe what we need is less coaching and more giving ourselves some grace.

The takeaway

Throughout my journey into and through adulthood, I have had to do a lot of unlearning. Whether it be toxic ideologies from society or my own expectations of where I should or should have been by x age – things in my life and especially in my 20’s just lead me to this path of constantly comparing myself to others rather than noting and appreciating where I am at.

In other words, when it comes to comparing myself to others or to previous versions of myself I am as guilty as the next person; and while I definitely doubt I will stop doing it after writing this, I did want to take some time today to mark down some reminders of why continuing to do this isn’t actually benefiting me, and why it probably isn’t helping you either.

So after reading this maybe you feel like you can relate, or maybe you feel like you can’t but either way I hope you can give yourself some grace.

JustRachel, Relationships

On Adulting and Community (Part 1)

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Sometimes it baffles me how some adults can act like complete children. Yes, you read that correctly, “children.” And if you are someone who is easily offended by that sentiment, odds are you might just be one of those people, SO, this week, instead of a scathing review of the current state of humans who live near me and humans who don’t we’re going to turn up the positivity and talk about 5 ways that people, as adults, can be better humans (and next week we’ll backtrack and talk about why some people aren’t always the best.)

#1 – Smile when passing

*and before you come for my throat – no, this is not me sitting at my keyboard telling women to smile more… stick with me.*

In this world, smiling or smiling and saying hello to someone in passing is probably the freest form of kindness. At our core as human beings, all we really want is to be seen or heard or for someone to validate this super realistic lifestyle simulation (joking), so smiling at someone and saying hello or merely smiling at them in passing is literally the easiest way to be a good human and show other humans you care about life beyond yourself.

So in short — “smile more” not because old white men told you to but because it might make someone else’s day. (cue the finger guns and smile with that fake sparkle sound)

#2 – Take a breath (for yourself and for them)

There are a lot of times and a lot of days when life gets hecktic and crazy, and on those days we are a bit more likely to take out our own crap on others – let’s stop doing that.

And to be abundantly clear, like #1 this is not me telling people to “just breathe” because I can forever admit that sometimes that is incredibly hard (especially in the world that we currently live in). BUT – what I am saying, is that next time you find yourself having a heated day or just feeling overheated in general, take a moment to take a breath, to welcome the emotion and place it somewhere where you yourself can confront it in a healthy way, without taking it out on others. Don’t push it away of course, but nestle it aside.

#3 – Learn to say no (respectfully)

Part of being a good human is realizing you won’t always do everything right. Not everything you say will be perfect, and not everything you do will be perfect but knowing when to say no, when to compromise, and when to set boundaries is one of the best things you can do for yourself, and for those around you.

For example. You and a friend made plans to go out a week in advance, but the day of you had a really bad day and you know yourself well enough to know that going out wouldn’t be good for you or your mental health. Step one is to let your friend know where you’re at, but the rest is up to the both of you whether you will set a healthy boundary by compromising or saying no. But ultimately, you know what is best for you and even if it isn’t easy to say no, it is what is best for you and the people you care about.

#4 – Support Your Community (and its local businesses)

In the past five years, there has been a huge rise in the promotion and support of local businesses. Part of this was because businesses took a hard hit during the panoramic, but also because when it comes to where we live, what we put in, is what we get out.

Supporting the community you live in is a huge part of being a good human because it allows you a greater sense of pride in where you come from. And the best part about supporting the community you live in is that it doesn’t have to cost you $$$ (though that does help too). You see it can be as easy as signing a petition for a local liquor license or providing a separate point of view. It can be as easy as listening to others and realizing that you aren’t the only voice in the room, or for some it can be as hard as listening to others and realizing that your voice isn’t the only one in the room. Either way, supporting your peers and your community is a great way to be involved and ensure that both you and those around you have a lovely day.

#5 – Respect other People’s Boundaries

This one is a bit trickier for quite a few people to grasp (if not the trickiest) but thats why its the most important… Respect other people’s boundaries ie. if it isn’t emotionally or physically hurting anyone and it isn’t hurting you – let others live as they wish.

For example! If someone is saying hateful slurs and representing oppressive beliefs – that needs to be shut down because it is emotionally and sometimes physically damaging.

BUT,

If someone is living as their true self, loving who they want to love, or practicing a belief system outside of your own – (respectfully) that is none of your damn business (why?) because reminder: even if it makes you question your own beliefs, it isn’t damaging to them or to you, and thus, it is none of your damn business.

At the end of the day (as I love to say) Being a good human is about supporting your fellow person toward being their truest and best self and just because your beliefs may contradict theirs if it isn’t harming anyone and it isn’t stopping you from getting into heaven (or wherever you’re. trying to go) then let it be.

JustRachel

100 things (that have nothing to do with politics) that are low key irritating

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So earlier this week I tweeted a thread (probably incorrectly btw because Twitter is not my strong suit) “10 things (that irritate me) that we should talk about INSTEAD of politics” — and while I completely understand that there are injustices (and natural disasters and etc) going on; while I acknowledge that some people don’t have the privilege of worrying about the little things; and while I cannot express it enough that I know how lucky I am to have the time to make a silly list like this… I’ve found myself really irritated and disappointed by the country and the chaos and the big stuff lately so I’m going to throw out some rant worthy things that can help me recover my grace for some of the unprecedented ignorance out there. (Feel free to add yours in the comments)

100 low key irritating (or unnecessary) things (that have nothing to do with politics)

  1. Pimples that aren’t pimples
  2. Meetings that go longer than a marvel movie
  3. Being called ma’am before the age of 30 (or ever)
  4. Neon green (or bright yellow) cars
  5. Feet
  6. Putting silverware in the dishwasher eating side up
  7. The word “cute”
  8. The fact that disc drives aren’t a thing on computers anymore
  9. The sheer number of different kinds of power chords
  10. Sweat stains
  11. Lower back pain
  12. The fact that therapy costs money but breaking shit is free
  13. Crumbs
  14. Dust
  15. Meetings that could have been emails
  16. Hangovers
  17. Alcoholic seltzers
  18. Really tight pants
  19. Stale air in Dr. waiting rooms
  20. Aggressive condensation on ice drinks
  21. People who blow through stops signs in residential areas
  22. Necklace clasps
  23. Sitting correctly or being told to sit “correctly”
  24. When I have zero leg room on an airplane
  25. Moles in random places
  26. Bread mold
  27. Clouds that aren’t fun shapes
  28. Postage stamps
  29. The fact that twine is just itchy string
  30. Soggy hamburgers
  31. The name Chad
  32. Hold times greater than 10 minutes (I’d say 5 but I’m not unreasonable)
  33. Books that don’t smell like books
  34. Paper cuts
  35. That sticky stuff that never comes off when you remove a price sticker or a car sticker tag
  36. Unnecessarily loud leaf blowers
  37. Spelling the word “unnecessarily”
  38. Hangnails
  39. Dead end streets
  40. Sulfates in red wine
  41. Breakups
  42. Ghosting
  43. The cost of prescription lenses
  44. Shaving but missing a single line
  45. Virtual board games
  46. Shin splints
  47. Road work (but also potholes)
  48. Plot-holes
  49. When a show kills off a perfectly good character
  50. Room temp water
  51. Broken glass
  52. Uneven sidewalks
  53. Pranks that are more mean than funny
  54. Dirty dishes
  55. Oil spray marks on the stove top
  56. Doll houses
  57. Choking hazards
  58. Leaving the toilet seat up/down
  59. Tangled wires (headphones or necklaces)
  60. Writing a sentence into the margins
  61. Bowling bumpers
  62. Women’s wallets
  63. Underwire in bras
  64. Pregnancy scares (never had one but they seem annoying)
  65. Trees that fall on houses
  66. Radiation
  67. Instruction manuals
  68. Shopping malls
  69. Menus with too many options
  70. Dating
  71. The color chartreuse
  72. Fine dining
  73. Parking meters
  74. Street cleaning
  75. Dental floss
  76. When deer hit you on the road (it happens)
  77. Mental illness
  78. Cramps
  79. The astounding lack of tree houses
  80. Email notifications
  81. Bees
  82. Humidity
  83. An empty gas tank
  84. Too many stairs
  85. Elevators
  86. Escalators
  87. When anyone says “we need to talk”
  88. Medication side effects
  89. Spotty cell service in sketchy places
  90. Wrestling singlets
  91. Children’s birthday party invitations
  92. The end of a an epic playlist
  93. Middle school dances
  94. Stubbing a toe or a jammed finger
  95. Uncontrollably crying in public
  96. The aggressiveness of some promposals
  97. The lack of respect for Maitnence and cleaning staff
  98. itchyness
  99. Being rude (to anyone but especially to service people)
  100. Uploading/scanning personal docs

Wow that was kinda therapeutic… alright so that’s my working list of 100 things that have nothing to do with politics that irritate me. Obviously I could probably come up with a couple more and I really wanna thank my friends who threw in a few of their own….Next time I’ll do 100 things I love about the world or something but hope you enjoyed and feel free to add to the list!

Just Post Grad Things, JustRachel

As an Adult I Understand Nothing

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At 22 I knew that clueless was an expectation I had for myself, but I didn’t know it would cost so darn much… and so today, in the hopes of connecting with other people that are clueless I give you… a List!

5 Things I should have been taught before 22 – but had to learn along the way

1. Insurance… it doesn’t cover the whole bill

Last night I opened some mail that I have been neglecting on my bedside table for… well, for too long. The pile consisted of random letters from my car and health insurance, my doctor, and my high school asking for money. Now here is where it gets sad. As someone who works at a company that looks at health care costs every single day, I had no idea that my copay at the doctor’s office would not cover my bill.

So for anyone else out there who didn’t know that – and growing up I doubt many of us do because no class taught me this IMPORTANT LIFE FACT so how was I to know three months later that I owe hundreds of dollars?

2. Balancing a Healthy Lifestyle

Growing up I was under the impression that 21-25 year-olds had tons of energy,

…we don’t. It was a lie. And I still haven’t figured this one out

3. Rent is Negotiable

The first week in my apartment they wanted to jack up the price. When the washer broke they were going to continue to charge us the same. When my package was broken into there was no way to monitor who did it. And when the cleanliness of the building (lack thereof) threatened bugs – nothing would have been done if we hadn’t spoken up for ourselves. And so speak up we did!

4. Know Your Worth

I had no idea what to ask for when it came to money or any form of compensation when I started working – but by doing research and talking to colleagues I figured out what worked for me and my lifestyle.

Like rent, pay is negotiable – but they can’t teach you what you are worth in a classroom so start figuring that out now.

5. How to Cook… well

don’t get me wrong I can cook – and I don’t just mean boil water – but it would have been nice to take a home economics class or something

6.7.8..

the list goes on – the fact of the matter is that these days we aren’t learning to be independent, we aren’t learning to grow up or be adults, and all the money we put in college, yeah it gets us a job but it doesn’t teach us how to be well adjusted stable minded individuals.

Truth is that I have been in the “real world” for a while now, but that doesn’t mean anything if I can’t find the tools to truly understand it.

Today being an adult isn’t fun, even if it is worth it – but it is a learning experience. I guess I just knew what books would better prepare me for the real-life situations the Pythagorean theorem didn’t teach…