Call me hopeless but I am a sucker for a lost cause, an f boi, a dud, or a fixer-upper.
and maybe that’s why I always find myself on apps like tinder and bumble looking for ‘love’ I can’t find elsewhere – but for me what’s worse is that my brother [who I look up to for his resilience and strength and gigantic heart] finds love all day every day – but maybe that’s because he is never looking for it?
Choose Friendship over Boys
I guess you could say I am a total glutton for punishment when it comes to men. I like the ones that never like me back – but how does one break the trend of broken men?
As you can assume – I wouldn’t be writing this post if I knew, but I do know one thing. I have felt a real connection, I have known easy romance – and it isn’t always sexual, in fact, I have had so many more easy friendships with men than I have had relationships. Which honestly can get pretty darn confusing if feelings get involved. [And they have]
See for me – it is ironically about trust, communication, and ease of speech. It’s finding a conversation in silence and being able to say absolutely anything without the additives and the bs – but I have only found that kind of ‘love’ and it is and will always be- far from possible.
Maybe it’s the fact that I get hung up on the idea of someone that keeps me from finding someone or something that is good for me. Maybe I joke and play and close myself off – but then again, if he can’t handle me at my strongest – he doesn’t deserve me decaffeinated.
I guess what it comes down to is that we all have the idea of the perfect person we would do anything to be with – but while that person might be perfectly right for you – maybe they aren’t right now.
At the end of the day, love is a waiting game paired with a game of chicken. Where at the end I will either find the perfect person to be with or get trampled by the cat lady/dog lady old maid lifestyle.
I Refuse to be Alone – But I will Never Settle
This past summer was one of extreme growth. Suffice to say – I made quite a few mistakes when it came to the men in my life. But what I realized through this is that growing up and becoming an adult isn’t about being in a relationship with anyone other than myself. Of all the boys I have loved, and all the ones who did me wrong – I learned from those experiences. I learned that the choices I make inebriated or not affect the life I live and honestly, I am grateful to have made those mistakes in the safe and controlled environments that I did.
The way I see it – romance is like a science experiment. You set a standard hypothesis, a possible outcome, pick your variables and see where the experiment takes you. When you start your journey you are not meant to know where it will lead – but that’s what makes following your intuition so powerful and interesting.
Look I am no love guru, I usually can’t give myself enough patience to love myself every day, but I am not now and I never have been alone.
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