Tag Archives: Friendship

The Human Alexa, The Life and Times

Why children are the best hype team you could ever ask for

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need a quick self-esteem boost? hang out in an elementary school for a day

Think I’m joking?  Let me tell you a bit about what I experience at my job…

To start, kids see everything.  And believe it or not, they understand everything too.  It may be in a different way than adults, but they understand.

And they REMEMBER.

Upon first meeting, you might be greeted with a “whoa, you’re really pretty,” and “wait, how are you not married?? You’re so pretty!” and so the first few minutes of the school day turn into life lesson time.

After that, they’ll ALWAYS comment when you change your hair, or your nail color, or wear different shoes, or get a new sweater (or wear the same one two weeks in a row – oops).  But they will also always tell you how much they love having you around.

Seriously, they’ll always compliment you.  It might be 30 seconds after they threw a pair of scissors at you, but they’ll do it.  How many of your adult friends do that??

(hopefully none of them throw things at you.  if they do, please find new friends).

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When you’re absent for just a day and you come back to swarms of “where were you?” “why didn’t I see you” and “I missed you!” And when they see you leaving for the day they holler from across the room “bye! I love you!”

From time to time, they’ll call you ‘mom’ or ‘dad,’ and get embarrassed when they realize their mistake.  Just last week I had a first grade girl call me ‘mom’ by accident, and when she noticed, she just said “well I love you like I love my mom, so same thing, right? anyway can you help me read this word?”
Unphased.

Sometimes they’ll just tell you they want you to be their mom instead of who they have now.  Then you need to discuss how they love their mom and just wish for you to be in their lives, which you MUST promise you will be ‘forever and ever’ before turning back to the task at hand.

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Or when you get to work with your hair up and no makeup because you just couldn’t get out of bed in time that morning, and a student says to you “how do you look so gorgeous today?” and you cant help but smile.

Because they aren’t just your normal friends being polite, they genuine believe it.

Maybe there’s that preschooler who ALWAYS asks to see what color your coffee is (because that one time you brought in matcha tea and it was green, her face was absolutely priceless).  And eventually they notice when you come in lacking said coffee cup, and ask if you need to go run out and get one before we start class because they know how much you love it (and how it keeps you ‘happy’).  So the sarcastic first grader offers to watch your class this morning while you run to the coffee shop – as if you’d let him be in charge for but a second.

When they use their free time to write you a book (with only pictures, of course) but their face lights up with pride when you smile and ‘read’ it with them.

Do your adult friends write/draw you personalized picture books for fun?  No?  Hmm.

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Or when you finally change out of that sweater and wear colorful clothing, your whole day is filled with 2nd graders saying “I like your pants, I like your shoes.” They, naturally, start mimicking each other so you end up with 15 kids spending 3 whole minutes of class just telling you how much they like your outfit.

When they see you in the morning and their tiny little legs wind up and start running over to you, huge smile across their face, and you brace for them to ram into you in an attempt at a big hug.
How many of your adult friends give you running start hugs so you can embrace and lift them off the ground, all while giggling like it’s the best thing that’s happened to them all week?

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With my job, some days I have to be a caring mom.
Some days, I have to be the strict mom.
Some days, I have to be the typical teacher and make them actually learn a thing or two.
Some days, I have trouble getting out of bed so early in the morning, to wear one of these hats for 25+ children, that aren’t even my own.
But by week 2, they feel like my own, and they make me want to get up every day.

They have their tantrums, and defiant moments.
They have their sick days and sneeze on your face.

But they never fail to do some small thing, a small act of kindness, a small sentence or the tiniest hint of showing you how much they love you.

You – their surrogate parent.
You – their caretaker for almost 10 months of the year.
You – the one they come to and listen to and love with their little hearts, because they know you love them right back.
You – who knew you wouldn’t be able to get through they day without at least one of them making you crack a smile.

Because as much as we love our adult friendships, working with children gives you the most adorable, no-strings attached hype team for life.

And I think we could all stand to learn a bit about this kindness and love from the tiny humans.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
JustRachel

Family Finds You

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I have spent most of my life thinking I wasn’t good enough. That cool was something I could fabricate through looks and pop culture references. That I would never be or understand what it was like to be in the “in crowd”.

This is not to say I didn’t have a army of people who loved me. I did. But in school and outside of my summer escape to Maine I felt completely and utterly alone. During those years I felt hopeless and there was no way out of that darkness but then, 5 years ago I met my tribe.

And while I have never forgotten what it felt like to feel so on the outside you couldn’t breathe through the loneliness I have had the opportunity to find that hope I lost so long ago.

WE ARE NOT ALONE

Often I tend to internalize my fears and insecurities so, for a while, I never imagined I’d meet someone who knew what that feeling was like, but recently I did.

Most of us have that one friend that has no clue how amazing they are. That person that is gorgeous inside and out and is clueless of how rare that quality is. I have a lot of friends like that but for me, those are the best people to surround ourselves with.

MY TRIBE IS YOUR TRIBE

Recently a new person joined my tribe and while she may not know it yet – there are people that come into our lives that save us from ourselves when we need it most. People who care to listen and to help without expecting anything in return. And while she may come to think that we are trying to be that person for her, she is already that person for us.

THANKS FOR SAVING US

Without realizing it, having this new person in my little family has completely changed how we all act and see the world. It has saved us from our monotony added new comedy to old jokes and made us appreciate the simple times that we can spend together.

So to you. The person and people who have no idea how amazing you are, and to all the people brave enough to join me and my tribe on our journey, welcome. And consider this your official letter of acceptance to BDE U.

Kevin at a Desk

A Thank You to the Kids Down the Street

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I don’t remember how and when we met.

It seems like a memory that has been eradicated from my mind

But i knew we were going to be the best of friends for so long

Then,

The big move, almost ten years ago

It has never seemed to be that long ago but yet life has changed so dramatically since you two had to move out. I mean i understood, it wasn’t your call and that’s what was happening in those days. People needed to find a place that supported them no matter what and you had to go where you had to go. In those ten years, we have talked, you visited, but it never had the same spark as being only down two houses and a quick run away. Something that has been bugging me these last few years, as i have aged and the neighborhood changes, i never got to say thank you to the times we had together. The times that shaped me and hopefully the times you still think about and hold dear.

Thank you for the games of Wiffle ball through the year.

When ever we were bored, wanted a break from homework, or just had the snow fall coming and we wanted to get in that last game we always took the bat and ball and played in your yard. Even as we got bigger and the field got smaller, a home run still felt the same and well placed strike on the picnic chair just energized the pitcher. On the good days and the bad days we just used it to talk about what life was showing us as we began to change. I even still have the plastic bat at home, that means nothing to others, but means a world series to me.

Thank you for the Halloweens we spent trick or treating as kids.

In all those years of the cold October breeze, we always got to spend the holiday together looking like our favorite superhero or a demon of our own design ( Even when i ruined your costume by breaking the sythe). Those long, agonizing miles that were only a couple of blocks to get the most candy in our pillow cases especially if it meant the legendary full size chocolate bars. I can still remember the nights where you came back to my tv room, watch re runs of the Halloween specials that i still enjoy today and enjoying a nice well earned soda to end the night.

Thank You for helping celebrate our birthdays somewhat together each and ever year.

We were only one year and three days apart, even tho you would never be able to tell that. Having you two be twins was double the fun, especially when it came to the years our birthdays were on thanksgiving. It was always a blast going to your parties no matter where they were, even when we got to go to the Science museum and solve a murder (CSI Murder that is). Even if i was an only child, you never made me feel like it on birthdays.

Thank you for having a family who was always welcoming to me knocking on the door to see if you guys could come out and play.

I can remember times where you weren’t home and i would talk with your mom or dad about basically anything. I can remember the time where your dad and i talked legit about the trees and how they know how to change color and he was so chill about it. Even when you would go to your grandparents for a summer swim, i remember the car rides where we listened to Radio Disney when they read stories at midday to the youngest listeners. Man weren’t those simpler times.

Thank you for always sticking by my side even when our friendship fell into turmoil.

Even when we argued and cried about young dumb things. I am sorry for the times when i did not have your back and let you down. Ill never forgive myself when you got bullied in my own house and i did not do a thing to stop it. i am just mad that it got to that. Thank you for putting up with the growing pains and the one year old thing, i never tried to hold it over your heads but there were sometimes i could not resist to do so.

In all honest comment and thought, thank you for being the best friends i could have asked for growing up. No one was the kind of friend that you two were. You made living in West Roxbury (notorious for being quiet) exciting every weekend, summer, holiday and everything in between.

As i sit here at my adult desk, somehow all grown up, and going through the motions of meetings, i have never forgotten those days and what its like to be outside for a impromptu wiffle ball game, or eating candy, or the dinners i use to crash or even the times where we were not sure this was going to work.

I just know you are doing great things where you are, you were destined from the start. You are two great kids that i hope i was able to influence enough and leave an impression that was worth something to you all these years later. Hopefully, when we are older, maybe even our kids will see what we got to have growing up.

So to the kids down the street.

Thank you so much.

Kevin at a Desk

Being Adopted by a Friend’s Family

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WE, the young people usually spend our summers on the road traveling from friend to friend getting every second out of summer.

In some instances, instead of driving home we stay the night on whatever, couch, bed or floor we can get to accommodate ourselves for the night. Its nothing we complain about after a night of fun (what ever that may be). We all reach that point where we are seen so much that you COULD be considered part of the family. I mean you spend enough time with them, you talk with their direct family members, hell you are on a first name basis with their second cousin twice removed! ( Yes i am very weird) But what if you REALLY became part of the family? How would you feel about the experience?

What if the family started inviting you to events that normal friends might not be a part of? What if they were treating you like a little brother and busted your chops the same way? How would you react when the niece and nephew of your best friend started asking for you and wondering where you go when you leave their house. How would you feel when they started calling you their Uncle…….

Whoa.

So if you could piece it together, this happened to me this past year. One of my best friends who i roomed with for graduate school brought me home a couple of weekends out of the year and i would hang around, go fishing, eat MARIA’s subs and be legit adopted by these wonderful people. One of his siblings has two wonderful small children that always wait for the day when i show up and get to play and watch Aquanauts and Disney Movies and basically be the best thing since slice bread. (Not that i am but i appreciate it once in a while). In the middle of the summer, their mom yelled out to the kids when i arrived on a warm May afternoon ” Look who’s here, its Uncle Kevin!” WHOA…..

Being called uncle? Being part of the family? It felt unreal, like a pause in time. I had never held a title like that to someone. It felt unnatural yet it fit like a glove.

Being an only child, i will never naturally experience being an Uncle to a sibling’s child.

Ill never get to have the fun uncle experience with my family, ill never get the experience of them growing up, coming to Sunday suppers, seeing them graduate. Its a weird feeling. Of course when i am old and grey and i marry into a family that may have nieces and nephews,  i wont be looking upon this post with much thought.

Its still a great feeling to be called an uncle and part of the family when it comes to my best friend. They legit treat me like family and its one of the best feelings. I don’t know where i would be without the long trips down to the cape to go fish, to eat, and to kick back with such a great family. If you ever find someone who has a family that has this much love to spare, its a good place to stay and become their adoptive son, even if its only for the summer.

Kevin at a Desk

24 Songs to Listen to Before You Turn 24

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You have friends that just never go away.

That’s a good thing. They say that after a friendship has gone seven years, it will last a lifetime. So i guess you’re stuck with me kid. Thank you for all the dumb shit we have gotten into over the years. From the long walks to Walgreens to see you suck at skateboarding, to bar hoping late at night on my birthday, we have done it all. Even though for the fifth year in a row you’ll be half way across the country ill still be calling you at 12:01am to tell you how fucking old you are, i’m glad we got all this stuff ahead of us to explore.

Music has always been a topic that we have both gotten to discover together. IN the beginning it was the classic middle school jams of Fall Out Boy and Divided By Friday, then we evolved into different tastes of music. He began to focus on the classical music aspect because it improved his talents and i went to the Teen angst phase that i sometimes still think im in. One thing that we always did was when we found something that clicked with us, we sent it along to the other to critique and break down. Actually as i wrote this he sent me to pieces to listen to online. None the less, music has been one of the many things we have used to stay in touch over the many years of moving around.

So in honor of turning 24, here are the songs that I believe you should listen to before you turn 24:

Happy Birthday Brother!

  1. Whats my Age — Blink 182
  2. Sober Up — AJR
  3. Timeless –Jon Bellion
  4. Everybody Wants Somebody — Patrick Stump
  5. Take Me Home, Country Roads — John Denver
  6. Closer — The Chainsmokers
  7. Strawberry Swing — Coldplay
  8. Aquaman — Walk the Moon
  9. Sunday Candy — Donnie Trumpet & The Social Experiment
  10. Polaroid — Imagine Dragons
  11. Hometown — Twenty One Pilots
  12. Don’t Burn Yourself Out — Dan Masterson
  13. My Way — Frank Sinatra
  14. You and Me– Dave Matthews Band
  15. Le Vie en Rose — Louis Armstrong
  16. Cant Help Falling in Love with You — Twenty One Pilots (Elvis Presley)
  17. The Longest Time — Billy Joel
  18. Too Good at Goodbyes — Sam Smith
  19. Under Pressure — Queen
  20. Don’t — Ed Sheeran
  21. This is Gospel — Panic! at the Disco
  22. I Dont Love You — My Chemical Romance
  23. Same Drugs — Chance the Rapper
  24. The Wonder Years — Jon Bellion

And a special one :

25. Shostakovitch’s Fifth Symphony ( Special Gift for the Birthday Boy)

Kevin at a Desk

Your Hometown Friend Group

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Its been about almost a decade since my best friends and our group solidified into what it is today.

We all met in middle school, although we never went to the same school (Some public, some private, some i think never went to school; looking at you Dan) but we all knew home base was at Loyola Circle where we would go when we could and get into some really weird shenanigans that set the tone for our young lives. I’m talking car rides that resulted in the weirdest dance that no one understands, friendly’s and Bertuccis trips, and when we wanted to we always got out to Ihop for late night breakfast. It was the best times we could ask for.

Even on the roughest days for someone in the group, we stood there waiting to help at a moments notice. As college approached, none of us went the same ways; I went north to Merrimack College and others went to Providence, Northwestern, Boston University, Harvard, Northeastern, Saint Michael’s College and so on and so on.

As the years grew on, we realized what we had was a good, stable foundation at home and never realized what we had until we told our college friends stories of our group from back home. We spent holidays together, including the infamous NYE parties, went out on the town now that we were all over 21. It felt like a renewal of what this group of misfits from the same area in Boston meant to us, especially me.

As you are probably reading this, you know your own group of kids you hang out with on a regular, or at least the ones you used to hang out with. This group of yours may have changed over the years, adopting new members and losing a few in the same process but its still that favorite group of friends that you look forward to when Thanksgiving rolls around and the new year is around the corner. These are the friends that you have gone hell and back with, put up with your bs, and still like you for the way you make them laugh, or can be the rock of the group (Especially when everyone wants ketchup, no on speaks up until you do 😉 ).  THIS is the group of friends that you want at your wedding getting plastered with you to a middle school jam that you all love.

These are the people that our high school teachers said to always keep in contact with because they are the people who care about you the most and who you care about the most.

The headliner photo was the first year we were (mostly) all out of college and “enjoying” the adult life. We decided to have a “Friends-giving” and it felt like high school all over again. The Friday nights that we spent doing nothing and the years we wondered about the future all came rushing back to us in that instant. It was great to see even after all these years we still had the idea that after time apart we could get together for dinner and drinks and make us feel like the awkward high school kids we were. I just hope for the rest of time we get to stay together  it is as fun if not better than what we have already experienced.

I look forward to days of Weddings, Kids being born, Celebrations, and any awkward reunions that we will have in the future.

This, is what a Hometown Friend Group should always get to have.

Just Post Grad Things, Relationships

To My Best Friend on her 23rd

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To my beautiful, amazing, brilliant, wine addicted, insecure for no reason (sorry not sorry), did I say beautiful, bad ass mother********* friend. Today is not a day you want to celebrate – so instead we treat today as a funeral [ just go with it ]

(Though she still Lives) The Tomb Reads

Here Lies your 22nd year. May it rest in peace and pieces like the cake we smashed on your face exactly one year ago today – or was that two – I blame the wine… I Digress back to your tomb

It sits next to all the rest of your stones  21, 20, 19, 18 [damn those were wild], lined with yellow flowers (sunflowers), sand from your favorite beach, peanut allergy jokes, the caution tape we wore on Halloween when we were freshman, countless empty bottles of wine [of which I now realize there are far too many] I digress again –

My Eulogy reads – Here Lies your 22nd year – and I am sorry I don’t miss it more, but while it was one of the best, this day – your birthday – your first day as a 23 year old [ I mean if a day was a year you’re still a baby so…] Today let’s pretend we [you] will never grow old – and let’s take this time to appreciate all you achieved and all your 22nd year sacrificed so that you can be reborn today and earn the title 23.

Oh what a 22nd year

At 22 you graduated college, you published an academic paper or 3?, you had a fight or two with me – which sucked but it was the best thing to ever happen to us – you broke up with boyfriend, got back together with Boyfriend after realizing that you and I couldn’t date cuz he (apparently) gives better cuddles … and neither of us like girls.

At 22 you helped merrimack college parents cope with their kids being dropped off at school during orientation, sweated and swore through five too many tests, struggled with the heads of at least two departments or was it three organizations? you had a couple days that were stressful and so many more that were happy, but more than anything on your 22nd year you lived.

SO RAISE A FREAKING GLASS TO THAT 

Now I hope as you read this you realize you’re going to have to get married for no other reason that my  maid of honor or drunken best friend speech will be the best thing you or your mother will ever hear – of course after she hears it she may have a heart attack and your husband will most likely realize that he married me too – he won’t like this of course so good luck to him.

On to your 23rd

So since I know you don’t want to grow up these will pose as my peter pan predictions for this year

  1. this year will be epic
  2. you will work your ass off
  3. your body will finally realize its only 23 and it needs to calm the f down

This year I predict will be the best one yet – it will be filled with screams, smiles and tears. There will be days we don’t get along, and days we do. There will be days you want to run away to Spain and honestly, if you give me six months I can make it happen – but beware that the foreign boys make me crazier than you’ve ever seen… This year, your 23rd year is going to be the best one yet. I know it because I’ve dreamed of it somewhere along the way.

So to my beautiful, amazing, brilliant, wine addicted, insecure for no reason (sorry not sorry), did I say beautiful, bad ass mother********* friend.

Who I know doesn’t want to hear it – Happy Birthday. You may not be happy that your a year older – but I am beyond happy that you were born and that some how – some way – some crazy bastard or magic force in the universe decided to put you into my life because you may not want to be a year older – but after all the times you’ve saved me I can say I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today without you.

so Happy Birthday Dork – Here’s to MANY MANY MANNNNNY MORE

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