Category Archives: Higher Thoughts

Higher Thoughts, The Life and Times, Top Stories, Uncategorized

For All of Us We Must Not Forget

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For those who had traumatizing pasts, embarrassing pasts, disappointing pasts, shameful pasts, for those who are not lucky enough to remember your pasts due to illness or harm, and for those who are no longer here on this earth to do so either, this is for all of us!

Its okay to not talk about the past but its not okay to forget about it and act like that part of your life didn’t exist. Some pasts can be scary, uneasy, even traumatizing, so its completely okay to not want to talk about them but what is not okay is erasing them, forgetting about them, acting as if moments did not happen. The pain they brought has happened, an outcome came of it, but you made it to this point. The point where you get to stand here and say “THAT moment happened, THAT pain was endured, THAT was THAT”. Call it tough love but something most need to hear and others need to view from a different perspective. 

I’m not going to sit here and say cliché things like “the past is what made us to what we are today” and yes while that holds a good amount of value I feel as if saying that quote makes pasts always seem so bad. That being said yes some peoples are but there are also people who’s pasts were not bad. And to be quite honest I wish we could see more positive pasts without people calling them privileged or lucky! I am sorry that some people had such horrible pasts that have made you incapable of not being happy for others who did not! What people need to realize is be lucky your here to remember a past, to be able to be here and to have grown from a past, some souls out there never got that chance for a past.

But no matter what your past WAS, if it was something painful you were put through or if you were the person inflicting pain and hurt on others; it does not matter. This isn’t to discredit or devalue some peoples traumatizing pasts, its for people to know that its okay to not talk about things you did not like or make you feel a negative way; but we must never forget them. Lessons were taught and events occurred that pushed you to where you are now (some might not be at a good place right now but give it time). So please stop thinking its okay to forgive and forget, that nothing good can come from remembering the hard moments, when in fact someones everything now came from those moments. Our past has everything to do with our present and future. Think about it- if we only talked about whats ahead never wanting to recognize what happened how would we know what to reflect off of?

You don’t have to talk about your past, you don’t have to think about it all the time either but we must not forget. We are lucky enough to get the chance to reflect and remember!

Awkward and Abroading, Higher Thoughts, Journals by Jess, The Global Citizen, Top Stories

Paradise vs. Poverty

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This weekend, I was Cinderella.

I grew up modestly.  My parents never had a lot of money but we didn’t suffer because of it.  We went on family road trips and would go out to eat on birthdays, but we were a typical family of the lower middle class.

But this weekend, I was Cinderella.

My boyfriend’s family took us on a vacation to the Dominican Republic.  All expenses paid, all inclusive, and every single need or want we could possibly think of was taken care of.

I had unlimited tropical drinks served by bartenders that always remembered my name and order.

I shot archery on the beach, danced in a nightclub, and gambled in a casino all in the same day.

I walked on the beach, went snuba diving, and swam in a freshwater-filled cave.

Every time I walked into my hotel room, there were new animals made of towels that were covered in fresh flowers.

When I broke my glasses, guest services took care of every single detail with only the small fee of paying for the super glue which was brought up to my room by a butler.

I didn’t deserve any of it.

I never expected any of this, but the saddest part was what I didn’t expect about the environment.

The second we drove off of the 5 star hotel’s land, garbage littered the streets.  Kids wearing clothes both far too big and far too small were begging and selling their drawings to tourists.  Stray cats ate scraps and cows that had their ribcages showing walked through intersections.

At an off-site beach, we were pestered by vendors.  Some would try to hand us bottles of beer.  Others sold paintings and jewelry.  One man, without my knowledge or consent, put an iguana on my head in an attempt to get me to take a picture–for a fee, of course.

When I went to the five star resort, I felt like the poor girl who was swept off her feet by a man and brought to the lap of luxury.

The Dominican Republic took me back to the sad reality.

Among the beauty of the palm trees and endless pina coladas, there was extreme poverty.

We were the exception to the rule.

We were the white tourists, eating gormet food to our heart’s content while a mile away, so many starved.

We spoke in broken Spanish to servers who knew that learning English and working in a resort was one of the best–and only–ways to make a living.

I was the Cinderella who saw the dark side of her fairy tale.

Higher Thoughts, Just Post Grad Things, Relationships, The Life and Times

I’d like to order a “F***boy”

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If you’re not looking for a hook up nowadays, good luck dating! We have seem to be stuck in this F***boy generation, you know what I mean. That generation where dating is sending nudes, sliding into DM’s, swiping left and right, being selected based off of a picture (even if it is not a picture of who you really are). Its a sad time, its a time where the saying “its whats on the inside that counts” could not be more wrong! 

Sorry hopeless romantics, unfortunately this is the sad reality we live in. Its an interesting time where being overweight but not too overweight is sexy and if you don’t have all the right curves in all the right places you’re-looked over; BUT while being told its okay be confident in who you are. Then we have all these sub groups and titles, by the people who scream the loudest “DONT LABEL ME”…. all very confusing. Any-who then we get to the infamous “F***boy”. 

You may ask yourself “what really is a “F***boy”?” And how can I get one?” Wwwweeeelllllllll let me tell you!

A F***boy is what we refer to as a guy who is only looking for sex and will do ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING to get it. This includes lying, cheesy lines, spoiling you in compliments, giving you a fake sense of love, paired by talking to 5-8 other girls, saying the same things to them, guilting you into feeling bad about saying no, being emotionally unavailable, and to top it off he is a PRO at ghosting! Now doesn’t that sound appealing? Doesn’t that just sound like the kind of guy you want to be with! And the worst part about it all and they come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors! The nerd can be a F***boy, the jock, the quiet one, the funny one, even the friend! So good luck picking which are and which aren’t! Though I will say not all guys are F***boys, just about 82.458% are.

Some tips on how to spot the infamous F***boy is by posting a very flirty picture on social media, wait a few minutes and bam, they will flock! But how to pick which one you will waste the next 2-3 months on, well thats easy! They’ll be the one that keeps blowing up your phone till you give them attention, then slowly become distant! After that comes the nudes, then the hook up, then the lovely questioning yourself. With such questions like, “I don’t know what gave them the idea I just wanted to hook up! why aren they leaving me on read?” And that is when you know you have bagged a successful F***boy!

Will that be cash or credit? 

In all honesty everybody, respect yourself, if a person wants to chill so badly based off of aspects of your body, that is no reason to spend time with someone. If you stand by what you feel is right for yourself and someone has an issue with it, let them go. Respect is everything in any type of relationship, don’t let anyone tell you what you want; in fears of losing someone that was never really yours to begin with.

Higher Thoughts, The Human Alexa

the time between the end and the real world

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You ever think about how, one day, years ago, you and your friends went out and had the last day of your official childhood, but no one actually knew it at the time?

Can you think back and guess which day you think that was for you?

It’s like suddenly, you wake up and surprise, you’re an adult.  The refrigerator doesn’t magically fill itself with food, and you may even need to start ironing your own clothes.

I think about the idea of past, and future lives.  How there are those that believe we will come back one day to start a new life, as a human, or an animal, or an alien of some sort.  Or that in our current lives, we are the reincarnation of someone from history, and we were them, and now are living our next life (maybe those are the voices we hear in our heads? or the people we see in dreams we don’t recognize?)

And how now we have the expression “living my best life” and I wonder if we can really say that with confidence.

I think if we were to live again, it would be like waking up after childhood.  I imagine waking up one day as a teenager and just moving along with life, “ready” to be an adult, not really thinking about what has come before then.

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Biologically, the majority of people can remember events as far back as when they were just 3 years old, but those memories only come in spurts of very memorable, single instances.  Our long-term memory just does not have the capacity for anything further back plus everything else we have experienced.  So I suppose it makes sense that we don’t really remember our past lives, if we had any.

As a result, I’m calling this current year of my life “the time between the end and the real world,” because I am trying to savor the last bits of what I think could be my childhood, despite being considered a young adult by everyone around me.  Because if I really won’t remember any of this in my next life, I should really just live it up now.

But maybe, just maybe, there can be a bit of an overlap.  Where my childhood hasn’t ended yet, but I start up my adult responsibilities anyway.  Because is it really a requirement to grow up?

Where I start to contribute to society and others around me, but can still have some fun and enjoy those Disney movies and dressing up in silly costumes for Halloween.

Maybe the people we used to be actually strengthen who we are today.  Maybe those personalities come together and shape each person we become – they are the mold to our bodies and we play through our childhood until we are fully formed, ready to create a new personality for our future self.

Why do we need to have a time limit on childhood?  Why can’t we have a little warning before my friends and I go out for our final “play date,” jump in the leaves, or bike ride around the neighborhood?

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I think the time between the end and the real world is almost like a reflection period of our childhood.  Should I have spent more time listening to the birds chirping, making snow angels, swinging on the playground, or having water balloon fights?

Maybe, in my next life, I can do that more often.  And then maybe, when I hit this point next, I’ll think of some other things I should have done before “leaving childhood” and start this loop all over again.

For now, I’ll try to live my best life yet.

Higher Thoughts, The Human Alexa

See the person next to you? Wear their glasses.

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Into adulthood, almost 22 years into life, I’ve learned many things.

I’ve learned how to walk, and talk, and write letters.

I’ve learned how to make those letters into words and those words into sentences that sometimes make sense.

I’ve learned (miraculously) how to let the little things go and live life like a wave (and have always had a love for alliteration).

I have taught myself the virtue of patience, and 8-hour bladder control (thanks to teaching the young children), and how to carry things on my head for all of 7 seconds.

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But of everything I have learned, the most important take away, I think, is to never stop learning.

About math, science, geography, and the people around you.  They often have the best stories, and the best knowledge.

I am fortunate to have been able to immerse myself abroad, in a new country, town, culture, and standard of living.  I am far from an expert on these countries, and far from truly understanding what life is like there, since I was just an ‘obroni’ traveler volunteering my time for but a couple of months.

What I do know, though, is that what I learned from the people I met there will forever exceed anything I have learned, and will ever learn, in school.

People are your best resources.

If someone is around you, that means they somehow, someway, ended up in the same space.

You all ended up in the same place at the same time, and are likely now doing similar things.

And while you ended up together at this moment, your paths leading up to now were so, so different.

You grew up in different households, towns, states, countries.

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You have a different set of relatives living in your home and different relationships with those people; you may even speak a different language with them than you do at work.

Maybe the person sitting next to you speaks 3 different languages, with English being their second or third.

Maybe you are the one with a rich background – the one with a story to tell.

Or maybe the girl down the hall has family members in the country you’re travelling to on your next vacation and can give you the inside scoop.

What if the boy you sit across from grew up learning math using a different method, and can help you solve the problem you’ve been stuck on for hours?

How do you know the woman who just got promoted didn’t grow up bouncing from foster home to foster home, until she was able to pay for school and work her ass off to get to where she is now?

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All of you have had life experiences that lead here, yes.

But those experiences have also taught you differently than the person sitting next you, and has shaped your mind in a unique way.

I think that is the most beautiful thing about humans: we are so incredibly unique; we have such an amazing mind filled with memories and choices and viewpoints that allow us to see the world through a new set of glasses.

We have had a different set of family, friends, mentors, and way of living.

Different resources and standards of living and values that have shaped the way we live on this planet.

So talk to the people around you.

Wear their glasses for a while.

Can you imagine if we could see through everyone’s glasses all the time?

I would want that would be my superpower: to be able to communicate with everyone on this planet, so I can learn about how they perceive everything around them.

I think that’s way more fun than walking a mile in their shoes.

You may just learn something about yourself you didn’t realize before.

 

Higher Thoughts, The Life and Times

All I want is Happiness

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I used to think I had life all figured out, then I realized I’m only 21! I used to think all I needed to do was go to school, get my degree, them BAM I’d get hired, find love, be independent, and then life would be good. Thats it. I would peak, be happy, and that would be that. But the more I imagined that scenario I realized that its not that easy, even for the rich an famous.

Think about it, a lot of people strive for money, fame, health, looks, etc. But after growing up with money and in poverty (long story),

“I realized I just want to grow up to be happy.”

But the funny thing is, is that I don’t know what makes me “happy” anymore. For a long time it was money, then finding love, then just my friends, and then as all of those things faded away I was left standing there empty handed, by myself but yet still not unhappy. Interesting right? All the concepts I thought brought me joy were gone yet I was still feeling okay! Don’t get me wrong it sucked and hurt to lose them, but I still made it out alive and was fine. So I was left standing there, to ask myself again what makes me happy.

We spend our whole lives striving for things and concepts we think we need but what if we all kept it simple, what if we all just just lived!

So while I’m racing to find out my purpose and who I am, I realized that, that is what life is. It’s figuring out who I am as an individual, but I can’t find it in 21 years, or 50, or even 75. Sure as live goes on we grow with others and all sorts of ways but in the end, it’s only you who goes on alone. As scary as that thought is, its true,

it’s reality.

Life is about the memories and moments I create, the paths and roads I pave through out, and most importantly the relationships build from start to finish.

“With every relationship I build that fails, I realize something about myself, I find more of myself I didn’t even know I had. It’s like a wake up call that I didn’t know I needed. Some are painful, some are quick, but each one teaches me more and more.”

“It’s like lives most powerful lessons are brought through pain, but finish in strength.”

Everyone and everything alive only has a certain amount of time on this Earth, and the scary part is that not everyone realizes that, so we all sit here being alive but are really any of us living? And I wish I could tell you how to “live” but the truth is, is that living is a concept that is different with everyone. That maybe instead of over thinking on how my life will be great as time goes on and I “figure it out” that,

life would be better if I just lived in the moment!

Ya know? And just let life happen and I’ll figure it out on the way. Don’t forget the hard times, and don’t call them the bad times, but realize that those are part of life. Those are the parts that help us figure out life and ourselves the most. Moments define our lives, memories define our lives, but if we keep trying to find or create them we slowly start to forget why we want them.

“You know its funny, growing up I always feared death, but I think what I really fear is not living when alive.”

So what if we all stopped taking life so seriously and just lived, took chances, risks, and just went with it. I mean the more you think about it, we were all just a random pick of life, you never know what kind of story will come when each one begins.

Higher Thoughts, The Human Alexa, Top Stories

lose, find, navigate

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Loss is a weird concept

because

you can Lose a lot of things

you can Lose a soccer game,

a chess match,

or a hot dog eating contest,

or come in last in a dance recital

 

you can Lose time, and you can Lose hope

you can Lose pets, and you can Lose people

you can Lose your car keys,

or,

Lose your way

(which is more difficult to find if,

you also happen to Lose

your gps)

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i’ve been fortunate

to not have Lost a lot of people

but the ones I have,

Hurt.

 

you know the school saying,

quality,

over quantity

 

sometimes you may feel

like you’ve

Lost yourself

 

you may go

on a spiritual

or soulful

journey to find you

again

 

but the you

that you find

is different every time

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i think the scariest thing,

is not spiders or monsters,

not killers or WWIII

but ghosts, of sorts.

 

the scariest thing,

i believe,

is Losing memories of those

whom we love

but can no longer

make new memories with,

because they,

also,

have been Lost.

 

when you Lose something,

important.

something,

that hurts your heart

to Lose.

 

you may try to find new ways

to look at the world

for better

or for worse

 

but the problem is,

what are you to do

when you realize

nothing can help find them.

person s hand on black board with hello text beside brown mug

when you figure out,

that just being kind,

or reaching out,

while great in the moment,

can’t find someone you’ve already Lost.

 

it can’t bring back

your Lost friend

your Lost sibling

your Lost parent

like you can find your car keys

or practice your soccer skills

 

but it can,

possibly,

prevent someone else from Losing

something they love

 

it can help

navigate

the strangeness of our hearts

white and gray textile
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it can help mellow

the way we sway

through the winds

that whistle like our lost items,

our Lost

emotions.

 

Loss is a weird concept

because

sometimes I feel like I have

Lost something

that I never even had in the first place.

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xoxo

Higher Thoughts

A Letter To My Angels

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It isn’t Invincibility – But it isn’t Faith Either

over the past few years I came to the conclusion that – while mortality is great and all – I have too many angels around and about to let anything of real consequence happen to me. Now to clarify this doesn’t mean I have taken to jumping out of planes or running into fires to save kittens but it has given me a renewed sense of surviving through the ordinary and the extraordinary.

By now many of you have heard of the fires, explosions and gas leaks in Lawrence Massachusetts – click here for the story – but what you may not know is that I live just north of the river, in an area that lay on the edge of Lawrence and Andover.

Today my heart goes out to the family who lost their son in one of the blasts, the families of the ten people whom were injured, and to those who lost their homes. But today my heart also looks up to the forces that be for protecting me, my friends, and all those who were effected but are safe in the wake of this terrible event.

I don’t believe in Immortality

Not beyond the way writing makes us live on past our own expiration date. But I believe that something stands to protect me because yesterday, in the wake of such frightening events, I was not for a moment – afraid.

The way I see it, I have too many angels to let me join them – and I have too much left to do in my life to allow it to be cut short. I don’t believe in immortality, I don’t believe I am invincible, but I am young and naïve enough to know that if my time was now – well then that would be beyond my control.

I used to NEED Control

But today I woke up with this feeling where [and yeah maybe it was faith] took over and suddenly I wasn’t as stressed as I usually was. In many ways I still would not call myself a godly woman – but if I believe in anything, I believe in my angels – and I could not be more grateful that they are here to watch over me and those I love.

Lastly

I want to ask that we hold all those suffering both here in Massachusetts and those in the wake of hurricane Florence in the Light [ and for those who aren’t familiar with Quakerism – this means we hold them in our thoughts and send love and positivity their way] and I would also like to thank the first responders who were not able to spend last night with their own families because they were selflessly giving to others. Thank you.

Higher Thoughts, The Life and Times

What Our Minds Do

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When you think about it, every person is just a matter of bones, tissue, and skin, encased in a figure that our minds created, and for some people they can’t escape that casing. So trapped in their own head all the time, that they have more going on on the inside than what they show on the outside. You know what I’m talking about, when a person is “spacing out” ever wonder what they are thinking about, or how about those who suffer from mental disorders such as schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder. They have built worlds inside their minds, worlds that most people could not even dream of!

I mean worlds with relationships, dream jobs, tragedies, deaths, and more. A world where they aren’t even in control half the time. Is that not crazy to think about? That really who we are, we ourselves have created; physically we are just  bones, tissue, muscle, veins, and more; but who we truly are, we created ourselves, our personality, thoughts, perceptions, etc. So when a person dies, do they really die? Or is just their physical body that has stopped working, but there soul, who they created, relationships they built, are they gone?

I have never viewed death in a religious way, the thought that if someone is good they go to heaven, and i they are bad they go to hell. But who is to say what is good or bad? Who is to say that one person’s perception is universal? Obviously it isn’t since conflict is all around us every day. Personally I believe in what goes around comes around, kind of like karma, I also believe in the energy you give out you get back. We as humans are always looking for something to look up to, to follow, something to give us hope and faith. And from that sprouted religion, religion is a man maid creation; so how are people supposed to believe in an other worldly all powerful figure or figures when they were created from man. Don’t get me wrong it is a nice concept and gives people strength there is no question there, but what about those who don’t believe in an afterlife, when they die do they themself seize to exist anywhere, nothing but bones in the ground?

I tried the whole church thing for years but never really felt anything, it never really clicked or made sense, if anything I felt more judged and more alone. I like to think back over the thousands of religions that have died, been created, or even yet haven’t even been created. People were so sure that greek gods were the reasons for why the sky was blue, the tides changed, the harvest was plenty, the reason love existed, or even when it came to wars, battles, and deaths. And then one day everyone moved on, abandoned their beliefs for something new. All of a sudden those gods weren’t the reason for all those things?

What I’m trying to say is that our minds have created universes, worlds, hope, and so much more. That is the incredible thing about being human, our minds have the power to change the world, unlock thoughts that some people have never thought before, so for those who are silent or trapped in their own mind, they may not be what you think, they could be the people that see the world for how is truly is or they could be the next person who changes everyone’s world and history forever.

 

Higher Thoughts, Just Post Grad Things, The Life and Times

Becca’s Declassified School Survival Guide

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College, the place I heard about my whole life from my mom. The best 4 years of her life; filled with friends, parties, late night adventures, listening to bands in the courtyard with 200 other students, and of course LOVE!

I couldn’t wait to go to college, I had this perfect vision of what it would be like. I had it all laid out; I would make a huge group of friends, we would all stay up till 3am laughing, drinking, doing our homework together. That on the holidays we would all go to each others houses or have things like a “friends-giving”. And that we would all be like one big family.

I went in confident with high hopes that these next four years would be the ones I would never forget, and for the first semester it was! It was filled with all the things I hoped for, all the late night adventures and being one big family (I had so many new contacts in my phone my storage was getting full). It was great! I went to sleep with a big smile on my face every night because I made it happen, ME! And I only highlight that because in high school I was quiet and did not really care for all the students around me, and I low-key kind of regret. But for college I couldn’t wait to leave, start fresh, and really discover new things about me!

As the years went on, I switched friend groups, people transferred, people changed, I changed…. College started to become this place that I suddenly could not wait to leave and somewhat forget. By the end it looked nothing like the vision I came into school with, but yet I still didn’t mind how it turned out. That just because it wasn’t great like what I had always imagined, it was still great but in its own way.

“I realized that living with so many expectations does more harm than good. Its nice to have ideas and maybe an outline for life and certain things, but lives best moments happen unexpectedly. So just live!”

But if there were a few things I could warn freshmen year me about they would be……

  1. SAVE MONEY
    • SAVE SAVE SAVE!!! College is expensive!!! From text books, to alcohol, and especially food!!! I really wish I worked more before and during college, It would have defiantly been worth the hard work and sucky hours, but beats being a poor college student!
  2. Go out
    • Even if you don’t feel like going out GO OUT! Especially when you go to school in New England and half the year its too cold to go outside in winter coats let alone in skimpy party clothes. I do regret not going out more the first 2 years of school (when it was actually fun to go out at Merrimack!(true OG merrimack people will know what I mean). I was anxious most nights about so many things that I always told myself I’d just go out next weekend but then it would be the same thing the next. So go out, have fun, meet people, just let loose!
  3. SAY NO TO THE LATE NIGHT SNACKS!!!! 
    • O.M.G. DO NOT EAT THE LATE NIGHT MUNCHIES!!!!! I repeat do not eat the late night MUNCHIES!!! You will regret them in 3 years!!!!!
  4. Don’t be afraid to truly be yourself because in an environment of over 4,000 people you are bound to find someone just as odd as yourself.
    • I went through my fair share of friends in college, but hey thats the beauty of college right? So many people, there is always a chance to meet someone new. But at a school with only 4,000 students (I know that sounds like a lot but its really not!!!) by the time you are a senior you pretty much know everyone. But within those 4,000 students you are always bound to find other people who like and do the same things you do. So don’t stress so much about trying to make friends. It will happen over time I promise!
  5. GO FAR AWAY!!!!
    • If there is one thing I would do differently in college, this would be it. GO FAR AWAY!!! When it came to picking colleges I was 100% sure I didn’t want to go too far away from home. I don’t know if it was because I had separation anxiety or what; but I ended up going to school 30 minutes away from home.(so tell me why I paid for housing!!! Just kidding, living with roommates is what made me grow the most!!) I should have gone further away and seen the world, maybe Italy or Hawaii, but should not have stayed so close to home, it was definitely a crutch
  6. Don’t live with regrets when it comes to your feelings
    • When I went away to school I imagined I’d find love. Like I said I grew up hearing all about the boyfriends and loves my mom had in college. All the memories of the group ski trips they’d all go one, the memories of her special someone meeting her parents, and wearing their jerseys at football games. I was so ready for me to create my own memories like those, but there was a small problem…….. ALL THE GUYS IN MY GENERATION ARE F*** BOYS (sorry not sorry). But there were a few guys that got away through out the 4 years there.
    • I learned shortly after falling head over heels for a guy, to never live with regrets and if you have feelings for someone tell them before it’s too late (and they transfer). After that, telling guys how I felt became easier. Because nothing was more painful than living with the feeling of “what if.”

I soon grew up from freshmen year me and really started to accept the fact that all things happen for a reason. No matter how shitty they feel, no matter how much you don’t want change to come, change is good. But these 6 tips are ones to live by for myself, college is where I did most of my growing, it was painful sometimes, but so worth it!

So even though college was NOTHING like I expected,it pointed me in the right direction for my future, and taught some of the most meaningful lessons that I will never forget.

Higher Thoughts, Relationships

Know Your Worth

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There are two types of people I see recently, those who know their worth and are confident and those who think they know their worth and are OVERconfident. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we live in a time where everyone is trying to out due the next; and at the end of the day still aren’t happy. I don’t just mean this when it comes to dating but with work, friends, school, and even our own families. Always trying to please people, and for what exactly? For their approval? Why is it that we put so much pressure on our own happiness, solely based on others.

I’ve asked a few people what makes them happy and they always list peoples names, hardly ever do people say their health, job, pets, concepts, etc. In particular people always say the person they are in a relationship with is usually their main reason for their happiness. So your telling me you were miserable before you got into that relationship? Interesting. We all know the phrase

“You can’t love someone else till you love yourself”

But do you ever consider that before jumping into dating or any sort of relationship? Probably not.

What people need to understand is that no one should be the reason for YOUR own happiness. They should contribute to it but they shouldn’t be the whole reason why they’re happy. Because guess what, when it ends or a fight occurs, it feels like they didn’t just leave, but your happiness left with them. Its like if your with someone and they tell you that you are beautiful all the time and then you break up, do you stop being beautiful? NO! But you have to know that before hand! Which is what I mean when I say

“Know Your Worth”

I don’t just mean it when it comes to look, but know what you are truly worth, look deep inside yourself. I know that can be hard for some people to do because they may not always like what they see but, hey that’s you. All 100%, wonderful, incredible you!

Like I said earlier this doesn’t just apply to dating, but to all sorts of relationships, that means friends, coworkers, family, and more. If you feel like you are being treated unkindly or walked all over its okay to walk away. It okay to separate yourself from what could be a toxic situation, doesn’t mean you’re giving up, but somethings take time to heal and some things aren’t always worth the energy. What is meant to be, will be. And what is meant to end, will end.

One big thing I have learned is that some people are put into our lives to help us through certain parts, and once they have dones their job it may be time for that relationship to end. Don’t get salty and petty about it or them, but

“look back and appreciate the times you had together and the lessons learned.”

If they stay in your life then that’s great, that’s what was meant to be. But I always say

“you can’t force someone to stay where they don’t want to be”

We are all growing and put on certain paths, which some are meant to walk alone. Not everybody can be so lucky to try new things with those they feel comfortable with. But in my opinion they might not be lucky in that instance.

“How can you find yourself, when you aren’t alone?”

I believe that sometimes the most growth happens to us when we are put in situations where we are the most scared and lost.

Just know that who you are is who you are meant to be, we are always changing and through our lives, and with that comes some people won’t like that; and they don’t have to. But they don’t have to bring you down either. Know who you are, know what you deserve, and know your worth. Doesn’t mean your better than anyone else, but doesn’t mean you should allow others to treat you any less than what you deserve. And definitely don’t give anyone the satisfaction of being the sole reason to why you are happy. Look at yourself in the mirror and reflect, that means see the beauty and see the ugly. Improve yourself everyday, and for those who don’t like what they see in you, let them go. Don’t hold on because you want to stop change, becuase sometimes change can bring the best outcomes.

Know. Your. Worth.  

Higher Thoughts, Relationships

What is dating nowadays?

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Let’s be honest, dating is hard nowadays. Well not hard but not easy and definitely too complicated. It’s not as simple as just saying two people like each other and should start from there. Nope. You have to like the same type of shows, music, hobbies, style, brands, animals, colors, and more; and you have to agree on all that before you meet in person or even date. Not like you go on a date to get to know the person, nope that’d be unheard of. To actually spend time dating and then see if you two want a relationship with each other,

“nope because people fear wasting their

time.”

 Call me old fashioned but when I think of dating someone it isn’t just to kill time or because I’m lonely; I actually take it seriously. I don’t mean I viewing every relationship as “I may marry this person” but I know that it’s a commitment and takes time and effort. I just don’t understand how some people can bounce from one “serious” relationship to the other. How can someone jump right into another relationship after being “committed” and “invested” to someone else just weeks prior? Well here’s why, maybe, just maybe it’s because they weren’t really committed or invested to that person to begin with. They were committed to the idea of being with someone because it can be scary to be alone. Especially when you are constantly surrounded by those happy couples we see online. Because let’s be honest,

“Nothing’s official till it’s social media official”.

But do you really think those people are happy? In my opinion a relationship works best when the least amount of people are involved in it. In other words it should only include those two people!!!

Why is it that we live in the generation of having to show everyone everything? Why must we all gloat about who has the better life, or even worse, boasting about whose life sucks the most? Since when did being in a relationship have to be always being with that person; and if they aren’t together all the time or in constant communication, it meant they “fell out of love”.

No, just no, a relationship doesn’t mean talking all day everyday, it doesn’t mean posting about each other 24/7, and it definitely doesn’t mean spending every waking moment with each other and dropping everyone and everything around you for someone else.

A relationship doesn’t always have to be moving forward, it’s okay to be at a stand still for a while. It’s ok to be separate and live separate lives, its okay to spend time with your friends, and its okay to hold onto what makes you, you. You were who you were before that relationship happened and you still are during and after it.

“A relationship is two separate people coming together and sharing moments, not being the same person and living the same life.”

You’re never going to find your perfect match so stop looking! A relationship takes time, it can’t be found on an app, can’t be made with social media, and certainly doesn’t work if there is no trust. But hey ever think there’s no trust because trust takes time? And if you’re jumping from one person to the next it won’t work? Everything takes time, especially when it’s getting to know someone else.

We are told the the trick to a happy and long lasting relationship is communication, but is there such a thing as over communication? YES

“Personally I don’t understand how people can text and call each other all day everyday, talking non-stop; because once you are physically with them what is there to talk about?”

It’s like our generation skipped the phase of relationships, where you actually go on dates and get to know the person. I don’t just mean “netflix and chilling” either, I mean an actual date where you stick it out even if you aren’t feeling anything. Scary I know! Actually being face to face with someone, being forced to enjoy each other’s company and not being able to hide behind a phone or filter! Terrifying!!!! Or how about actually going up to someone and asking for their number or just striking up random conversation? In this day and age, I don’t think so!! Right off the bat you’ll be called “thirsty” or “a creep”. It’s like you can’t win!

Dating is scary nowadays, and technology has not made it easier. I swear technology is the reason dating has changed. Now with social media being at its peak, you’re never sure if the person your with has 50 people sliding into their DM’s, or liking other people’s “questionable” photos. It’s so easy today to just move on it seems.

“It’s like ever since sex was easier to get, love is harder to find”

I remember growing up and hearing stories from my grandparents on what dating was like in the 50’s. Now that sounds like my kind of dating, where a date could be as simple as going for a ride in the car and just talking all night; and if you were lucky you got to even hold hands! But today, its like you meet on an app, meet up at someone’s house (because god forbid you go in public), turn on netflix, then BAM sex. Just like that, no effort was put in, the sex didn’t mean anything to anyone; you just leave and one person hopes the other one texts them the next day. Pretty sad if you ask me. No chase anymore, no respect, and yet that’s what everyone is doing nowadays. Then people complain that they feel used, disrespected, and cheap. WELL DUUHHH, did you really think that was the foundation for a relationship?

“Everyone wants that picture perfect relationship but without any of the work”

Dating is a concept of truly opening yourself up to someone, allowing them to see all of you even, the sides of you that aren’t the prettiest. But what I have learned is that those who truly see your ugly sides and still chose to stay, those are the ones we should hold onto. Because in reality no one is perfect, and we are constantly changing and learning new things about ourselves our whole lives. Dating should take time, it should mean something to both people, and by all means it should be something that takes effort and work.