Tag Archives: Love

The Human Alexa, The Life and Times

Why children are the best hype team you could ever ask for

Leave a comment

need a quick self-esteem boost? hang out in an elementary school for a day

Think I’m joking?  Let me tell you a bit about what I experience at my job…

To start, kids see everything.  And believe it or not, they understand everything too.  It may be in a different way than adults, but they understand.

And they REMEMBER.

Upon first meeting, you might be greeted with a “whoa, you’re really pretty,” and “wait, how are you not married?? You’re so pretty!” and so the first few minutes of the school day turn into life lesson time.

After that, they’ll ALWAYS comment when you change your hair, or your nail color, or wear different shoes, or get a new sweater (or wear the same one two weeks in a row – oops).  But they will also always tell you how much they love having you around.

Seriously, they’ll always compliment you.  It might be 30 seconds after they threw a pair of scissors at you, but they’ll do it.  How many of your adult friends do that??

(hopefully none of them throw things at you.  if they do, please find new friends).

IMG_5969

When you’re absent for just a day and you come back to swarms of “where were you?” “why didn’t I see you” and “I missed you!” And when they see you leaving for the day they holler from across the room “bye! I love you!”

From time to time, they’ll call you ‘mom’ or ‘dad,’ and get embarrassed when they realize their mistake.  Just last week I had a first grade girl call me ‘mom’ by accident, and when she noticed, she just said “well I love you like I love my mom, so same thing, right? anyway can you help me read this word?”
Unphased.

Sometimes they’ll just tell you they want you to be their mom instead of who they have now.  Then you need to discuss how they love their mom and just wish for you to be in their lives, which you MUST promise you will be ‘forever and ever’ before turning back to the task at hand.

Image result for pinky promise

Or when you get to work with your hair up and no makeup because you just couldn’t get out of bed in time that morning, and a student says to you “how do you look so gorgeous today?” and you cant help but smile.

Because they aren’t just your normal friends being polite, they genuine believe it.

Maybe there’s that preschooler who ALWAYS asks to see what color your coffee is (because that one time you brought in matcha tea and it was green, her face was absolutely priceless).  And eventually they notice when you come in lacking said coffee cup, and ask if you need to go run out and get one before we start class because they know how much you love it (and how it keeps you ‘happy’).  So the sarcastic first grader offers to watch your class this morning while you run to the coffee shop – as if you’d let him be in charge for but a second.

When they use their free time to write you a book (with only pictures, of course) but their face lights up with pride when you smile and ‘read’ it with them.

Do your adult friends write/draw you personalized picture books for fun?  No?  Hmm.

IMG_5982

Or when you finally change out of that sweater and wear colorful clothing, your whole day is filled with 2nd graders saying “I like your pants, I like your shoes.” They, naturally, start mimicking each other so you end up with 15 kids spending 3 whole minutes of class just telling you how much they like your outfit.

When they see you in the morning and their tiny little legs wind up and start running over to you, huge smile across their face, and you brace for them to ram into you in an attempt at a big hug.
How many of your adult friends give you running start hugs so you can embrace and lift them off the ground, all while giggling like it’s the best thing that’s happened to them all week?

IMG_2140

With my job, some days I have to be a caring mom.
Some days, I have to be the strict mom.
Some days, I have to be the typical teacher and make them actually learn a thing or two.
Some days, I have trouble getting out of bed so early in the morning, to wear one of these hats for 25+ children, that aren’t even my own.
But by week 2, they feel like my own, and they make me want to get up every day.

They have their tantrums, and defiant moments.
They have their sick days and sneeze on your face.

But they never fail to do some small thing, a small act of kindness, a small sentence or the tiniest hint of showing you how much they love you.

You – their surrogate parent.
You – their caretaker for almost 10 months of the year.
You – the one they come to and listen to and love with their little hearts, because they know you love them right back.
You – who knew you wouldn’t be able to get through they day without at least one of them making you crack a smile.

Because as much as we love our adult friendships, working with children gives you the most adorable, no-strings attached hype team for life.

And I think we could all stand to learn a bit about this kindness and love from the tiny humans.

baby children cute dress
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
JustRachel

A letter to my Father

1 Comment

Dear dad

Yesterday I turned 23 and for the first time in a while my birthday wasn’t a reminder of you getting diagnosed. For the first time in a long time it wasn’t the 3 month mark of hitting another year without you. For the first time in a long time I was able to just be happy and love where I am.

Dear dad,

I miss you. I miss you everyday. But this year I have been making the kinds of choices that you would be proud of. I have been working harder and smarter and taking better care of my body because I want to live a long enough life to give you the journeys you missed by leaving us so young.

Dear dad,

Yesterday I turned 23 and I wish you were there. I wish you could have seen all the love and joy that surrounded me. I wish you could have seen the incredible people I surround myself with because if you could, you would be so proud.

Dear dad,

Today I compete in my last winter track meet and as my college athletic career comes to a close this year, I simply could not be more grateful for all it and you have given me by allowing me to be your daughter.

Dear dad,

Thank you for the best present a person could ask for. Thank you for giving me the strength to be the woman you raised me to be and thanks for showing me that love is earned and deserved rather than simply given.

Dear dad,

I’m 23 – and it’s crazy.

Dear dad, I love you. And I can’t wait to show you what I have left in store for this final stretch of this chapter in my life.

This year I’m gonna make you proud but you know what else? This year I’m gonna make myself proud too.

The Global Citizen

Languages of Love In The Time of Unrest

1 Comment

Love, Amor, Yêu , Leibe.

What do all of these have in common?

They are displays of emotion. Care. Comforting.

It is natural for us as human beings to want to find it.

To be entrapped by it, surrounded by it’s warmth, yet the pursuit of it scares us to death.

The words themselves in question are able to bring anxiety, great pride, or even create a bridge towards a beautiful tomorrow. However, the power of love doesn’t truly come in the form of the words themselves. Actions speak louder than words.

As a young man who’s had the incredible privilege to travel to many different countries, I get to see how truly amazing and loving people are.

Actions of love transcend any barrier of language. Each country I’ve gone to has taken me in with open arms, whether or not I look like a local or the prized foreigner.

All across the world, people are warm, caring, charming. As simplified by the phrase “A La Orden” in Coastal Colombia. It translates to, at your service. I don’t want to go in depth into each of my experiences, but just to summarize, each country shares their best selves with the visitor, always caring and ensuring that you are having a great time, if you are comfortable, you are at home.

Back home at Merrimack, it was the smallest gestures of kindness during the cold winter days or blistering summer days, a random meal swipe by a classmate who’s name you don’t remember, a door being held open by someone you’ve never met, the long car rides to and from the pitch darkness of I-95, the deep talks over card games, and the tears shared over solidarity in weakness.

In Ireland, it was on a random night. We had a classmate who wandered off, and with the help of a security guard from our favorite bar, were able to find the classmate in a country in which we just arrived into.

In Nicaragua, it was the comfort of sharing a meal with the hosts which took us in at Mustard Seed Community and the love of the children who had nothing but smiles and hugs to offer to us outsiders.

In Vietnam, it’s the constant hospitality and efforts to speak English when people do not understand Vietnamese, the constant need to help and go give 110% despite not even knowing your name.

And now here in Colombia, every person on the street will offer to help you, each person on the street will greet you, ask you how you are, and finally, offer their home to you as a shelter during a storm or a hot day.

Love, in all forms, is something that is missing in today’s world. We cherish it so deeply, and share it and make it seem almighty and powerful, display it on full blast via our news sources, as a silver lining in what seems like a never ending storm. After hours and hours of news of war, hunger, poverty, hatred, there’s always a small snippet of people doing good, people loving each other. As if this sliver of hope is supposed to let us carry on until the next time we are fed this great news.

As the Beatles once sang, “All You Need Is Love”, while that might not be entirely true, it is a step towards a better world, one in which we can create stronger relationships and allow ourselves to define our humanity by what brings us together, rather what divides While there is still hate in our world, love has the ability to prevail. Sure, this doesn’t really help people’s perception of me as a “flower child” and a person who is naive. But I would rather be naive than cold and jaded. I find comfort in believing in a cup half full rather than convincing myself that the cup is half empty.

There’s a great childhood story about “Warm and Fuzzies” that is incredibly near and dear to my heart. It revolves around the theme of people being scared to love, scared to give themselves to others without reservation. Love costs nothing, but can be priceless to others going through a hard time. Any small action could create a ripple effect, to become a ray of sunshine on someone’s cloudy day, to inspire, to give hope. Love doesn’t have to be romantic. It’s innate in all of us, we were born to love, yet taught to be cautious and nervous. With many things, rather than to let society and media mold us and take away what makes us so special, let’s take it back into our hands. Let’s care for one another, love, and do what we can for our fellow brothers and sisters.

This Valentine’s day, maybe for us not being involved in romantic love, maybe we can start to learn the greatest love of all, the love for our fellow human, and learn to love them as we hopefully love ourselves.

Just Post Grad Things, JustRachel

Don’t Expect, Just Wait.

Leave a comment

Holidays are notorious for relationship questionnaires. I, on the other hand, am notorious for being single. But that kinda sucks.

As much as I’d love my life to be a romantic comedy, that just isn’t realistic. And the idea that at 22 we are supposed to have it figured out is crap.

The idea that people find love by now is magical, but I’m a muggle and it’s not in my cards. So, thus, I remain alone, single and trying to find my way.

Don’t get me wrong I like (love) being Independent, but I’d also like someone to love. The idea that we “don’t have time for love” is bull though, because I have time, just not to waste.

At the end of the day we make the time for that which we want and believe in. And me? Well I just wish I had time, more time, to follow my heart.

At the end of the day they tell us not to expect love, not to wait for love but to let it come. But me, well I guess I’m just over waiting for the love when I would rather walk for happiness.

Just Post Grad Things, JustRachel

First. Forgotten. Forgiven

Leave a comment

They say you never forget your first 

and while that may be a blanket statement, whoever “they” are… 

well, I guess they kind of know what they’re talking about.

First and Foremost (a list)

Your first pet – The one you sang to when she cried, when she was hurt or scared – she was your world, and she loved Spanish lullabies and having her die in your arms was one of the most painful feelings in the world.

Your first dance – with that weird boy from gym class or the family friend that took pity on you because your mom or his mom told them to ask you to dance.

The first person to give you flowers – my mom, I was 16, it was my birthday and no one could have orchestrated it better.

The first one you let get away – probably the best for all involved in that one.

your first kiss – mine had red hair, the whole faculty saw, and oddly enough it was and still is the best kiss I’ve ever had – or at the very least it makes top five.

Your first date – we saw iron man 3, he wore a blue v neck and we finished the night on my porch after having ice cream that he had kept in a cooler in his car (beyond romantic) and he didn’t kiss me that night but part of me wishes he did.

Your first love – I was in the first grade, his name was Logan (like Lerman or Hugh Jackman when he played Wolverine in X-Men) and he wasn’t out of my league by any means but boy did I think he was. None the less it was unrequited and vastly problematic.

Your first car – Kia Sol, Green exterior (yes really), name : Martin the Martian

Your first lover – the one you still think about but wish you didn’t.

Your first home – or apartment but either way you were paying rent for that dinky old place.

Your first job – camp. Duh.

And the list goes on and on because we measure our lives and histories in the memories of doing things for the first time. And because no one gets credit for doing something second.

but there is a pitfall to expecting every first to be great – to grabbing memories from a bag of “firsts” and comparing them to everything else

And it is the pitfall that I personally have a problem with – it’s the idea that we are or are not supposed to experience things based on the number of times it has been done. I mean think about it.

  • birthdays – the FIRST day of that new year, where you are also celebrating the FIRST day you were on earth… because comparatively, conception day is irrelevant, first heartbeat day no one has pictures from and when you finally looked like a gourd in the womb rather than an avocado – well… you get the point.
  • relationships – we remember the first because it had the most impact – but then we still carry it with us through the best relationships, unable to release that point of reference.
  • school – we celebrate first days, but what about every other day you worked and suffered and toiled through to get that first diploma? 

and look i am not saying we need to forget firsts – but we could try forgiving ourselves for all the seconds and thirds we take for granted. 

  • the second bite of cake and the fifteenth you probably shouldn’t have pushed for. 
  • the second day in a row you made it to the gym.
  • the second promotion that lead to your first fire and ultimately got you to your dream job. 
  • the second love – whether it was a person or a passion, the one you forgot after the fourth broke your heart and the fifth who proposed. 

The point of it all is that everything that comes after that first – no matter how much the first taught you – is just as important. And at the end of the day, I will always remember my firsts, my first pet, my first love, my first kiss – but I will also remember that the first wasn’t the thing that made me who I am today, but everything and every day in between was – and that my friends, has made all the difference.

22 for 2022 - College Tips

Your First Home Comming (an open letter to the class of 2022)

Leave a comment

Dear Class of 2022,

This place may or may not be your home yet, but for the past few months, you have evolved far more than the mirror can show. You have grown into a person, a warrior, and a survivor. You have earned grades, got scrapes, bruises and burns. You’ve been to heaven and hell with people you feel like you have known your entire lives, but believe me when I tell you-you have not experienced anything yet.

For those of us coming home – from our new home away from home, you know what it’s like. You know how it feels to leave a place that is so much a part of your identity and know what is like to not give two flying **** about an incoming noreaster because nothing can stop you from coming home to the place you belong.

To the class of 2022 this is your first homecoming, but don’t think that it is only about the drinks, the food, the football, and seeing your mom drunker than your weird uncle. This weekend is about the ones who, like you, learned how much a place can impact the course of your life. And while you don’t know what I truly mean yet… I cannot wait until the day that you do.

XOXO Warrior Nation, See you tomorrow.

Higher Thoughts, The Human Alexa

See the person next to you? Wear their glasses.

Leave a comment

Into adulthood, almost 22 years into life, I’ve learned many things.

I’ve learned how to walk, and talk, and write letters.

I’ve learned how to make those letters into words and those words into sentences that sometimes make sense.

I’ve learned (miraculously) how to let the little things go and live life like a wave (and have always had a love for alliteration).

I have taught myself the virtue of patience, and 8-hour bladder control (thanks to teaching the young children), and how to carry things on my head for all of 7 seconds.

woman in blue dress walking on concrete staircase leading to buildings
Photo by Artem Bali on Pexels.com

But of everything I have learned, the most important take away, I think, is to never stop learning.

About math, science, geography, and the people around you.  They often have the best stories, and the best knowledge.

I am fortunate to have been able to immerse myself abroad, in a new country, town, culture, and standard of living.  I am far from an expert on these countries, and far from truly understanding what life is like there, since I was just an ‘obroni’ traveler volunteering my time for but a couple of months.

What I do know, though, is that what I learned from the people I met there will forever exceed anything I have learned, and will ever learn, in school.

People are your best resources.

If someone is around you, that means they somehow, someway, ended up in the same space.

You all ended up in the same place at the same time, and are likely now doing similar things.

And while you ended up together at this moment, your paths leading up to now were so, so different.

You grew up in different households, towns, states, countries.

atlas continent country creativity
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

You have a different set of relatives living in your home and different relationships with those people; you may even speak a different language with them than you do at work.

Maybe the person sitting next to you speaks 3 different languages, with English being their second or third.

Maybe you are the one with a rich background – the one with a story to tell.

Or maybe the girl down the hall has family members in the country you’re travelling to on your next vacation and can give you the inside scoop.

What if the boy you sit across from grew up learning math using a different method, and can help you solve the problem you’ve been stuck on for hours?

How do you know the woman who just got promoted didn’t grow up bouncing from foster home to foster home, until she was able to pay for school and work her ass off to get to where she is now?

adventure backlit dawn dusk
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

All of you have had life experiences that lead here, yes.

But those experiences have also taught you differently than the person sitting next you, and has shaped your mind in a unique way.

I think that is the most beautiful thing about humans: we are so incredibly unique; we have such an amazing mind filled with memories and choices and viewpoints that allow us to see the world through a new set of glasses.

We have had a different set of family, friends, mentors, and way of living.

Different resources and standards of living and values that have shaped the way we live on this planet.

So talk to the people around you.

Wear their glasses for a while.

Can you imagine if we could see through everyone’s glasses all the time?

I would want that would be my superpower: to be able to communicate with everyone on this planet, so I can learn about how they perceive everything around them.

I think that’s way more fun than walking a mile in their shoes.

You may just learn something about yourself you didn’t realize before.

 

Just Post Grad Things

Done With Politics

Leave a comment

A part of me has never been good at articulating what is actually on my mind. I tend to turn to blame, anger, fear, and all the other nasty emotions we, humans, tend to get wrapped in – so I guess what I want to clear up before I start is that this post isn’t really about politics – its about me being done with how much hate I have seen lately and that I just want to do what I can to change the conversation. So while this is going to start a little rough – just keep with it, I promise to make it worth it…

-R

Done with Hate

When I say I am done with Politics what I really mean is that I am done with the hate it seems to bring from both sides – and when I say I am done with politics it isn’t really about politics at all its more of a hot trigger word to get people to focus in because no one really gets drawn in by “Hey why don’t you just make someone’s day today!”

So when I say I am done with whatever I guess it means that a part of me is done with democracy. Of choices and sides and slander because lately, I feel as though I have lost faith in the system – in myself, in my faith, in the idea that people can be caring and honest – and I know this may sound like it is angled at one person but I am done with blaming anyone other than myself.

See often there is no outlet for people like me who are so frustrated about nothing and everything that, well it all gets pent up. It all gets focused and gross and rots almost like a dream deferred.

I guess, sometimes, a part of me worries that I am still stuck in my anxiety-fueled teen years. That my mouth hurts from the braces rather than the words trapped in the back of my throat. Then I see all those videos of people standing up and telling me to vote – that my voice matters, but I still wonder if it does.

You can’t call this type of feeling insecurity, but I suppose you could call it grief – because the stress that ensues from trying  [and failing] to be PC isn’t one I want to live with so I end up on here ranting to strangers about how unfair it is for my middle-class white ass. BUT IT ISNT – AND HOW DARE I.

Have you ever felt sorry for yourself? and then suddenly a wave passes over you telling you to stop being ungrateful?  I have… but then I realize that there is a difference between accepting your shortcomings and admitting that you can do something to extend what you have to others. and this post is a great example because by saying I am “done with politics” I could influence others to be, but that isn’t what I want to do…

No. What I want is to tell everyone that I am done with the system as it is – I am fed up with the way people are treated, I am sick of hate being a primary consumer product and I want to change that. And this isn’t meant to post blame – it isn’t meant to point a finger but rather gives each of us an opportunity to change the world around us because power is nothing without words – without a message – and without a vessel to spread it.

So let’s be the vessel let’s be powerful by spreading something more. Let’s be the change we wish to see in the world – and let us start today.

 

pexels-photo (1).jpg

The Life and Times

To the Men Who Spoke at My Fathers Funeral

1 Comment

I don’t remember much about my father dying, I guess that’s because I wasn’t there – but I don’t remember much of him being sick either – some would call that a blessing. I just know I wish I was there for him when he needed me most…

Don’t get me wrong I know the bad stuff, the boxes of food to go through his feeding tube, the sounds of him keeled over the toilet in the morning, how worried my mother was – and the looks on family friends faces.

Yeah, I guess when it comes down to it I don’t remember much about my father dying, and come to think of it I don’t remember much about his funeral either – but what I do remember is one voice – the voice of my coach.

So a little background about me, I was raised Quaker and the definitions on that will most definitely appear on another post but what that means for this one is that funerals for us are not Like funerals for Christians, Catholics, Methodists or Jewish people. No, because in our service we focus on the person’s story.

Look at 14 you never think you’ll be sitting in a dress at your fathers funeral, you never imagine that your mom won’t let you wear black or that your friends will show up to support you – but as a Quaker, you could never be more grateful of all the amazing stories that are shared when a loved one dies.

The stories I heard then. At my fathers funeral were and are some that still resonate with me today. I couldn’t be more thankful for those times because no matter how painful. Those are the stories that keep the lost and allow them to remain here with us.

Fitness and Wellness

couples who work out together

Leave a comment

couples who work out together

I won’t lie, I am jealous of those staged videos [you know the ones]. Where a couple [generally a male and female] are getting fit together and barely look like they are breaking a sweat. THIS IS NOT REALISTIC.
Often times I will be scrolling through my social accounts and these videos will pop up. I immediately am overcome with jealousy because [wow] and because I would love to find a man like this, but again. It is not realistic.
To the couples that do this, I have no doubt that you share a special kind of bond, but as for the rest of us… when you see me running just look the other way because it will not be pretty.

Relationships

On NOT Finding Love

1 Comment

Call me hopeless but I am a sucker for a lost cause, an f boi, a dud, or a fixer-upper.

and maybe that’s why I always find myself on apps like tinder and bumble looking for ‘love’ I can’t find elsewhere – but for me what’s worse is that my brother [who I look up to for his resilience and strength and gigantic heart] finds love all day every day – but maybe that’s because he is never looking for it?

Choose Friendship over Boys

IMG_2621-ANIMATION

I guess you could say I am a total glutton for punishment when it comes to men. I like the ones that never like me back – but how does one break the trend of broken men?

As you can assume – I wouldn’t be writing this post if I knew, but I do know one thing. I have felt a real connection, I have known easy romance – and it isn’t always sexual, in fact, I have had so many more easy friendships with men than I have had relationships. Which honestly can get pretty darn confusing if feelings get involved. [And they have]

See for me – it is ironically about trust, communication, and ease of speech. It’s finding a conversation in silence and being able to say absolutely anything without the additives and the bs – but I have only found that kind of ‘love’ and it is and will always be- far from possible.

Maybe it’s the fact that I get hung up on the idea of someone that keeps me from finding someone or something that is good for me. Maybe I joke and play and close myself off – but then again, if he can’t handle me at my strongest – he doesn’t deserve me decaffeinated.

I guess what it comes down to is that we all have the idea of the perfect person we would do anything to be with – but while that person might be perfectly right for you – maybe they aren’t right now.

At the end of the day, love is a waiting game paired with a game of chicken. Where at the end I will either find the perfect person to be with or get trampled by the cat lady/dog lady old maid lifestyle.

I Refuse to be Alone – But I will Never Settle

This past summer was one of extreme growth. Suffice to say – I made quite a few mistakes when it came to the men in my life. But what I realized through this is that growing up and becoming an adult isn’t about being in a relationship with anyone other than myself. Of all the boys I have loved, and all the ones who did me wrong – I learned from those experiences. I learned that the choices I make inebriated or not affect the life I live and honestly, I am grateful to have made those mistakes in the safe and controlled environments that I did.

The way I see it – romance is like a science experiment. You set a standard hypothesis, a possible outcome, pick your variables and see where the experiment takes you. When you start your journey you are not meant to know where it will lead – but that’s what makes following your intuition so powerful and interesting.

Look I am no love guru, I usually can’t give myself enough patience to love myself every day, but I am not now and I never have been alone.

Continue reading On NOT Finding Love →

The Life and Times

If she cries pretty

1 Comment

If she cries pretty

Do you think they will hear her tears

Like a stampede of elephants

Rather than a whistle in the wind.

If she cries pretty

Do you think they will finally notice her

Notice her scars

Notice the times she caused herself harm wishing she was good enough for any of them

If she cries pretty will she finally think herself worth it

Or will she just continue to be left

Utterly and completely confused.