Tag Archives: reality

Music is art

Whats good, my names Kevin also known as KevinXI. My purpose here is to spread mental health awareness through, music, culture, and basically anything related to art. I believe that music can bring people together, as well as split them apart, so it is important to keep that in mind when creating any track.

I want to let everyone out there to know that there is hope. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety ever since I was 14. I am now 22 and trying to bring awareness to these disorders so that further research can be done in order to gain more insight on them.

Hopefully this insight can lead to some sort of solution, but for now we are all just trying to survive. Live on and be grateful 🙂 Attached below is a link to my music and merch. Lets start a movement; Lets end the stigma associated with mental health disorders; Lets build a community were people can be open without judgment.

Music and Merch –

https://linktr.ee/KevinXI

peace, love, and positivity ❤

KevinXI

The Future and The Global Citizen

It is not just my opinion but my firm belief that everyone should have a chance to travel. Sadly this is not the case.

I think there is a certainty to experiencing the world – not just beyond your backyard but in it as well. When it comes to seeing this world, explorations begin at home. They begin with you going out the back, front or side door and smelling something you have never smelled (within reason – obviously don’t smell your neighbors or what have you) or stepped on a patch of grass you haven’t stepped on before.

While I will admit that most of my greatest adventures happened abroad, some of the most memorable happened here, at home, or where ever home was at the time.

This includes, cross country runs with friends – exploring waterfalls or streams – and getting my moms car stuck in a road where I was definitely not supposed to be because I was looking for a space that made me feel connected to anything other than my head.

See for me being globally aware starts at home, it starts by serving others, it starts by getting out of your own way and learning something new because America may think it is the best country in the world but our record incarceration, murder rates and low levels of intelligence compared to competitors in Europe prove that we need to make a change.

Change starts when you travel, it starts when you listen to news on your morning commute, and saying yes to a colleagues presentation. Change starts when our world gets bigger, and when we become global citizens.

At the end of the day, you don’t need to see the world to be a global citizen, but you do have to experience it. You have to speak to people, read stories, share histories and be dedicated to living in and beyond your backyard.

It is not just my opinion but my firm belief that everyone should have a chance to travel. Sadly this is not the case – but my hope is that one day we will all find ourselves beyond the place were in, and if we have learned something new along the way, or met someone new in the process, well then I think we can all make this world a little bigger and a little brighter.

 

couples who work out together

couples who work out together

I won’t lie, I am jealous of those staged videos [you know the ones]. Where a couple [generally a male and female] are getting fit together and barely look like they are breaking a sweat. THIS IS NOT REALISTIC.
Often times I will be scrolling through my social accounts and these videos will pop up. I immediately am overcome with jealousy because [wow] and because I would love to find a man like this, but again. It is not realistic.
To the couples that do this, I have no doubt that you share a special kind of bond, but as for the rest of us… when you see me running just look the other way because it will not be pretty.

being the one they call

a leader doesn’t always stand in the front of the pack… but they do stand behind their friends.

As the friend who is most likely to do something wild or impulsive, few would think I am also the most reliable. And sometimes they might even be right.

I have never been a team captain, never been a front runner, and if I ran for any political office I would undoubtably lose – yet I am the first person most think to call when they are in trouble. Why? Because I answer, and more importantly, I show up.

As a sister, a daughter, and a friend my highest priority is “my people”. My chosen family includes teammates, old residents, coworkers, family and sometimes, that random person on the street who visibly looks like they are struggling.

showing up is easy, being present is hard

Growing up I constantly notice a deficit when it comes to showing up. People my age are criticized for their work ethic, their relationship status’, and their sociopolitical movements. But more than ever, my generation and the one to follow is showing up in big ways. Kids are leading movements, running for office, and acting in small ways with big results [simple acts of kindness]

It took some pretty rough -unplanned- life moments, like loss to make me realize that people don’t care enough about showing up in the long term vs. the short term – In this there proves to be a trend where people will ask how someone is doing, without actually wanting the answer. But with what I have seen lately, I am happy to see the revitalization of the long game.

Being the one they call isn’t always easy. In fact, on some occasions, it breaks your heart – but being the one they call is never about you. It’s about showing up – and I couldn’t be more proud to say that more and more young people are starting to answer the call than ever before.

Dear Racism

my mom always taught me that putting others down to push yourself up was wrong.

She always said that the ones that push hateful thoughts are the ones who lack love the most. In the past two days I have seen stories about  Laura Ingraham and her statement that:

In some parts of the country, it does seem like the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore. Massive demographic changes have been foisted upon the American people. And they’re changes that none of us ever voted for and most of us don’t like.

have proved to me that Laura Ingraham not only lacks love in her life, but she is blind to the fact that while she can point one finger at a “guilty” party – she neglects the three fingers pointing right back at her.

Stories published by CNN, GQ and the Washington Post are creating a platform to share Ingraham’s message – but luckily they strongly disagree with the stance she has taken.

In these articles, prominent writing platforms share how Ingraham is trying to boost and rally President Trump’s base. In this, she strongly states supporting evidence [one or two examples] that Illegal Immigrants are “rapists” – effectively generalizing a whole population that hasn’t earned the level of disrespect they have been given by the Trump administration.

But what gets me the most – this generalized opinion and racist tirade neglects to realize that this country was founded by men who were known for their sexual digressions. So when I hear “Make America Great Again,” when I hear that “the America we know and love doesn’t exist any more,” I hear that we loved oppression, that we loved violence, that it was ok for American born men like Thomas Jefferson to rape his slaves – but of course me stating that is wrong because the real villains are the ones crossing the boarder [not to help their families, not to find prosperity, but to rape, steal and incite fear].

Now I am not in any way supporting assault by any party, because you cant generalize rape by age, gender, race, or even the act [the qualification of what each victim defines as their own sexual violation]. What I am saying is that – it is so easy to pull one or two bad people out of a crowd and label them. It is so easy to put a witch on trial and say “if she floats she burns” but what isn’t easy and what isn’t right is that our country’s leadership and media is leveraging one or two reputations based on color rather than creating support for the massive population of people who have been sexually assaulted or effected by racial bias.

Dear Laura Ingraham,

When I hear that “the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore,” I am reminded of wars that aren’t currently happening, agriculture is flooded with pesticides to meet population needs, and that groups who identify as a minority or under a certain religion have a little bit of a chance of walking out of their homes without being scared of discrimination.

I am reminded that while we have countless members on the border, keeping their eye on ‘potential criminals and illegal aliens’ we have no one safeguarding our schools, or pushing for mental health and gun reform. When you say “the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore,” I say damn straight and thank god, because 20 years ago there was no #METOO, there was no Black Lives Matter, there was no Marriage Equality, and there sure as hell was no one under 25 with a voice and a hand in government policy on gun control.

Mrs. Ingraham, you may have lost your career with Fox this week, you may be getting quite a bit of back lash for what you decided to say, but let me give you one more thing to think about.

My name is Rachel, I am 22, I am an American – and I am not afraid of Immigration, I am not afraid of ‘Mexicans’ and I certainly don’t believe that they are terrorists.

Dear Mrs. Ingraham, my name is Rachel and I think the real threat to this country isn’t the people trying to enter it illegally – it’s the ones with the privilege, the power, and the influence to distract us from the people trying to tear us apart from the inside.

In the past 24 hours Ingraham has received large amounts of backlash, but I hope this issue doesn’t just become another blip in the grand scheme of the media and the public. Racism isn’t gone, prejudice is still very prevalent in this country, and day by day I realize that we as a country have given voice and power to the wrong people.

Hate is as violent as war, and I will not continue to watch people preach hatred.

My mom always taught me that putting others down to push yourself up was wrong.

She said that the ones who are the most cruel are the ones who need the most love because someone neglected to love them in the ways they needed. I hope the people who hate the most find the love they need, because otherwise we will never be the Great Country we were destined to be.

 

 

On Public Apologies

When you realize you’ve been a total A**

I’ve always found it hard to put a value on my work. For me, working was never about ‘making it big’, and truth be told if I could make it so I only ever had enough to support myself and my friends, I wouldn’t care what that take home number was. Honestly, I grew up wanting to be a writer – so eventually I talked myself into thinking a two story card board fort on the side of a really nice road would be perfect as long as I was inspiring one or two people with my work.

Looking at my life now, a couple things didn’t turn out how I thought they would. My love life is a mess, my floors are carpeted rather than paved, I haven’t finished or published a book and my most popular blog to date at work is on goat yoga. I have no clue how I got here and now that I have I am so afraid to lose it that I’m just waiting for the shoe to drop and doing what I can to self sabotage along the way.

so how did this all start?

Well lately I got a job. One where I am so out of my depth and so to compensate [over compensate] for feeling insecure, I tend to act proud – too proud because on the outside it makes it seem like I have a clue… I don’t.

Truth is, I thought by the time I got a full time job I would be able to settle down, start believing I had some semblance of a life and finally feel like I had it together – I don’t. Truth is, I am just as lost as I was three months ago and the only difference now is that I have to hide this huge sense of guilt that I have been given an opportunity I don’t deserve. Maybe other people share this feeling. Like the successes that find us aren’t always the ones we’ve earned and no matter what we do we’re just chasing this idea that we can make someone proud.

I don’t know about you – but I hate feeling like an A** just as much as my friends hate when I am one. So the truth is – I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got/continue to get caught up in the idea that this step forward is bigger than it is. At the end of the day – I am still learning how to do this adult thing, and I know my friends are too, I just hope I don’t forget to show how grateful I am to them [to friends new and old] because life is scary, I am petrified and I couldn’t be where I am today without the amazing people that got me here today.

Truth is

I can’t promise I wont continue to mess up, I can’t promise I’ll make a difference yet but I want to. I look around and I see so many people that inspire me. Roommates, friends, strangers, all doing things that leave them exhausted and fulfilled and – and while most days I like to think that the little things I am doing now will make a difference when I finally feel my feet beneath me again – I can’t say that I am defining what our future will be and look like – but they can.

So to the friends I brag to, and the strangers who might understand what this feels like – I’m sorry.

and thanks to you I now know how to do better – and to be better – and it is all because of you that I know I have been changed for the better too.

Thank you.

-R

An Open Letter to My Muffin Top

Just because they were sexy on Seinfeld doesn’t mean I want one on my body – my battle with being flub-ulous

I used to work at camp. Now don’t get me wrong I love children, but working with them. Well they tend to want to chase and poke you. As someone who needs personal space this was a long time struggle – but it wasn’t the space as much as it was the “flub”

Think of that scene in Nemo… “Nemo, go touch the butt (boat)” Kids are like that. They poke and push and being a favorite means you barely get time to yourself. Like I said I loved the kids, but could have appreciated some more space.

As a young teen I was incredibly fit, but then I grew up, I went to college and my body got away from me. Now I am not saying I am not healthy – I am saying I am normal and insecure.

The Half Baked Truth

Having a muffin top is common for most women, in fact I have heard speak that this little pouch of extra skin has the purpose of preparing our bodies for child birth, but as a 22 year old with no plans of getting  pregnant – id rather have my body hold off rather than being so proactively prepared.

My point? Who is to say I have to have a belly? Why is it so hard to take the top off? Well I think a lot of it is diet – but more of it has to do with our culture.

Personally I would love to have abs again. I felt strong and sexy when I did, but it isn’t as realistic as being toned. When it comes down to it, I feel like the best version of myself when I have my belly covered by high waited shorts – but that is no good way to live.

A Movement

Dear belly, you have asserted your dominance on my life. I respect you for being strong, for providing a pillow for my friends, for being there when I fill you to the brim, but you don’t have to hide. You can be proud, you can be present, you can be you. And that is why I want to start a movement. A free the belly movement that promotes self worth, self care and self pride among women.

#FreeTheBelly

We aren’t here to be normal we are here to be extraordinary.

How can you free the belly, how can you be proud of who you are and who you still stand to be? Don’t be half baked – be firm fluffy and bursting with flavor.

 

an open letter to the break room

oh the break room…

How I love the time we have spent together. I remember going to the store to fetch all the food. The effort put in to pull the carts, which were too heavy to push. The palate cart I also had to pull with fourteen [yes fourteen] cases of water and Snapple. This is the adventure I have since signed up for working at a small business.

My coworker and I walked through BJ’s with carts [plural] filled to the brim – and yes my struggle was real, but not as real as the struggle I face when dealing with my Oreo addiction.

Two hours later we returned to work – 700 dollars down on a months worth of groceries for an office of thirteen. The issue and gluttony of which is not lost on me.

you see…

Like many offices I have worked at, I have been forever blessed to have a break room full of food – but this gift is often paired with a guilt and lack of control. Like many of those around me I am a sucker for my sweet tooth – so while I originally thought that working at a health company would end my struggle from the temptation of snack foods – I could not have been more wrong.

an ode to my love of Oreos

To my friends, my followers, my family, I have a confession. While most grow attached to sinful pleasures, to alcohols and drugs my weakness is chocolatey and crème filled.

To my lover… double stuffed Oreos – Oh how I love the time we have spent together. From the day I said I would only have two, then two turned to four and four six. I did not mean to eat you so fast but you taunted me. Your packaging relaxed me, so blue and tinted with a subtle shine. I had no choice when it came to you; and when you were gone – I thought I would be free, but still there were more… so many packs more.ice-cream-oreo-frappuccino-waffles-60641

With my entry into the adult world I always thought that I would leave old habits behind, but my sweet tooth is one that no amount of dentistry or orthodontia has never been able to remove.

To my friends [and my dentist], who thought I had grown out of this phase, I am sorry, but my journey and love for Oreos is not now and will not soon be over. This love will continue to make your job [and my bills] hard to swallow – and while I am sorry, I cannot change who I am.

Oreos – I love you and know I always will.

dear break room,

I love you. I know our relationship will be long, fruitful, and expensive – But I promise to love you like only a true foodie can. This weekend will be long, and our time apart sad. I am sorry to cheat on you with my home kitchen, but you knew this relationship was never meant to be easy – only worth it for the two of us. For now, know I love you, and I will see you soon.

forever your love,

R

pexels-photo-261763

Well S*** Here We Go With Reality

You know the show naked and afraid?… well this is kind of like that – EXCEPT – I am fully clothed, you can’t see me on tv, and I am not just afraid…. I’m scared S***less.

Mission: ‘ Fake it ’til you make it ‘

Status: Epic Fail

Recently I started realizing that no one around me really knows what they’re doing. We all have our lives together but were still flying by the seat of our pants fighting, praying, hoping we find the strength to figure it all out. It’s like we’re all driving on this no where road, with no clue where we are and we keep driving like we do.

2018-17-07-16-44-27The Motto

In today’s world ‘fake it ’til you make it,’ has become a montra rather than a catch phrase. But maybe that’s what we keep doing wrong. I mean, what would happen if we started being honest? What if we went back to being ourselves? It’s scary isn’t it… but sorry honey that’s life, so are you along for the ride or are you walkin by?

Level wit cha

Man look, I get it. There’s perks to being just another fish in the sea. You get to lay low, do what you want, and that path ahead is determined by migratory patterns – so you coastin – but where’s the fun in being another fin in the crowd?

The Motive

Maybe I struggle to understand conformity because I have never been good at following trends. Or maybe swimming against the crowd was a coping mechanism against all the bs people in the world, either way I like my way, and hey maybe if you read this blog… you will too.

The Conclusion

Look at the end of the day I am an awkward little duckiling trying to make it in this big bad world. But I am not alone. Were all stuck here playing a game with no rule book, driving down dead end roads and praying that we make it to the right place – that’s just what “Adulting” is about, but I for one am up for the challenge – so what do you say.

You in?