Tag Archives: women

JustRachel

Time wastes for no one.

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This morning I woke up with an almost unshakable belief that it was Saturday. I think checked my phone three times to look at the day and the date before convincing myself to get out of bed and get some chores done before work…. And while this was undoubtably just a byproduct of the self care and Benadryl I partook in last night, this isn’t the first day I’ve woken up thinking it was another time.

When it comes to wasting time, to wishing time away, to looking forward and wanting to fast forward moments of my life, I haven’t always been innocent. To be honest, these days it’s usually more of a subconscious thought than one I’d actually wish on stars for, but nonetheless it’s there, in the back of my head, reminding me I am human and that there are no shortcuts to life’s great successes. But I’m also equally guilty when it comes to wanting to rewrite time, and while neither actually move me forward I don’t think I could put a finger on which is actually worse.

See, I find it funny that time moves slower on the days we wish it wouldn’t, and faster on the good times to remind us how fleeting things are. Last night I was watching my favorite show, and every week that it’s on I have to remind myself that it’s an hour-long program, because it never seems like it is. I find it funny how time is constant, but the feeling and the passage changes constantly. How a hard mile can feel like an hour but 10 seconds or less in a hundred dash can be long enough to change history. And don’t worry – I’m not going off on this tangent to be prolific, I promise, I’m just thinking aloud so I can get to my point — so here it is.

Time isn’t linear,

It’s cyclical.

But not for lack of trying, but because we, as societies, are constantly trying to best the plans that time has for us. Because we are so often too power hungry and privileged to realize that consequences don’t always affect us, but they do affect someone.

So——? So, we wake up, we go to work, we count the days of the week and whether we want it to or not we always get to Sunday night wishing we had two more days of rest over a Monday that we have to slump through. The days of the week rotate, the hands of the clock rotate, the whole damn world rotates, and our actions fall into cycles and ruts and sometimes we break it only to end up in a new cycle that may or may not be better than the last.

So, you see, one could argue that all things in the natural realm turn on a forward moving axis and that we are just along for the ride… so yeah, this morning I woke up thinking it was Saturday, but it wasn’t and maybe that can happen without consequence considering I was able to right what I thought I believed, but on the other hand, just last week the Supreme Court woke up thinking it was 1973. So while I sit here, contemplating how I could have missed a day, they’ve missed nearly 4 decades… which honestly is less surprising when you take a pause to note what motivates me and what motivates them.

See it’s one thing to look back at “simpler times” where we’ve contemplated and rewritten our youth to fit the narrative of who we are now. It’s easy to gaslight ourselves because frankly, the rest of the world has been doing it to us for years – but who is it actually benefitting? When we put ink to paper in these history books, when the victors claim truth in a boy who cried wolf situation – who actually benefits? Because it isn’t women, it isn’t democrats or republicans, it isn’t politicians, or anyone with or without a uterus. It isn’t minorities or people of differing genders and sexual orientations. Hell it isn’t even people who follow a particular religion or have spiritual beliefs.

See all of us are familiar with the phrase, time waits for no man. But the truth is, time doesn’t waste for us either. We don’t get to pick and choose how it moves, or chase alternate realities because time doesn’t forget injustice, it doesn’t sugar coat politics, it doesn’t provide power. Time is not to blame for the choices man makes and the time man wastes. It just moves – and it always moves forward. So why can’t we?

JustRachel

To the comment section!

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So as a young adult, particularly a young adult with interests in media and politics and all kinds of things I find myself multiple times a day scrolling through social media, listening to what people have to say/believe and then, depending on the content – racing to the comment section for a laugh or a cry or etc.

Anyway, so this week at some point my phone decided to send me some content that I’m not usually accustomed to in addition to my usual storylines. In other words, I suddenly I found myself seeing videos where people praised Christopher Columbus, complained about mask mandates and liberals, and misgendered Demi Lovato while also criticizing her beliefs on extra terrestrials. But through this I observed, I took in and finally I got back to the liberals where there were a lot of videos of lesbians reacting to misogynists (because apparently the ignorant white men were feeling real bold this week).

So seeing that I felt inspired to talk about misogyny and how it no longer makes sense in the modern age… but then I realized I need to do some research to get it where I want it to be SO I figured I’d dive back into the blog scene with a quick fun piece highlighting some of my favorite types of commenters on social media because this week was a million years long and peoples tomfoolery gives me joy.

1. The “No one cares” guy

This kind of person is my favorite because they almost never have a distinctive username or profile photo, they’re clearly just online to rant on redit and their sentiments are bringing nothing to anyones life (and they know it) but they go for it anyway. Anyway anytime I see one of these I smile and think — Sir, you took the time out of your day to look at a post or read an article or watch a video then decided it didn’t align with your beliefs. If you feel that your time was wasted so much so that you have to tell an entire comment section that “no one cares” – you have disproved your point as soon as you hit send.

2. [Insert hype-man sentiments here] aka any female to her friend

Female friends are the best hypemen and you cannot convince me otherwise because if you look at almost any females post of her trying to look cute, the top comment will without a doubt be the best friend who approved the photo before hand but wants to publicly support her friend. And I’m not going to argue it here but I think if men did this for each other there would be less global conflict. Y’all, surprise, the key to world peace is in the Instagram comment section. (Joking, but I wish)

3. The naysayer “it’s not all men”

Just like college first year writing the comment section of any popular post is bound to have a naysayer or two. As a female I see these in videos of men calling out men on their crap or women calling out men about their sexist bs. There is always a guy or a girl who will say something ignorant like “not all men” and the fact that he felt the need to say that means he’s probably defending himself or one of his dudes.

4. People who pick out their favorite quote

Some would say it lacks creativity to quote someone else rather than sharing you’re own thought but personally when I hear someone say “The Costco bulk sized ✨audacity✨ of some men” in a sentence I immediately realize it can’t be topped. Now, cards on the table – personally when it comes to tiktok, this is my go to, I blame the fact that I was an English major but I’m also not all that upset about it because I could have worse things to say/do.

5. The trailblazer

This kind of commenter usually has some street cred because no matter what they say they end up with a million likes and a bunch of responses. This kind of person is someone I hope learns to use their voice to impact change one day as well but only time will tell.

And the list could go on… but

Look at the end of the day it’s incredible to see how far social media has come in such a short period of time and I will be the first one to say that a lot of people use it for nefarious purposes, but it also starts conversations and something I’ve noticed in the past two years, when a lot of us were cut off from in person conversations, social media kept the narrative alive.

So it may sound silly – because in fact it is, but next time you need a smile, find something good and then “to the comments!”

Just Post Grad Things

Mouth Wired Shut

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Mouths Wired Shut

Perfection is bred under a knife

and a leader who turns privilege into the new definition of victimization.

you see

growing up I was taught to believe a victim was someone whose power was unfairly taken from them.

that a victim was someone who knew what they had lost –

but now it has become the definition of someone who knows what they can lose only to be rewarded for ill-fitting deeds,

and tantrums

I mean drop your arguments on whether or not this man has committed a crime

but look at how he reacted

look at how he was made to be a hero after suffering these false claims

and look now at the names he was not called for being over emotional…

anyway.

this got me thinking…

if Kavanaugh is a victim, is Cosby?

if Kavanaugh was ‘wrongly and evily accused, was Brock Turner?

and if women who open their mouths after years of suffering are mocked by the president himself as a result – if people cheer for a man that mocks women for trying to reclaim what their attacker took from them – if women who do this are evil, then what are rapists, pedophiles, murderers?

if the villains are heroes and the heroes who make statements villains than what chance do I have to grow up and be something more?

because if all men now have to fear being “falsely accused”

if all men – created equal under our constitutions are victims of woman’s words…

then who will hear US while they cry wolf and who will protect US from a constitution where only MEN were created superior?

 

an explanation

 

Not all men are created evil – in fact I don’t believe anyone is “evil”. I think the word evil stems from archaic claims of magic and bewitching and things that do not pertain to people but rather their actions.

This week women and girls everywhere were mocked – they were taught that their voice means nothing and that middle age white men (who are in no way victims) can take power from those who actually suffer (male, female, black, white, rick poor, gender normative, or gender neutral without voices) This week we learned the lengths one man will go to weaponize victimization in order to make real victims and those who actually suffer feel inferior, and I know people will buy into it, but not me…

 

Just Post Grad Things

Raise her to be Strong

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To the future dads, dudes – and my future husband about our baby girl.

Raise her to be Strong

Raise her to be Strong – not beautiful. See beauty is only skin deep but strength – strength is what carries you on.

Raise her to be strong – not for anyone else but for herself. So that when a boy tries to take advantage of her the first word from her lips is no and her first act is to defend herself.

Raise her to be strong – do not call her honey nor baby girl. Call her what she is – call her a warrior because from the moment she is born she will have to fight for everything she wants in this mans world.

Raise her to be strong – and remind her every day that strong is sexy. That true men [or women] don’t fall in love to watch beauty fade, they fall in love because it is god damn sexy to watch someone who can carry themselves through the good the bad and the ugly.

Raise her to be strong. Set a president for greatness on how she treats the world. How she realizes that muscles are a sign of strength but that there is nothing stronger than a heart that can push on and continue to love in even the darkest of times.

Raise her to be strong – to not listen to what others demand of her mind and her body.

Raise her to be strong so that she will not posses the ability to watch people around her become victims.

Raise her to be strong – and raise her to be an advocate for those who are not because we all know this world could use a lot more love.

Raise her to be strong.

For the love of god raise her to be strong. Because one day I might not be around to help you to hold her up.

My truth

I was raised by a man that thought the world of me. Who loved me unconditionally. My father was the greatest man I have ever known and few have ever risen to what my father was. My truth is that I am scared to raise a daughter in this world. See I always thought I wanted sons because boys seem easy. They have more privilege and I could give them a great life without much doubt. But what I realized is -my fear of bringing a beautiful and strong baby girl into this world is born out of the fear that I can not give her the world. I can’t give her everything because that will be her battle to fight.

The lack of equality in this nation is deafening. Between race, sex and sexual orientation – no one is true ly free to be who they truly want to be and it makes me sick.

The piece above will become a poem one day. But the girl that it is about – the daughter I haven’t yet prepared or thought to have yet. She will be so much more – and I can’t wait to one day meet her.

The Life and Times

If she cries pretty

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If she cries pretty

Do you think they will hear her tears

Like a stampede of elephants

Rather than a whistle in the wind.

If she cries pretty

Do you think they will finally notice her

Notice her scars

Notice the times she caused herself harm wishing she was good enough for any of them

If she cries pretty will she finally think herself worth it

Or will she just continue to be left

Utterly and completely confused.

The Life and Times

My Fall From the Tower

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trimming the Rapunzel complex and learning to be our own heroes

There is a common misconception that women in hero stories are only heroines and not heroes. There is also a common misconception that women who refuse to be saved, rescued and coveted are too independent to want a partner.

If I had the power to rewrite some of the fairytale stories I would start at the end, remove the happily ever after – I would make it real.

Quick edits

Rapunzel – loses half the hair braids that shit into a rope and climbs her ass down

Cinderella – tells off the damn step mother – uses that scrubbing bubbles to clean up that woman’s act

Snow White – girl you can talk to animals use them – they want to help clean your house but they can’t tell you an apple is dangerous?

Look I get it – these stories are fun and all but maybe I’m jaded because I never identified with the damsel in distress.

It has taken pop culture x amount of years to realize that almost no story passes the Bechdel test {The Bechdel test asks if a work of fiction features at least two women who talk to each other about something other than a man. The requirement that the two women must be named is sometimes added.} and I for one would like that to change.

My fall from the tower

I was young when I realized I couldn’t be saved. I was young when my heroes left – but this didn’t define me, in fact, it allowed me to become the person I am today.

I grew up wanting to prove that I could be my own hero – yes this implies that I don’t always know when to shut down an argument, that I have a competitive edge but it has given me a chance to find out who I am without a partner or otherwise decisive forces.

Sometimes I wish I could be less stubborn – let the guy pay for the meal. But at the same time I don’t like to feel like I owe someone anything.

Truth is I like who I am – stubbornness and all – but that doesn’t mean I have fully become my own hero yet.

Being your own hero

The cheetah girls said it best when they sang “I don’t want to be no Cinderella – sitting in a dark old dusty cellar – waiting for somebody, to come and set me free”

Girls – in this day and age we don’t need a hero, we need to be the hero. And I don’t know about you, but I am ready to suit up.

Being your own hero starts with a choice. A change in the weather that allows you to break free of certain stereotypes that may hold you back. It doesn’t take training, it doesn’t take big muscles – it is entirely up to you if you want to save yourself. [and if you don’t that is ok too]

At the end of the day powerful women are what we need to create real change. The men have had their chances but girls, it’s our turn now. Are you ready for the challenge?

 

 

Top Stories

Dear Racism

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my mom always taught me that putting others down to push yourself up was wrong.

She always said that the ones that push hateful thoughts are the ones who lack love the most. In the past two days I have seen stories about  Laura Ingraham and her statement that:

In some parts of the country, it does seem like the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore. Massive demographic changes have been foisted upon the American people. And they’re changes that none of us ever voted for and most of us don’t like.

have proved to me that Laura Ingraham not only lacks love in her life, but she is blind to the fact that while she can point one finger at a “guilty” party – she neglects the three fingers pointing right back at her.

Stories published by CNN, GQ and the Washington Post are creating a platform to share Ingraham’s message – but luckily they strongly disagree with the stance she has taken.

In these articles, prominent writing platforms share how Ingraham is trying to boost and rally President Trump’s base. In this, she strongly states supporting evidence [one or two examples] that Illegal Immigrants are “rapists” – effectively generalizing a whole population that hasn’t earned the level of disrespect they have been given by the Trump administration.

But what gets me the most – this generalized opinion and racist tirade neglects to realize that this country was founded by men who were known for their sexual digressions. So when I hear “Make America Great Again,” when I hear that “the America we know and love doesn’t exist any more,” I hear that we loved oppression, that we loved violence, that it was ok for American born men like Thomas Jefferson to rape his slaves – but of course me stating that is wrong because the real villains are the ones crossing the boarder [not to help their families, not to find prosperity, but to rape, steal and incite fear].

Now I am not in any way supporting assault by any party, because you cant generalize rape by age, gender, race, or even the act [the qualification of what each victim defines as their own sexual violation]. What I am saying is that – it is so easy to pull one or two bad people out of a crowd and label them. It is so easy to put a witch on trial and say “if she floats she burns” but what isn’t easy and what isn’t right is that our country’s leadership and media is leveraging one or two reputations based on color rather than creating support for the massive population of people who have been sexually assaulted or effected by racial bias.

Dear Laura Ingraham,

When I hear that “the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore,” I am reminded of wars that aren’t currently happening, agriculture is flooded with pesticides to meet population needs, and that groups who identify as a minority or under a certain religion have a little bit of a chance of walking out of their homes without being scared of discrimination.

I am reminded that while we have countless members on the border, keeping their eye on ‘potential criminals and illegal aliens’ we have no one safeguarding our schools, or pushing for mental health and gun reform. When you say “the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore,” I say damn straight and thank god, because 20 years ago there was no #METOO, there was no Black Lives Matter, there was no Marriage Equality, and there sure as hell was no one under 25 with a voice and a hand in government policy on gun control.

Mrs. Ingraham, you may have lost your career with Fox this week, you may be getting quite a bit of back lash for what you decided to say, but let me give you one more thing to think about.

My name is Rachel, I am 22, I am an American – and I am not afraid of Immigration, I am not afraid of ‘Mexicans’ and I certainly don’t believe that they are terrorists.

Dear Mrs. Ingraham, my name is Rachel and I think the real threat to this country isn’t the people trying to enter it illegally – it’s the ones with the privilege, the power, and the influence to distract us from the people trying to tear us apart from the inside.

In the past 24 hours Ingraham has received large amounts of backlash, but I hope this issue doesn’t just become another blip in the grand scheme of the media and the public. Racism isn’t gone, prejudice is still very prevalent in this country, and day by day I realize that we as a country have given voice and power to the wrong people.

Hate is as violent as war, and I will not continue to watch people preach hatred.

My mom always taught me that putting others down to push yourself up was wrong.

She said that the ones who are the most cruel are the ones who need the most love because someone neglected to love them in the ways they needed. I hope the people who hate the most find the love they need, because otherwise we will never be the Great Country we were destined to be.

 

 

The Life and Times

On Public Apologies

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When you realize you’ve been a total A**

I’ve always found it hard to put a value on my work. For me, working was never about ‘making it big’, and truth be told if I could make it so I only ever had enough to support myself and my friends, I wouldn’t care what that take home number was. Honestly, I grew up wanting to be a writer – so eventually I talked myself into thinking a two story card board fort on the side of a really nice road would be perfect as long as I was inspiring one or two people with my work.

Looking at my life now, a couple things didn’t turn out how I thought they would. My love life is a mess, my floors are carpeted rather than paved, I haven’t finished or published a book and my most popular blog to date at work is on goat yoga. I have no clue how I got here and now that I have I am so afraid to lose it that I’m just waiting for the shoe to drop and doing what I can to self sabotage along the way.

so how did this all start?

Well lately I got a job. One where I am so out of my depth and so to compensate [over compensate] for feeling insecure, I tend to act proud – too proud because on the outside it makes it seem like I have a clue… I don’t.

Truth is, I thought by the time I got a full time job I would be able to settle down, start believing I had some semblance of a life and finally feel like I had it together – I don’t. Truth is, I am just as lost as I was three months ago and the only difference now is that I have to hide this huge sense of guilt that I have been given an opportunity I don’t deserve. Maybe other people share this feeling. Like the successes that find us aren’t always the ones we’ve earned and no matter what we do we’re just chasing this idea that we can make someone proud.

I don’t know about you – but I hate feeling like an A** just as much as my friends hate when I am one. So the truth is – I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got/continue to get caught up in the idea that this step forward is bigger than it is. At the end of the day – I am still learning how to do this adult thing, and I know my friends are too, I just hope I don’t forget to show how grateful I am to them [to friends new and old] because life is scary, I am petrified and I couldn’t be where I am today without the amazing people that got me here today.

Truth is

I can’t promise I wont continue to mess up, I can’t promise I’ll make a difference yet but I want to. I look around and I see so many people that inspire me. Roommates, friends, strangers, all doing things that leave them exhausted and fulfilled and – and while most days I like to think that the little things I am doing now will make a difference when I finally feel my feet beneath me again – I can’t say that I am defining what our future will be and look like – but they can.

So to the friends I brag to, and the strangers who might understand what this feels like – I’m sorry.

and thanks to you I now know how to do better – and to be better – and it is all because of you that I know I have been changed for the better too.

Thank you.

-R

Fitness and Wellness

If working out was Sexy

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Girls you know what I mean

By the end of any good gym sesh we are sweaty, hot, bothered, and none of it is in a good way. Guys – don’t act like you are immune either – you look [and smell] just as bad as we do because no one can look sexy working out.

pexels-photo-208520 (2)

if working out was sexy we would all be obnoxiously fit

and we would all be much more inclined to go to the gym – but we aren’t and it is not.

Fun fact: I will never be an Olympian. I don’t have the drive, the determination, or the self control when it comes to food to be able to work out at that level. Power to the people who can – but it just isn’t me. [Hell I haven’t even been to the gym in a week] ‘

Now there is no doubt in my mind that Olympic gymnasts are sexy, as are most Olympians, but there is a definite reason that the judges sit closer to the athletes than we do – because they have to see the movement while we just get the wide angles of biceps that literally defy gravity.

My point of this is that like crying, working out isn’t supposed to be sexy, it’s kinda just supposed to be. But the important thing to note is that this is ok.

So my advice ….Get Swole in Solitude?

Look

As I conclude todays ramblings I would just like to give a round of applause to the people who have figured out a way to look good while working out. [You are in a vast minority my friends but we still love you]. It probably was not an easy journey for you and I truly commend your efforts.

So yeah…

To the rest of the population, guys, gals and otherwise, working out is a quintessential part of living a healthy life so my best advice to looking sexier at the gym is simply staying away from the mirror, push yourself, and stay confident. Love the life you live, love the body you are in, and forget about how you look because at the end of the day you aren’t working out for anyone but yourself.

 

Fitness and Wellness

An Open Letter to My Muffin Top

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Just because they were sexy on Seinfeld doesn’t mean I want one on my body – my battle with being flub-ulous

I used to work at camp. Now don’t get me wrong I love children, but working with them. Well they tend to want to chase and poke you. As someone who needs personal space this was a long time struggle – but it wasn’t the space as much as it was the “flub”

Think of that scene in Nemo… “Nemo, go touch the butt (boat)” Kids are like that. They poke and push and being a favorite means you barely get time to yourself. Like I said I loved the kids, but could have appreciated some more space.

As a young teen I was incredibly fit, but then I grew up, I went to college and my body got away from me. Now I am not saying I am not healthy – I am saying I am normal and insecure.

The Half Baked Truth

Having a muffin top is common for most women, in fact I have heard speak that this little pouch of extra skin has the purpose of preparing our bodies for child birth, but as a 22 year old with no plans of getting  pregnant – id rather have my body hold off rather than being so proactively prepared.

My point? Who is to say I have to have a belly? Why is it so hard to take the top off? Well I think a lot of it is diet – but more of it has to do with our culture.

Personally I would love to have abs again. I felt strong and sexy when I did, but it isn’t as realistic as being toned. When it comes down to it, I feel like the best version of myself when I have my belly covered by high waited shorts – but that is no good way to live.

A Movement

Dear belly, you have asserted your dominance on my life. I respect you for being strong, for providing a pillow for my friends, for being there when I fill you to the brim, but you don’t have to hide. You can be proud, you can be present, you can be you. And that is why I want to start a movement. A free the belly movement that promotes self worth, self care and self pride among women.

#FreeTheBelly

We aren’t here to be normal we are here to be extraordinary.

How can you free the belly, how can you be proud of who you are and who you still stand to be? Don’t be half baked – be firm fluffy and bursting with flavor.

 

Relationships

A Date is NOT a D*** Appointment

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Maybe this next one won’t apply to you, but right now it is time to get real about a topic that a lot of us have on our minds… hookups. Enter the term ‘Dick Appointment.’ Now as a tasteful young lady don’t think ill of me for using this term; while obscure this slang actually and boldly details what some girls to be a scheduled hookup. It isn’t my favorite term… but it gets the point across.

If you go on a date you hope they call you back, but if you schedule a d*** appointment it is more like a visit to the doctors office, they only call once in a while when they need to check and make sure everything still works alright – and that is ok because the expectations on both ends are very different.

The Down and Dirty

Now guys, for a lot of us, we don’t want to be your 3 am booty call. Some do, but many do not. And for girls who are looking for something real – know that this kind of appointment won’t necessarily give you the all clear. See there is a difference between no strings attached and someone pulling on your heart strings so what troubles me most in dating culture today is the general wants and needs of the public. In general we WANT fun, to get to know someone, to be spontaneous, but what we NEED is a sense of honesty rather than entitlement. In other words having NEEDS and what we NEED are very different things.

On my Philosophies

Look I never expected to be any type of relationship writer. Heck most of my life my romantic experience was from television. Shows like “Sex in the City” taught me how to feel and be sexy without letting life [or men] get to me, and shows like “The Vampire Diaries” taught me the meaning of love in an oddly raw teen romance kind of sense.pexels-photo-1247933

Truth is, I don’t like making appointments with people I am interested in. I think that guys should call rather than snapchat if they are truly interested, and that if anyone likes a person because this happens in all relationships, effort should be put in on both sides to communicate what each party wants.

If that makes me old fashioned then fine, but there is more to life and love than the hints I have picked up and put down over the past couple months. At the end of the day, if you want sex to be a transaction, that is your choice. But a date… its not a d*** appointment because no one should be treated like that.

It’s not the other person’s fault

I have noticed lately that people play games. We do it to keep ourselves safe, to keep the playing field even, but from a female perspective I have to play devils advocate and call out the women who are playing with their own set of rules.

Recently, someone close to me was used. As a trusting person this guy fell for a girl and she broke his heart. For nice guys finding someone their age is hard. The young ones compete against the ones who talk smooth but treat people wrong and the old ones just do what they can to prove they care.

The end or the beginning

At the end of the day nothing seems to be fair in love and war, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop fighting. What steps can you do to change the stigma and end this war.

Good luck, God Speed, and Happy Friday Folks.

 

JustRachel, Relationships

Slutty or Single – the Lack of a Middle Ground pt1

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The 22 Year Single Streak

I grew up in a cul-de-sac. By the time I was 14 I was watching romantic movies and teen dramas to get a gage for what my love life could be like [in theory.] And lacking any other point of reference than High School Musical and Desperate Housewives, I set my expectations high – fell for some people I barely knew, and wished that dating culture now was more like a romance noel rather than a Jersey Shore re-run.

at 22, I have never been in love, only in like – but even then, I worry about finding someone. but the worst part, is that people keep telling you you’ll get there, but they don’t know the side steps and shortcuts you’ve taken to feel something rather than nothing.

What I have found: Dating in 2018 is hard – but it is no one persons fault, it’s the system. In 2018 apps like tinder, bumble and coffee meets bagel make it easier for young people to expand their dating options, but are your options actually expanded if everyone is just playing a game? The epic gamification of swipe style dating culture has become a vastly hit or miss system that for me, has warped my idea of meeting that dream guy at a bar by chance.

The Process

Looking at my own love life [and maybe this applies to you too] I have used all of the apps above. I have tried to find dates on bumble but am often too confident to find a suitor. So what I have found is that often times the other party either is not interested in a date or doesn’t provide enough substance for me to know I can make it through that date [this is fine, it happens.] But then – Time passes, I get bored, I delete my account – then the cycle starts again.

For me, I have essentially been stuck in a talking phase for most of my adult life – and as for the men I meet at school or in my professional life, well those never really went how I wanted them to either. In short, at any point in my life, I can view myself as one of two things – Slutty, or Single, but what I constantly ask myself is… where is the middle ground?

The Rewind

Everyone has their own level of comfort when it comes to promiscuous behavior, mine has always been on the side of the lesser -o n the few occasions I have woken up in someone else’s bed, I walked home feeling like my skin was crawling away from my bones and like I couldn’t trust myself anymore – but the point I make, albeit archaic is that, for me, I never wanted the hook up culture, but occasionally made choices that I regretted.

So have I ever followed the traditional definition of a Slut? no, but the dirty feeling doesn’t seem to go away – and that is what scares me most.

The Present Tense

Status – single, and ready to mingle

At my current age and point in life, I would like to find someone, but like many people trust is an issue. For me it is about being comfortable with myself. Waking up with a smile, or a groan before work is all I need.

I guess what I am trying to say is that right now I am looking for balance, and if someone wants to meet me half way, well then he is more than welcome to meet me in the middle.