Tag Archives: truth

To the comment section!

So as a young adult, particularly a young adult with interests in media and politics and all kinds of things I find myself multiple times a day scrolling through social media, listening to what people have to say/believe and then, depending on the content – racing to the comment section for a laugh or a cry or etc.

Anyway, so this week at some point my phone decided to send me some content that I’m not usually accustomed to in addition to my usual storylines. In other words, I suddenly I found myself seeing videos where people praised Christopher Columbus, complained about mask mandates and liberals, and misgendered Demi Lovato while also criticizing her beliefs on extra terrestrials. But through this I observed, I took in and finally I got back to the liberals where there were a lot of videos of lesbians reacting to misogynists (because apparently the ignorant white men were feeling real bold this week).

So seeing that I felt inspired to talk about misogyny and how it no longer makes sense in the modern age… but then I realized I need to do some research to get it where I want it to be SO I figured I’d dive back into the blog scene with a quick fun piece highlighting some of my favorite types of commenters on social media because this week was a million years long and peoples tomfoolery gives me joy.

1. The “No one cares” guy

This kind of person is my favorite because they almost never have a distinctive username or profile photo, they’re clearly just online to rant on redit and their sentiments are bringing nothing to anyones life (and they know it) but they go for it anyway. Anyway anytime I see one of these I smile and think — Sir, you took the time out of your day to look at a post or read an article or watch a video then decided it didn’t align with your beliefs. If you feel that your time was wasted so much so that you have to tell an entire comment section that “no one cares” – you have disproved your point as soon as you hit send.

2. [Insert hype-man sentiments here] aka any female to her friend

Female friends are the best hypemen and you cannot convince me otherwise because if you look at almost any females post of her trying to look cute, the top comment will without a doubt be the best friend who approved the photo before hand but wants to publicly support her friend. And I’m not going to argue it here but I think if men did this for each other there would be less global conflict. Y’all, surprise, the key to world peace is in the Instagram comment section. (Joking, but I wish)

3. The naysayer “it’s not all men”

Just like college first year writing the comment section of any popular post is bound to have a naysayer or two. As a female I see these in videos of men calling out men on their crap or women calling out men about their sexist bs. There is always a guy or a girl who will say something ignorant like “not all men” and the fact that he felt the need to say that means he’s probably defending himself or one of his dudes.

4. People who pick out their favorite quote

Some would say it lacks creativity to quote someone else rather than sharing you’re own thought but personally when I hear someone say “The Costco bulk sized ✨audacity✨ of some men” in a sentence I immediately realize it can’t be topped. Now, cards on the table – personally when it comes to tiktok, this is my go to, I blame the fact that I was an English major but I’m also not all that upset about it because I could have worse things to say/do.

5. The trailblazer

This kind of commenter usually has some street cred because no matter what they say they end up with a million likes and a bunch of responses. This kind of person is someone I hope learns to use their voice to impact change one day as well but only time will tell.

And the list could go on… but

Look at the end of the day it’s incredible to see how far social media has come in such a short period of time and I will be the first one to say that a lot of people use it for nefarious purposes, but it also starts conversations and something I’ve noticed in the past two years, when a lot of us were cut off from in person conversations, social media kept the narrative alive.

So it may sound silly – because in fact it is, but next time you need a smile, find something good and then “to the comments!”

Prepared but not panicked

Remember when we were kids? When our mom or our teachers told us to play the quiet game? Remember how hard it was to take that seriously? Remember being that person to end the game because you knew it was crap? Well the way I see it, the recent outbreak of COVID-19 is very similar. Why? Because while data shows that social distancing is proven to reduce the spread and break the curve of highly transmittable diseases like this one – people my age (early to mid 20s) can’t or rather won’t seem to comply because they either 1. don’t take it seriously or 2. they would rather risk it and party.

So let’s change the rules of the quiet game. Let’s make it a little more serious.

Say you are in a classroom and suddenly there is an intruder drill. Do you stay quiet? Do you comply with the rules? Of course you do. Because there is a threat to life and a threat to the way of life that your family and friends know. You stay quiet and lay low in this instance because if something happens to you or if you make a lot of noise it effects those around you.

The way I see it, going out and partying right now – When organized sports are shutting down, when the economy is struggling, and when you have older parents at home is selfish.

Now let’s get one thing or rather a couple things straight. I’m not saying panic – the last thing we need to do is panic (or buy tons of toilet paper) but this is not a game and this is not a drill. There is an intruder in our country, there is a virus that threatens the way of life we know and with it has come a choice. We can lay low and quiet ourselves for a couple weeks to mitigate its effects or we can make noise and party and break the rules and it’ll last longer.

In a lot of ways the past week has been a test of immediate gratification – and young people are failing because they think or know that the risk to themselves is low.

In other words why wait til the cookie is cold to eat it. If I burn my mouth so what? I’ll be fine in a week – so what’s the worry?

The problem with this is that some of us. People like me. Have older families. We have friends that are elderly who have pre existing conditions. We have people whom we wouldn’t dare come into contact with because if we are a carrier, the last thing we want is to threaten them.

Some of us are taking this game seriously because we know that by doing so it will end sooner and we can go back to our lives, our jobs, and our parties.

Look I’m never here to tell you what to do. And I’m not a doctor so I don’t know how bad this really is or how bad it can get (although Italy is a good indication). But I do know one thing. I’d rather give one month of my life up to lay low and mitigate harm than take months from someone else. I know that I am a believer of how bad this can get if we aren’t smart and that I plan on doing my part in all of this even if it really sucks for me.

In this time of uncertainty it is important to be prepared not panicked and hopefully, if we all do our part – everything will go back to normal before we know it.

Stay healthy out there.

Music is art

Whats good, my names Kevin also known as KevinXI. My purpose here is to spread mental health awareness through, music, culture, and basically anything related to art. I believe that music can bring people together, as well as split them apart, so it is important to keep that in mind when creating any track.

I want to let everyone out there to know that there is hope. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety ever since I was 14. I am now 22 and trying to bring awareness to these disorders so that further research can be done in order to gain more insight on them.

Hopefully this insight can lead to some sort of solution, but for now we are all just trying to survive. Live on and be grateful 🙂 Attached below is a link to my music and merch. Lets start a movement; Lets end the stigma associated with mental health disorders; Lets build a community were people can be open without judgment.

Music and Merch –

https://linktr.ee/KevinXI

peace, love, and positivity

KevinXI

I Will Not Force Athletics – BUT – My Kids will Learn The Lessons Track Taught Me

Are you going to force your kids to do track? To be Throwers?

H.L

A while back my friend asked me if I planned on forcing my kids (whom I will not have for quite a while) to do sports or to do track and throw. And despite my background, despite the opinions I have had all my life the answer I gave, was not one that I had expected.

I Said No

for those of you who dont know what she meant by “throws” – it doesnt mean throwing things against a wall or throwing tantrums – because I will be damned if my kids are raised to do either of those things.

It means – would I force my kid to join one of the most underrated sports of all time?

my answer – no… but also yes.

5 lessons you learn from track

1. Patience. Whether you throw, jump, or run etc, patience with yourself and with your implements is a huge part of being an athlete. It’s knowing that there will be great days and bad days. It’s knowing that what you put in your body and into your workouts is what you get out. And it’s realizing that getting angry or losing control won’t fire you up as much as it will burn you out.

2. Pace yourself. As a runner I was never all that great at pacing myself – but I was really good at saving my last kick for the finish. Learning how to maintain pace in a race can directly correlate to life because, at the end of the day, a burn out is a burnout, no matter what you did to get there.

3. Form is everything. A lot of people think that throwing is all about how big or strong you are – and while strength is a big part of the sport, it isn’t the most important aspect. The difference between a good thrower and an ok thrower isn’t the persons size – it’s how they execute the movements and transfer power into force into distance. And just like throwing, life is about how you execute the processes.

4. Family comes first. From the outside looking in track looks like a solo sport – but just because we compete alone, just because we don’t pass the ball to make baskets, doesn’t mean that we don’t need each other to succeed. In track, family and friendships are a large part of success. Having someone to chase, having a record to beat, having someone to cheer you on, that’s what competing as a family is about.

5. Let them count you out. As far as sports go, track is one of the most underrated. When it comes to track, the only time our athletes get noticed is at the olympics or at the highest level. For many, track is not a spectator sport (excluding our families who are our biggest fans) but for me this is the biggest benefit of the sport because it goes to show you what people can accomplish when they aren’t getting all the credit is just as incredible if not more than those who constantly receive praise.

I am not a Parent – Yet

I honestly always thought I would be the parent that needed their kids to do sports, but at 24 – wanting a kid and knowing that it isnt the time to have them – I also realized that I never want to force my kid to do anything.

That being said, I will encourage athletics as my parents and particularly my father encouraged me when I was growing up.

I will encourage my kid to find a place that understands them. An outlet that doesn’t underestimate their strength or compassion or aptitude for pushing others to do and be the best they can be.

I will encourage my child to find home within themselves and within the passions I hope they inherit from the family around them. But I won’t force them into anything.

In other words. I’ll encourage my kid to find themselves in whatever way they can and to learn the lessons that track taught me… but I won’t force athletics.

I didn’t realize love was conditional until I…

I used to think all real love was unconditional. I mean, isn’t that the point of love? That we give it wholly and without question? Isn’t that how a mother loves a child or a person loves a friend or anyone loves a beloved pet? And sure, there are exceptions. And sure, we can fall in and out of love. But when you think of being in that stereotypical kind of love, the kind that allows people to accept flaws or (heaven forbid) forgive abuse – that kind of love is, by definition, unconditional.

I was today years old, when I finally realized self-love is the most toxic and conditional form of love that I have come to know. And how screwed up is that? Not the fact that it took me this long to realize it, but the fact that, for whatever reason, when we talk about loving ourselves, 9/10 times, it is only skin deep.

When we talk about loving ourselves it isn’t a conversation of actually loving who we are, but how we look or how we feel about ourselves on that given day. A conversation of, will the world see me as beautiful today? Are my eyebrows on fleek? Do these high waisted jeans hide my gut, or show it? Am I as pretty as those girls? Am I showing too much skin? Will the guy/girl I like finally see me? Is my personality too much for my friends? And as if the idea of these kinds of questions weren’t disgusting enough – we then let them dictate how we feel about ourselves on that given day or that week or so on. And the bigger problem with all of it is that this lack of love in many of our lives is not a matter of normal insecurity – it goes deeper than that. It goes as deep as to say – I didn’t realize love was conditional until I realized that I’d rather hide from the world than be a part of it.

Now, to all the women who have never once thought this I solute you, but odds are, at one point or another all of us have felt this way. All have us have (at least once) preferred to stay in with a bottle of wine and a homecooked meal rather than put ourselves out there. And while self care could be a big part of that decision – ditching plans or secluding yourself from your friends shouldn’t be. Hiding yourself from the world, or behind positive social media posts shouldn’t be.

I think at some point or another we all just have a day that hits us a little harder than others. One where the “mirror mirror on the wall” can’t hype us up above them all. And I can’t speak for others but I know I have those days and they absolutely suck. They make me doubt who I am. And they make me doubt if I really love myself for who I am and all the amazing parts of me – or if I only love myself when I have a flat stomach and no stretch marks.

But here’s the news flash. NONE OF IT MATTERS. The way you look, the way you talk, the cute or weird way you laugh at EVERYTHING, none of that matters compared to who you are. WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE. And don’t get me wrong I’m not saying the outside doesn’t serve a purpose at all – I mean candy bars have wrappers on them for a reason and it’s not just to make them look pretty (it’s a metaphor don’t think too deep into it.) it’s to protect what’s inside. So in a way, we also have wrappers because we need our outsides to protect our insides.

Look, at the end of the day it is so so easy to hate yourself for the little things. It’s easy to self deprecate and look down on yourself. What’s hard is coming to terms with who you are and realizing that that person is pretty incredible. And at the end of the day we’re all still learning to love ourselves unconditionally. But if we haven’t already, let’s be today years old when we start.

To Be, or Not To Be American.

“Remember, remember always, that all of us, you and I especially, are descended from immigrants and revolutionists.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt.

To be, or not to be American. What does it all mean at the end of the day. To be American means to have the right to free speech, to bear arms, to practice religion without fear of persecution, to vote for what we believe in, but to believe in freedom and equality. This country was founded on the ideals of greatness, to lift ourselves up by our bootstraps and create something out of an opportunity. The rhetoric that is being spread throughout this country has been more toxic and more divisive than ever before. As an outspoken person, I usually have a lot to say, and have had a lot to say via Twitter, but never in a formalized format such as this.

Now, it’s personal.

I’m Kenney Tran. A child of two Vietnamese-American (now) citizens. I was born here, in America, with a passport, social security number, and a college education. I’m currently serving in the Peace Corps, another privilege that American citizens have. Yet despite all of this, my own citizenship is under attack. I get it, I’ve traveled a lot. But does that mean I should not be considered a person of my own country?

The concept of birth right citizenship isn’t unique to America, contrary to what our President has been saying, as a matter of fact, there’s a beautiful list.

Antigua and Barbuda, Argentina, Barbados, Belize, Bolivia, Brazil, Canada, Chile, Cuba, Dominica, Ecuador, El Salvador, Fiji, Grenada, Guatemala, Guyana, Honduras, Jamaica, Mexico, Nicaragua, Panama, Paraguay, Peru, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Trinidad and Tobago, Uruguay, and Venezuela.

I was brought up as a Vietnamese-American, being taught about both cultures, playing a beautiful game of balance, learning about both and taking parts of each and molding my own individual identity. I meditate and reflect a lot on my days and how my actions impact others, a trait of the Buddhist-Centric culture of Vietnam, but also have a tendency to be wild and spontaneous based off of the Extroverted-favoring nature of the United States. I consider myself to constantly be a person under construction, as a learn more about the world, I learn more about myself as well.

My parents fled warfare, a corrupt regime that refused to let people speak out about things that were happening and how they really felt. They left a country that was not accepting of ideas. So here we are, in America. The golden land, the country that is held to the golden standard of the world. So what did it mean to be American?

To be American meant to be kind, to be welcoming with open arms, to help others, to love for our neighbors and our fellow citizens in our great melting pot. It never had to do with whether or not someone was born here, where they come from or where they are going, the color of their skin, or their religion. Yet here we stand, in a country more divided than other. Watching this country from the outside, I can almost visualize it tearing apart at the seams.

I have people ask, or rather tell me, that I don’t understand the other side of the argument. That I’m biased. That my view is skewed. I’ll acknowledge that truth, but I can also admit that I’m a little bit more of an expert than at first glance, I majored in Political Science and took many classes on Political Theory as well as the Politics of Immigration. I would now like to invite you to read a couple essays I wrote on refugees and immigration for you to better understand a few concepts, most being that immigrants actually IMPROVE the GDP of a host country while also shutting down Trump’s claim on Sanctuary Cities.

1: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AUNPWKwb4vYDvFplbsHsAzWmCyqD3-T5yn8oG2BUyNY/edit?usp=sharing

2: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ss5ZugxQOtFXJuAb627zRS22I1v7Que4cX4OO0Be3NI/edit?usp=sharing

I understand that from a different point of view, having an undocumented couple with a child born in the United States creates a situation where more often than not, the couple will get to stay with their American child. This brings up the argument on the right side of the aisle, with opponents saying that this would take jobs away, and it’s a quick and simple path to citizenship. Need we go back down history road to remember that we are ALL immigrants? Needless to say, the people who end up becoming parents of an American child will almost definitely be finding jobs, learning English, and contributing and becoming a part of a beautiful American society as well. It sounds just a tad better than the colonial days of forced westward expansion, slavery, and how manifest destiny created a power complex where we forget our own history and refuse to open up doors that were previously available to us.

As a citizen (for now) , of the most influential country on Earth, I would like to end with a few remarks. We are a country that should be building bridges rather than walls. With the rise of alt-right groups, hate crimes, and overall intolerance of civil discussions, it’s difficult to remember that underneath all of this, every person on Earth has a potential to be an American. To be an American citizen is not about a piece of paper or where we are born. For the longest time, it was about character. The person that we are. The person that we could be and have the potential to be. To use the rights given to use by the government in place to better ourselves, and in my case right now, using my first amendment right to express my mind… at least, while I still can.

“I received a letter just before I left office from a man. I don’t know why he chose to write it, but I’m glad he did. He wrote that you can go to live in France, but you can’t become a Frenchman. You can go to live in Germany or Italy, but you can’t become a German, an Italian. He went through Turkey, Greece, Japan and other countries. But he said anyone, from any corner of the world, can come to live in the United States and become an American.” – Ronald Reagan.

How to Chase the Future (a slam poem)

each day my phone reminds me where I was a year ago.

I reminisce –

thinking I was smarter, nicer, prettier, younger “then” –

and for a minute I stop to share these memories.

with myself, my followers, my phone.

and I turn them- my memories – into something of  a show

something to brag and boast about

something and someone I used to be

someone who is now history,

someone who is… dead

dead.

I am not jealous of the dead.

I am not jealous of the lost.

the ones who are stuck in the memories.

the ones who we strive to be better for – because the fact remains that we –

were not good enough “then”

I think about the word “then” like a railroad crossing

the light doesn’t have to blink for me to slow down – I just do it automatically

“then” is like him

it is a one-word memory

it is triggering

it is a shotgun – no ammo – all recoil

it is – lost loves

and past lives

because you can’t hear the word “then” and not think of a memory

so we generalize it.

“then”

a time when freedom meant something to them

“them”

someone other than ourselves

“them”

an enemy labeled he, she, them

labeled

“him”

a friend, a lover, a parent

“her”

the same

“them”

someone we often forget because they were only on our minds back “then”

“then”

you see “then” is a shotgun

no ammo

all recoil

then is the trigger waiting to be pulled

“then”

I don’t envy who I was

but as long as I am stuck looking at “then”

racing toward the past as though I was chasing the future

as long as I am stuck remembering “then”

have I even changed at all?

 

 

Five Categories Netflix Should Add ASAP

  • Lonely, Horny and Desperate – aka when Rom Com’s aren’t enough but ‘unrated’ movies are too much and too crude for you to handle. this genre could feature
    • underrated as well as up and coming heartthrobs
    • scandals
    • romance
    • and anything that would spice up a lonely night in with a bottle of wine
  • DCOMS – because everyone needs to know what Disney Channel Original Movies are… Hello Zenon? Johnny Kapahala? Raven Simone? Where Y’all At?
    • *extra points to any reader or follower who can name their top five * in the comments below
  • Random for you – a list specifically made for the most indecisive people in the world – spin a wheel and decide what you are watching tonight! (because the number of times I have asked Google or Siri what I want to watch is out of control.)
    • roll a die pick a card – I don’t care just put something on!=
  • Movies Hulu and Amazon don’t have – not just Netflix originals
    • the number of times I have gone through all three sites to find the same damn choices is ridiculous. I am glad you all use the same algorithm but give me some variety!
  • Movies that will convince Baby Boomers you are more Cultured than the Average Millenial
    • classics like ‘Scarface’ ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ ‘Grease’ the original ‘Footloose’ with Kevin Bacon? or even silent movies or Hitchcock (I am talking good cinema people!!)

 

BONUS IDEA!

  • Netflix and Chill 
    • movies and shows to mindlessly watch or not watch… and enjoy for hours on end

 

pexels-photo-769307

Do you have any categories you would like to see? Comment and share your favorites below!

Why You Should Give Back

“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” — Albus Dumbledore

In recent days since the chaotic scene in the Merrimack Valley that left numerous people without power, without homes and for one family without a son it seems like a nightmare that has bled into reality. For me and many who read this article, the Merrimack Valley; which includes Lawrence, Andover, North Andover and many more towns consider it their adoptive home, support has been pouring in to the area to help re energize the great area and her people. I know when i saw the tragedy unfold on TV and social media from miles away at Anna Maria College that i was devastated with the news. I have worked in those communities, with those outstanding people who are doing great work.  I can honestly say i wish i could have left at that moment to help volunteer somewhere to help out the community that took me in for five years of college. You may think that this has rocked them to their core and will change everything, but you are wrong.

The people of the Merrimack Valley are stubborn and resilient, they wont let this shake who they truly are.

So, Why should you give back to not only this community but all communities that suffer? Well simply its the right thing to do. It appeals to the human spirit of helping out their neighbor in times of need and doing what we can, when we can. The human spirit is always alive in those who are affected by the worst things, and those who reach out during the worse events we can imagine. Be the good people want to see especially in these times where people may not see the good very often even though its right next door to them. Help your neighbor out and they will help you out when time comes.

There are many ways that you can give back but i hope you don’t give back in two ways; Don’t Donate to the Red Cross and don’t do nothing for them.

Now the Red Cross is a very well respected organization and i applaud for what they do but there are numerous local organizations that have done fantastic work for the people  of the Merrimack Valley. They work day in and day out to help volunteer for their communities, not the ones they get assigned. These great people are just common folk, people who heard a calling to serve others in food pantry, shelters, thrift shops and numerous other ways they felt best to provided a genuine comfort of safety and security to the people. Merrimack College students who have done service learning with these organizations will agree with me on the time and effort they have seen given back to the less fortunate. So if you choose to donate, please consider researching these groups instead of the Red Cross and other Big Name Organizations.

Secondly, i really hope you don’t just sit by and wait until this event has passed to have done something. Being inactive in this time of need isn’t necessarily a sin, but its not what you should be doing. You don’t have to go up the Merrimack Valley and volunteer until you are tired and given everything away, its the simplicity of giving some time and money to helping the effort. The simple act of giving a donation to a local charity or even donating some time here and there makes the biggest difference even if you don’t see the effects first hand, they are there happening every day.

So i ask that you don’t just send thoughts and prayers or sit on the couch saying “Thank God it isn’t me out there” People can’t use prayers for clothing, or feed their kids with thoughts.

To those who have been adopted by the Merrimack Valley Community, its time to come home and give back.

 

Here are some of the great local organizations that are helping the Merrimack Valley:

  • Lazarus House
  • Merrimack Valley Food Bank
  • Emmaus Inc.
  • Bread and Roses
  • Merrimack Valley Catholic Charities
  • Merrimack Valley Habitat for Humanity
  • Donations can be made to the Senior Center
  • Lawrence Facebook Page has numerous other sites

Or donated to a GoFundMe Page set up for the people of the Merrimack Valley by Merrimack Student Audrey Regan

https://www.gofundme.com/lawrence-andover-n-andover-recover

 

 

A Letter To My Angels

It isn’t Invincibility – But it isn’t Faith Either

over the past few years I came to the conclusion that – while mortality is great and all – I have too many angels around and about to let anything of real consequence happen to me. Now to clarify this doesn’t mean I have taken to jumping out of planes or running into fires to save kittens but it has given me a renewed sense of surviving through the ordinary and the extraordinary.

By now many of you have heard of the fires, explosions and gas leaks in Lawrence Massachusetts – click here for the story – but what you may not know is that I live just north of the river, in an area that lay on the edge of Lawrence and Andover.

Today my heart goes out to the family who lost their son in one of the blasts, the families of the ten people whom were injured, and to those who lost their homes. But today my heart also looks up to the forces that be for protecting me, my friends, and all those who were effected but are safe in the wake of this terrible event.

I don’t believe in Immortality

Not beyond the way writing makes us live on past our own expiration date. But I believe that something stands to protect me because yesterday, in the wake of such frightening events, I was not for a moment – afraid.

The way I see it, I have too many angels to let me join them – and I have too much left to do in my life to allow it to be cut short. I don’t believe in immortality, I don’t believe I am invincible, but I am young and naïve enough to know that if my time was now – well then that would be beyond my control.

I used to NEED Control

But today I woke up with this feeling where [and yeah maybe it was faith] took over and suddenly I wasn’t as stressed as I usually was. In many ways I still would not call myself a godly woman – but if I believe in anything, I believe in my angels – and I could not be more grateful that they are here to watch over me and those I love.

Lastly

I want to ask that we hold all those suffering both here in Massachusetts and those in the wake of hurricane Florence in the Light [ and for those who aren’t familiar with Quakerism – this means we hold them in our thoughts and send love and positivity their way] and I would also like to thank the first responders who were not able to spend last night with their own families because they were selflessly giving to others. Thank you.

What Our Minds Do

When you think about it, every person is just a matter of bones, tissue, and skin, encased in a figure that our minds created, and for some people they can’t escape that casing. So trapped in their own head all the time, that they have more going on on the inside than what they show on the outside. You know what I’m talking about, when a person is “spacing out” ever wonder what they are thinking about, or how about those who suffer from mental disorders such as schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder. They have built worlds inside their minds, worlds that most people could not even dream of!

I mean worlds with relationships, dream jobs, tragedies, deaths, and more. A world where they aren’t even in control half the time. Is that not crazy to think about? That really who we are, we ourselves have created; physically we are just  bones, tissue, muscle, veins, and more; but who we truly are, we created ourselves, our personality, thoughts, perceptions, etc. So when a person dies, do they really die? Or is just their physical body that has stopped working, but there soul, who they created, relationships they built, are they gone?

I have never viewed death in a religious way, the thought that if someone is good they go to heaven, and i they are bad they go to hell. But who is to say what is good or bad? Who is to say that one person’s perception is universal? Obviously it isn’t since conflict is all around us every day. Personally I believe in what goes around comes around, kind of like karma, I also believe in the energy you give out you get back. We as humans are always looking for something to look up to, to follow, something to give us hope and faith. And from that sprouted religion, religion is a man maid creation; so how are people supposed to believe in an other worldly all powerful figure or figures when they were created from man. Don’t get me wrong it is a nice concept and gives people strength there is no question there, but what about those who don’t believe in an afterlife, when they die do they themself seize to exist anywhere, nothing but bones in the ground?

I tried the whole church thing for years but never really felt anything, it never really clicked or made sense, if anything I felt more judged and more alone. I like to think back over the thousands of religions that have died, been created, or even yet haven’t even been created. People were so sure that greek gods were the reasons for why the sky was blue, the tides changed, the harvest was plenty, the reason love existed, or even when it came to wars, battles, and deaths. And then one day everyone moved on, abandoned their beliefs for something new. All of a sudden those gods weren’t the reason for all those things?

What I’m trying to say is that our minds have created universes, worlds, hope, and so much more. That is the incredible thing about being human, our minds have the power to change the world, unlock thoughts that some people have never thought before, so for those who are silent or trapped in their own mind, they may not be what you think, they could be the people that see the world for how is truly is or they could be the next person who changes everyone’s world and history forever.

 

Heart for Rent – Not For Sale

“The more people you let in the more they have a chance to walk right out of your life.” At my age – I’ve let a couple guys lease my heart but I  have never been good at breaking down the walls and they never stay long enough for me to collect rent.

I’m that girl that indulges in toxic relationships. That listens to sweet talk and ignores all the warning signs – because when he tells me “you’re beautiful” I’d rather not translate that to mean – I want to sleep with you.

Truth is – I’ve never been good at finding the right guy. Never been good at knowing my worth – and with no experience in love I tend to go with the flow [ translation, lay down and get taken advantage of. ]

In short – I am the girl that wakes up feeling ashamed for something that wasn’t supposed to feel wrong – for drinking too much and walking herself home. Translation:

I am the cautionary tale you tell your daughters before they go to sleep at night because you never want to see them get hurt in the way most – if not all – girls inevitably do.

this isn’t a pity party

Of all the regrets I have, I wouldn’t change the lessons I have learned. I wouldn’t change the life I have lived, not only because I can’t – but because I have come to terms with the way my heart works.

To quote a movie – and a book – “The more people you let in the more they have a chance to walk right out of your life.” 

And as much as I wish this quote wasn’t true, it is – because I have felt it first hand. For me – and I think I have said this before – loss comes easier than love – because for me – I learned loss before I could understand what love was.

The reason I spent weekends watching trashy teen dramas [ and yes this is diluted ] was to understand the way other people thought. For them it wasn’t thoughts of falling one parent short of  being an orphan, it wasn’t contingency plans if mom dies. It wasn’t black dresses and churches and services and flowers and casseroles – it was boys, and designer brands – it was drinking yourself stupid and talking about the things you shouldn’t have done on Saturday come Monday morning.

So for me – teen dramas were the way out – because I didn’t have to let anyone in and I didn’t have to watch any more people I cared about – walk out.

me – I write sins, not tragedies

I get caught up in the nights I should have had, the boys I should have kissed, the mistakes I couldn’t make because – because if something happened to me my family would suffer. My greatest sin before being reborn in college was not living my own life but the mistake of only existing in the pages of my novels and pretending that I could escape from my nightmares.

My sin in college was pushing people away to see who would come back – and hurting more when the first guy I hooked up with didn’t. My greatest sin has not been a tragedy though. Because I don’t believe in living tragedies. Because – like Shakespeare – even the greatest tragedies can be made into comedies.

Cinematic Discretion

If my life was a movie – you would think it sad. But in reality the choices I have made – the decisions that have defined me only prove that when it comes to love – and when it comes to my heart.

When I watched “to all the boys I’ve loved” the other day I wondered how many people feel the way I do. I wondered what my chance at love was if it still scared me. I wondered what my odds were if my biggest fear wasn’t being forgotten or dying, but being left behind. And I don’t know when those answers will come, or when love will – and that sucks but it doesn’t mean I cant learn from what scares me. I guess it took me writing this [ and who knows what else in regards to soul searching ] that while

I may always [ for now ] be for RENT – I will NEVER BE FOR SALE