One that felt so real – so illogically real – and yet suddenly you were living it.
It isn’t as simple as Deja Vu nor as complicated as being able to predict the future. It just simply is – and isn’t – everything your mind came up with while you were sleeping.
I’m not saying I believe in magic – It isn’t that simple, but I do believe that we have a far greater capacity to understand trends and data than our waking minds can never comprehend. And like I said I don’t believe in magic – and miracles are only grim fairytales for those who have prayed and lost – but there is something beautiful about an impossible dream that makes me want to know more of what my future holds.
A year ago I was writing a novel
I could see the building burning, the cubicles up in flame. I could see the frantic look in his eye [the main character] when he realized the irony of an insurance company burning to the ground. I can remember the smell of Chinese food on this man’s desk and the legacy his father had built for him – and then a year later I found myself working for a company that looks at health, wellness, and finance – that talks about insurance every day – and suddenly everything was just like I had imagined it, only there was far less smoke.
This post contains content relating to sexual assault – the contents of this post are not graphic but may trigger some readers due to its stance. If you or someone you know has been affected or impacted by sexual assault call the National Assult Help Line at 1-800-656-4673 or go to Womenshealth.gov for help.
An aside: this post was inspired by multiple conversations I have seen on social media today. It features content that is heated and inspired by events that this writer has both seen and experienced.
That being said, if you see a friend who is struggling or in need, reach out. Talk to them and help them in any way you can.
As a young female, some of my writings blame males for events I have encountered but the fact of the matter is that men are not entirely to blame. While reported assaults suggest that more females are assaulted than males – there is also a population of males who are affected. As much as we want to genderize this issue – It is also important to recognize that we as people, as a society, and as human beings need to make a move to change the status quo and take claims of assault seriously.
The current administration in the United States is not doing a good job when it comes to protecting our young women – there should be a shrinking number of girls who say #metoo but instead, it continues to grow. If you or someone else is in need call the National Assult Help Line at 1-800-656-4673 or go to Womenshealth.gov
It seems like a memory that has been eradicated from my mind
But i knew we were going to be the best of friends for so long
Then,
The big move, almost ten years ago
It has never seemed to be that long ago but yet life has changed so dramatically since you two had to move out. I mean i understood, it wasn’t your call and that’s what was happening in those days. People needed to find a place that supported them no matter what and you had to go where you had to go. In those ten years, we have talked, you visited, but it never had the same spark as being only down two houses and a quick run away. Something that has been bugging me these last few years, as i have aged and the neighborhood changes, i never got to say thank you to the times we had together. The times that shaped me and hopefully the times you still think about and hold dear.
Thank you for the games of Wiffle ball through the year.
When ever we were bored, wanted a break from homework, or just had the snow fall coming and we wanted to get in that last game we always took the bat and ball and played in your yard. Even as we got bigger and the field got smaller, a home run still felt the same and well placed strike on the picnic chair just energized the pitcher. On the good days and the bad days we just used it to talk about what life was showing us as we began to change. I even still have the plastic bat at home, that means nothing to others, but means a world series to me.
Thank you for the Halloweens we spent trick or treating as kids.
In all those years of the cold October breeze, we always got to spend the holiday together looking like our favorite superhero or a demon of our own design ( Even when i ruined your costume by breaking the sythe). Those long, agonizing miles that were only a couple of blocks to get the most candy in our pillow cases especially if it meant the legendary full size chocolate bars. I can still remember the nights where you came back to my tv room, watch re runs of the Halloween specials that i still enjoy today and enjoying a nice well earned soda to end the night.
Thank You for helping celebrate our birthdays somewhat together each and ever year.
We were only one year and three days apart, even tho you would never be able to tell that. Having you two be twins was double the fun, especially when it came to the years our birthdays were on thanksgiving. It was always a blast going to your parties no matter where they were, even when we got to go to the Science museum and solve a murder (CSI Murder that is). Even if i was an only child, you never made me feel like it on birthdays.
Thank you for having a family who was always welcoming to me knocking on the door to see if you guys could come out and play.
I can remember times where you weren’t home and i would talk with your mom or dad about basically anything. I can remember the time where your dad and i talked legit about the trees and how they know how to change color and he was so chill about it. Even when you would go to your grandparents for a summer swim, i remember the car rides where we listened to Radio Disney when they read stories at midday to the youngest listeners. Man weren’t those simpler times.
Thank you for always sticking by my side even when our friendship fell into turmoil.
Even when we argued and cried about young dumb things. I am sorry for the times when i did not have your back and let you down. Ill never forgive myself when you got bullied in my own house and i did not do a thing to stop it. i am just mad that it got to that. Thank you for putting up with the growing pains and the one year old thing, i never tried to hold it over your heads but there were sometimes i could not resist to do so.
In all honest comment and thought, thank you for being the best friends i could have asked for growing up. No one was the kind of friend that you two were. You made living in West Roxbury (notorious for being quiet) exciting every weekend, summer, holiday and everything in between.
As i sit here at my adult desk, somehow all grown up, and going through the motions of meetings, i have never forgotten those days and what its like to be outside for a impromptu wiffle ball game, or eating candy, or the dinners i use to crash or even the times where we were not sure this was going to work.
I just know you are doing great things where you are, you were destined from the start. You are two great kids that i hope i was able to influence enough and leave an impression that was worth something to you all these years later. Hopefully, when we are older, maybe even our kids will see what we got to have growing up.
Why does everyone think my generation is ruining absolutely everything? What exactly did we, as millennials, destroy for the rest of society?
Can we truly ruin anything if literally all we do is attend an overpriced college, go out to bars, and then work 40+ hours a week for minimum wage just to try to pay back our loans and eat food and live in an up-to-code very humble abode?
Cue the family get togethers, where I am always hit with an “oh when are you moving out?” or “oh, you don’t have a boyfriend?” or the best one: “you’re moving back to your hometown once you finish school, right?”
Uhm, no, Susan, right now I’m pretty focused on not being in debt for the rest of my life? And also maybe keeping some of my civil rights? And also finishing my education? And maybe travelling because once I start my career I’ll probably never be able to retire?
For reference, to be considered a millennial you would have been born between 1981 and 1996 (currently ages 22 to 37) — so really, I’m the very tail end of it; I’m talking 2 weeks away from being a ’97 kid. But by the way they are being judged, I’d rather be a Millennial than a Gen Z. Plus, the years vary slightly depending on where you look for the information, but this is a pretty good range to go by.
Here are just a couple dozen article headlines that lay out what my generation has, in fact, killed:(and my initial reactions to some of them)
How Millennials Ended the Running Boom (2016)
Millennials are killing gyms, too (2016)
How hipster millennials are killing the Big Mac (2016)
“Promiscuous” Millennials are Killing McDonald’s (2014)
Millennials are killing chains like BWW and Applebee’s (2017)
(because we run out of money and can only afford take out)
Millennials are killing the beer industry (2017)
Now millennials are killing marmalade (2017)
Did Millennials Kill the 9-5 Workday, or Just Point Out it’s Dead (2016)
(actually, Meghan, I work 7-4 + overtime)
Have Millennials Killed Serendipity? (2017)
Millennials are killing the dinner date (2016)
Millennials are killing relationships and we should be concerned (2015)
Why aren’t millennials having sex? (2016)
(you clearly haven’t visited a college campus, or bars, or clubs, or copy rooms recently)
Here’s How Millennials Have Killed Crowdfunding (2016)
(you sure? Remember the time we started a funding page for KYLIE JENNER)
Did Millennials Ruin the Olympics? (2016)
Millennials are Killing Lunch
(this is actually a 51-second video)
Millennials have officially ruined brunch (2017)
(excuse me do you guys think we don’t LOVE food??)
Millennials aren’t eating cereal because it’s too much work (2016)
(sorry but I can’t eat that in the car while I’m rushing to work late because I stopped for Starbucks)
Well done millennials – you’ve officially ruined handshakes for everyone (2016)
(I’ve always been more of a hug person anyway)
Millennials are killing the napkin industry (2016)
Have Millennials Killed Hotel Loyalty Programs?
Millennials are allegedly ruining hotels for every other generation (2016)
(at least this one gives us ‘allegedly’)
Millennials are Killing Department Stores
(another video! but really – help me, I’m poor)
Did millennials kill the hangout sitcom? (2018)
(for the record, F-R-I-E-N-D-S is my favorite show)
Millennials Are Destroying The Next Generation and It’s Ruining America (2017)
(that’s just… wow …harsh)
Are Millennials Killing the Car Industry? (2018)
(SORRY BUT THE T IS CHEAPER)
Why are Millennials Killing Their Bosses? (2015)
(I’m sorry but all I can imagine here is Charlie Day saying “no one’s going to pay you to be a husband, unless you marry Oprah.”)
(and if you don’t understand that joke we can no longer be friends, sorry)
Millennials’ Wanderlust is Killing the Canadian Tourism Industry (2016)
(don’t they just have waterfalls and maple syrup, anyway?)
Millennials are Killing America: Part 1 (2016)
(this was published in 2016 and I am still unsure where part 2 is)
Millennials don’t like motorcycles, and that’s killing Harley’s sales (2017)
(ya’ll are the ones who told us they’re dangerous, you know)
And, my personal favorite:
How Millennials (Almost) Killed the Wine Cork (2016)
(TWIST OFFS FOR THE WIN)
Photo by Timur Saglambilek on Pexels.com
So, there ya have it.
People think we ruined it all. From McDonalds to hotels, gyms to marmalade, I can’t really go anywhere or do anything without being judged or questioned simply because of the year I was born.
If you’re really that upset about us eating avocado toast why don’t you just go buy them all so we can’t, sound good?
Plus, aren’t you the ones who created us a couple decades ago?…
Please, just leave us be. All we want is to feel like we just might be able to retire someday.
And remember, these are just a few handfuls of headlines I pulled from Google. If you want more, trust me, there are more.
When starting college don’t try to be the top dog – be Becca from the Bellas, be fat Amy or Patrisha or you?
Dare to be the person you are and the one you’ve probably been running like hell from since you learned that being cool meant wearing $50 jeans or better off start being the person that runs from anyone who buys $50 jeans because the ones at target are half that and they are the comfiest ish in the world!
Reeling it in
Welcome, so you want to win at college – good, now ditch that expectation because trying to win will only warp the purpose of why you are here.
Look a couple weeks ago I gave my baby bro this lecture because he was bummed that strep would keep him from “parties, girls, drinking… oh and class” [like bro why are you paying $60k a year for class to come last, if mom heard that your butt would be shipped back home and you’d be scrubbing the house top to bottom until the chemicals got your head right.] But don’t worry that isn’t the motive today.
Today I am going to help you win at College [are you ready?]
Try less hard to be someone you aren’t [I realize there are a lot of negatives there… just go with it] – I used to think that the key to being popular was being the exact opposite of who I was in high school…
But what I realized [ oh about seven minutes ] after I stepped on to my college campus was that the person I was, would be, and was meant to be all along is kinda awesome. So if you wanna know what it takes to “win at college” well sit down [or stand up] and square up – because this will be the fight of your life. [KIDDING]
2. be open to failing – I have said this before but messing up is sometimes the best way to walk face first into a closed door that could lead you to all kinds of new experiences. Think about it – you leave 5 min early to get to class and you meet 10 new people. You stay in instead of going out – you learn something new about the people in your hall. Messing up is the best way to get lost on the right streets.
3. Follow your gut [enough said]
It seems to easy to be true but being a winner isn’t about the state championship or a ring or a varsity jacket – it’s about figuring out your next step – and the one after that and the one after that. I mean look at me – I never thought I’d be working, #adulting, etc the way I am but I took chances and worked toward the door I was walking into. I won at college because I was Fat Amy, I was Becca Mitchell and most of all I was myself. I was sassy, silly, fiercely misguided, weird and an all around awesome nerd. I learned how to be myself in college – and if you learn to be yourself – well then you can win at college too.
I used to think I had life all figured out, then I realized I’m only 21! I used to think all I needed to do was go to school, get my degree, them BAM I’d get hired, find love, be independent, and then life would be good. Thats it. I would peak, be happy, and that would be that. But the more I imagined that scenario I realized that its not that easy, even for the rich an famous.
Think about it, a lot of people strive for money, fame, health, looks, etc. But after growing up with money and in poverty (long story),
“I realized I just want to grow up to be happy.”
But the funny thing is, is that I don’t know what makes me “happy” anymore. For a long time it was money, then finding love, then just my friends, and then as all of those things faded away I was left standing there empty handed, by myself but yet still not unhappy. Interesting right? All the concepts I thought brought me joy were gone yet I was still feeling okay! Don’t get me wrong it sucked and hurt to lose them, but I still made it out alive and was fine. So I was left standing there, to ask myself again what makes me happy.
We spend our whole lives striving for things and concepts we think we need but what if we all kept it simple, what if we all just just lived!
So while I’m racing to find out my purpose and who I am, I realized that, that is what life is. It’s figuring out who I am as an individual, but I can’t find it in 21 years, or 50, or even 75. Sure as live goes on we grow with others and all sorts of ways but in the end, it’s only you who goes on alone. As scary as that thought is, its true,
it’s reality.
Life is about the memories and moments I create, the paths and roads I pave through out, and most importantly the relationships build from start to finish.
“With every relationship I build that fails, I realize something about myself, I find more of myself I didn’t even know I had. It’s like a wake up call that I didn’t know I needed. Some are painful, some are quick, but each one teaches me more and more.”
“It’s like lives most powerful lessons are brought through pain, but finish in strength.”
Everyone and everything alive only has a certain amount of time on this Earth, and the scary part is that not everyone realizes that, so we all sit here being alive but are really any of us living? And I wish I could tell you how to “live” but the truth is, is that living is a concept that is different with everyone. That maybe instead of over thinking on how my life will be great as time goes on and I “figure it out” that,
life would be better if I just lived in the moment!
Ya know? And just let life happen and I’ll figure it out on the way. Don’t forget the hard times, and don’t call them the bad times, but realize that those are part of life. Those are the parts that help us figure out life and ourselves the most. Moments define our lives, memories define our lives, but if we keep trying to find or create them we slowly start to forget why we want them.
“You know its funny, growing up I always feared death, but I think what I really fear is not living when alive.”
So what if we all stopped taking life so seriously and just lived, took chances, risks, and just went with it. I mean the more you think about it, we were all just a random pick of life, you never know what kind of story will come when each one begins.
WE, the young people usually spend our summers on the road traveling from friend to friend getting every second out of summer.
In some instances, instead of driving home we stay the night on whatever, couch, bed or floor we can get to accommodate ourselves for the night. Its nothing we complain about after a night of fun (what ever that may be). We all reach that point where we are seen so much that you COULD be considered part of the family. I mean you spend enough time with them, you talk with their direct family members, hell you are on a first name basis with their second cousin twice removed! ( Yes i am very weird) But what if you REALLY became part of the family? How would you feel about the experience?
What if the family started inviting you to events that normal friends might not be a part of? What if they were treating you like a little brother and busted your chops the same way? How would you react when the niece and nephew of your best friend started asking for you and wondering where you go when you leave their house. How would you feel when they started calling you their Uncle…….
Whoa.
So if you could piece it together, this happened to me this past year. One of my best friends who i roomed with for graduate school brought me home a couple of weekends out of the year and i would hang around, go fishing, eat MARIA’s subs and be legit adopted by these wonderful people. One of his siblings has two wonderful small children that always wait for the day when i show up and get to play and watch Aquanauts and Disney Movies and basically be the best thing since slice bread. (Not that i am but i appreciate it once in a while). In the middle of the summer, their mom yelled out to the kids when i arrived on a warm May afternoon ” Look who’s here, its Uncle Kevin!” WHOA…..
Being called uncle? Being part of the family? It felt unreal, like a pause in time. I had never held a title like that to someone. It felt unnatural yet it fit like a glove.
Being an only child, i will never naturally experience being an Uncle to a sibling’s child.
Ill never get to have the fun uncle experience with my family, ill never get the experience of them growing up, coming to Sunday suppers, seeing them graduate. Its a weird feeling. Of course when i am old and grey and i marry into a family that may have nieces and nephews, i wont be looking upon this post with much thought.
Its still a great feeling to be called an uncle and part of the family when it comes to my best friend. They legit treat me like family and its one of the best feelings. I don’t know where i would be without the long trips down to the cape to go fish, to eat, and to kick back with such a great family. If you ever find someone who has a family that has this much love to spare, its a good place to stay and become their adoptive son, even if its only for the summer.
To the future dads, dudes – and my future husband about our baby girl.
Raise her to be Strong
Raise her to be Strong – not beautiful. See beauty is only skin deep but strength – strength is what carries you on.
Raise her to be strong – not for anyone else but for herself. So that when a boy tries to take advantage of her the first word from her lips is no and her first act is to defend herself.
Raise her to be strong – do not call her honey nor baby girl. Call her what she is – call her a warrior because from the moment she is born she will have to fight for everything she wants in this mans world.
Raise her to be strong – and remind her every day that strong is sexy. That true men [or women] don’t fall in love to watch beauty fade, they fall in love because it is god damn sexy to watch someone who can carry themselves through the good the bad and the ugly.
Raise her to be strong. Set a president for greatness on how she treats the world. How she realizes that muscles are a sign of strength but that there is nothing stronger than a heart that can push on and continue to love in even the darkest of times.
Raise her to be strong – to not listen to what others demand of her mind and her body.
Raise her to be strong so that she will not posses the ability to watch people around her become victims.
Raise her to be strong – and raise her to be an advocate for those who are not because we all know this world could use a lot more love.
Raise her to be strong.
For the love of god raise her to be strong. Because one day I might not be around to help you to hold her up.
My truth
I was raised by a man that thought the world of me. Who loved me unconditionally. My father was the greatest man I have ever known and few have ever risen to what my father was. My truth is that I am scared to raise a daughter in this world. See I always thought I wanted sons because boys seem easy. They have more privilege and I could give them a great life without much doubt. But what I realized is -my fear of bringing a beautiful and strong baby girl into this world is born out of the fear that I can not give her the world. I can’t give her everything because that will be her battle to fight.
The lack of equality in this nation is deafening. Between race, sex and sexual orientation – no one is true ly free to be who they truly want to be and it makes me sick.
The piece above will become a poem one day. But the girl that it is about – the daughter I haven’t yet prepared or thought to have yet. She will be so much more – and I can’t wait to one day meet her.
That’s a good thing. They say that after a friendship has gone seven years, it will last a lifetime. So i guess you’re stuck with me kid. Thank you for all the dumb shit we have gotten into over the years. From the long walks to Walgreens to see you suck at skateboarding, to bar hoping late at night on my birthday, we have done it all. Even though for the fifth year in a row you’ll be half way across the country ill still be calling you at 12:01am to tell you how fucking old you are, i’m glad we got all this stuff ahead of us to explore.
Music has always been a topic that we have both gotten to discover together. IN the beginning it was the classic middle school jams of Fall Out Boy and Divided By Friday, then we evolved into different tastes of music. He began to focus on the classical music aspect because it improved his talents and i went to the Teen angst phase that i sometimes still think im in. One thing that we always did was when we found something that clicked with us, we sent it along to the other to critique and break down. Actually as i wrote this he sent me to pieces to listen to online. None the less, music has been one of the many things we have used to stay in touch over the many years of moving around.
So in honor of turning 24, here are the songs that I believe you should listen to before you turn 24:
Happy Birthday Brother!
Whats my Age — Blink 182
Sober Up — AJR
Timeless –Jon Bellion
Everybody Wants Somebody — Patrick Stump
Take Me Home, Country Roads — John Denver
Closer — The Chainsmokers
Strawberry Swing — Coldplay
Aquaman — Walk the Moon
Sunday Candy — Donnie Trumpet & The Social Experiment
Polaroid — Imagine Dragons
Hometown — Twenty One Pilots
Don’t Burn Yourself Out — Dan Masterson
My Way — Frank Sinatra
You and Me– Dave Matthews Band
Le Vie en Rose — Louis Armstrong
Cant Help Falling in Love with You — Twenty One Pilots (Elvis Presley)
The Longest Time — Billy Joel
Too Good at Goodbyes — Sam Smith
Under Pressure — Queen
Don’t — Ed Sheeran
This is Gospel — Panic! at the Disco
I Dont Love You — My Chemical Romance
Same Drugs — Chance the Rapper
The Wonder Years — Jon Bellion
And a special one :
25. Shostakovitch’s Fifth Symphony ( Special Gift for the Birthday Boy)
Awkward n' Adulting 
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