With the exclusion of what I like to call “womb-mates” (twins, triplets, etc.), who may or may not bear an uncanny resemblance to you, there is no one on, above, or under this planet that is exactly like you in any way. The experiences you have, the privileges or struggles you are born into, the way your hair falls – every aspect is unique. So why are we constantly comparing ourselves to others? And keep in mind that “others” could also refer to yourself because I don’t know about you, but I am just as guilty of comparing me to past me as I am to someone who certainly is not me.
3 reasons to not…
(1) The version of you that fit in “those jeans” wouldn’t fit into the life you have built for yourself: I saw this picture the other day that said,
“those extra 5-10 pounds, that place where your body naturally wants to be – that’s your life. That’s your late night pizza with your man, that Sunday morning bottomless brunch, your favorite cupcake in the whole entire world because you want to treat yourself. Those 5-10 pounds are your favorite memories, your unforgettable trips, your celebrations of life. Those extra 5-10 pounds are your spontaneity, your freedom, your love.”
anyway, it really resonated with me, not just because I love brunch but because some of the “extra” pounds I wear are due to meals I love or medications I need; and for a while I let it get to me but it’s far more worth it to be healthy than it is to fit any kind of aesthetic.
(2) Wishing you could “be someone else” (in the moment they are in) solely based on the parts of them that you can see, minimizes their experiences and gives you an excuse to fall short of the best version of yourself. Almost every single time I look at someone else and say, “I want that” – it comes with a reason why I can’t. And the reason why I can’t is almost never rationalized as an “I can’t right now” but an “I’m not them so I can’t ever.” So for example – I’ll find myself scrolling through Instagram and falling on an influencers page and thinking “I want to travel the world, but I can’t because I don’t have the time or the money.” And the truth of that is that it wouldn’t be impossible for me to do it but I am choosing not to because I don’t want to save the money or take the risk of leaving my job blah blah blah. My thinking this way completely minimizes whatever effort that person put in to living that life but worse than that it gives me an out on why I don’t have to work for it because I just want it right now.
(3) The rules have changed: The world we have inherited from the generation before us is not the same as the world they grew up in and neither is the economy. At this point, the playbook they keep telling us to follow is for an entirely different game and the more we try to follow it, the more we will disappoint ourselves for not getting the results we were conditioned to want. Maybe what we need is less coaching and more giving ourselves some grace.
The takeaway
Throughout my journey into and through adulthood, I have had to do a lot of unlearning. Whether it be toxic ideologies from society or my own expectations of where I should or should have been by x age – things in my life and especially in my 20’s just lead me to this path of constantly comparing myself to others rather than noting and appreciating where I am at.
In other words, when it comes to comparing myself to others or to previous versions of myself I am as guilty as the next person; and while I definitely doubt I will stop doing it after writing this, I did want to take some time today to mark down some reminders of why continuing to do this isn’t actually benefiting me, and why it probably isn’t helping you either.
So after reading this maybe you feel like you can relate, or maybe you feel like you can’t but either way I hope you can give yourself some grace.
Awkward n' Adulting 
You must be logged in to post a comment.