Category Archives: The Life and Times

Higher Thoughts, The Life and Times

What Our Minds Do

Leave a comment

When you think about it, every person is just a matter of bones, tissue, and skin, encased in a figure that our minds created, and for some people they can’t escape that casing. So trapped in their own head all the time, that they have more going on on the inside than what they show on the outside. You know what I’m talking about, when a person is “spacing out” ever wonder what they are thinking about, or how about those who suffer from mental disorders such as schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder. They have built worlds inside their minds, worlds that most people could not even dream of!

I mean worlds with relationships, dream jobs, tragedies, deaths, and more. A world where they aren’t even in control half the time. Is that not crazy to think about? That really who we are, we ourselves have created; physically we are just  bones, tissue, muscle, veins, and more; but who we truly are, we created ourselves, our personality, thoughts, perceptions, etc. So when a person dies, do they really die? Or is just their physical body that has stopped working, but there soul, who they created, relationships they built, are they gone?

I have never viewed death in a religious way, the thought that if someone is good they go to heaven, and i they are bad they go to hell. But who is to say what is good or bad? Who is to say that one person’s perception is universal? Obviously it isn’t since conflict is all around us every day. Personally I believe in what goes around comes around, kind of like karma, I also believe in the energy you give out you get back. We as humans are always looking for something to look up to, to follow, something to give us hope and faith. And from that sprouted religion, religion is a man maid creation; so how are people supposed to believe in an other worldly all powerful figure or figures when they were created from man. Don’t get me wrong it is a nice concept and gives people strength there is no question there, but what about those who don’t believe in an afterlife, when they die do they themself seize to exist anywhere, nothing but bones in the ground?

I tried the whole church thing for years but never really felt anything, it never really clicked or made sense, if anything I felt more judged and more alone. I like to think back over the thousands of religions that have died, been created, or even yet haven’t even been created. People were so sure that greek gods were the reasons for why the sky was blue, the tides changed, the harvest was plenty, the reason love existed, or even when it came to wars, battles, and deaths. And then one day everyone moved on, abandoned their beliefs for something new. All of a sudden those gods weren’t the reason for all those things?

What I’m trying to say is that our minds have created universes, worlds, hope, and so much more. That is the incredible thing about being human, our minds have the power to change the world, unlock thoughts that some people have never thought before, so for those who are silent or trapped in their own mind, they may not be what you think, they could be the people that see the world for how is truly is or they could be the next person who changes everyone’s world and history forever.

 

Just Post Grad Things, The Life and Times

How to Communicate With Difficult People

Leave a comment

In my brief years of employment and organized sports I have learned a thing or two about working with difficult people. In fact, some of my best experiences were with employers, employees, and coaches who ‘Stirred the Pot’.

In recent months a friend has come to me with concerns about a boss who not only doubts and insults her, but has proven to belittle other staff as well. As we all know, talking about others behind their backs is a common trend, but in a professional space – this begs the question – when can an employee tell the employer that they have crossed a line?

pexels-photo-907863

Communicating with Difficult People 101

– a self help guide on how to better your communication skills –

Step 1: Embody Switzerland

a couple years back I saw some team to coach conflicts. In the situation – there was a lack of real communication and respect on both sides. [most people don’t like to be in the middle of the conflict – I on the other hand think that putting yourself in the line of fire is the only way to understand the perspectives of both parties]

By being as unbiased as possible one can:

  • hear both sides of the argument
  • digest the material
  • and present it (to both parties) in a way that they will listen

for example : say your boss is having a bad day – they take it out on you in a way that is not entirely characteristic of themselves. Despite being hurt by what they said, you take a step back – hear what they are saying and defuse the situation. Like so:

boss – “we were talking about accountability in a meeting today, my best example was when you forgot to do x last week and how you still didn’t own up to it.

employee (clearly hurt but choses to take high road) – you know I was thinking about this morning, and you had a good point, I could have handled that better – I am going to go make sure x is in order now so that doesn’t happen again.

Now why is this a good method? The employee clearly lost in the situation, right? Wrong. By listening to the feedback of their employer, taking a step back and telling that employer what they did not expect to hear – you have now taken away their ammunition, by proving that you have grown and disproven their example. Similarly, as an added bonus, you have given yourself a relevant excuse to walk away – and by walking away, any residual anonymity can be reduced so you may go back to work and be productive.

Step 2: Take it To the Source

I cannot tell you how many times I have told one friend that I am mad at another friend, when the whole issue could have been solved in five minutes if I just cut the bull shit and had a conversation.

So as a rule of thumb – if the conversation you are having behind someone’s back could solve a problem by telling them to their face – grow up and communicate. In a recent article titled  “An Open Letter To the First Person To Fire Me” I talked about the lessons I learned from losing a job I loved. What I left out previously was that I also had a conflict I had with a co-leader who I believed was not pulling their weight.

I am ashamed to say that – in this situation – instead of talking to the person I had issue with, I confided in someone I worked with – and this later became an issue that came up in the very meeting where I was asked to step down.

  • but what the person who commented on my conflict didn’t know at this meeting, was that shortly after discussing my concerns – I felt guilty about not telling the person I was in conflict with – that guilt then lead to me communicating with the person, creating a better bond with that person, and making plans to make the organization itself better.

In this case – I could have avoided a lot of conflict by communicating my concerns face to face with the person I was angry with. And it was from that moment on that I decided that anything I would have the power to say behind someone’s back would be shared face to face with them.

Step 3: It is not About Winning or Being ‘Right’

In work, life, sports, relationships and especially in conflict resolution – it is never about defeating your opponent. It is about coming to a point in your life where winning and being right is not the goal – but getting the job done is.

Ego is a big part of the human condition. To this end, the people we work with every day – learn so much about us that they (in moments of insecurity) often use it against us. So in the example of language – it is never about the intension of our words, but how they are received.

For example, a teammate might say – “hey hurry it up – you’re late again” and my response [in my hurry] might be influenced on how I took that comment. On an average day I might take it and brush it off – but after a long day of work, I may take it as an insult and return a similar jarring response.

But when I answer without thinking – and when I make excuses for my actions – I am not trying to work productively, but rather to be right. and in doing this I break a very important rule of communication and a rule of life which is –

  • no one is entitled to know where I am or receive an excuse on what I was doing. I do not have to explain my actions by law. but often do so to validate my insecurities on being late or being lesser than expected by some measure.

Step 4: Your Actions Speak Louder than Words

On multiple occasions we have opportunities to talk back, to argue our opinion, to fail or succeed at something – but time thinking about what could be said to be ‘right’ is often better used by proving who we are and working toward our goals.

Like remaining neutral, acting instead of speaking, allows you to center yourself on your goals and get jobs done. This does not mean that mistakes wont happen, it doesn’t mean you wont still get judged or harassed by bosses, coaches or teammates who doubt you – but it does prove that you have worked toward the positive goals and done everything you could to accomplish what your goal, or task has asked of you.

Often it is easy to get distracted, to let your ego guide you, but instead of making excuses, try actively fixing the problem. [And for stubborn individuals like myself – working toward those goals or completing those tasks – could also be stated as PROVING PEOPLE WRONG]

Step 5: You are Allowed to Mess Up

Mistakes are Lessons. Some questions are stupid no matter how often your teacher tells you there aren’t stupid questions. Money isn’t everything. Communication is key. These philosophies are what people are able to live their lives on.

But.

What we often neglect to encourage people to do, is mess up. See you can’t communicate well without experiencing conflict. You can’t learn to put ego aside if you don’t know what triggers it. You cannot learn how to admit defeat without losing and similarly you won’t learn that you are right until you are wrong.

At the end of the day Communication is a practice, a skill, a job, a sport. It is something we practice and something we fumble from time to time. See what I have learned, by working with some highly difficult people, is that the easy relationships in my life are a gift and the hard relationships are lessons. By working with difficult people I now understand what people want to hear, what they need to hear, and what they should hear in different situations, but by communicating beyond the work – I have learned how people hear things.

Truth is – it is no fun to work with people that seem to be out to get you and who make your life hell. But by working with them and not against them, you will not only prove your worth as an individual and an employee, but you will know what you are worth and how you deserve to be treated in any and all situations.

 

Continue reading How to Communicate With Difficult People →

22 for 2022 - College Tips, The Life and Times

22 for 2022 – 22 Tips to Beat the Heat

Leave a comment

what did the fan say when he was asked what kind of music was his favorite…

turbine-aircraft-motor-rotor-40024

 

“I’m a BIG METAL FAN”

 

 

 

Welcome to College! Where AC is Nowhere to be Found.

Happy first day of classes to all my friends, readers, and first year students! Today is the day where you start your academic career. Now for those of you who moved in 4 days – 12 days ago – you may have noticed that Central Air is not an amenity included in your tuition package.

At Merrimack College – this means that anyone living on campus has recently discovered that their room is going to be more like a heat lodge than a dorm room… Now while some of you are lucky enough to have been placed in Royal Crest – you will also be doomed to experience the heat wave while attending classes or going to the gym.

But DON’T WORRY I’ve Got Your Back

Inspired by my friend Mairead [ who can’t seem to get a break from this heat ] this post will feature my second 22 tips for the class of 2022 – where we will discus how to beat the heat when you realize your college doesn’t believe in AC.

pexels-photo-620341.jpg

22 tips to beat the Heat when your College Doesn’t believe in AC

  1. stay away from coffee: while copious amounts of caffeine WILL get you through that first long day of classes it WILL NOT help you beat the heat – it will only dehydrate you, preventing your body from its natural cooling process.

  2. Drink water! the more water you drink the more you sweat [ don’t say ew ]. the more we sweat the more our bodies are able to naturally cool us off. [don’t believe me? ] ever sweat when you’re sick – that’s your body fighting off the bad stuff. So give your body a fighting chance 

  3. GET A BOX FAN: the best way to stay cool is to get the hot air out of that sweat box you call a room – put a box fan in the window and face it out toward the screen. This allows the fan to suck out the hot air and create a better flow in the room. 

  4. GET ANOTHER FAN… or 5? keeping the heat out is all about keeping the air moving. once you set up the box fan that will get the hot air out – get another fan to circulate the air 

  5. Commit to foods that cool you off: Ice cream is great when you’re hot but it isn’t the best for you – try cooling fruits and vegetables – keep some cucumbers, grapes, and carrots within arms reach to limit your salt intake and hydrate yourself from the inside out

  6. Find COOL places: Trees provide shade. Some buildings provide shade. Heat rises so stay out of your bedroom if you live on the top floor of the townhouses or the houses.

  7. Make Friends with people who have AC: Of the full college population x students live in air conditioned apartments – make a friend that can give you a home away from home – beyond being a good friend offer to help that friend study, give them a second look on their paper – make it so you all benefit.

  8. Stay positive – in orientation we had a rule that hot and tired were curse words – now while this sounds crazy it also helps you keep a better mindset. We Know you Are Hot – We Know You Are Miserable – We have all been there – WE HAVE ALL SURVIVED AND YOU WILL TO. AKA SUCK IT UP BUTTER CUP – A LITTLE POSSITIVITY GOES A LONG WAY.

  9. HEAT UP TO COOL DOWN: A cold shower feels ten times better after a workout. Sweat out the bad and take in the cool by taking a cool shower after a workout.

  10. Damp Hand Towels: Have you ever stuck one of these on the back of your neck? If you don’t have a hand towel grab a t-shirt or a tube sock – wet it in the sink with cold water and place it on the back of your neck – you’ll notice an immediate cooling sensation. 

  11. Hit up the newest buildings colleges want to put their best foot forward. Newer buildings have more money put into them and more AC – Go to the MAC (Mack athletic complex), sit by the hokey rink, go to the bottom floor of the library, Crowe Hall – or anywhere there tends to be a big push for campus tours. 

  12. Treat yourself to a dinner off campus: Panera is right down the street from Merrimack, but odds are all campus’ have a chipotle or a local deli in walking distance. If your room doesn’t have AC theirs will. ——- For those really looking to break the heat see if there is a local hardware business in proximity to your school

  13. Hit Up the Hardware Store: amazon carries multiple options for standing fans and standing air condition units. because it is not approved of to put a box unit in your window on a college campus – take a trip to the local hardware store or take advantage of amazon prime student discounts to cool yourself off in two days or less

  14. Check out the Campus Stadium: if a tree is in the open the bleachers wont be – if your campus has a stadium, hiding out beneath the bleachers could be the best way to beat the heat

  15. RESIST THE URGE TO HOOK UP: The last possible way to stay cool is to get your body close to someone else’s. Tell the hormones to take a chill pill and postpone hookups – and if you can’t keep your hands to yourselves – don’t complain about the fact that you just turned up the heat in your room.

  16. Make a Paper fan: you did it in third grade lets bring it back?

  17. Explore local parks? if you google parks in your area – odds are there are a few. With Merrimack College this is the case. GO to Harold Parker, Den Rock Park, or check out the area down the street where Philips Academy is 

  18. Explore local Shops: near campus you will find cvs, casa, whole foods, dunkin, starbs, and a variety of fast food options and if it is too close to walk – take the shuttle 

  19. Go to the art museum the Addison Gallery at Philips Academy is an amazing space to look at art and relax in the central air conditioning. 

  20. Hit up the LOOP: located in Methuen – the Loop is just close enough to get off campus but just far enough that you can distract yourself from the heat. A shuttle ride away – the Loop Is the perfect place to catch a movie, get a bite to eat or do some light shopping 

  21. Drop out? Run Home? ok maybe don’t do these. look when it comes done to it we have all been there – even those of us who live in AC find ourselves wanting to give it up to save on high electric bills. Sweating through college with your friends is one of the best parts of learning to live away from home. It teaches you limits, boundaries, and above all – patience. It isn’t living with your friends – but its even harder to live with them in a 100 degree room. Use this time to see how much heat you can take – after that everything is smooth sailing 

  22. Limit the Layers – BUT STAY MODEST!

end of tips?

hey guys so I know it seems like I pulled some of these out of my ass – I did. Truth is – it is so hard to beat the heat when you are just trying to live in a new place with new people. It isn’t easy to bear with me and it’s no easier to bear with this heat – but I wasn’t lying when I said we all have and continue to go through it.

At the end of the day – taking care of yourself is your most important job, so take this week to listen to your body – take care of yourself and keep the fluids up. You will survive this heat wave I PROMISE – but remember that your friends always have your back and if you can’t stand the heat… just find the AC
airplane-jet-aviation-aircraft

Higher Thoughts, Just Post Grad Things, The Life and Times

Becca’s Declassified School Survival Guide

1 Comment

College, the place I heard about my whole life from my mom. The best 4 years of her life; filled with friends, parties, late night adventures, listening to bands in the courtyard with 200 other students, and of course LOVE!

I couldn’t wait to go to college, I had this perfect vision of what it would be like. I had it all laid out; I would make a huge group of friends, we would all stay up till 3am laughing, drinking, doing our homework together. That on the holidays we would all go to each others houses or have things like a “friends-giving”. And that we would all be like one big family.

I went in confident with high hopes that these next four years would be the ones I would never forget, and for the first semester it was! It was filled with all the things I hoped for, all the late night adventures and being one big family (I had so many new contacts in my phone my storage was getting full). It was great! I went to sleep with a big smile on my face every night because I made it happen, ME! And I only highlight that because in high school I was quiet and did not really care for all the students around me, and I low-key kind of regret. But for college I couldn’t wait to leave, start fresh, and really discover new things about me!

As the years went on, I switched friend groups, people transferred, people changed, I changed…. College started to become this place that I suddenly could not wait to leave and somewhat forget. By the end it looked nothing like the vision I came into school with, but yet I still didn’t mind how it turned out. That just because it wasn’t great like what I had always imagined, it was still great but in its own way.

“I realized that living with so many expectations does more harm than good. Its nice to have ideas and maybe an outline for life and certain things, but lives best moments happen unexpectedly. So just live!”

But if there were a few things I could warn freshmen year me about they would be……

  1. SAVE MONEY
    • SAVE SAVE SAVE!!! College is expensive!!! From text books, to alcohol, and especially food!!! I really wish I worked more before and during college, It would have defiantly been worth the hard work and sucky hours, but beats being a poor college student!
  2. Go out
    • Even if you don’t feel like going out GO OUT! Especially when you go to school in New England and half the year its too cold to go outside in winter coats let alone in skimpy party clothes. I do regret not going out more the first 2 years of school (when it was actually fun to go out at Merrimack!(true OG merrimack people will know what I mean). I was anxious most nights about so many things that I always told myself I’d just go out next weekend but then it would be the same thing the next. So go out, have fun, meet people, just let loose!
  3. SAY NO TO THE LATE NIGHT SNACKS!!!! 
    • O.M.G. DO NOT EAT THE LATE NIGHT MUNCHIES!!!!! I repeat do not eat the late night MUNCHIES!!! You will regret them in 3 years!!!!!
  4. Don’t be afraid to truly be yourself because in an environment of over 4,000 people you are bound to find someone just as odd as yourself.
    • I went through my fair share of friends in college, but hey thats the beauty of college right? So many people, there is always a chance to meet someone new. But at a school with only 4,000 students (I know that sounds like a lot but its really not!!!) by the time you are a senior you pretty much know everyone. But within those 4,000 students you are always bound to find other people who like and do the same things you do. So don’t stress so much about trying to make friends. It will happen over time I promise!
  5. GO FAR AWAY!!!!
    • If there is one thing I would do differently in college, this would be it. GO FAR AWAY!!! When it came to picking colleges I was 100% sure I didn’t want to go too far away from home. I don’t know if it was because I had separation anxiety or what; but I ended up going to school 30 minutes away from home.(so tell me why I paid for housing!!! Just kidding, living with roommates is what made me grow the most!!) I should have gone further away and seen the world, maybe Italy or Hawaii, but should not have stayed so close to home, it was definitely a crutch
  6. Don’t live with regrets when it comes to your feelings
    • When I went away to school I imagined I’d find love. Like I said I grew up hearing all about the boyfriends and loves my mom had in college. All the memories of the group ski trips they’d all go one, the memories of her special someone meeting her parents, and wearing their jerseys at football games. I was so ready for me to create my own memories like those, but there was a small problem…….. ALL THE GUYS IN MY GENERATION ARE F*** BOYS (sorry not sorry). But there were a few guys that got away through out the 4 years there.
    • I learned shortly after falling head over heels for a guy, to never live with regrets and if you have feelings for someone tell them before it’s too late (and they transfer). After that, telling guys how I felt became easier. Because nothing was more painful than living with the feeling of “what if.”

I soon grew up from freshmen year me and really started to accept the fact that all things happen for a reason. No matter how shitty they feel, no matter how much you don’t want change to come, change is good. But these 6 tips are ones to live by for myself, college is where I did most of my growing, it was painful sometimes, but so worth it!

So even though college was NOTHING like I expected,it pointed me in the right direction for my future, and taught some of the most meaningful lessons that I will never forget.

Just Post Grad Things, The Life and Times

22 Tips For the Class of 2022

1 Comment

In honor of Merrimack College welcoming the incoming class of 2022 today I wanted to do a shot piece on “22 Tips for the Class of 2022”

Below are the basic tips to follow to remained informed, intuitive, and hip to the college grind.

Ultimately College is a time to find yourself, but none of us get through it without a little help from our friends – so if you have any tips be sure to send them in via the comments below!

22 Tips for the Class of 2022

1.Be Yourself

I don’t know who you were in high school but this is the time to grow – to be a dork, a nerd, a jock? No. This is a time to be YOU. So strip off the labels and be yourself because that is the only way you will find your tribe.

2. Be Someone Else

Maybe you used to be shy – be the opposite for a day. Change who you think you are, dare to leap out of your comfort zone – whether this means being someone else or just acting like the person you were afraid to be growing up. Think of who you are now and take it one step further.

3. Party – Or Don’t

News Flash – you don’t have to party in college to have fun. You don’t have to drink to make friends. Like being yourself – the party or no party debate is about you and what you are comfortable with. In college I indulged in some reckless behaviors, but I also spent a lot of nights in with friends. Who you become is about who you hang out with – so chose your friends wisely and make sure that if you do party you have your people to back you up.

4. Join a Club

At my school it was impossible not to get involved – if this is the case at yours consider joining a club. This could expand your friend group unexpectedly, or it could get you out of the room [ REMEMBER : YOU ARENT IN BACK TO BACK CLASSES FROM 8-3 ANYMORE (HOPEFULLY) SO USE THAT TIME TO DO SOMETHING]

5. Start a Club

Does the club you want to be a part of not exist …? Interesting … How about talking to someone who can help you jumpstart your club [some clubs come with school funding!]

6. Join a Cult

Umm… Wait maybe don’t do this? 

but you could join a society that goes with your major or even your career goals [ yeah… yeah … do that ]

7. Go to Every Class the First Week (then keep going to class)

NEWS FLASH – someone once calculated how much each class costed – it was around 300$ [IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE FULL ‘SEMESTER’ CLASS] So every class you skip – maybe think about what someone could have done with that money… [Just saying]

8. Take a Mental Health Day

Not to contradict tip 7, but to contradict tip 7 – take a day to take care of yourself. If this means laying in bed and watching sad movies with a tub of ice cream or going on a run instead of that class that has been making you cry – take the time, regroup. No amount of money or time is worth sacrificing your health.

9. Talk to that One Person who is “way out of your league” [because they aren’t]

See that guy/ girl at the front of the class the one who’s dimples seem “perfect” and who’s shirt always brings out the “glimmer” in their eyes – TALK TO THEM – better yet ASK THEM TO HANG OUT OR GO OUT. The worst a person can do is say no – so why aren’t you taking a chance?

10. Comfort someone who is clearly homesick

From the first week to the last day of senior year someone will get homesick – its a guarantee. So go and ask if they are ok. Talking to someone or even saying hello can make a huge difference.

11. Go on Epic Adventures

“Yo bro do you wanna walk to CVS – Get Coffee? Yo lets go to chipotle!” Remember that adventure is literally everywhere so get hype and find a reason why a small trip could be an awesome way to orient yourself with your campus’ surroundings.

12. Spend a Night in

Movie Night? Popcorn? Enough said

13. Get in Trouble at least once [call it a learning experience]

Get to know your campus resources – you don’t have to do anything stupid to do this but getting in trouble or getting in a fight with a new friend teaches you more than perfect relationships and a perfect record. You won’t learn if you don’t make at least one mistake.

14. Get a Job

I was once asked how much allowance a mother should give to her kid… I told the woman that I got a job instead of asking for money from home. When the mom rubbed this in her students face and told her she should get a job – I turned to the student and said – if you have a job you don’t have to ask permission on what to spend YOUR money on. [the mom wasn’t thrilled but it definitely put an idea of self sustainability into the students mind]

15. Be Best Friends with your Prof (or department head)

Extra time on a paper or a test? Extra help on what the midterm exam will ask for – being friends and having a professional relationship with your professors could make your grade, or it could just help you learn some fun information about what it means to be a member of your major.

On the first day of class make it a habit of introducing yourself. It makes a difference

16. Be someone’s hero for a day

Making a difference in someone’s life is honestly not difficult. Start today by being kind – this practice could make you a hero, a decent human or a great leader one day – so try it out.

17. Consider a point of view you thought you were completely against

Politics – Violence – Civil Rights

Change starts with a conversation. It is hard to be open minded but it’s impossible to grow without the ability to communicate why you believe what you believe. At the end of the day you don’t have to like someone’s views, but finding out how they got those views will help you understand people better.

18. Nickname your friend group [ make it obnoxious but relatable ]

My friends and I called ourselves ROLEX – my brother took this as an opportunity to point out that we named ourselves after something that was “overpriced and useless” but I just thought we were timeless.

19. Make Someone Proud [ Or better – Make Yourself Proud ]

Whoever you’re doing it for – do it well. I can’t help you with this one, it’s all up to you

20. Do something you never thought you could do

kiss someone, fight someone, sky dive, join a club – just do something out of your comfort zone and maybe you’ll surprise yourself

21. Get in trouble again [ another lesson – just for the hell of it ]

Fool me once shame on me – fool me twice shame on you…. you got to risk it to get the brisket my friends so push some limits [WITHIN REASON] but whatever you do, learn something from it.

22. Graduate ?

I mean if you’re gonna WIN at college you got to finish it right? SO DO IT!

The Afterward

After Graduating from the best four years of my life SO FAR I cannot wait to see what the future holds for my brother and friends who are still enjoying and suffering through their college years. Being someone who has been vastly defined by the events that have built the person writing to you today – I can say that the best is yet to come and that these tips are exactly the ways to break out of your shell and make college great.

GOOD LUCK AND GOD SPEED TO THE CLASS OF 2022 – YOU’RE IN FOR A WILD RIDE

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

stay tuned for more with our next college story “How to WIN at College”

The Life and Times

Clearing A Space

1 Comment

Have you ever been in a room that made you frustrated or anxious or experiencing a variety of emotions without reason? You may be falling victim to the out of control energy that we often experiences in spaces that have not been properly energetically cleansed and cleared. Now, I am not trying to scare you as this will not do you any physical harm, but being in a space with off the charts energy can certainly leave you feeling miserable and confused. I have a few key points that can help you cleanse a space you may know in need of a cleansing. These spaces range as they can be rooms, cars,boats, even houses and large spaces of land.

  • You must first ground yourself in the space. Grounding is the act of imagining your feet connecting with the earth and you slowly feel the energy and power of the earth connected with you.
  • Secondly, you should clear yourself spiritually. Will anything attack you? No, the chances of something like that happening are slim. You just have to imagine a force moving all of the negative energy out of you and all that no longer serves your best interest. You have to send it away and release.
  • For protecting myself I enjoy imagining a bubble of light surrounding me and shielding me from all types of energy. Why would I do this? I do this to make sure I am in control and no other energies are connected to me as I clear the space.

Once the steps mentioned above have been implemented I would suggest burning white sage, if you would rather not there are amazing spray bottle sages that you can spray in a space that will do the same thing. Go around the perimeter of the area, commanding in your space that your looking to cleanse all energies from this space and that you’re taking control of all energies that enter, only ones that serve your highest purpose. This process generally takes several minutes, but once it has been implemented I would highly suggest burning lemon grass in any form whether it be a candle, the root or even lemongrass essential oil. Lemongrass is helpful is drawing in positive energy and helps aide in the release of energy that no longer serves you.

light painting at night
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
The Life and Times

My Fall From the Tower

Leave a comment

trimming the Rapunzel complex and learning to be our own heroes

There is a common misconception that women in hero stories are only heroines and not heroes. There is also a common misconception that women who refuse to be saved, rescued and coveted are too independent to want a partner.

If I had the power to rewrite some of the fairytale stories I would start at the end, remove the happily ever after – I would make it real.

Quick edits

Rapunzel – loses half the hair braids that shit into a rope and climbs her ass down

Cinderella – tells off the damn step mother – uses that scrubbing bubbles to clean up that woman’s act

Snow White – girl you can talk to animals use them – they want to help clean your house but they can’t tell you an apple is dangerous?

Look I get it – these stories are fun and all but maybe I’m jaded because I never identified with the damsel in distress.

It has taken pop culture x amount of years to realize that almost no story passes the Bechdel test {The Bechdel test asks if a work of fiction features at least two women who talk to each other about something other than a man. The requirement that the two women must be named is sometimes added.} and I for one would like that to change.

My fall from the tower

I was young when I realized I couldn’t be saved. I was young when my heroes left – but this didn’t define me, in fact, it allowed me to become the person I am today.

I grew up wanting to prove that I could be my own hero – yes this implies that I don’t always know when to shut down an argument, that I have a competitive edge but it has given me a chance to find out who I am without a partner or otherwise decisive forces.

Sometimes I wish I could be less stubborn – let the guy pay for the meal. But at the same time I don’t like to feel like I owe someone anything.

Truth is I like who I am – stubbornness and all – but that doesn’t mean I have fully become my own hero yet.

Being your own hero

The cheetah girls said it best when they sang “I don’t want to be no Cinderella – sitting in a dark old dusty cellar – waiting for somebody, to come and set me free”

Girls – in this day and age we don’t need a hero, we need to be the hero. And I don’t know about you, but I am ready to suit up.

Being your own hero starts with a choice. A change in the weather that allows you to break free of certain stereotypes that may hold you back. It doesn’t take training, it doesn’t take big muscles – it is entirely up to you if you want to save yourself. [and if you don’t that is ok too]

At the end of the day powerful women are what we need to create real change. The men have had their chances but girls, it’s our turn now. Are you ready for the challenge?

 

 

The Life and Times

Changing of Seasons

1 Comment
sea waves crashing on rocks
Photo by Fox on Pexels.com

September  is approaching us and the time for barbecuing, late nights, and evening cocktails will soon come to a close. Before you know, it you’ll be searching for Pumpkins in a patch with your children and crying because all you really want is a cocktail on the beach away from the madness. Shouldn’t the children be in school during the summer so parents can have their vacation?

But all joking aside…. this is the time to start planning the last bit of events before the season ends! Time for enjoying the crisp summer air, ice cream,delicious foods, and lots of memories. I will never forget trips to the beach, each one is always a relaxing way to rejuvenate ourselves and cleanse the soul of all our baggage.

I enjoy putting my toes in the wet sand and walk along the shoreline as I just reflect and think about all the events in my life. While I do this, I focus on my breathing. I try to envision the life that I am trying to create for myself and how I can help myself and others reach my ultimate destination. Sometimes it just takes time and as impatient as I can be, I have to learn to relax and the beach is the perfect place to do this.

 

 

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
The Life and Times

My Mom and I

1 Comment

33008FCA-9A58-46B2-BB7C-D181B0597924     Almost ten years ago, I’ll never forget spending the night at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, MA for what would be the last of a five year battle. My mother, who was terminally ill with breast cancer, was in a medically induced coma to stop her pain and suffering. You would think that during this time, everything would be hitting the fan, that my emotions would be out of control and I would be hysterically crying, but I wasn’t. You see, since I was in the second grade, I saw my mothers very turbulent battle with this type of cancer. What most people don’t know is that during some of the lowest points in her health, I was there for her always and I will never forget what she told me.
My mother was the oldest in a family of six other siblings. As you could imagine life back then was both a growing experience and a true test of character. What I know of her during this time was the story she told me and those who have recounted her life. I’ll never forget hearing about what a true indigo leader she was, someone who was an empath and was not fully aware of her gift.A lot of these gifts, I also have as her and I shared a very unique bond.
My sister, who my mother loved dearly may have been the oldest, but my mom loved her more than life itself. Though I am not close to her now, I know my mom would have been so proud of the woman she has become because she really is independent, strong, and fully capable of doing anything she sets her mind to. With her, if it isn’t happening,she will make it happen. I’ve always admired her for this, and my mother did to. I know like everyone we all doubt ourselves, but she was gifted with ambition and strength.
As for me, well after my mother passed in that hospital, I found peace, but I never really dealt with the part of me that died that day. The change that would occur in the family and the moments we would all have that my mom would no longer get to experience. For the remaining years in high school, I had a very difficult time without her. I was trying to come into myself and was doing so in a very immature and public way that I sometimes regret, but like anything- I learned so much about myself and who I was and was able to realize that life continues moving on. Now I feel stagnant and it’s time to start changing things, sometimes to get back to the drawing board, we have to remember the struggles and challenges we’ve had, how we overcame them and that we can do that again.
My father remarried and I am so happy for him and the family, as the years have gone on, I am so happy with the way things are now. I really love how cool my step mother is, how loving and supportive she is and that there is life again in my house.
You might be thinking, well why are you bringing all of this up? Whats the point? I wanted to use this blog as a journal and space to get my feelings out and share with you the process and journey. I think too often times we’re too focused on the end result and not the mountains you have to move to get there. With all of this being said, I am now at another turning point in my life and it’s time to make things happen and continue with entrepreneurship. I am about to take the road less traveled, but I know that in the end, this is what I’m being called to do. Life for me is just starting and i’m trying to embrace it with open arms!

The Life and Times

A Year of progress

Leave a comment
arizona asphalt beautiful blue sky
Photo by Nextvoyage on Pexels.com

“Tick Tick Tick, it’s a quarter to two.” Madonna knows exactly how to describe my current state in life. Fighting the ever lasting clock.  Dare to continue? To follow the passion and desires in my heart? These are the everlasting questions I continue to ask myself. There is so much energy and passion in me to do what it is I’ve always wanted, to connect with people. To share my stories and learn from others in the process.
My mind is constantly moving from one thing to the next. I have always had the mantra that each year is an opportunity to reinvent ourselves.  I sometimes take this idea too literately,  sometimes change has become a way for me to break free from anxiety. The ever lasting energy of other trying to put me down. We have all felt this way and the truth is, we can’t change others perceptions of us, but we can change how we think about this and the best way to approach it moving forward.
The latest Mercury in retrograde brought so much off to the surface for me in all aspects of my life, but one remaining theme was there. Fear holds me back and my ability to please others has taken control over me really moving on in life to what is best for ME. The truth is that there are so many things I’d like to do and accomplish in my lifetime, but I can’t accomplish them if fear holds me back and I remain in this comfortable state of inaction.
This year I plan on setting clear intentions as to what it is I really want. I know that by doing this, I can get to the root of what it is I really want this year. I am so excited for the abundance and possibilities moving forward. This is why I created this blog, to connect with others who are going through similar struggles. I know that together we can all find a way out of the shadows and achieve whatever it is our heart desires. This year I will be adding so many different types of blog posts and I will be showing my life in a new public way.

The Life and Times

An Open Letter to the Moments I didn’t Plan

1 Comment

is mystery a miracle or a curse?

Some people are impulsive, some can jump in the car down a one way road and not panic five miles down. me? I’m the one that turns back.

Call it anxiety, call it a lack of guts – something has never quite stuck when it came to being impulsive. So you can imagine that, when, in a single week, I maxed out my impulse control and did 9/10 things I knew I probably shouldn’t.

there is a gift that comes with being safe

Those among us who don’t speed, who don’t spend 100 dollars [minimum] every time they go to target [must be nice]. There’s a gift to staying to the status quo, keeping your head down and doing what your told… or is there.

I used to be the good kid [as if it ended… I am still a good person, adult kid? whatever]. I was little miss goody two shoes – don’t get me wrong I defied my parents at home but in public and in the eyes of the law, my biggest fear was becoming a screw up. But I guess life has a funny way of turning that around. My freshman year roommate would have regarded these times as “god gotcha” moments. As if karma had finally come to take  a chunk straight out of my butt.

See the truth is my life is a series of unplanned and often unfortunate events. So for me, being safe isn’t a choice it’s a way to control the controables and keep my head on straight – because if something happens to me… point is something can’t happen to me.

See for me I can’t afford the wrath of Karma so I don’t give reason to be afraid of it. I follow the rules, I work, I study, I learn quickly from mistakes and I fix whatever is broken. But that isn’t how we are meant to live is it?

there is a benefit to taking risks

I never used to be wild. I’m probably still not by most definitions – but recently I hit a point in my life where I realized that being an adult really means that we have no idea what were doing with our lives, yet people look up to us as if we do. For me this made me realize that I should make more mistakes, and so that’s what I told a room full of graduating seniors.

About two maybe three months ago I did the ballsiest thing I have ever done… I followed a speech by Delaware’s own, Christopher Coons – and to be quite honest I am surprised I didn’t pass out. But that unplanned moment is something I will take with me through much of my adult life, and here’s what I said.

paraphrased: Look I never thought I would follow Chris Coons but I used to sit where you did, I’m a little more washed up now but I’ve learned a thing or two since I was here so bear with me.

So first I want to say, you’re going to miss this. You’re going to miss the silence and the people and the feeling and this place so take it in. Some of you may think this has been the best four years or the next four years will be, I hope its not the case – because what comes next will always push you to be better.

I want to say is how unimaginably proud I am of this class. See Matthew McCaughey gave a speech talking about his hero, he said it was always himself ten years from the moment he was in… for me its all of you. The amount of time I have spent in awe of the stories my brother tells me and how much I bragged to all my friends and how you spoke up for those around you… I couldn’t be more impressed and I can’t imagine being more proud than I am of what I know you will accomplish.

so here’s a bit of advice.

one – make mistakes, don’t be perfect its the only way you’ll learn

two – take time to do this to be silent. I meant what I said when I said you would miss it. Take time to find yourself because giving up that time once a week is hard and no one will know what a quaker is – be ready for that

and three remember to come home, because we will always need you here… and honestly there’s no other place like it.

The funny thing is that three years ago I hated going home, I was still scared from high school and I never liked going back. Three years ago I wouldn’t have had the voice or the guts to get up and speak in the middle of a crowded room of parents, but this time I had to and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

My point?

Risks don’t have to be head first dives into the kiddie pool or picking a fight. Risk is just another word for jumping out of your comfort zone and while I have lived outside of my comfort zone since the month I graduated college, I wouldn’t change the choices I’ve made.

See the funny thing about growing up and going through the loss and the triumphs that I have is this – each moment has lead me to the person I am today, and if I like that person [ because of and despite her mistakes ] well then isn’t that what life is about?

Maybe growing up isn’t about being an adult after all, maybe its about finding the inner child that allowed us to jump past obstacles and not let fear control us. Maybe growing up is really just about coming to terms with who we should be, and maybe who we should be – is the person we were all along.

The moments I never planned were a mix

They were filled with little black dresses, cat fights, trips to the precinct to make statements [more than once]. They were sub-tweets, funerals, drunk people at parties and me watching myself fall over and over and over again just to get back up and dust myself off.

The moments I never planned were the ones that made me. And honestly – there aren’t too many that I would write off or wish away.

 

 

 

 

 

The Human Alexa, The Life and Times

No, I do not report the weather…

1 Comment

…and no, I won’t tell you how to boil an egg, either.

Don’t get me wrong, I love technology.  I grew up in the beginnings of the millennium that included cell phones, the internet, and laptop computers.

I grew up with my very respected elders telling me they used to ‘walk to school up and down the hill both ways in the snow’ and so therefore I am oh so spoiled with all that I have at my fingertips.

I could go to the computer and just Google a question I have, whereas they needed to go to the library and read a book (followed by “do you even know what a library is?”).

blur book stack books bookshelves
Photo by Janko Ferlic on Pexels.com

And I will admit, I LOVE that we have the miracle of online shopping and free 2-day shipping.

Really, it’s a lazy girl’s dream: I can have ice cream, wine, a new dress, a boyfriend pillow, and a UFO detector I totally needed delivered to me without even having to leave my bed.

You know what else you can buy?

Robots.

Yes, you know which one I’m talking about.

The one that turned my name into a joke, a meme, and caused my introductions to people to become comical – to say the least.

The same one my mom got and showed it to me by saying “Hey look! We found your replacement!”

It’s come to the point where I tend to wait a few seconds after my family calls my name, just to make sure they are actually talking to me, not the robot — now they just call me “Human Alexa.”

I grew up being told I was spoiled because of my Razor flip phone.  The one I didn’t get until I was 13.  The one I would shut so fast if I accidentally hit the internet button because I was so scared my parents would see a charge for a million dollars on the phone bill if I let it load all the way.

These small as your palm robots can turn on lights and set house alarms; I’m not sure I even know what the light switches in my house even do anymore.

And now, here I am, I’m thinking how dependent kids are becoming on robots doing things for them.

Worried about the next generation.

I have started to circle.

I have become my grandparents, thinking to myself how spoiled with technology this generation is:

Will they know how to turn on lights by hand?

Will they truly need to know how to read an analog clock?

Will they ever write a shopping list by hand?

Do they even know what the radio is?

Probably not, because our new friend Alexa can do all of this for them.

light sky space abstract
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The best is when she mishears her name, so she starts talking to you out of nowhere.

Or, better, when it’s the middle of a stormy night and so you’re having power surges and they all start talking to you;

You know those horror movies with ghostly echoes, or hallucinations with a small phrase being repeated over and over again and you can’t escape?

Like that, but worse.

My point, I guess, is that no matter how much parents try to protect their kids from evil – from chemicals, vaccines, too much screen time, or the cutest pitbulls around, the newest of technology will always be there to spoil them with an easy way out.

It’s the ever-growing way of our society.  The thing we sometimes take for granted, and the thing we all need to learn and adapt our skills to in order to survive.

We can just hope that the next one isn’t given another human name, or doesn’t turn into the real-life version of the movie Smart House.