Tag Archives: truth

Higher Thoughts, Relationships

What is dating nowadays?

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Let’s be honest, dating is hard nowadays. Well not hard but not easy and definitely too complicated. It’s not as simple as just saying two people like each other and should start from there. Nope. You have to like the same type of shows, music, hobbies, style, brands, animals, colors, and more; and you have to agree on all that before you meet in person or even date. Not like you go on a date to get to know the person, nope that’d be unheard of. To actually spend time dating and then see if you two want a relationship with each other,

“nope because people fear wasting their

time.”

 Call me old fashioned but when I think of dating someone it isn’t just to kill time or because I’m lonely; I actually take it seriously. I don’t mean I viewing every relationship as “I may marry this person” but I know that it’s a commitment and takes time and effort. I just don’t understand how some people can bounce from one “serious” relationship to the other. How can someone jump right into another relationship after being “committed” and “invested” to someone else just weeks prior? Well here’s why, maybe, just maybe it’s because they weren’t really committed or invested to that person to begin with. They were committed to the idea of being with someone because it can be scary to be alone. Especially when you are constantly surrounded by those happy couples we see online. Because let’s be honest,

“Nothing’s official till it’s social media official”.

But do you really think those people are happy? In my opinion a relationship works best when the least amount of people are involved in it. In other words it should only include those two people!!!

Why is it that we live in the generation of having to show everyone everything? Why must we all gloat about who has the better life, or even worse, boasting about whose life sucks the most? Since when did being in a relationship have to be always being with that person; and if they aren’t together all the time or in constant communication, it meant they “fell out of love”.

No, just no, a relationship doesn’t mean talking all day everyday, it doesn’t mean posting about each other 24/7, and it definitely doesn’t mean spending every waking moment with each other and dropping everyone and everything around you for someone else.

A relationship doesn’t always have to be moving forward, it’s okay to be at a stand still for a while. It’s ok to be separate and live separate lives, its okay to spend time with your friends, and its okay to hold onto what makes you, you. You were who you were before that relationship happened and you still are during and after it.

“A relationship is two separate people coming together and sharing moments, not being the same person and living the same life.”

You’re never going to find your perfect match so stop looking! A relationship takes time, it can’t be found on an app, can’t be made with social media, and certainly doesn’t work if there is no trust. But hey ever think there’s no trust because trust takes time? And if you’re jumping from one person to the next it won’t work? Everything takes time, especially when it’s getting to know someone else.

We are told the the trick to a happy and long lasting relationship is communication, but is there such a thing as over communication? YES

“Personally I don’t understand how people can text and call each other all day everyday, talking non-stop; because once you are physically with them what is there to talk about?”

It’s like our generation skipped the phase of relationships, where you actually go on dates and get to know the person. I don’t just mean “netflix and chilling” either, I mean an actual date where you stick it out even if you aren’t feeling anything. Scary I know! Actually being face to face with someone, being forced to enjoy each other’s company and not being able to hide behind a phone or filter! Terrifying!!!! Or how about actually going up to someone and asking for their number or just striking up random conversation? In this day and age, I don’t think so!! Right off the bat you’ll be called “thirsty” or “a creep”. It’s like you can’t win!

Dating is scary nowadays, and technology has not made it easier. I swear technology is the reason dating has changed. Now with social media being at its peak, you’re never sure if the person your with has 50 people sliding into their DM’s, or liking other people’s “questionable” photos. It’s so easy today to just move on it seems.

“It’s like ever since sex was easier to get, love is harder to find”

I remember growing up and hearing stories from my grandparents on what dating was like in the 50’s. Now that sounds like my kind of dating, where a date could be as simple as going for a ride in the car and just talking all night; and if you were lucky you got to even hold hands! But today, its like you meet on an app, meet up at someone’s house (because god forbid you go in public), turn on netflix, then BAM sex. Just like that, no effort was put in, the sex didn’t mean anything to anyone; you just leave and one person hopes the other one texts them the next day. Pretty sad if you ask me. No chase anymore, no respect, and yet that’s what everyone is doing nowadays. Then people complain that they feel used, disrespected, and cheap. WELL DUUHHH, did you really think that was the foundation for a relationship?

“Everyone wants that picture perfect relationship but without any of the work”

Dating is a concept of truly opening yourself up to someone, allowing them to see all of you even, the sides of you that aren’t the prettiest. But what I have learned is that those who truly see your ugly sides and still chose to stay, those are the ones we should hold onto. Because in reality no one is perfect, and we are constantly changing and learning new things about ourselves our whole lives. Dating should take time, it should mean something to both people, and by all means it should be something that takes effort and work.

The Life and Times

An Open Letter To the First Person To Fire Me

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it started with the words – with all due respect

I know I am not a perfect human. In fact, most days I can be resentful, fiercely independent, and act in uncontainable ways that then haunt me long after they should. I understand that some people believe in forgiveness, but for many things I have done – big and small – I hold on to them as reminders of a person I never wanted to be. I believe in asking for forgiveness, but I prefer to ask for permission first – this is how I have always been at work.

Personally, I have never had an issue with respect. My bosses, my supervisors, I have always known the chain of command and how to follow it – but to that same end, respect is earned and it needs to be mutual for a business to work properly. That being said, disrespect is something I do not tolerate when I have earned the opposite. It took me too long to know my worth and know it shouldn’t be questioned or overlooked – so when it was, I acted in a way that was respectful, but demanded answers in a way that no one before me had dared to.

i do not regret being my own advocate

I value myself a thoughtful person, but back in the beginning of this year, after working myself ragged for an employer who did not know my worth, I played my  hand and lost.

Before February I had never been dismissed from a position. In my lifetime I have worked countless jobs, constantly doubted myself, thought of occasions where I didn’t deserved to be dismissed but was disappointed in myself and thought I should be – and through it all I kept working, kept striving to be better, kept improving and then – my streak ended.

If I am being completely honest, I kind of appreciate failure. I like the lessons it gives me, and the lasting feeling that I have to do better than before. If I am being completely honest – I love failing once, because it means that I will never let it happen again.

to the poet, educator, boss, and executioner that allowed me to realize what my skills are truly worth. thank you.

The reason I write this to you all today is because the other day my past came up in a conversation about someone’s present. You see she now holds a position I used to, and like me she was not trained and she now knows the weight all of us have bore.

It isn’t an easy job – but I picked my replacement wisely. It wasn’t an easy exit, I lost a lot of friends – But I did what I did because I knew I could do better, and I knew we were going no where fast if we continued the way we were going. Unlike a lot of people who may not understand this [understand what I did] I knew the risk of hitting send, and I nailed my coffin accordingly.

looking back

Despite popular opinion, I loved my job. I loved the torment of formatting, the pain of wordsmithing, and more than anything I loved designing – covers, websites, social media and more. I loved being in control of something with so much potential because no one around me knew about it.

I put hours, countless hours into designing, playing with techniques, making a product from nothing [while at other jobs], networking and [regrettably] sending emails from behind the wheel, restaurants, the dinner table, you name it.

and yet after all this I was asked to step down – not for being incapable, not for missing a deadline, not for hurting the image of the business, but because I asserted myself from the corner I was backed into. And none of it was legal – but it also wasn’t worth the fight or the fallout.

how did something so wrong allow me to feel so right??

Well, the day before I was asked to step down [sorry not asked, demanded] I sat in front of my employer who told me to sit down, be quiet and listen. Anybody who knows me knows how hard that blow hit. I was so excited about what I was doing, how could I not have so many ideas, so many plans? I talked fast but only because I was passionate, and to me that wasn’t wrong it was a benefit of someone who loved her job.

It didn’t matter.

And while most would be mad about that moment, for me it was a catalyst – it started the gears in my head. That day I was ready to conquer all of my plans. Then advice came – advice that didn’t read like advice and I cracked. I knew the trust was not there, the respect was not there, I knew I was meant to be a lap dog – but I am no lap dog.

Long story short I was fired days later [told to step down] and while at first I was utterly crushed. While I walked out of that room broken for more reason than one. I COULDNT BE MORE GRATEFUL FOR THAT DAY.

thank you

I think it benefits everyone to lose a job they love – to lose one thing they love – because it teaches value. That day I learned my own value, the value of my skills, and honestly, I would not be where I am today without that time I got fired.

So to the first person to fire me, I am sorry – because I don’t think I will ever be able to thank you enough for not only teaching me what I am worth – but for setting me free to do and continue to do what I have always known myself to be capable of.

-R

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The Human Alexa, Top Stories

It’s Y(our) time, now

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Connecticut, Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Vermont had their primaries yesterday.

General elections across the nation are on November 6th.

And voting is as important as breathing.

I’ve been learning a bunch about so called “adulting” since the tail end of college.

If anything stuck, it’s that the most important aspect of being a young adult is to put into action our training of being active members of society.

It’s one of the most mature, and critical things we can do for the world around us:

Vote.

Now, politics really have never been my ‘thing.’

The whole subject is confusing, complicated, and ever changing to say the least.

And I haven’t had enough education that actually taught me how things work; at least not past the general School House Rock structure.

I have been left to teach myself and learn about what is going on in my own government all on my own.

What I have learned, you ask?

My generation is CRUSHING the political game across the country.  We are suspected to be the most politically active generation over the course of our lifetimes the country has seen yet.

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For example:

On Sunday, the students of Parkland, Florida and other March for Our Lives members concluded their ‘tour’ around the country in Newtown, Connecticut; and I was fortunate enough to see it happen and speak with them first hand.

They visited over 20 states, with over 50 stops along the way – all within the span of about 2 months.

They have been actively registering people to vote, speaking to crowds that gather to hear their ideas, and informing the young voters on just how much they can impact their communities, and our country, with just their voices.

An amazing movement that started due to hundreds of tragedies across the nation.

crowd on the road
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It’s the ‘kids’ making moves to change policies.

It’s the high school and college students who just want to feel (and be) safe on their campuses that are encouraging people to get out and vote for what they believe in.

It’s the young adults that are pushing to have the voting age lowered to 16, because all of these policies going into place are affecting THEM.

It’s the millennial generation, just barely pushing through the beginnings of adulthood, that are so passionate about encouraging people to get out and vote.

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So, my first valuable life lesson of adulthood:

Go out of my way to learn all about my political candidates and what they believe in.

My second lesson is to go out and vote for them.

Third, is to always listen to those younger than you are.  They see the world in a different light.  They have different experiences and education.  Putting our heads together, maybe we can find a solution to our nation’s issues.  Maybe we can get new perspectives and implement programs and policies to keep everyone safe, happy, healthy, and educated.

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As I learn the ins and outs of adulthood, these students changing the nation will be my reminder that I can change the world.  A little bit at a time.   One voice at a time.  One day at a time.

The Life and Times

being the one they call

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a leader doesn’t always stand in the front of the pack… but they do stand behind their friends.

As the friend who is most likely to do something wild or impulsive, few would think I am also the most reliable. And sometimes they might even be right.

I have never been a team captain, never been a front runner, and if I ran for any political office I would undoubtably lose – yet I am the first person most think to call when they are in trouble. Why? Because I answer, and more importantly, I show up.

As a sister, a daughter, and a friend my highest priority is “my people”. My chosen family includes teammates, old residents, coworkers, family and sometimes, that random person on the street who visibly looks like they are struggling.

showing up is easy, being present is hard

Growing up I constantly notice a deficit when it comes to showing up. People my age are criticized for their work ethic, their relationship status’, and their sociopolitical movements. But more than ever, my generation and the one to follow is showing up in big ways. Kids are leading movements, running for office, and acting in small ways with big results [simple acts of kindness]

It took some pretty rough -unplanned- life moments, like loss to make me realize that people don’t care enough about showing up in the long term vs. the short term – In this there proves to be a trend where people will ask how someone is doing, without actually wanting the answer. But with what I have seen lately, I am happy to see the revitalization of the long game.

Being the one they call isn’t always easy. In fact, on some occasions, it breaks your heart – but being the one they call is never about you. It’s about showing up – and I couldn’t be more proud to say that more and more young people are starting to answer the call than ever before.

Top Stories

Dear Racism

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my mom always taught me that putting others down to push yourself up was wrong.

She always said that the ones that push hateful thoughts are the ones who lack love the most. In the past two days I have seen stories about  Laura Ingraham and her statement that:

In some parts of the country, it does seem like the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore. Massive demographic changes have been foisted upon the American people. And they’re changes that none of us ever voted for and most of us don’t like.

have proved to me that Laura Ingraham not only lacks love in her life, but she is blind to the fact that while she can point one finger at a “guilty” party – she neglects the three fingers pointing right back at her.

Stories published by CNN, GQ and the Washington Post are creating a platform to share Ingraham’s message – but luckily they strongly disagree with the stance she has taken.

In these articles, prominent writing platforms share how Ingraham is trying to boost and rally President Trump’s base. In this, she strongly states supporting evidence [one or two examples] that Illegal Immigrants are “rapists” – effectively generalizing a whole population that hasn’t earned the level of disrespect they have been given by the Trump administration.

But what gets me the most – this generalized opinion and racist tirade neglects to realize that this country was founded by men who were known for their sexual digressions. So when I hear “Make America Great Again,” when I hear that “the America we know and love doesn’t exist any more,” I hear that we loved oppression, that we loved violence, that it was ok for American born men like Thomas Jefferson to rape his slaves – but of course me stating that is wrong because the real villains are the ones crossing the boarder [not to help their families, not to find prosperity, but to rape, steal and incite fear].

Now I am not in any way supporting assault by any party, because you cant generalize rape by age, gender, race, or even the act [the qualification of what each victim defines as their own sexual violation]. What I am saying is that – it is so easy to pull one or two bad people out of a crowd and label them. It is so easy to put a witch on trial and say “if she floats she burns” but what isn’t easy and what isn’t right is that our country’s leadership and media is leveraging one or two reputations based on color rather than creating support for the massive population of people who have been sexually assaulted or effected by racial bias.

Dear Laura Ingraham,

When I hear that “the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore,” I am reminded of wars that aren’t currently happening, agriculture is flooded with pesticides to meet population needs, and that groups who identify as a minority or under a certain religion have a little bit of a chance of walking out of their homes without being scared of discrimination.

I am reminded that while we have countless members on the border, keeping their eye on ‘potential criminals and illegal aliens’ we have no one safeguarding our schools, or pushing for mental health and gun reform. When you say “the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore,” I say damn straight and thank god, because 20 years ago there was no #METOO, there was no Black Lives Matter, there was no Marriage Equality, and there sure as hell was no one under 25 with a voice and a hand in government policy on gun control.

Mrs. Ingraham, you may have lost your career with Fox this week, you may be getting quite a bit of back lash for what you decided to say, but let me give you one more thing to think about.

My name is Rachel, I am 22, I am an American – and I am not afraid of Immigration, I am not afraid of ‘Mexicans’ and I certainly don’t believe that they are terrorists.

Dear Mrs. Ingraham, my name is Rachel and I think the real threat to this country isn’t the people trying to enter it illegally – it’s the ones with the privilege, the power, and the influence to distract us from the people trying to tear us apart from the inside.

In the past 24 hours Ingraham has received large amounts of backlash, but I hope this issue doesn’t just become another blip in the grand scheme of the media and the public. Racism isn’t gone, prejudice is still very prevalent in this country, and day by day I realize that we as a country have given voice and power to the wrong people.

Hate is as violent as war, and I will not continue to watch people preach hatred.

My mom always taught me that putting others down to push yourself up was wrong.

She said that the ones who are the most cruel are the ones who need the most love because someone neglected to love them in the ways they needed. I hope the people who hate the most find the love they need, because otherwise we will never be the Great Country we were destined to be.

 

 

The Life and Times

On Public Apologies

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When you realize you’ve been a total A**

I’ve always found it hard to put a value on my work. For me, working was never about ‘making it big’, and truth be told if I could make it so I only ever had enough to support myself and my friends, I wouldn’t care what that take home number was. Honestly, I grew up wanting to be a writer – so eventually I talked myself into thinking a two story card board fort on the side of a really nice road would be perfect as long as I was inspiring one or two people with my work.

Looking at my life now, a couple things didn’t turn out how I thought they would. My love life is a mess, my floors are carpeted rather than paved, I haven’t finished or published a book and my most popular blog to date at work is on goat yoga. I have no clue how I got here and now that I have I am so afraid to lose it that I’m just waiting for the shoe to drop and doing what I can to self sabotage along the way.

so how did this all start?

Well lately I got a job. One where I am so out of my depth and so to compensate [over compensate] for feeling insecure, I tend to act proud – too proud because on the outside it makes it seem like I have a clue… I don’t.

Truth is, I thought by the time I got a full time job I would be able to settle down, start believing I had some semblance of a life and finally feel like I had it together – I don’t. Truth is, I am just as lost as I was three months ago and the only difference now is that I have to hide this huge sense of guilt that I have been given an opportunity I don’t deserve. Maybe other people share this feeling. Like the successes that find us aren’t always the ones we’ve earned and no matter what we do we’re just chasing this idea that we can make someone proud.

I don’t know about you – but I hate feeling like an A** just as much as my friends hate when I am one. So the truth is – I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got/continue to get caught up in the idea that this step forward is bigger than it is. At the end of the day – I am still learning how to do this adult thing, and I know my friends are too, I just hope I don’t forget to show how grateful I am to them [to friends new and old] because life is scary, I am petrified and I couldn’t be where I am today without the amazing people that got me here today.

Truth is

I can’t promise I wont continue to mess up, I can’t promise I’ll make a difference yet but I want to. I look around and I see so many people that inspire me. Roommates, friends, strangers, all doing things that leave them exhausted and fulfilled and – and while most days I like to think that the little things I am doing now will make a difference when I finally feel my feet beneath me again – I can’t say that I am defining what our future will be and look like – but they can.

So to the friends I brag to, and the strangers who might understand what this feels like – I’m sorry.

and thanks to you I now know how to do better – and to be better – and it is all because of you that I know I have been changed for the better too.

Thank you.

-R

Fitness and Wellness

If working out was Sexy

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Girls you know what I mean

By the end of any good gym sesh we are sweaty, hot, bothered, and none of it is in a good way. Guys – don’t act like you are immune either – you look [and smell] just as bad as we do because no one can look sexy working out.

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if working out was sexy we would all be obnoxiously fit

and we would all be much more inclined to go to the gym – but we aren’t and it is not.

Fun fact: I will never be an Olympian. I don’t have the drive, the determination, or the self control when it comes to food to be able to work out at that level. Power to the people who can – but it just isn’t me. [Hell I haven’t even been to the gym in a week] ‘

Now there is no doubt in my mind that Olympic gymnasts are sexy, as are most Olympians, but there is a definite reason that the judges sit closer to the athletes than we do – because they have to see the movement while we just get the wide angles of biceps that literally defy gravity.

My point of this is that like crying, working out isn’t supposed to be sexy, it’s kinda just supposed to be. But the important thing to note is that this is ok.

So my advice ….Get Swole in Solitude?

Look

As I conclude todays ramblings I would just like to give a round of applause to the people who have figured out a way to look good while working out. [You are in a vast minority my friends but we still love you]. It probably was not an easy journey for you and I truly commend your efforts.

So yeah…

To the rest of the population, guys, gals and otherwise, working out is a quintessential part of living a healthy life so my best advice to looking sexier at the gym is simply staying away from the mirror, push yourself, and stay confident. Love the life you live, love the body you are in, and forget about how you look because at the end of the day you aren’t working out for anyone but yourself.

 

The Life and Times

Beyond the Super Suit: Becoming my Halloween night Hero

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Like most people, I grew up with parents who told me, “you can be whatever you want when you grow up.” Well, obviously, since I am here in jeans typing, rather than fighting bad guys in a tight spandex suit, my parents were a bit misguided in their statement. But, I can’t help but think that the person I was on Halloween affected the adult I am today.
As a kid I was dedicated to the idea that I would be chosen as the next Power Ranger. I lived my life hanging out in the cul-de-sac looking for power crystals and training in various ways to meet my goals – but the only time I really got to ‘suit up’ was on Halloween. I guess as kids we all have a duty to our dreams, but while some wished to be princesses, I wanted to save the world from evil – which was kind of funny considering how unbelievably safe my upbringing was. Today, it’s probably been twelve or so years since I have suited up, but I think a part of me still wants to become the hero I was never able to be back then.

The header above shows one of the last years I was a Power Ranger for Halloween, one of the last times before my mom cut me off from store bought costumes and pushed me into more creative home made options – but I never strayed too far from the hero lifestyle. For years I was a spy, one year I was a “rapping bunny” where I wore my Reese’s hat turned to the side, and by college I moved into cops and robbers and whatever other ‘hot mess’ I could turn myself into. But why is this all relevant? Why does the person I was behind the mask influence who I am in front of the screen or on the keyboard?
Well, that answer is best explained by the inspiration of this post — my favorite show, “The Bold Type.” So a little background: In 2017, Freeform (ABC Family) established one of the most politically and socially relevant television dramas to date. The show, properly titled ‘The Bold Type,’ features three strong young women who work for fictional periodical, ‘Scarlett Magazine’ and work together to traverse life, love, politics, and friendship. Currently on its second season ‘The Bold Type’ continues to be, not only, one of my favorite shows, contrasting struggle and triumph in the modern age, but also creates one of the most socially and politically relevant conversations that young viewers have access to on television.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “this is just another chick flick” and sure, while the show features highly feminist themes and independent roles, I’d argue that this show is for everyone. You see, what some fail to realize is that Feminism is the practice of believing in equal rights amongst males and females. Feminism is not the radical, nor is it the tame end of the feminist spectrum, but it is a little bit of everything. It’s everything, from the good, the bad, and the outspoken. Thus, anyone can be a feminist, and beyond that, everyone should be, because everyone can enjoy a show that better explains feminism and so much more as it pertains to the world we live in today.
Now, before I get carried away, or introduce unwanted spoilers I want to change my tune – Upon watching last week’s episode, Jane, the writer in the show, posed a question (a pitch) I would like to follow up on. The pitch read, “Does your childhood Halloween costume predict your future?” and after hearing that, I got to thinking… and what I want to know is… well, does it? How much does the person or thing we pretend to be for one night a year effect the trajectory of our lives? I want to know, “Does my (your) childhood Halloween costume predict your future?”
As I mentioned before, my childhood costume of choice was a Power Ranger (shown above with puffed out muscles of course). And as a young girl [ a tomboy no less] I did not subscribe to the traditional fairy princess costume affair, but what does that say about the person I am today? Even without the suit, has some semblance of Power Ranger life lived on within me? Are we destined to become the masks we wear, or can we simply be heroes with or without the super suit?
Well in my opinion, yes. I think as kids we are quick to become our idols. For example, in “The Bold Type” Jane became a writer because after losing her mother at an early age, ‘Scarlett Mag’ became the older sister she never had. She became a writer to be that same kind of person for others just as I became a writer for the similar reason of being able to talk about grief in ways that many writers don’t, but even more than that I wanted to be the hero that I failed to find through the losses I faced.
See when I started writing, my power didn’t come with a super suit, but I guess the heroes I always looked up to were not heroes because of what they wore, but because of the way they acted. The Power Rangers were heroes because they had an apparent sensibility for respect and a guiding sense of morality – and I wanted to be like them, not because they were heroes but because they had a constant need to do what was right, and a desire to work hard to do good.
I guess what I am trying to say is that the heroes, and the costumes that we wear as children do reflect who we grow up to be. They are our childhood daydreams manifested in a few pictures, moments, nights, and sugar comas, they are the people we play when we play dress up – and in those moments we get to be the people we truly want to be without any restrictions or rules. 2018-27-06-15-36-50
With that, maybe the question shouldn’t be “Does your childhood Halloween costume predict your future?” but how does/have the costumes you wore on Halloween as a kid affect the person you are today? And what makes you grateful for those opportunities?
I think our childhood Halloween costume does predict the future, and while I might not be a Power Ranger [yet] I think one day I will be able to save the world… I just have to figure out what power I’ll use to do it.