Kevin at a Desk

Welcome Home

1 Comment

Could a phrase mean more than just that?

(First off, i would like to thank Kenney, Shannon, and Campus Ministry for allowing me to experience Nazareth Farm, now on with the regularly scheduled blog post)

We commonly hear it during the times after a long vacation, or coming home from college, or even in sarcasm (Yup that is my mom alright). But what it could mean to a select few, means an experience unlike any other?

In Early 2018, a group i was very fortunate to Co-advise for an Alternative Winter Break to Nazareth Farms ,West Virginia. (Yes, i already know as I said this you are looking up John Denver’s hit song ” Take Me Home, Country Roads” I mean its a jam anyways.) The Alternative Break was designed to give back to communities within the Appalachian mountain region of West Virginia. Sounds straight forward right? Seems like a 2-D Service Trip through a service site?

Wrong…

Nazareth Farms was one of the best sites for service i think students can go to. First off, the staff is one of the most welcoming you’ll ever meet. Basically right when you get off the van you are greeted with a hug and “Welcome Home”. You do not know this person or this place (especially if you get in at 8 pm and in the dark like we did) and they welcome you home like a long lost family member. It is interesting to say the least. You find out as you get there that other schools alternative break programs and your instant thought is ” Oh, well i guess then i may just introduce myself to the them then ill stay with my group.”

Wrong again.

Instantly you just start talking with the different student and staff members and find similarities that start long conversations that last well into the timeless night. Oh yeah time, forget it, you do not need it when your down here, or phones, or any technology for that matter. You are enjoying yourself so much that you do not need this stuff. (Also there isn’t any WIFI but that is beside the point.) The experience of staying up late, talking, playing guitar and singing along. Its one of the greatest times i think a student can have during their down time.

The work you do with Nazareth Farms is unbelievable, you do so much in such little time with such diversity of tasks. One day you may be ripping down old dry wall and setting up new stuff, you may be painting, you may even do minor electrical work, or you could be cleaning Nazareth Farms and preparing the meal for the night. Its such a different way to give back than i have ever seen. Its really rewarding that although the families that may have been less fortunate, they are appreciative and always believe they are more fortunate with Nazareth Farms around and when students and staff like us take time that we could be spending with our loved ones after the holidays and spend it giving back to the community that was not our own.

For those who have gone to down to “NAZ Farm” its one of the best experiences we got to have within the realm of service. The loving nature of the staff and crew to the people who help serve the community to the families we work with. Everything seemed magical during this time and it really created a sense of bonding both between the individual school and the community as a whole group. I think everyone would agree that the hardest thing is leaving this great place and going back to ordinary life. What the Farm teaches you is that everyone has to “come down the mountain” or end their experience at one point or another, but they are always welcomed to “Come Home.” I think this was one of the best wrap ups to the week of service i have ever seen. The idea of you have to go but you can always come back is one of the best send off messages i have ever received on a service trip. It is one that will stay with a lot of us for a while.

West Virginia_1

The picture above shows a group of students that made me stay within Higher Education. When i accepted the opportunity to Co- Advise on this service trip, i had a lot of questions that i needed answered for myself. Am i a good leader?, Am i someone who people will follow, Am i respected, the list goes on and on. Basically i viewed this trip as a gut check so to speak. I figured i am so high strung about the future that i needed a test.

THIS WAS A SELF-PROCTORED EXAM

What i felt at the beginning was anxiety that i was not a good leader that i was some what doomed to fail. Nazareth Farms was the turning point for me. I can remember during a time where i was the driver of the van, that i was in control and the people within the van trusted me to drive the van safely. That meant the world to me. People trusted me to get something done. Then as we left the farm, i drove all the way from West Virginia to North Andover MA with everyone trusting me to get them home safely, I considered this the passing of my own test, and it was all in relation to the Farm. Even today i start my staff meetings with ” Its Good to Be Here” “Its great to be here” Shout Out. (You know the call 🙂 )

 

Nazareth Farms, it is home to me and so many others because of what it can do for a person. It can re invigorate you to continue the great work you already do, it can create new thoughts and ideas, or can change you to be a better person in a world where you can make a difference even if its just a day of honest work. Service trips are designed for students and others alike to get the taste of what its like giving back without really feeling the presence of the work they do. Nazareth Farms Brings a community to surround you, welcome you, and to add to your own sense of belonging both in a wider range of the community and within the Nazareth Farms community. I do not think you can get service trip like this very often. If you have the opportunity to visit please accept the moment you are able to,  you will never regret going.

Even after so many months away, As i sit here writing this i can not help and think of Nazareth Farms and what it as able to do for both me and everyone else who was able to attend this wonderful place so thank you to the great staff that runs this place day in and day out.

SO to those who have been and those who will go

Welcome Home 26814895_565130677155706_5042406003603574494_n

 

Just Post Grad Things, JustRachel

“She was Asking For It”

Leave a comment

Don’t call me gluten-free – call me a glutton for punishment

Sometimes I catch myself wondering if I was asking for it. If me passing out tired and drunk in his bed on Halloween, or me blackout drunk and naked in my own was something I wanted.

At least that is what I tell myself. After all, I did go back for more…, right?

Confession: I am guilty of being skeptical when some others come forward – I know the signs of rape, I know how women or men feel after it happens. And while we cannot make blanket statements or stereotypes I know every case is not the same – that does not make me any less skeptical of situations that don’t add up.

People tend to think sexual assault is a cut and dry case – it isn’t. And I only learned that because, while sitting in a social justice class I learned the definition of sexual assault. It reads :

sexual assault (noun )

: illegal sexual contact that usually involves force upon a person without consent or is inflicted upon a person who is incapable of giving consent (as because of age or physical or mental incapacity) or who places the assailant (such as a doctor) in a position of trust or authority

but sexual assault could also pertain to the Wikipedia definition :

Sexual assault is an act in which a person sexually touches another person without that person’s consent, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will.[1] It is a form of sexual violence which includes rape (forced vaginal, anal or oral penetration or drug facilitated sexual assault), groping, child sexual abuse or the torture of the person in a sexual manner

In my life, there have been two or more occasions where I have fit one or both of the definitions above. Shocking, however, was the thought that I had no idea that what I had been through and how I felt when I woke up was normal of someone who had been taken advantage of.

I was 19 when it happened – and waking up the next morning shuffling out of that room walking back to my own at six o’clock in the morning wearing all black from the night before. I remember I had everything with me but my mask – and yet there was nothing I wanted to do more than hiding my face as the maintenance workers drove by – because it wasn’t what it looked like – it wasn’t a true walk of shame… but it also felt a lot worse than it was.

Flash forward two years to the first time I was truly intimate after that occasion and I was blackout drunk and found myself saying yes. But that doesn’t mean I wanted it – because even today I don’t remember getting home, getting in bed, in fact, I don’t remember anything other than that one. little. word. yes. and then the sounds that followed.

And to be honest I still grapple with that choice because no matter how high I felt when I woke up – there are days now where I feel empty and wonder if making the choice I did while I was drunk – was one I would have stuck with sober.

So why this – why now?

Well, I could ask the same. Why Kavanaugh, why Cosby, why do we keep making exceptions – why do we have to ask why Dr. Ford didn’t come forward sooner? Why are we suddenly sensitive? and why does it take so many women crying over the same name to make something happen?

Why is Alcohol or Misplaced Masculinity an Excuse and “She Was Asking For It” A Just Answer???  And Why is His Word Worth More Than Hers in a Court of Law When the Constitution Specifically Reads “WE THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED…”????

Look… at the end of the day I can’t blame anyone but myself for putting myself in the situations I was in. I refuse to be a victim and so I hold myself accountable… but I wasn’t asking for it. I was just trying to give someone else what they wanted because I thought it would make them like me…

I did what I did for my own personal reasons and no matter how bad it looks on paper – no matter how it fits the definition or how I define it – or what I see and hear in my nightmares… all that matters is that I am ok.

But some women aren’t – some live with what happened to them for the rest of their lives – afraid to speak up because even if the constitution says WE THE PEOPLE it doesn’t account for their life liberty and pursuit of happiness.

These days we need to stop claiming that she was asking for it… we need to stop letting “boys be boys” and we need to start holding ourselves accountable for our sins and digressions (right Judge Kavanaugh?) because if we don’t – the only thing SHE WILL BE ASKING FOR – IS JUSTICE 

 

Just Post Grad Things

An Open Letter to the Service Industry

Leave a comment

To the guy who denied my friend a seat in his restaurant because of an allergy…. really? To the woman at the coffee shop drive-through who yelled at my friend when she ordered a hand full of things for a full car of middle schoolers, are you serious?

This summer I have heard more horror stories than ever before. and as an advocate for my friends, I can’t stay silent even if I also understand the other side.

For years I worked on a line at a local burrito shop. We had good customers and bad ones. We had people who cared and people who cursed. We had people who cheated for a quick discount and we had people who paid more than expected to give us a nice tip at the end of the night. That being said, anyone working in the service industry I salute you and thank you for the incredible work you do [mostly without thanks].

But on the other hand, that does not give you the right to take it out on your customer.

SO … while I understand the risks and liabilities of allergies in a food-based business, so do the owners, and as such it is their job to make the proper steps toward the safety of their patrons.

It is never right to attack or verbally assault a customer that has not done harm – it is not a business right to disclose a customers information, to kick them out or use profanities in the presence of children.

So as an open letter to the service industry – it’s not where you eat – its who you meet and sometimes that can make all the difference for your day.

 

 

Kevin at a Desk

Up in Smoke

Leave a comment

In too many drinks, deeper and deeper i tread

The room becomes pressurized with the flow of alcohol fueled, anxiety driven young people.

I cant stand the choking, the haze that i am in

I push my way out of the crowd as if hiding in plain sight

That wasn’t my scene,  no director was telling me to restart that one.

As i walk towards the dimly lit bench hidden by a hill

I open up my package of cigarettes,

Flick open the old lighter that my grandfather gave me

The one that saw so many tragedies

It has a scar that runs from the top of the lighter all the way down its spine

You need to turn the flint a couple of times for it to light

A lights so warm you forget of the troubles

I guess it takes after its owners.

The tobacco touches the tip of the torch,

And the crackle of the chemicals cringes my lungs

but its how i breath,

its how i fly

I know this is how i end up in the ground unannounced

But the smoke clears my mind, relieves what i can not hold in

Maybe in a cloud of uncertainty, 

With the booze bringing in the nightmares

i am just trying to smoke them out.

 

 

 

Just Post Grad Things

Five Categories Netflix Should Add ASAP

Leave a comment
  • Lonely, Horny and Desperate – aka when Rom Com’s aren’t enough but ‘unrated’ movies are too much and too crude for you to handle. this genre could feature
    • underrated as well as up and coming heartthrobs
    • scandals
    • romance
    • and anything that would spice up a lonely night in with a bottle of wine
  • DCOMS – because everyone needs to know what Disney Channel Original Movies are… Hello Zenon? Johnny Kapahala? Raven Simone? Where Y’all At?
    • *extra points to any reader or follower who can name their top five * in the comments below
  • Random for you – a list specifically made for the most indecisive people in the world – spin a wheel and decide what you are watching tonight! (because the number of times I have asked Google or Siri what I want to watch is out of control.)
    • roll a die pick a card – I don’t care just put something on!=
  • Movies Hulu and Amazon don’t have – not just Netflix originals
    • the number of times I have gone through all three sites to find the same damn choices is ridiculous. I am glad you all use the same algorithm but give me some variety!
  • Movies that will convince Baby Boomers you are more Cultured than the Average Millenial
    • classics like ‘Scarface’ ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ ‘Grease’ the original ‘Footloose’ with Kevin Bacon? or even silent movies or Hitchcock (I am talking good cinema people!!)

 

BONUS IDEA!

  • Netflix and Chill 
    • movies and shows to mindlessly watch or not watch… and enjoy for hours on end

 

pexels-photo-769307

Do you have any categories you would like to see? Comment and share your favorites below!

Fitness and Wellness

couples who work out together

Leave a comment

couples who work out together

I won’t lie, I am jealous of those staged videos [you know the ones]. Where a couple [generally a male and female] are getting fit together and barely look like they are breaking a sweat. THIS IS NOT REALISTIC.
Often times I will be scrolling through my social accounts and these videos will pop up. I immediately am overcome with jealousy because [wow] and because I would love to find a man like this, but again. It is not realistic.
To the couples that do this, I have no doubt that you share a special kind of bond, but as for the rest of us… when you see me running just look the other way because it will not be pretty.

Kevin at a Desk

I wish I Had Known

Leave a comment

If I had known what was going wrong,

I would have been there

 

If I had seen what you were feeling,

the winds around would have spun me a tornado strong enough to save you

and I would have taken a whole barn out of its place to find you, comfort you.

 

These days I am more angry than sad

No longer able to stand knowing what happens to good people.

But Of course, I am late to the funeral, And it seems to be a trend.

And God! it burns a hole in my head!

Because I would have done something, anything,

If only

And I wish I knew how you are feeling, even though I’ll never comprehend it

And I wish I knew what goes on in your thoughts when the darkness seeps neath closed doors and windows,

And even if you do not want it –

I will try to hold a candle out for you to take. To burn away what hate hath break –

 

You see

When the time comes I just hope someone can hold me back

And tie me up in the thickest of chains,

For if this ever happens to someone I care about, I will hunt them till the ends of the earth

 

And you may pray that an Earthly force will hold me back.

But Even I doubt that.

 

Now I can take some sort of stand to amend for my sins

Even though they do not stain my own soul.

 

 

May God have my back,

May you have my reason

May I never again not know 

How you are Doing.

 

 

 

The Life and Times

wrong do it again

Leave a comment

it hurts to be wrong but it hurts more to do nothing

The moments I have least expected in life usually drove me to one of three places – the gym, a church [of some kind], or the police station. If you don’t know me that list might tell you a lot – so let me explain.

The Gym

The gym is the place I go when all else goes wrong. When I lose someone, something or myself – I run, when I’m anxious or angry – I lift, and when I’m sad, well then I combine the two above and end up in bed for three days with achy muscles.

But what does this say about me?  It says – I hate having a lack of control, I hate being helpless, I hate standing still and there’s no way you can do any of those while holding 100+ pounds over your head.

Church

I don’t need Jesus, but he and I have been known to bro up from time to time. In the past few years, I have rediscovered a connection to something bigger than me – and while I am not fully ready to call it God – I do know that there is something about a beautiful church, about the art, the people, the universality of it that makes me feel small yet infinitely more than I am. [And if that confuses you – good, I am in the same boat.]

The Police Station

Let it be known that I have never been arrested – I do, however, have an uncanny ability to bear witness or be an advocate for those who have victimized. Translation – I know the precinct well but not in a negative way. This obviously has its pros and cons but playing the roles I have – I wouldn’t change that – because I was always where I needed to be.

Like I said, it hurts to be wrong but it hurts more to do nothing. Putting ourselves in situations that make us think is normal. In each of the three places above, I have been more thoughtful than everywhere else. The reason being – these are the best places to think, to go, to digest the things that occur that we least expect.

Putting situations that make us think is normal – but it doesn’t come without regret, it doesn’t come without a doubt.

“did I make the right call?”

“could I have handled that differently?”

“what if he/she was telling the truth?”

“what if I could have saved him?”

Enter the phrase – wrong, do it again.

Growing up when we didn’t do a chore right my mother would look at me and my brother and say, “wrong, do it again.” but sadly life isn’t like chores and neither is loss or the law. When things get hard you cannot always recognize that it is wrong and you certainly can’t do it again – but history repeats and eventually we realize that by continually doing what is right – you won’t regret the decisions you make because you know they are of the best intentions.

In the end, it isn’t about the questions – it is about the places we find the answers and while mine might or might not be ordinary – it is how my mind works, and so far it has benefited my own personal growth.

Kevin at a Desk

What if You Jumped Forward 5 years?

Leave a comment

What if in the blink of an eye, you teleported five years into the future. It looks the same as you left it but you feel out of place and the people that you have been around you barely know who you are. How would life really be in the future?

Could you imagine not seeing a loved one for almost five years? What have they been up to? Did they get married and start a family or did they get that promotion that was sought after for years? The underlining questions and answers would create such a void of knowledge and emotions that could not be understandable.

The human functionality lives their lives day in and day out with only moment to dream about the future and reminisce about the past. To jolt it forward without expectation can be damning to the spirit.

All the goodbyes you never got to say to your loved ones in those five years. All the love you had for the special someone in your life. All the change you could have implemented for others, all the good. Gone. In an instant . It leaves the thought of the advantage for jumping ahead, what could that be?

What if you cheat death? What if you are revered for your work and reap the benefits from it? What if you get to see your grandson or grand daughter be born and actually have time for their growth? Was this the best thing that happened to you?

I think we all would wish for the thought of jumping ahead in time, to see what we might not have seen before. What is the damning part is the growth that happened around your time missing, like a old building being overtaken by vines and recaptured by the earth. You give up five years worth of memories, fun, pain; the whole life experience. Could you really settle for skipping out on life?

On the other hand, we could take this opportunity to see what may not be seen. The advancements of both man and machine. What wonders await you if the choice to take the journey was there. The feeling of immortality lays softly at your feet, seeing those around you age and you not a day. Could that even be withstood by humans? or is it a sheltered dream for us to borrow extra humanity?

Time will never be understood by man, woman, child, dog, cat, or anything in between. We will always want more of it while reminiscing of time we have already spent. It is an impossible question of going forward in time while also keeping the time we lose in the process. This is the biggest problem with this time travel thought.

On this journey, there is no return trip, its one way.

Just Post Grad Things, JustRachel

If her Voice was a Song

1 Comment

If her voice was a song

Would your feet stand still?

or would your ears retreat in such a way that your legs could follow?

 

If her voice was a song

Would your vocal chords halt

and your mouth stay shut

to hear what she has to say?

 

If her voice was a song

would you forget the notes she wears on her skin

or would you pause for a moment and

appreciate the lines and layers of a woman

who knows how far she has been

 

If you met a woman

who’s voice was a song

who could breathe notes from thin or thick air

would you stop and linger there with her for a moment

 

if you met a woman whose voice was a song

would you listen

or would you be a coward

and run
pexels-photo-1047932

 

 

Relationships

On NOT Finding Love

1 Comment

Call me hopeless but I am a sucker for a lost cause, an f boi, a dud, or a fixer-upper.

and maybe that’s why I always find myself on apps like tinder and bumble looking for ‘love’ I can’t find elsewhere – but for me what’s worse is that my brother [who I look up to for his resilience and strength and gigantic heart] finds love all day every day – but maybe that’s because he is never looking for it?

Choose Friendship over Boys

IMG_2621-ANIMATION

I guess you could say I am a total glutton for punishment when it comes to men. I like the ones that never like me back – but how does one break the trend of broken men?

As you can assume – I wouldn’t be writing this post if I knew, but I do know one thing. I have felt a real connection, I have known easy romance – and it isn’t always sexual, in fact, I have had so many more easy friendships with men than I have had relationships. Which honestly can get pretty darn confusing if feelings get involved. [And they have]

See for me – it is ironically about trust, communication, and ease of speech. It’s finding a conversation in silence and being able to say absolutely anything without the additives and the bs – but I have only found that kind of ‘love’ and it is and will always be- far from possible.

Maybe it’s the fact that I get hung up on the idea of someone that keeps me from finding someone or something that is good for me. Maybe I joke and play and close myself off – but then again, if he can’t handle me at my strongest – he doesn’t deserve me decaffeinated.

I guess what it comes down to is that we all have the idea of the perfect person we would do anything to be with – but while that person might be perfectly right for you – maybe they aren’t right now.

At the end of the day, love is a waiting game paired with a game of chicken. Where at the end I will either find the perfect person to be with or get trampled by the cat lady/dog lady old maid lifestyle.

I Refuse to be Alone – But I will Never Settle

This past summer was one of extreme growth. Suffice to say – I made quite a few mistakes when it came to the men in my life. But what I realized through this is that growing up and becoming an adult isn’t about being in a relationship with anyone other than myself. Of all the boys I have loved, and all the ones who did me wrong – I learned from those experiences. I learned that the choices I make inebriated or not affect the life I live and honestly, I am grateful to have made those mistakes in the safe and controlled environments that I did.

The way I see it – romance is like a science experiment. You set a standard hypothesis, a possible outcome, pick your variables and see where the experiment takes you. When you start your journey you are not meant to know where it will lead – but that’s what makes following your intuition so powerful and interesting.

Look I am no love guru, I usually can’t give myself enough patience to love myself every day, but I am not now and I never have been alone.

Continue reading On NOT Finding Love →

Kevin at a Desk

A Dedication to the Comic Strip

Leave a comment

It has been in the Sunday Newspaper for more than a century.

Its part of a daily routine for many people to sit with a cup of coffee, tea, etc and read the funnies to themselves for a good chuckle to begin their day. As recent years has slowly bled the ink out of the newspaper industry, websites have started to develop pages solely dedicated to the art of the comic strip. You can sign up, get a personalized page with all your favorite comics and never really second guess the idea of finding them. Its a nice, relaxing read.

I do not think our generation finds these types of comics to be as entertaining or funny as the older generations have in the past. We want the instant gratification of the laugh without thinking hard into what the comic is really offering to the reader. There are some comic strips that you need to be ready to read between the lines to understand like the comic Dilbert. Others have references that we do not understand because the joke is not meant for us and even after an explanation of the joke, its just lost its touch to us and we keep looking for another comic. Now, why would i want to dedicate this piece to a dying art form? Its because the comic strip has shaped a lot before i was born and in my young life as well.

Comics are my dads pride and joy. Period

He loved reading them on a day off from working in downtown Boston as a FedEx driver. On his weekends, he would not do anything in the morning until he either read the paper for comics or boot up the laptop to read his funnies. He loves these things. To his credit, its how he communicates with a lot of people, including me. We had a family friend named Jack Dillon who got dad’s humor to a tee. While Jack was able, both of them would cut out comics from the newspaper and snail mail it with a ” Hello and you will get a kick out of this” type letter. Basically until jack died in 2011, he still sent a funny or two a month that lifted both his and dads spirits up. What many do not know is Jack was a father figure to my dad for many years, i consider him a grandfather figure to me because i was treated like a grandson for many years. This is one of the reasons my dad loves comic strips, it brings back Jack for at least a moment of joy. My dad will always send comics out to people that he knows either through himself or even some of my aquatints. He will send me a link to send to my guidance counselor or my history professor or even my boss. They are always funny.

I picked up on my dad’s love of comics.

I always enjoy a good comic in the paper or on a website. Its classic humor and never gets old, usually sticks with the times. The first comic i picked up was when i was 10-12 years old. It was a collection of Calvin and Hobbes comics over the years and i never put them down. I collected a lot of books over the years of Calvin and Hobbes adventures, hands down are my favorite comic. A boy who is basically a maniac, his tiger friend Hobbes who is a stuff animal, and his other supporting characters; sounds like me in a nutshell. Even to this day i always read the comic strip, follow the twitter account, and basically love anything associated with it.

Now there is one comic that is basically my life in a nutshell; Zits

No, its not about the skin irritation. Its about a teenage boy living in high school and living with his mom and dad. I kid you not this is basically about me and my parents. We legit always quote it or on every comic say along the lines of ” Yup that’s Kevin alright.” Many things that are exaggerated in the comic strip but i always get a chuckle when dad sends them along to me with the subject line of the email being something witty or at least he tries to be. I have explored on my own to see what other comics i enjoy. One of the predominate ones Pearls Before Swine has become one of my favorite comics. I can relate to the humor that he writes, it seems as if my dad and i write these things.

Essentially, Comics although considered a dying art connects generations.

My father and i share a bond with comics. Since i have grown up into a version of him, i sit on Sundays with my cup of coffee and i read the things he sent me over the week and laugh and give him a call to talk about the comics and laugh and see whats going on. Its a excellent conversation starter especially as he shares a passion of his with me and i have adopted it so well. I can tell you Sunday’s comics take a whole different meaning when you can enjoy them with someone else.

We’re all just Awkward n' Adulting.