Monthly Archives: May 2019

Brina’s Babbles

Service and Self-Care

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Love more, stress less!

Through my national service, I’ve learned that service is more than the day-to-day of what your site asks for. Service is building relationships, increasing morale, and creating a legacy; it’s  learning more about yourself.

(Picture from healthpsychtam.com)

As AmeriCorps Leaders, we try our best to make the most positive impact on our host sites and on the people we serve through them. We spend time training and learning how to provide for our communities but it’s important to not let ourselves get burnt out.
At my site, the faculty and staff periodically host socials where we can check in with one another and try to have a sense of humor when construction at school gets disruptive. Just the other day, the Missoula Alliance Church came to one of these socials and gave us all free lattes to help keep our energy levels up as we engage with middle schoolers. It’s the little things that help us ground ourselves amidst hectic times. 
Other than free lattes, I have a few tactics I use to assist me in maintaining my mental health:

1. Practicing gratitude and meditation: This has aided me in my ability to help myself when I’m alone at my site. Breaths are like little love notes to your body so letting yourself breathe is a good start to your self-care routine. The same goes for gratitude, reminding yourself why you are here, how you got here, and what good you have in your life can make a bad day more manageable. There is so much to be grateful for!

2. If you are an outdoorsy person like me, hiking can create healing: I go on hikes when I’m not serving to help me relax. Hiking allows me to exercise, access more companionship, and take in good ole’ Vitamin D. It provides a space where I can just let nature nurture me.

3. Write down what you feel: In AmeriCorps (especially as leaders) we are encouraged to journal about our experiences. This can be quite cathartic. It gets our thoughts and our struggles out of our heads and onto paper making everything much more manageable.

4. Reach out: You are never alone so please don’t be afraid to reach out to those around you in an appropriate manner (do have boundaries for yourself and respect people’s limits). It can be hard to start service and not have a big social circle right away. I’ve found that joining MeetUp groups and talking to other leaders can be great ways to start building friendships.

5. Remember, everyone is different: It’s okay if none of these techniques work for you, just remember that your mental health matters! Not only is it incredibly challenging to help others without helping yourself, but your physical health can actually start to deteriorate when your mental health is poor. Stress weakens your immune system, so finding ways to achieve both basic and luxurious self-care is super vital for your service work and personal life.
Think of fulfilling your needs like a pie:
Each time you eat one piece of it (or fulfill one part of it), you get to have another piece. Needs-fulfillment pie is possibly even better than regular pie (stay with me here) because when you finish it, you feel rejuvenated instead of lethargic and too full to move. In my experience, as long as you have a balance with your service work and your self-improvement work, you’ll never be too full; rather, whole.
Here are some resources that have helped me and maybe they can help you! I’m mental health first aid certified and I want share things I actually use/listen to/read regularly:
●       https://medium.com/@goodaker.d/the-power-of-a-personal-mantra-and-how-to-write-your-own-46a5531ec8aa
●       https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/how-to-practice-authentic-self-care/
●       https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/my-brothers-keeper/201709/be-the-mountain-guided-meditation-video-script
●       https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/body_scan_meditation
●       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPpUNAFHgxM
●       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYnA9wWFHLI&t=3500s
And as always call: 1-800-273-8255 or text 741741, and look up resources in your area with this link: https://twloha.com/find-help/. You are loved, valued, and never alone. I hope this article helps you or someone 

PS. I originally posted this on Montana Campus Compact’s website and it helped a lot of people so I thought that it would be fitting for my first post here !!

JustRachel

Confessions of an ADHD 20 something

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Sometimes my head scares me. Nights alone and nights bored, my worst enemy. I guess the problem with not being able to stop means that when I do, well, let’s just say I am an object in motion and I need to stay that way.

Lately I’ve been staying up too late. My body hasn’t gotten used to it yet – it hasn’t kicked the old lady syndrome aside but on slow nights I now feel this sense that something is missing.

I’m not depressed. I’m pensive

I’m not indifferent but being happy is strange.

I’m not myself and yet – the past couple weeks I’ve exuded a confidence that I didn’t know I had.

And I hate all of it.

Lately I’ve felt unbalanced, I’ve felt like I’ve been too adult and yet too childish. And I’m neither here nor there but I understand it. The restlessness.

So these are my confessions.

1. I’m not overly or underly confident

It’s a rouse I put up to make people think I have my shit together.

2. I’m not fearless

Not in the job search. Not in life. In fact I’m scared of a lot of things and while dying isn’t one of them, truly living is. Because it’s daunting to think that there is a right or wrong way to “life”

3. I’m not as aggressive as the one Interviewer thought I was

I’m kinda like a small dog. I’ve got a big bark but I wouldn’t hurt a fly.

4. I care too much.

About work. About friends. About living life the “right way” or doing the “right thing”. I care a lot. I care too much.

5. I’m 23 and I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Truth is, I’m not restless because I have something planned. Truth is, I’m restless and reckless because I have nothing planned. I have no idea what my future holds. If it includes the two degrees I’ve garnished myself with. Truth is – I don’t have a clue.

And it terrifies me.

Kevin at a Desk

What i Learned in Year One

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Its been almost a month since i ended my first year at my first job Finally working the job that i dreamed about during those late night capstone revisions and early morning red-bull fueled walks to my assistantships. Its hard to believe that i made it here and there are still days where i look on my door and see my name with a masters degree. For those of the readers who don’t know, i am a Residence Hall director, i work as a advisor for a residence hall and have the duties of keeping students safe while also developing them to become better humans. Its been a fast paced couple of months with too many lessons to count. However finally i have the time to process it all.

Now that the summer months are upon me and i finally have time to reflect and start to develop some sort of standards and operating guidelines, or my handbook so to speak i try to write to this page what i believe i have learned and stuck with me for next year. This isn’t a manual that is meant to be published or one that many will follow because, well, its not for them. I write about this to make a digital testament to myself of how far i have come since starting this job. Its sometimes hard to write a list like this, because some of life’s lessons you have learned you want to share with the world and others you want to lock the secrets of success away so you don’t let it go and let anyone else find out. However, i don’t think these are secrets to most, but to me they are new discoveries of myself and my role.

The Things i learned in Year One:

  1. You’re gonna make some dumb mistakes, but it shows you’re human, use it to connect.
  2. Imposter syndrome is fucking legit, but its also a trap, you’re meant to be right where you are.
  3. Don’t compare yourself to your mentors, they were there developing how you could do something, now you have to find your own way to answer everything.
  4. Even when you mess up, it wont change people’s view of how you get your shit done.
  5. Ask a lot of questions instead of sitting around. When you learn you plan, when you plan you know what to do. You’re young in this field might as well take everything and filter it as you go.
  6. Don’t forget about your friends, even with a full time job you should take time to see them, they miss you.
  7. Have patience with stupidity, they may never get smarter but its better than you getting dumber in the process
  8. DON’T EAT AT THE SAME 2 RESTAURANTS, YOU’RE GONNA GET FAT (Unless you work out, then go ahead)
  9. Sometimes you need to put your head down, do your job and go home. Other days, make sure you pick up your head, you might miss something.
  10. You’re gonna have days where the soul and flesh aren’t willing. All you can do is sit, process it whether that is yelling on a car ride in the night or taking a smoke break. Then pick yourself out of the dirt and get on with the day.
  11. Don’t let yourself get personally involved in a conduct case, it clouds your judgement.
  12. Anger gets you no where, be kind but don’t let anyone get in your fucking way.
  13. Remember when you play the game of politics you either win or you make bad enemies
  14. Just remember the ” little people” will be your best foundation and best resources. Keep them on your hip
  15. Support your co workers, they are your only entertainment and its better to not piss them off.
  16. Trust your staff, they trust you and they want that reciprocated.
  17. Stop acting old and talking about experience you had, this isnt story time
  18. The golden rule still goes a long way even when you are 24.
  19. Theory is nice and all but youre gonna make something up on the fly to explain the impossible.
  20. You are only human, and there will be dark days ahead but you can be super human on multiple occasions.
  21. Dont take it personal when a staff member quits, it was never on you and they dont blame you for leaving. Just be supportive.
  22. Enjoy the job, this is what you dreamed about in classes and capstone. As the saying goes, Drive it like you stole it.
  23. They look up to you, even when you are upset they look up to you, take up the mantle and be the leader they need you to be
  24. Dont drink redbull until you are on duty.
  25. Be the RD you know you can be, fun but stern. Dedicated but direct, hard nosed but understanding.

Its a job i take great pride in; i can not thank those who gave me a chance to prove myself in this field. I can’t wait to continue to learn and add to this list with a redux next year about what i learned in year two.

Higher Thoughts, The Life and Times, Top Stories, Uncategorized

For All of Us We Must Not Forget

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alley architecture building city
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

For those who had traumatizing pasts, embarrassing pasts, disappointing pasts, shameful pasts, for those who are not lucky enough to remember your pasts due to illness or harm, and for those who are no longer here on this earth to do so either, this is for all of us!

Its okay to not talk about the past but its not okay to forget about it and act like that part of your life didn’t exist. Some pasts can be scary, uneasy, even traumatizing, so its completely okay to not want to talk about them but what is not okay is erasing them, forgetting about them, acting as if moments did not happen. The pain they brought has happened, an outcome came of it, but you made it to this point. The point where you get to stand here and say “THAT moment happened, THAT pain was endured, THAT was THAT”. Call it tough love but something most need to hear and others need to view from a different perspective. 

I’m not going to sit here and say cliché things like “the past is what made us to what we are today” and yes while that holds a good amount of value I feel as if saying that quote makes pasts always seem so bad. That being said yes some peoples are but there are also people who’s pasts were not bad. And to be quite honest I wish we could see more positive pasts without people calling them privileged or lucky! I am sorry that some people had such horrible pasts that have made you incapable of not being happy for others who did not! What people need to realize is be lucky your here to remember a past, to be able to be here and to have grown from a past, some souls out there never got that chance for a past.

But no matter what your past WAS, if it was something painful you were put through or if you were the person inflicting pain and hurt on others; it does not matter. This isn’t to discredit or devalue some peoples traumatizing pasts, its for people to know that its okay to not talk about things you did not like or make you feel a negative way; but we must never forget them. Lessons were taught and events occurred that pushed you to where you are now (some might not be at a good place right now but give it time). So please stop thinking its okay to forgive and forget, that nothing good can come from remembering the hard moments, when in fact someones everything now came from those moments. Our past has everything to do with our present and future. Think about it- if we only talked about whats ahead never wanting to recognize what happened how would we know what to reflect off of?

You don’t have to talk about your past, you don’t have to think about it all the time either but we must not forget. We are lucky enough to get the chance to reflect and remember!

JustRachel

I Spent 2 months with a Tinder and this is What I Learned.

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Preface

This is not another article about fuck-bois or how dating culture is horrible or how me doing something completely out of my wheel house made me a better person… or is it…?

From the Deep End to the Kiddie Pool

Diving into the dating pool isn’t easy. The water is cold, the men and women are unclear and I’m pretty sure the guy who has a kid let that child go and crap in the deep-end, not that it’s anyone’s fault.

When it comes to 21st century electronic dating there is no shortage of eligible bachelors or bachelorettes, but 9/10 people aren’t actually on dating apps to date. They’re there to hook-up. 

Today the a thick cloud of stigma surrounding dating culture as a whole isn’t really fair to either end of the waters. Both males and females get subjected to unrealistic expectations and high cost scenarios.

Guys (Men) are labeled crass, rude and man whorish and women are labeled as sluts, whores, or even prudes if they prefer not to do “as other girls do,” and the problem with all of it is that we quickly lose sight of who we are when our sexual desires create a non humanistic profile to “sell” ourselves as non-sexual and sexual human beings because we have to make our profiles “sell”.

The Dating App Experience

For those of you who (May or may not be using apps such as tinder) have used dating  apps. You know as well as I that it is anything but a dating app.

Based on my own morals,  I have unmatched with about a dozen guys just this week for  rude messages about my behind or what they would like to put in it (essentially messages that would have  killed a nun and made their moms wash their minds out with soap).

See when it comes to online dating, I am too busy for bars, to anxious for sketchy meet ups, and I am just simply not looking to hookup and leave. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to find love.

Maybe I’m in the wrong place and I’m certainly in the wrong time, but why is it so much to ask that we be sexy and respected no matter the platform?  Is it so much to ask that we believe in this possibility for love, but moreover, and through this trial I had to ask – do I believe in this kind of love?

My answer:

Yeah? 

I mean the hopeless romantic in me does. The girl who meets that ‘once in a blue moon’ guy does. The girl who is told that her strength is sexy and not in a sexual way does, but the rest of me… the rest of me isn’t sure.

Tinder For Females

At the end of the day I can’t speak for the boys- and I can’t hate on the bois but tinder for women is an experience. (Take that as you will.)

For myself Tinder was about swiping right in the right ways but based on interactions I have had, the same can definitely NOT be said for all women who use the app. 

When it comes to tinder there are five types of guys, the too forward to even see where you’re at, the ‘I lift and I drink beer’ guy, the once in a blue moon sweet – I want to meet you type, the I have a girlfriend but were ‘on a break (or “we’re looking for a threesome”), and then there is the guy who can’t catch a break who tries to be all of the above and reminds me that I am just not cut out for this online dating scheme.

Each of the guys above has their own motive… but for some it is worse than others. For example one guy I recently matched with is an old classmate – but he was also this guy that I always thought he was cute… then he opened his mouth. “I am still only looking to F***” and while he has said this in the past I was naïve enough to believe that the year that has passed since we last spoke was enough for him to change his tune… it wasn’t. And while I have no issue with what he wants, I for one know that I deserve better and ladies –

YOU DO TOO

What Tinder Taught Me

The one thing I love about Tinder is that it allows me control in the conversation. Unlike manual style dating where a guy approaches you to ask you out – many men… and yes, women, can feel less of a sting from being denied online. With Tinder, you don’t feel the rejection, if they don’t swipe then you don’t know. It seems to be a simple lack of emotions in this equation.

But at the same time…

The thing I hate most about Tinder is that it allows us to hide.

With Tinder, I can hide behind a keyboard, I can say – “yes I love sushi. No I hate beer, but I love a good IPA.” I can say – “yes I speak fluent Spanish, while tripping over conjugation and the occasional google translate without dying of embarrassment.

Online I can be a dozen versions of myself, but by the time the day is done, I have gone through 12 conversations and made no progress whatsoever.

So what did it all teach me?

It taught me that – tinder is against my moral code. It taught me that its not for me, I’m not a tinder profile but I am a human looking for a lackluster thing called love. Hook-up requests and peach emojis, yeah that isn’t my language and that I really hate trying to speak Spanish to impress someone… even if I did it in Italy.

It taught me that – I am not cut out for online dating and that sorry boys… but if you don’t want me for me – swipe left.

 

JustRachel

She was…because she had to be

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When I think about myself and women in my generation and women in general – I think that weakness is the guise we wear to hide how powerful we truly are. but lately I have been feeling like that guise is getting the best of me personally. Why? because even today, when I got my summer dream job – when the weights lifted and the sun began to shine, I still managed to get myself twisted in the details that make adulting so awkward.

I am who I am because I have to be – Not because I want to be

And I am so damn tired of having to be x, y, and z for the sake of holding face. So here’s my truth – here’s the real…

Two weeks ago I lost my job. I was laid of suddenly and while I told my bosses I saw it coming, I had no clue and I just wanted to save face. And in retrospect I spend a lot of time doing that.

As a female in this generation I have spent 23 years talking myself into things. 23 years being my own hype woman while still looking for the approval of others – but oddly enough, this time, I ended up leaving a good and stable job for little to no other reason than – I couldn’t stay knowing that the one persons approval I was losing – was my own.

Sell yourself, But don’t sell-out

After almost a year into my career I fell short because I felt like I had sold out. I did everything right. Followed rules – to an extent and I did what was expected. But I sold out in the fact that nothing and no part fed me on a deeper level.

I started doing things because I had to. I started being x, y, z because I had to be – not because that was who I was.

So my advice. Don’t be like me.

Don’t wash up or sell out. Don’t call it quits when it seems too easy because that kind of thing won’t drive you and it won’t feed you in the way that you need.

Don’t be like me. But be you, because you have to be.