This is not another article about fuck-bois or how dating culture is horrible or how me doing something completely out of my wheel house made me a better person… or is it…?
From the Deep End to the Kiddie Pool
Diving into the dating pool isn’t easy. The water is cold, the men and women are unclear and I’m pretty sure the guy who has a kid let that child go and crap in the deep-end, not that it’s anyone’s fault.
When it comes to 21st century electronic dating there is no shortage of eligible bachelors or bachelorettes, but 9/10 people aren’t actually on dating apps to date. They’re there to hook-up.
Today the a thick cloud of stigma surrounding dating culture as a whole isn’t really fair to either end of the waters. Both males and females get subjected to unrealistic expectations and high cost scenarios.
Guys (Men) are labeled crass, rude and man whorish and women are labeled as sluts, whores, or even prudes if they prefer not to do “as other girls do,” and the problem with all of it is that we quickly lose sight of who we are when our sexual desires create a non humanistic profile to “sell” ourselves as non-sexual and sexual human beings because we have to make our profiles “sell”.
The Dating App Experience
For those of you who (May or may not be using apps such as tinder) have used dating apps. You know as well as I that it is anything but a dating app.
Based on my own morals, I have unmatched with about a dozen guys just this week for rude messages about my behind or what they would like to put in it (essentially messages that would have killed a nun and made their moms wash their minds out with soap).
See when it comes to online dating, I am too busy for bars, to anxious for sketchy meet ups, and I am just simply not looking to hookup and leave. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to find love.
Maybe I’m in the wrong place and I’m certainly in the wrong time, but why is it so much to ask that we be sexy and respected no matter the platform? Is it so much to ask that we believe in this possibility for love, but moreover, and through this trial I had to ask – do I believe in this kind of love?
I mean the hopeless romantic in me does. The girl who meets that ‘once in a blue moon’ guy does. The girl who is told that her strength is sexy and not in a sexual way does, but the rest of me… the rest of me isn’t sure.
Tinder For Females
At the end of the day I can’t speak for the boys- and I can’t hate on the bois but tinder for women is an experience. (Take that as you will.)
For myself Tinder was about swiping right in the right ways but based on interactions I have had, the same can definitely NOT be said for all women who use the app.
When it comes to tinder there are five types of guys, the too forward to even see where you’re at, the ‘I lift and I drink beer’ guy, the once in a blue moon sweet – I want to meet you type, the I have a girlfriend but were ‘on a break (or “we’re looking for a threesome”), and then there is the guy who can’t catch a break who tries to be all of the above and reminds me that I am just not cut out for this online dating scheme.
Each of the guys above has their own motive… but for some it is worse than others. For example one guy I recently matched with is an old classmate – but he was also this guy that I always thought he was cute… then he opened his mouth. “I am still only looking to F***” and while he has said this in the past I was naïve enough to believe that the year that has passed since we last spoke was enough for him to change his tune… it wasn’t. And while I have no issue with what he wants, I for one know that I deserve better and ladies –
YOU DO TOO
What Tinder Taught Me
The one thing I love about Tinder is that it allows me control in the conversation. Unlike manual style dating where a guy approaches you to ask you out – many men… and yes, women, can feel less of a sting from being denied online. With Tinder, you don’t feel the rejection, if they don’t swipe then you don’t know. It seems to be a simple lack of emotions in this equation.
But at the same time…
The thing I hate most about Tinder is that it allows us to hide.
With Tinder, I can hide behind a keyboard, I can say – “yes I love sushi. No I hate beer, but I love a good IPA.” I can say – “yes I speak fluent Spanish, while tripping over conjugation and the occasional google translate without dying of embarrassment.
Online I can be a dozen versions of myself, but by the time the day is done, I have gone through 12 conversations and made no progress whatsoever.
So what did it all teach me?
It taught me that – tinder is against my moral code. It taught me that its not for me, I’m not a tinder profile but I am a human looking for a lackluster thing called love. Hook-up requests and peach emojis, yeah that isn’t my language and that I really hate trying to speak Spanish to impress someone… even if I did it in Italy.
It taught me that – I am not cut out for online dating and that sorry boys… but if you don’t want me for me – swipe left.