Tag Archives: Self-Care

Link Outside the Box

Quarantine Tips for When You Feel Like You’re Losing it (Spoiler Alert: You’re not alone!)

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Let me begin by saying there is no right or wrong way to self-isolate. Do not feel like whatever emotions you are experiencing are abnormal or unprecedented. While this situation is going to affect every person a little differently, it has been comforting for me to know that many of my friends and family are feeling extremely similar frustrations… Including loneliness, fear, boredom, anxiety, lack of motivation, and the list goes on.

This led me to spend a lot of time reflecting on my habits and researching techniques on how to stay on track during these trying times. I wanted to share some of tips that have been successful for me in hopes that others may be able to relate and benefit in some way.

  1. Stick to a schedule/routine. You may not have anything to wake up at a certain time for, but set your alarm anyway to hold yourself accountable. To get your day started, read a book, go make breakfast, meditate, and do whatever you need to do to wake up and activate your mind. I’ve discovered that writing down my tentative schedule for the day (in a place where I can clearly see it) has helped hold myself accountable and motivates me to keep working. It feels fantastic to be able to check off tasks as I complete them as the day goes by. On the other hand, though, do not be afraid to give yourself downtime. While it can be a great exercise to write down a list of things you want to accomplish, don’t let it make you feel guilty that you’re not keeping yourself busy every second of every hour.
  2. Give yourself praise for the little things. Many of my friends, and myself included, have been so frustrated with their productivity levels. We’ve noticed that we have not been getting as much done as we normally would have if we were at school or at work. It is important to remember that there is a reason that total isolation is one of the worst forms of torture for a human being. We are not meant to be in an environment like this so it really isn’t a surprise that people feel like they are slacking. It is going to take some time to adjust to these circumstances and to figure out what will be the most effective routine for us. Make sure you are giving yourself praise for any projects you complete. Progress is still progress, no matter how small! 
  3. Self-care. When people hear the term “self-care”, they think of face masks, mani/pedis, and a hot bath. While self-care can certainly look like this, the version of self-care that I’m trying to practice is mindfulness and heightening my self-awareness. Like all of you, I am isolated with my racing mind, my body, and the long list of tasks I have to complete. It has certainly been a challenge to not let insecurities and anxiety sabotage my thoughts. Our brain doesn’t have an off switch and it can be very easy to fall into a rabbit hole of self-doubt and overthinking. Understand that these concerns are stemming from isolation, and are most likely not warranted.  The world we live in moves so fast, and this is probably the only opportunity we will have in our lifetime where nearly everything in our outside world stands still. Take this opportunity to become more aware of who you really are and to show every part of yourself unconditional love. When you wake up in the morning, try to come up with 3 things you are grateful for, and 3 things you love about yourself. Try to take a step back from your usually fast-paced life and figure out what activities you miss the most, or what activities you really don’t miss at all. This is an incredible time for you to evaluate where, or with who, you have been spending your energy, and if this is still the best path for you to take. Reflect on decisions/mistakes, accept them, and heal from them. Every single decision you have ever made has led you to this present moment and shaped you into the amazing person that you are. Love yo-self and the journey you’ve been on!!
  4. Utilize your phone/social media. Do not be afraid to text/call a friend if you’re struggling. Whether you need help with something  specific or you just want to reach out to have a conversation because you miss them (or if you just miss human interaction in general), go for it! Chances are, they’re probably bored and would love to catch up with you too. 
  5. Pick up a new hobby or do something creative! More frequently than I would like to admit, I have ran into some major creativity blocks during quarantine. This has definitely made it difficult for me to work on projects or even do little things like clean my room. If you keep running into this feeling, take a break. Make your bed, go for a walk, stretch, get your body moving, or do something creative like drawing, painting, or journaling. Exercises like these can help you stay in the moment and can ease your mind when you’re feeling restless. Meditation is an especially great practice to get into right now. The app store/YouTube is filled with all different kinds of practices, depending on what you’re searching for. Look into a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to try. Learn a new language, develop your professional skills on LinkedIn Learning, learn how to cook your favorite meal, take a new class (a lot of online courses have been discounted or are totally free right now), read a happy book, repaint your room, try a new kind of workout, the list is endless.

Like I said before, there will never be another opportunity where our whole world is essentially standing still. Let’s try our hardest to make sure we come out of this quarantine as kinder, stronger, and more self-aware versions of ourselves. I want to emphasize again, however, that there is no correct or incorrect way to spend your time. My goal with this post is to encourage and inspire, but most importantly to remind us that the frustration we are experiencing right now is mutual but only temporary. There is light at the end of the tunnel.  

JustRachel

I didn’t realize love was conditional until I…

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I used to think all real love was unconditional. I mean, isn’t that the point of love? That we give it wholly and without question? Isn’t that how a mother loves a child or a person loves a friend or anyone loves a beloved pet? And sure, there are exceptions. And sure, we can fall in and out of love. But when you think of being in that stereotypical kind of love, the kind that allows people to accept flaws or (heaven forbid) forgive abuse – that kind of love is, by definition, unconditional.

I was today years old, when I finally realized self-love is the most toxic and conditional form of love that I have come to know. And how screwed up is that? Not the fact that it took me this long to realize it, but the fact that, for whatever reason, when we talk about loving ourselves, 9/10 times, it is only skin deep.

When we talk about loving ourselves it isn’t a conversation of actually loving who we are, but how we look or how we feel about ourselves on that given day. A conversation of, will the world see me as beautiful today? Are my eyebrows on fleek? Do these high waisted jeans hide my gut, or show it? Am I as pretty as those girls? Am I showing too much skin? Will the guy/girl I like finally see me? Is my personality too much for my friends? And as if the idea of these kinds of questions weren’t disgusting enough – we then let them dictate how we feel about ourselves on that given day or that week or so on. And the bigger problem with all of it is that this lack of love in many of our lives is not a matter of normal insecurity – it goes deeper than that. It goes as deep as to say – I didn’t realize love was conditional until I realized that I’d rather hide from the world than be a part of it.

Now, to all the women who have never once thought this I solute you, but odds are, at one point or another all of us have felt this way. All have us have (at least once) preferred to stay in with a bottle of wine and a homecooked meal rather than put ourselves out there. And while self care could be a big part of that decision – ditching plans or secluding yourself from your friends shouldn’t be. Hiding yourself from the world, or behind positive social media posts shouldn’t be.

I think at some point or another we all just have a day that hits us a little harder than others. One where the “mirror mirror on the wall” can’t hype us up above them all. And I can’t speak for others but I know I have those days and they absolutely suck. They make me doubt who I am. And they make me doubt if I really love myself for who I am and all the amazing parts of me – or if I only love myself when I have a flat stomach and no stretch marks.

But here’s the news flash. NONE OF IT MATTERS. The way you look, the way you talk, the cute or weird way you laugh at EVERYTHING, none of that matters compared to who you are. WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE. And don’t get me wrong I’m not saying the outside doesn’t serve a purpose at all – I mean candy bars have wrappers on them for a reason and it’s not just to make them look pretty (it’s a metaphor don’t think too deep into it.) it’s to protect what’s inside. So in a way, we also have wrappers because we need our outsides to protect our insides.

Look, at the end of the day it is so so easy to hate yourself for the little things. It’s easy to self deprecate and look down on yourself. What’s hard is coming to terms with who you are and realizing that that person is pretty incredible. And at the end of the day we’re all still learning to love ourselves unconditionally. But if we haven’t already, let’s be today years old when we start.

Brina’s Babbles

Service and Self-Care

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Love more, stress less!

Through my national service, I’ve learned that service is more than the day-to-day of what your site asks for. Service is building relationships, increasing morale, and creating a legacy; it’s  learning more about yourself.

(Picture from healthpsychtam.com)

As AmeriCorps Leaders, we try our best to make the most positive impact on our host sites and on the people we serve through them. We spend time training and learning how to provide for our communities but it’s important to not let ourselves get burnt out.
At my site, the faculty and staff periodically host socials where we can check in with one another and try to have a sense of humor when construction at school gets disruptive. Just the other day, the Missoula Alliance Church came to one of these socials and gave us all free lattes to help keep our energy levels up as we engage with middle schoolers. It’s the little things that help us ground ourselves amidst hectic times. 
Other than free lattes, I have a few tactics I use to assist me in maintaining my mental health:

1. Practicing gratitude and meditation: This has aided me in my ability to help myself when I’m alone at my site. Breaths are like little love notes to your body so letting yourself breathe is a good start to your self-care routine. The same goes for gratitude, reminding yourself why you are here, how you got here, and what good you have in your life can make a bad day more manageable. There is so much to be grateful for!

2. If you are an outdoorsy person like me, hiking can create healing: I go on hikes when I’m not serving to help me relax. Hiking allows me to exercise, access more companionship, and take in good ole’ Vitamin D. It provides a space where I can just let nature nurture me.

3. Write down what you feel: In AmeriCorps (especially as leaders) we are encouraged to journal about our experiences. This can be quite cathartic. It gets our thoughts and our struggles out of our heads and onto paper making everything much more manageable.

4. Reach out: You are never alone so please don’t be afraid to reach out to those around you in an appropriate manner (do have boundaries for yourself and respect people’s limits). It can be hard to start service and not have a big social circle right away. I’ve found that joining MeetUp groups and talking to other leaders can be great ways to start building friendships.

5. Remember, everyone is different: It’s okay if none of these techniques work for you, just remember that your mental health matters! Not only is it incredibly challenging to help others without helping yourself, but your physical health can actually start to deteriorate when your mental health is poor. Stress weakens your immune system, so finding ways to achieve both basic and luxurious self-care is super vital for your service work and personal life.
Think of fulfilling your needs like a pie:
Each time you eat one piece of it (or fulfill one part of it), you get to have another piece. Needs-fulfillment pie is possibly even better than regular pie (stay with me here) because when you finish it, you feel rejuvenated instead of lethargic and too full to move. In my experience, as long as you have a balance with your service work and your self-improvement work, you’ll never be too full; rather, whole.
Here are some resources that have helped me and maybe they can help you! I’m mental health first aid certified and I want share things I actually use/listen to/read regularly:
●       https://medium.com/@goodaker.d/the-power-of-a-personal-mantra-and-how-to-write-your-own-46a5531ec8aa
●       https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/how-to-practice-authentic-self-care/
●       https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/my-brothers-keeper/201709/be-the-mountain-guided-meditation-video-script
●       https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/body_scan_meditation
●       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPpUNAFHgxM
●       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYnA9wWFHLI&t=3500s
And as always call: 1-800-273-8255 or text 741741, and look up resources in your area with this link: https://twloha.com/find-help/. You are loved, valued, and never alone. I hope this article helps you or someone 

PS. I originally posted this on Montana Campus Compact’s website and it helped a lot of people so I thought that it would be fitting for my first post here !!

Kevin at a Desk

The Lights Go Out; Burnout at Its Finest

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Its a go, go go kinda world where we are in the finest of clothes but not the finest of minds. What a world we live in where the deadlines are sometimes the endgame, the only thing that matters after all. We balance our work and our dedication to the individual tasks that we are assigned with the delicate inter-workings of our basic human needs and desires. Our minds go until we tell them to take a breathe and decompress from all the stress we inflict upon them unfortunate for them we rarely do. We tend to go until the light and energy is depleted and we work with our emotions which barely have anything in the tank to operated.

I know in my role, i invest a lot of time and emotion in to the work that i do. As a person who is in higher education, my emotions tend to bleed into the role and it is my job to realize it and to stop the metaphorical bleeding. Its tough, there are long nights and early mornings, long calculated ideas and short off the cuff reactions. It gets to me ever so often. I tell myself to talk it out or not to invest too much into issue past the 4:30 whistle, there is a catch. i have the hooks in too deep, i’m too invested and it takes away from me. I cant always get out my own way and that can break my confidence from time to time and make me second guess if i’m some imposter and shouldn’t even be here. There are just sometimes i feel like a candle, burning the wick away.

Burnout is a real thing we all talk about it but really never do anything until its too late. We want to ignore the fact that the wick is burning too fast and still light our way with it. This hasn’t ever help one soul, if anything by ignoring the burnout you create an accelerant to the issue. To acknowledge the issue is to make the first steps in creating a slower burn. I think we all conceive the notion that we can reverse the damage by burnout and in fact that isn’t how you can solve the issue. We all burnout from time to time, that is inevitable but its what you do when you see it coming that changes the path of the person and there isn’t one correct way to go.

I have seen people ask for time off, change areas or even go to a different job because they felt that would make them happy. In the end, you need to be happy with the things you do that is one of the best ways to prevent burnout. There will always be things that frustrate you in your line of work but what needs to make you happy is the things at your core, what makes you come back for more each and every day for work. If you don’t have it you’ll find it somewhere either where you are now or where you will be going. Happiness is what we try to strive for but we sometimes just need to work a little harder to find it. I will have to take this journey very soon, the one where i can establish my core and figure out if this is what i want to be doing, is this worth all the emotional drainage? Am i even Happy? It will take a while but i think that i will find what i’m looking for very shortly.

If you are burning out, don’t feel like you are alone in this issue. Many of us fellow awkward adults are debating this many a times a day and some have found their answer and some are just starting to look. All you need to do as a start is to think. because i don’t think you should let the light burnout quite yet, you’re gonna need that soon.

Kevin at a Desk

I Hate Being the Nice Guy

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It’s all fun and games until you get burnt.

Its not a hard concept to be a nice guy. You do the right thing, try not to let anyone down, and do things for the greater good. A nice guy extends his arm out every time and does what they can to make sure someone can succeed with the rest of the world. There are sometimes when the hand that feeds gets bitten and the nice guy finishes last. In my opinion, i try to get back to the root of why i help people and even when i get burnt in helping someone i still try to come back to my core beliefs.

But what happens when someone gets burnt a little too much?

This is what happens when you’re too much of a nice guy, you get tired of people walking over you. You get annoyed when you’ve done so much for a person and they cant appreciate the things you’ve done; a real “What have you done for me lately?” kinda mindset. You boil over and when you say something you look like the bad guy, the person that gave everything doesn’t get the credit they deserve. It poisons the mind and eats at the soul until you are consumed with the false reality that you were never good in the first place. But thats not true, you’ve just reach a compelling point in your where you are giving up the poison.

i finally reach a point where i realized i cant be the nice guy i have been for a long time. For the first time in a long time i cant play the guy who gives a lot to get a little, who worries about something out of my reach. Its making me lose my mind, and i’m sick and tired of not getting much out of anything. I hate the feeling that people do not see me doing good that i have always strived for and when i step away from my normality of being generous to them, trying to rest, they complain about how i never do anything for them. I give them everything on a silver platter and they complain about the shine.

Its about time i focus on being a nice guy to myself for the long run of things. i don’t want to walk away from helping people entirely but i see that i am not gaining what i thought i would by putting others first, so maybe its time i put the metaphorical book of others needs on the shelf and read a new story. It looks like for a while its gonna be a reflective time for myself to try and be selfish for once in my life and i mean in a good way. Its gonna take time to become adjusted to this new philosophy but hey i got my entire life to figure out myself.

I’m starting at the top of my list with the company i keep. The people i need to stay away from in my case are the ones who ask and really never give anything in return that makes me be a better human in the short life we have. i do not want to put all of myself out to help when they do not defend me in my times of need. But this is no eye . for eye my friends. Its just a simple yet complex action They got to go, it might be awkward at first but i gotta think whats best for me in the end. In the reverse sense i will uncover those who really make me better; at my job, as a person, as a family member, and in the general sense of the term. By stripping away the layers of things that take away from what makes me, me i find the real core of myself. The original layer so to speak.

If you’re in my boat i think you’ll find the first thing on your list may be different from mine and thats ok. To be a selfish person means not to give anything back to hold everything in for yourself. What we are doing is refining what we give and what we get, checking our source of joy and other things that makes us who we are as particular generous, nice people. By doing this we will lose things and people but thats ok, things like this happen naturally but since we are causing the purge so to speak it feels like we are doing it not out of self care but self hate and it looks worse to the people and things we choose to walk away from. They will think the worse of us and remember nothing but the bad even if we help them at their darkest hour. Do not think too much into this and remember that this will change things but you’ll be better on the other side.

Peace & Blessings My Friends