Tag Archives: Life

Fitness and Wellness, The Human Alexa

Words I have heard in my yoga practice that you might need to hear right now

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First of all… this poem called Joy For No Reason by Danna Faulds:

I am filled with quiet joy for no reason save the fact that I’m alive.


The message I received is clear – there’s no time to lose from loving,


no place but here to offer kindness,


no day but this to be my true, unfettered self and pass the flame from heart to heart.


This is the only moment that exists – so simple, so exquisite, and so real.

woman wearing grey long sleeved top photography
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Secondly…

…You are beautiful, inside and out.

…Sometimes it’s tough.  Mentally.  Physically.  Emotionally.  But you push through it and the relief at the end is a feeling unlike any other.

…The most valuable gift we can give our bodies is time.

…This breath in…this breath out.

woman in black bikini underwater photography
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…May you be happy, may you be safe, and may you live your life with ease.

…We always seem to be tied up in what has happened and what is happening later.  But when we lock into our breathing, we are in the present.

…You are here, you showed up.  You did the hard part.

…Appreciate that you are alive beneath your hands, that you are the only person under your hands that matters right now.

Image result for supta baddha konasana with hands over heart

And don’t forget…

…If you can balance your body in here, you can balance anything out there.

…It’s okay if you fall.  It means you pushed it to your edge, and you get right back up.

…You’re the most graceful fall-er I’ve ever met.

…Your pose is not going to look the same as any other pose, because every body is different.

…Every day, your body needs different things.  One day you may be able to hold a headstand for 10 minutes, the next maybe you need to lie down into child’s pose most of the practice.  Wherever your body is, is perfect.

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…If you are really stressed or overwhelmed, try doing a few handstands.  They take conscious effort and focus, so it diverts your mind for a minute, and brings your attention to your balance and breath.  I think of it like hitting a mini restart button on whatever you were doing.

…We all know about the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would like to be done unto yourself.  But did you know it goes both ways?  You should do unto yourself as you do unto others.

…Find comfort in the discomfort.

…Whatever it looks like right now is beautiful.

…You’re sweating and you’re breathing: that’s all that really matters.

..Nothing changes if nothing changes.

…When the merry-go-round of thoughts come in, let them.  But don’t get caught up on any that don’t matter in the right now.  Just let them keep going around.

carousel at the park
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In case you need a reminder…

…You are enough, you do enough, you have enough.

…Practice self-compassion.  Compliment yourself and appreciate your body just as you would another person.

…If your loved one was going through this, what would you tell them?  Sometimes what we tell others is what we need to hear ourselves.

…Find softness in your edge; the furthest point you can push your body.  Then exhale, soften, and push just an inch further.  That’s where the change happens.

…Sometimes what we need is not what we want.

…Heart open, back straight, booty low.

…It’s so easy to just send a text, or post a photo.  Showing up, being present – that’s showing passion, commitment, appreciation, drive.

…Just being here, right now, adds to the dynamic of the room.  If one person was missing, this whole practice would be different.

And finally…

…The light in me sees, and honors the light in you. Namaste.

brown and blue polka dot textile
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Special thank you to The Yoga Shop of Salem (well the entire TYS community, for that matter) for allowing me to grow in my practice, my mind, and my life.  Thank you for sharing these words with me in and out of our practice.

If you would like more mantras like these, I highly suggest getting yourself a copy of  Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie. (Shout-out to Amanda for the best Secret Santa gift this year.) Some of these words came from this book, as many of my instructors use it for their opening meditations in class.

Or, better yet, come join a practice sometime.  I promise you won’t regret it.

Kevin at a Desk

Letters i Never Sent

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As many of you who have read some of my older post, i like to consider myself old school. Grandpa-ish if you would like to call me so. I like the old ways, things that have value more than 2018 can offer. One of the biggest things is the value of recieveing a hand written letter from someone. It shows that they actually care about you, took the time to write something out and sent it to you via “snail mail”. It always made a difference when i saw a letter show up in my school mailbox or at my home address. What i still like to do is send letters to friends that i havent been in touch with for a while. I sent some to my buddy when he was in boot camp for the Naval Academy all during the summer before college. I sent letters across the sea to cousins that i was surprised i even had in my life. I always make an effort to write to someone i care about.

There are also letters i never sent.

I chose not to send them. The letters to old friends who live half way across the country, or to the ones who live just a quick trip up 95 North. Just something stopped me from sending it. A letter can mean many things but a rejected one has a very clear message. To certain people i was going to send it to, i wouldn’t get a response or honestly it felt as if we grown apart.

Letters on a page wasted away.

The more interesting letters i never sent were the ones i lost. The ones misplaced in a book or drawer that were left to sit and wait. I always read these again, to see what i wrote and what kind of person i was when i wrote them. Love letters, morbid news, a awkward hello, you name it i have written it. These letter i never sent are sometimes hard to swallow the things i wrote down. Its these types of letter i try to get rid of first. Never read those again. Never try to write those again.

i sometimes wish i could re send these letters after re reading them. I sometimes wish i told someone how i felt about them. Now they are just nothing, they are now gone so all i can do is regret the letters i never sent.

The Human Alexa, The Life and Times

To All the Boys…

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… I’ve been distracted by while I was just trying to run some errands …

Adulting and single, but not quite ready to mingle?  Me too girl, me too.

It’s a weird limbo – I’m at an age where I could totally be looking for a serious relationship, but also know I need to focus on other things.
(You know, like my career, my incessant travel bug, crumbling student debt, that sort of stuff.)

I’m not actively looking, but open to it if someone worthy comes around.  But then again, is there anyone truly so wonderful that I would redirect my future plans?
(Actually, yes.  That person is and will always be Chris Pine.  For sure.)

Image result for chris pine

You know how it kind of seems like the only attractive, Grade A guys on Earth are in the movies now, and thus are unattainable to mere mortals like us?  I realize I’m not looking for a husband right now or anything, but let’s be honest – I can’t be the only one lacking contact with age appropriate ‘men’ with at least the maturity level of, well, myself.

I can’t find them in real life, because scripted and rehearsed romance is totally more what I’m looking for right now.  The latest girl crush, fyi, is Noah Centineo; and he actually starred in the film that inspired this post.

Image result for to all the boys ive loved before

Three cheers for cheesy teenage rom-coms!
(I don’t agree, though, for the record.  My current crush is activist Cameron Kasky.  But that’s beside the point.)

So, my girlfriends and I popped open a bottle of wine and shared stories about our own personal celebrities: the men we pass by on our every day adventures.  Here are our stories about the ones we are thankful for because they keep life a little interesting.

Like back in August, when I went to get a new tattoo with a friend of mine.  My artist came out to ask me a few questions, and I did that thing you see in movies where the girl totally tunes the guy out because she is so focused on how attractive they are?  And suddenly I just hear “hello Earth to Lex??” and then they have to repeat the question?  Except it wasn’t cute like in the movies – it was embarrassing because it was real life and it was me.  So when he went back to finish the sketch my aforementioned friend turned to me, looked me straight in the eye, pretended to wipe something off my chin and says “hey dude, stop drooling would ya?”

Embarrassing? Yes.
Comical? Affirmative.
But am I complaining? Absolutely not.
I got a new tattoo while making small talk and flirting with a very cute man, so all in all, great day.1533326060535

Or while I’m tucked away in my corner at Starbucks doing homework, and there’s that fluctuation of cute guys walking in and my mind goes right to the movies as if he’ll just come on over and sit down and strike up a clever conversation.  As if we’ll laugh and fall in love as time goes by and suddenly the store is closing before we even realize we’ve been there for so long.  When in reality I may get a smile, mini hand wave, and I’m left with endless possibilities of fake conversations running through my mind.

(But of course there are also the older men who direct their gaze over, even if they’re sitting there with who I can only assume to be their wife.  I divert my eyes and hope I don’t need to throw any punches, but hey it keeps me alert.)

Did I mention the cute police officer busy directing traffic?   I realize we all have places to be but do you mind if I just stop right here and cause a jam?
Instead I’ll wave and that’ll be that.  Maybe I’ll see you later at Starbucks, hopefully, if the universe thinks I should have a good day.

person holding cup of coffees on table
Photo by Victor Freitas on Pexels.com

Or that one night I was out at a bar with my friends celebrating birthdays, and we’re all sitting down with a few new guy friends, right?  Right.  So we’re laughing, having fun, and one of them looks at me and says “watch this.”  A few seconds later he hands me a FLOWER made from a NAPKIN and naturally I thought it was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.  Does this really happen to people?  Is this just birthday luck?  Who is this guy?  Did he also just hand me a ring he made from a dollar bill?
I need another drink.

If you think I wore that dollar bill ring and carried that flower around all night you are absolutely correct.
If you also think we never got in touch again after that night, and have since just gone our separate ways, then you are also absolutely correct.
(For the record, there are video tutorials online for anyone who wants to learn either of these fun (and easy) party tricks.)

And at the autumn fairs when my girlfriend and I are walking around desperate to find cow-spotted overalls, asking every cute guy working the games or food booths if they have seen them anywhere.  Hey, maybe we find them, maybe we get a double date out of it.   Either way, it’s win.
(It’s really a win when the guy lets your little cousin win the goldfish no matter what, even though none of us are really that great at throwing the bouncy balls into the small fish bowls.  Oh, then he offers to find you a job.  Good man, but no thank you.)

woman standing on metal fence near boy wearing black cap
Photo by Amanda Cottrell on Pexels.com

Or on the commute to work, I pass by a cute firefighter on the train.  We don’t speak to one another, but we exchange a single head nod and mutually understand that it replaces all niceties and small talk.

Just past that hero are the men in suits travelling to their finance desk jobs.  How riveting.  I think about how they could set me up for life and I could have my beach house and travel and never have to do my own finances.  But, then again, are they really worth my time?  I can settle with secretly admiring, and judging, them from a few rows away.

Or the ever so precious teenager that works the register at Target, right as the sale on bralettes goes live.  Poor timing for him because, I’m sorry, but us 20-somethings cannot pass up a bralette sale.  He turns bright red as he has to handle the lacy bras, like he is so embarrassed to be touching anything that isn’t a video game.  Just know that you are adorable and you made me giggle all day long at the thought of this encounter.

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Photo by Kristin Vogt on Pexels.com

We could talk about my personal favorite: the lingering eyes at the gym.  When I go over to the ‘heavy’ machinery where I need to share the equipment with these boys who are so clearly always skipping leg day.  When I just go over, adjust the weights, and quickly glance around to see a handful of these people looking at me as if I don’t belong, as if I shouldn’t know how to use this stuff.  As if there’s no way I could have played collegiate athletics before I became washed up and had to do these drills at 5am every week.
(Silly boys.  Surprise!  I squat more than you do.)
But their faces when they realize I actually know what I’m doing, that I don’t need a spotter, and have better form than most of them?  Well, that’s priceless.  It’s the little things, right?

(for the record: i’m kidding.  this is not my favorite.  please don’t actually watch women exercise.  I know you love to record yourself lifting, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no one actually cares that you went to the gym.  so mind your own beeswax, please.)

two woman doing exercise
Photo by Luis Quintero on Pexels.com

Nonetheless, shout out to all of the men that keep us on our toes as we roam through our day-to-day life.  The ones that are polite, kind, and give us a little hope for the future of mankind.  And here’s to all the women I can turn to and tell these stories with, and for everyone who shared with me their own encounters so I could put together this piece.

It’s still amazing to me that I can run into so many people, and meet so many strangers, and yet I still have not run into Chris Pine.  Maybe someday, if the universe thinks I deserve a good week.  Until then, bad rom-coms it is.

 

Kevin at a Desk

Hello Neighbor

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One of the top books trending on Amazon, and was recently named a New York Times Best Seller, is The Good Neighbor by Maxwell King. The book by King is an in depth biography about everyone’s favorite person growing up; Mr. Fred Rogers. Chronicling the life and times of this almost saintly PBS star, we get a really close look into an adult figure that basically shaped the modern times through his unconditional sense of nurturing and embracing the love of helping others grow. Even thou he is gone, that cardigan and simplistic smile still represents so much today.

i was fortunate enough to grow up in the time frame when Fred Rogers was producing the famous PBS show directly day in and day out. Although i was younger and started to watch the show and Mr Rogers in his later part of his legendary broadcasting career, i still loved to rush to the TV back in the day and wait to see the friendly neighbor walk through his door. i feel now that i am 24 i look back and become enthralled with what i learned from the show. Even if we did not know we were learning the skills to be a good human being, Fred Rogers always knew his audience was learning. Through his teachings and time with us, we learned what Fred Roger’s idea of being a good person was and how very simple it could be.

Be Kind.

It has been nearly sixteen years since Fred Rogers left our neighborhood, a new generation of children have come and started to learn of the lessons he gave us, but what if i told you that we need to revisit the episodes of a simple man ourselves?

It seems these days we haven’t been the friendliest of neighbors to each other. Building walls, hurting one another and not simply being kind when we need it the most. We know that this world is not meant to be perfect, nor is meant to be catastrophic in nature, but what we should start as 2019 is in its infantile stages is to be more like Fred Rogers and take up his Good Neighbor mantle he left behind for us. I like to believe that the world could use a good neighbor like Mr. Rogers these days. He was imperfect and that’s the way we all are, he loved unconditionally which we all have the potential to create, and he never created a persona for himself to supply the audience, in short terms he never stopped being who he was a rare, authentic form of a man.

 “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” – Fred Rogers

Fred Rogers always tried to bring the best out of people, even adults. In times of hardship and tragedy, we always looked for comfort in the things that are familiar to use and our childhood usually makes an appearance. In recent years, we have had things happen in this world that should never happen to anyone under our sun and stars, unspeakable acts and disasters that have rattled us to our very core, that have changed us in ways we wished we weren’t changed. But even in the 21st century and almost two decades since he passed away Fred Rogers is still helping us even in adulthood. As he said before “look for the helpers”, but i think we can do better than look for them. Lets be the helpers in times where things are not so good. It doesn’t have to be on a cataclysmic scale but we can be the ones that help others day in and day out even on the smallest things. Lets be the ones the next generation looks to in times of strife and say “Yes there they are, the helpers”.

I like to think this will be my goal for not only 2019 but in the years to come as well. We can all use a neighbor during our life, to help us on both our bad days and to help celebrate the good ones. i challenge those who are reading this to be a little more neighborly this year and it doesn’t have to be on a major scale. It can be simple and sweet and still have all the value still to it. If not the most important challenge i ask of those who read this is very simple and honors Fred Rogers the most; be kind.

Kevin at a Desk

New Year

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For once again, the clock tolls.

12, midnight, the beginning, the end.

I sit in the remaining confetti, once again alone.

To me, it all has lost its vibrant demeanor

Another Year, Another time where everyone begins again.

It’s as if they shed their skin of the year, they regenerate themselves, then given a new look that feels old.

Yet i am left here in my war torn vessel, with all the scars from the year.

I regenerate last out of everyone, I never understand why.

Maybe, i just don’t want to go, or maybe i am not ready yet.

In some of the years, i think it is a gift, to enjoy who i was for a little while longer.

Yet i am jealous none-the-less

all i ask is that i shake these scars,

the ones that fade in through the regeneration

the ones i regret and the ones that still burn.

This year will be no different,

they sleep, i stay awake

they change, im delayed

but maybe this is they year i live with minimal scars and i regenerate quicker next time.

or maybe ill lay here wide awake again pondering what could have been.

 

it doesnt matter

the new and the old, the beginnings, the ends

shall be turned upside down again in father time’s sands

and it will begin all again.

 

 

 

Kevin at a Desk

Oh, What a Year!

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As 2018 only has about a few days left and 2019 can now be seen on the horizon, humanity begins a sort of reflection period. We are entering a phase where we look back on the events that shaped 2018 into a year that no one has seen in recent history. We celebrate our success, mourn our losses, and count our blessings as 2018 comes to an end and we skid right into 2019. Now is the time to look back on what we have done during this year and see where our journey in life has taken us so far. I think when we begin to look back, we really start to ask the hard questions to ourselves.

Did i do everything that i wanted this year? What went wrong for me this year? How could i lose contact with him/her? Could i have avoided that heartbreak? Why Was i ever friends with them? Was i a good person? Could  i have done more?

i say we should step back from the questions and be more pensive as 2019 comes around the corner. We should reflect from where we began our journey almost 365 days ago to where we have stopped so to speak for the time being. You have never been so different in your life, why not enjoy the reflection for once? You have created  so many changes and either good or bad, they are what made the 2018 version of you so special

i hear on many occasions people talking about whether they had a good or bad year.  Now, there are good moments of the years where everything is going well and are luck would even make us consider that we won the lottery in life. Then there are the parts of the years where we could not catch our breath, where nothing broke our way and we are down on our luck. i like to think its not a matter of good or bad, more of how we recovered from the valleys to the peaks of the year. These influxes happen, its just a part of life. What happens when we are in the valleys of the year create the greatest peaks in the successes of the year.

What i consider the best part of December is that you get the time to reflect on all these things. You get to enjoy a toast to your successes that have created the best moments. We  are able to take a moment an remember all the bad times, the very bad terrible times we had in the year. We can remember the people we lost to the times and remember why we loved them so much. Each year, you pay a toll to go through the year, you might as well enjoy what you have paid for.

During this time of reflection, i hope you get to enjoy all your successes and learn from your failures. Be happy with your loved ones around you and remember those who have left us. If this was a good year, i hope you ride that wave of success again and if this wasn’t your year just know that every New Years Eve everything gets reset you start fresh like a regeneration. You never know, maybe this is the year everything comes together.

So as we enjoy the few days left of 2018, lets raise our glasses in hope of a happy and healthy 2019. 

I cant wait to see what is in store for us.

Kevin at a Desk

‘Tis the Season

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As the holiday season for many people goes into full throttle, we are reminded of what happens around this time. We skip the turkey and mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving to get out in line before the sun comes up to get the best deals on that TV or gaming console we have been dreaming for ourselves. The materialistic narcissism takes over, even the best of us for the twenty something days leading up to the holidays. Its a competition to see who got the best, expensive, or the shiniest gift money can buy.

This is one of the reasons i have stopped enjoying the holiday season.

What ever happened to enjoy the TV specials like Rudolph, A Christmas Story, A Rugrats Hanukkah or my personal favorite; A Charlie Brown Christmas? Why can’t we enjoy the baking of cookies or festive treats for the holidays with family instead of going out constantly to a shopping mall and arguing about buying items? Where did the days of yule logs and egg nog go? Why do we value the dollar more than the value of time? Why are the holidays a chore?

i can’t figure this out each year when the holidays roll around again.

In my recent memory, one of the things that comes with the holiday season is finding the perfect gift. Even tho i am young, i have ceased the idea of finding the perfect gift for someone, the perfect gift does not have the color of green money if you haven’t figured that out yet. What i have started is to give gifts that have no value to them, no price tag or sale attached. These gifts are what we really need in this world, these gifts are the ones that are valued throughout the years, it doesn’t even collect dust on a shelf. I just give the simple gift of caring. Now you must be wondering what that means, well its very basic. I give the thing that seems to me missing in the holiday season. Whether it is coming home to help with some lawn work or cut a limb off a tree for my dad, to the late night phone calls with friends after a rough day. Showing you care during this season, it can mean the world to someone. Study’s show that with the demanding nature the holidays have along with those who do not have anyone to celebrate it with. Creating a black hole within the holiday cheer. We can change this, we just need to start where the basics lay, by caring about our fellow humans.

This holiday season, no matter what faith you practice or what your family situation is, reach out to your fellow human beings that may be stressed or are alone. It only takes a phone call or a text to invite them over for dinner on Christmas or for them to celebrate a whole new celebration and traditions within Hanukkah. Even if you don’t celebrate traditionally or at all, make your own traditions and holiday fun on something you want to do. Just because we come from different scriptures or beliefs should not create a wall between the prevention of stress and loneliness. By inviting someone in to not be alone you are practicing what you preach, you are doing good. So as i try to spread a cause for caring this season within my social groups and family, i ask you stop the shopping, stop the over done practices of lights and flashy things and try to spread compassionate vibes to show you care.

By Showing that you care for thy neighbor, family and friends it makes this holiday just a dash brighter for everyone. 

 

Just Post Grad Things

When the 1% Takes a Turn For the Worst – Looking at the 1% Drop in Life Expectancy

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In the past week, reports shared by news outlets like the Boston Globe, USA Today and MSN are supporting the claims that suicide and drug overdoses have become so much of an epidemic that they have lowered the countries life expectancy by 1% – further ruining the countries life expectancy average for the third year in a row since the peak of the AIDS epidemic in 1993. The problem however is that this is not the cry for help, but rather the result of a child left crying in its crib with no parent in sight.

With bullying rates growing rapidly in the past decade, an increase of suicide in young children and adults was not far behind – in fact, I must be seeing at least three obituaries a week these days.  and similarly, drugs, which have become more accessible have pushed the public past a threshold to the point where it is currently and continually effecting the average house hold but until now, until the 1% was knocked off the top of our nationally recognized number, we barely touched the issue. 

To put this into perspective in 1789, when the United States constitution became active, it promised life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness – baring some beliefs on civil liberties, and egregious mistakes made by certain administrations since then, life became the most important promise our mothers and forefathers could have bestowed upon us – but 224 years later, despite advancements in fields like technology and health, not to mention the growing acknowledgement of mental illness as a national issue the worst time to be born into the Modern United States is right now.

And why is that you may ask – well because unlike the three waves of Cholera that hit the country between 1832-1866, or the “Spanish Flu,” which claimed the lives of 1 million Americans in 1918 following the end of the first world war – this epidemic is not derived from a bacteria that can be cured but rather stems from either a mental illness that affects 18.1% of the population per year (depression) or an illness that affects 23.5 million people (drug or alcohol addition) per year – and keep in mind these are only the reported cases. So who knows how many more go un-noticed and un-treated.

So for me the real question is – why now? Why are we finally reporting on something, why are we finally talking about this across every news outlet in the country – when this issue has been growing for fifty years? (MSN) Well, I guess it just speaks to the fact that everything is more interesting when you  consider the top 1% – even if that percentage is something that has been sacrificed from a national life expectancy.

Kevin at a Desk

To the Forgotten

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To the people who we have forgotten in time

The men and women of this world who once made a mark,

yet their light has become noting more than a broken bulb.

The deeds they have done, both the good and the evil.

None exist to the daily eye; none remembered, just a ghost of a memory.

These ghosts were remembered once

Remembered for what they did, what they once were

Now only oxidized bronze know their names.

 

Ever since i was a child i have felt sorry for these people,

but what i realize is that it is a list that has not ceased 

growing with the times.

The only difference is, now i know those names, those faces

Yet everyone around me shows the signs of letting them go.

We say we shall always remember but what happens when hey forget?

Another nail in the coffin, another death?

 

So take this time, this moment of the hour

To look at the closest street sign with the golden names

The yearbooks with the dusty devotions to the departed

The cookie cutter stones with a face carved in words

The memories that maketh man

Admire their dreams even if they are never to come true

For one day you shall join the forgotten as will i

but that does not mean the end, it just means we have done all we can

 

So, cheers to the forgotten

I hope one day someone rediscovers you,

just i as would want for my own Self. 

 

 

 

 

Kevin at a Desk

Family Does Not Last Forever

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Thanksgiving is around the corner, many families will gather to celebrate the joyful time of being together. Where the little ones will be watching the parade with Grandma and Grandpa and seeing the big floats go by. Where many will sit around the table, sharing a meal  and recounting the joy of being together and how thankful they are to have that Aunt Susie or Uncle Tom in their life. Life would be so grand.

This is a Hallmark illusion

The fact of the matter is that not all families are perfect. Some have uncles and aunts who don’t know where the line ends and that it doesn’t bend for egotistical ideologies during the holidays. Some grandparents want the holidays to be a catered dinner where they are the star of the show, even tho their isn’t an audience to feed them what they want. The illusion of families being perfect for the holidays where every grudge and nasty deed preformed in the year gets put aside for one day is a dream that only a child could conjure up. I like to think when we start our own families that we aspire to this ideal but do not let it takeaway reality of what goes on in the world.  Families are not perfect.

I can remember from my own personal experiences of how thanksgiving use to be for my family. It was always a rush to eat so everyone could go up to my uncles for desert and drinks. My mother would be so stressed to cook, clean and be up there that it ruined the holidays for her. She catered to some that would never be grateful for her work like i was. Going to my uncles wasn’t that great either; always stuck at the kids table, always the butt of a joke, never an enjoyable time no matter the holiday. This was coming from a 12 year old kid who could see through the stress that was piled up on my parents to put on a meal just so everyone could go get hammered at a house of nightmares. I still cant stand my family, but i decided that family doesn’t have to mean they are a part of my holidays.

Ever since freshman year of college, we have not invited family over to dinner and we have only gone to one place afterwords, but it is nothing that would leave a stress mark on my mind. We hang out at houses and even with the newest trend of “Friendsgiving” we get to be with friends from near and far to celebrate each other during this time for thanks. Holidays have become more enjoyable since we focused more on who really makes up our family. My mother will always take a moment during the dinner to show the fact that she can finally enjoy the holidays once more, something i think should never be overlooked.

In my opinion, family are the ones who stand by you in the good the bad and the ugly, they are the people who lean on you and you lean right back when needed, they never have to be blood but they damn sure feel like it. This is why we still invite people over. We still have a standing invitation for anyone from either work, school or anywhere in between to join us for a holiday meal if they have no place to go. In the years since some have taken up the offer and really add an enjoyable tone to the dinner. Less stress for mom is always a plus as well.

I guess that what i am trying to convey is the fact that even tho you have family members doesn’t mean they are family. The real family you have are those who you deem worthy of having the title of “Uncle”,  “Aunt” or any other title you like to give. People say you cant pick your family, i say different. If anything you cant pick the good ones but you chip away the bad ones.

Holidays are meant for peace on earth and good will towards all.

Its OK to make some man made peace yourself.

 

Kevin at a Desk

A Good Man

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A Good Man goes through life with no expectation of rewards or praise for the things they find should be common. They do not want the pomp and circumstance that comes with the deeds they do because its not what they were put on this Earth to do. They were not put on this earth to take medals and prizes, they are here for the people and progress of humanity.  A good man does everything for someone or something else, dedicating his values to the needs and desires of those he serves in what ever way that he finds serves the many. No matter the days, the hours, or service, a good man is always there for his people.

It seems today, i see less and less good men in this world. Too many spotlights pointed on people who don’t need them, too many awards for people who only served themselves. Too much stolen glory that the good men didn’t want, yet deserved, be given to the lackluster members of humanity. These are not good men of whom i write about.

Its not a sin for a good man to take some credit in some instances, its not a sin for a good many to accept some of the glory that comes with life. Its a sin when you don’t attempt to recognize their efforts of being a good man once in a while. Even if its minimal, its something for us to give back to them.

This past weekend, it was veterans day.

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A day where we honor those men, and women, for their service in the armed forces of our land and for our people. This day, is our way of saying thank you.  These good men and women never asked for praise, glory, or medals. They signed up to serve there nation without complaint, without thought, but with all the sacrifice. From the greatest generation, to Korea, Vietnam, and the Gulf Wars and everything in between, they didn’t sign up to fight wars, they signed up to protect us from enemies foreign and domestic.

They signed up to be Patriots.

My entire family served, from Dad and all the way up. Navy and Army. Two legendary branches. There was a time even when for Christmas and thanksgiving that there was always one Gill deployed, the holidays weren’t complete. But they were and are good men. My father is a good man. He helps where he can, teaches when he can, and loves no matter what. He never asks for praise, never takes the glory of extra money when he provides for others, and he never asks for anything in return. A good man you see. Although he will never read this, my navy boy dad will be one of my examples of what it means to be a good man in these days where i can not seem to find people like this anymore. I have known great men.

In addition to veterans day, it is also a day of sorrow. Its a day where i remember another good man. Today is a day where a good man got called home.

Now, i don’t say much to outsiders about Brother Oxx simply because remembering hurts too much, it stings the fingertips as i write these words down on digital paper. He was a man who could command a room of testosterone fueled high school boys with a simple look. Not many people earn the respect like that in a lifetime.  He was the one in our darkest hours, both as a community and our personal matters, whom we looked up to and asked for guidance when we could not see ahead of ourselves. He, one of the best men i have ever known. Unfortunately, time waits for no man. No matter how good he or she is.

Br Oxx passed away almost six years ago on November 12th 2012. Not a day goes by without me missing him in some way.

In recent years, i find myself stumbling upon  asking a question that pops in my head.

“Am i a Good Man? “

i always ask myself what makes me good in the eyes of the world, especially with so much to live up to, especially after these great men i have in my life. i sometimes feel as if i can not compare to them and that i don’t measure up. I feel as if i can not contribute to what is already good in this world. Even tho i am told by people that i am kind in a world of hate and i am caring in times where it is overlooked, i feel i do not do enough to be a good man. I know to measuring a mans worth is never a good idea, but i like to know my worth is, so i can see that i am on the right path, the good path, to becoming a better man.

But these men that i have known, who have set an example for myself and all those who come after them, i hope they have an express ticket to heaven, for they have done well in life and deserve so much.

For they, in my eyes, are good men

and in the darkest of times,

good men shall always rise.

Higher Thoughts, The Human Alexa

the time between the end and the real world

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You ever think about how, one day, years ago, you and your friends went out and had the last day of your official childhood, but no one actually knew it at the time?

Can you think back and guess which day you think that was for you?

It’s like suddenly, you wake up and surprise, you’re an adult.  The refrigerator doesn’t magically fill itself with food, and you may even need to start ironing your own clothes.

I think about the idea of past, and future lives.  How there are those that believe we will come back one day to start a new life, as a human, or an animal, or an alien of some sort.  Or that in our current lives, we are the reincarnation of someone from history, and we were them, and now are living our next life (maybe those are the voices we hear in our heads? or the people we see in dreams we don’t recognize?)

And how now we have the expression “living my best life” and I wonder if we can really say that with confidence.

I think if we were to live again, it would be like waking up after childhood.  I imagine waking up one day as a teenager and just moving along with life, “ready” to be an adult, not really thinking about what has come before then.

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Biologically, the majority of people can remember events as far back as when they were just 3 years old, but those memories only come in spurts of very memorable, single instances.  Our long-term memory just does not have the capacity for anything further back plus everything else we have experienced.  So I suppose it makes sense that we don’t really remember our past lives, if we had any.

As a result, I’m calling this current year of my life “the time between the end and the real world,” because I am trying to savor the last bits of what I think could be my childhood, despite being considered a young adult by everyone around me.  Because if I really won’t remember any of this in my next life, I should really just live it up now.

But maybe, just maybe, there can be a bit of an overlap.  Where my childhood hasn’t ended yet, but I start up my adult responsibilities anyway.  Because is it really a requirement to grow up?

Where I start to contribute to society and others around me, but can still have some fun and enjoy those Disney movies and dressing up in silly costumes for Halloween.

Maybe the people we used to be actually strengthen who we are today.  Maybe those personalities come together and shape each person we become – they are the mold to our bodies and we play through our childhood until we are fully formed, ready to create a new personality for our future self.

Why do we need to have a time limit on childhood?  Why can’t we have a little warning before my friends and I go out for our final “play date,” jump in the leaves, or bike ride around the neighborhood?

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I think the time between the end and the real world is almost like a reflection period of our childhood.  Should I have spent more time listening to the birds chirping, making snow angels, swinging on the playground, or having water balloon fights?

Maybe, in my next life, I can do that more often.  And then maybe, when I hit this point next, I’ll think of some other things I should have done before “leaving childhood” and start this loop all over again.

For now, I’ll try to live my best life yet.