Category Archives: JustRachel

JustRachel

To the ones with weak spot syndrome

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We all have a weak spot for someone. A friend, a family member, or a lover. We all have that one person we’d wait for – the one who could get away with murder and we’d forgive them.

Me, I have weak spot syndrome – and maybe you do too. For me it’s never one person but rather, a list. A list of people who enter and exit my life on a whim and yet I am always thinking of them. A list of people who I care about unconditionally no matter how much they hurt me or say things behind my back. Yeah I have weak spot syndrome – but maybe you do too. So this letter is for you.

To the ones with weak spot syndrome. Know that you are loved. Know that there is someone out there who will love you like you deserve someday. Know that it will be hard to let toxic people go. Know that you won’t be able to let certain people go but you have to.

To the ones with weak spot syndrome. I get it but not everyone will.

I know what it’s like to wait for a call, a text, or any form of acknowledgement. I know what it’s like to hurt when you don’t get it. And 95% of the time you won’t get it – because some people these days don’t understand what it’s like when someone on your list is begging to be removed but you can’t let them go.

To the ones with weak spot syndrome, know that this kind of burn is good. This kind of hurt is good. This kind of pain is what you need – because one day you will be able to let that person or people go.

and when you do

The feeling will be glorious.

JustRachel

Repping the Awkward Adult

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Announcement!

AwkwardNAdulting now has a clothing line!! (https://teespring.com/stores/the-awkward-adult)

I got mine!!

To rep the brand go check out our merch tab and if you like what you see consider repping for us.

To stay up to date on all things awkward also follow us on Instagram @awk_adult where you can find discounts and more!

We come, we post, we conquer (kinda)
JustRachel

5 things “the bachelor” teaches you about getting your man

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The Bachelor. Many of us have seen it. Some of us haven’t, but whether you have or have not there is no denying the popularity of the bachelor brand. So today I thought I’d jump on the band wagon and do a little listicle.

5 things “the bachelor” has taught me about getting my man...

1. Every second counts: when faced with a game time scenario that time is yours. Seize the day to seize the guy.

In the bachelor we are quick to judge the girls that go back for seconds or thirds before others have gotten their fill. THIS IS NOT THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH YOUR FAMILIES LADIES. In this situation it’s time to act and act fast. When that first night comes around get after it. Show initiative by showing interest and take the time to get your time and get to know the guy you are out with.

2. Nurse your drink: when it comes to first dates most of them are bound to be awkward. But that doesn’t mean you can down three drinks and dance on the table.

Staying casual, composed, and interested (if it applies) should be the cornerstone rule of dating. And while this rule may not be possible for a room full of 30 girls chasing after one man – you are most likely not in a situation like that so stay cool and take it slow.

3. Look your best: ladies there are a lot of fish in that sea and while I am the first to skip makeup 5 out of 7 days a week dating is a meal best served with a side of “dayum I look good” so put your best foot forward. And whether that means mom jeans and a v neck or a full on gown and a full face of makeup well I’ll leave that up to you.

4. Don’t eat the food: (kidding!) back when I was 16 I went on my first date and as a precursor to that date I asked some friends for advice. One question I asked was about food… however, their advice to eat a salad or something that didn’t make me take my true form as a farm animal was not helpful.

When on a date in bachelor world you will notice that the girls don’t eat. This is apparently because filming takes so long that the food is out all day in gross conditions. It is for this reason that I would never survive the bachelor because my advice is to EAT LIKE NOBODY IS WATCHING

5. Be yourself: whether you are someone that dresses like a shark and calls yourself a dolphin or dresses like a princess and calls yourself “the BEAST” my best advice and the best lesson I learned from the bachelor is that you should always be yourself.

At the end of the day, whether you’re competing against 30 other women for one man or simply competing for the eye contact of one man trying to stare down your shirt – the most important thing to be is yourself because why? BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU. DUH.

The closing credits

So whether you watch the bachelor or you don’t. Whether you think it’s good tv or trash best served with a glass of wine and a side of used tissues (some of us are lonely ok). There is a lot to be learned from the experience of watching 30 women cat fight over a single man until they are ultimately sent home.

JustRachel

New year no resolutions

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Growing up I took New Years as a sort of shooting star meets genie in a bottle. A single night to make a wish or three for the next 365 days to follow.

When I was younger (and more selfish than I am now) I used to wish for a first kiss, a first love, a first … Well the list goes on, but this year (the second or third where I didn’t even make it to midnight) I’m finding myself a different tune to sing.

This year I’m not making resolutions. 1- because they are bull sh** (no offense) and 2- because making a big elaborate promise to myself or a wish on a “shooting star” to get the guy or figure out who I am or invest in my 401k (which I will do… when I have the money) or even break bad habits isn’t something that should only manifest on one single day in a whole year.

I mean think about it. We wait a whole year, for one night, just to get drunk off our asses and ring in the new year with a bad hangover and hazy memories of the clock striking midnight. We stay up all night – way past my bed time – to test this sort of Cinderella effect where we prove or disprove that we can stay a princess for a couple more hours, or days, or weeks. We wait all year – where we are constantly evolving and growing and becoming the person we want to be, just to make a wish that we can skip the hard work and turn pumpkins into carriages over night. IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

And look I hate to be a cynic. (A little) but I’d also prefer to be a realist.

For me 2019 was one of the most challenging years of my life (and yes I’m young so it seems inconsequential but it’s not). BUT it was also the year where I grew the most. Challenged myself the most. Ended jobs and started new ones. Lost friends and made new ones. Searched for love when I didn’t understand how to love myself first. And yeah in a lot of ways, and form the outside looking in, you could say it sucked – and in some ways it did – but for me, while 2019 was not the best year of my life – it was exactly what I needed and no resolutions to get fit or get kissed did that… I did.

I don’t know if I believe in destiny, I don’t know if I believe in the big man in the sky, and I sure as hell don’t know if I believe in fate because that gets twisted real quick… what I do believe in though, is me.

I believe that 2020 could be the best year of my life but I don’t want it to be. I want it to be hard and frustrating and full of wins AND losses. And I’m not resolving to make any of this happen. I’m just going to feel it out day by day and make changes up as I go. Because Adulting and living aren’t about one night to define them all – they’re about a whole new year to write and re-write the narrative.

So here’s to 2020 and the promise to make no promises and take no prisoners.

JustRachel

Dear decade

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Dear decade, this will be our last letter. The last time I say hello and you goodbye. The last time I try to comprehend what happened over the course of 9 years. And the first time I admit that, though none of it was perfect – all of it was what I needed.

Dear decade, the past nine years have been full of goodbyes, good mornings, and hello’s. It’s been filled with – “nice to meet you”s and “sorry to see you go”s.

In the past decade I became an adult – a real full fledged adult. I’ve graduated high school and college and my masters. I’ve started a blog and now a clothing line to go with it (got that one in right under the wire). I moved away from home, stayed in touch with old friends and lost touch with new ones. I gave speeches and monologues and rants and (yeah I talked a lot).

But I gave up a lot too.

I said goodbye to my father – and the dreams that come with having one. I lost the man to walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding.

But through it all I didn’t give up hope.

I said hello to new dreams. Cheered family on through weddings and graduations and babies being born. I persevered through pain and I fought my biggest enemy (myself)

So decade, I guess you could say I did ok. I made it through. I had victories and losses and championship moments that I wouldn’t give up for the world. Yeah I guess you could say I did it – we – did it. We made it through. And decade, that’s all either of us could have asked for.

– R

JustRachel

The block list

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So you did it. You done f’ed up. You texted or called or tweeted or snapped that one person you shouldn’t have – and they RESPONDED. S***. Now what?

Step 1 : remain calm. Don’t overthink it. Maybe it’s an ex and you’re feeling the post holiday “why are you single conversations” maybe you just wanted to talk to someone familiar. It’s ok. It’s normal to want that.

Step 2 : keep it casual. Resist the urge to make plans. Don’t agree to coffee or a call. Just go with the flow and wish that person well.

Step 3 : the exit. Try something like. “It was nice to hear from you” or since it’s the holidays “wish your family a happy holidays for me.” Then leave it at that.

Step 4 : the rehab. Coming back from a convo with an ex is hard and it’s exhausting sometimes. Take some time to bow out. Or spend time with family. Let yourself live in it for a bit – then let it go. (Easier said than done)

Look at the end of the day we all just want to remain connected to people. Social media makes this easy but it also makes it easy to get caught up in the drama of “what is he/she up to” and “I wonder if they’re thinking about me too”. But at the end of it all we need to take care of ourselves and the ones who are still in our lives first.

Take care of yourself this holiday season and remember that the people who are in your life are lucky to be there just like you are lucky to be present in their lives. And if you are home try not to get caught up in your past by digging it up.

In other words keep your friends close and your block list waaaaaay out of reach.

JustRachel

The problem with love in my generation

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So about a week ago, after watching a rom com I started writing a post that was nothing short of crazy cat lady crazy. (Not to worry, I culled the crazy)

In this post, I talked about love and how it was the princes that I haven’t kissed were the ones I regretted more than the frogs I had. I talked about unrequited love and how our lives are defined by the chances we don’t take when it comes to love.

BUT – it wasn’t until my car ride home from work the next day that I realized why I had cat lady spiraled – ok maybe not a reason, but at the very least it was a much more constructive way of writing in which I didn’t confess an undying love that only occurs to me when I am lonely (aka not love but loneliness).

Thus I GIVE YOU (drumroll) … The problem with love in my generation.

See in my generation it seems that we have “love” or rather “lust” at our fingertips. If we are lonely we swipe, bored? We swipe, in need of human intimacy? You guessed it. We cue up the options and swipe our way into someone’s bed.

Today it’s easier than ever to find someone for whatever you need in the moment. But the problem with this? It doesn’t last. And that isn’t just because someone’s bio takes away the romance or the mystery of meeting someone on the street or at a bar. It’s because that craving for someone to love or lust us takes away from the one thing the internet can’t immediately gratify.

TODAY WE LACK THE ABILITY TO LOVE OURSELVES FIRST – and no ladies I’m no talking about the Hailee Steinfeld song kind of “love yourself” I’m talking no likes no views see yourself in the mirror and dig what you see before you ask some guy or girl to validate.

Look at the end of the day validation is great. But kissing frogs and finding princes/princesses doesn’t do a damn thing if you can’t find yourself first.

The problem with my generation is that love isn’t like the movies and while getting caught up in the theatrics every once in a while is great it doesn’t fix the problem. The problem that we don’t give ourselves enough love or honest communication to ever give it to someone else.

These days were caught up in trying not to be lonely that we make a lot of wrong turns. Some of us end up in short term marriages, some in abusive relationships and others well those lucky little craps find something real. At the end of the day it comes down to luck and love – not luck for finding someone or love of someone but luck and love in knowing and loving ourselves.

JustRachel

Life after life

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Graduating college comes with a personal loss. While there is an excitement to graduating, many of us mourn the transition into the new life we are meant to live.

So how do we survive life after life? How do we transition from the life we know into the life we were meant to live.

Until recently I didn’t understand why people live at home after they graduate. Other than the practicality and genius of saving money rather than jumping into the real world – living at home seems to present a kind of common comfort as we (as adults) transition into our new lives.

But while many move home, I cannot speak to that experience. For me, when I graduated, my survival was dependent on diving into a new reality… and by that I mean that I coped by maintaining a sense of comfort and similarity. For me I didn’t go “home” but I clung to the new home that I had made for myself.

After graduating undergrad chose to go back to school. This was my survival technique. I picked up grad classes at the place I had gone to undergrad, stayed on the Track team for one more year and clung to every ounce of sameness that I could.

Let me set the record straight – surviving life (post grad) isn’t easy, but if it was it wouldn’t be worth it.

After graduating grad school last May I crashed a little but luckily I found new life in Maine “in the pines” where I was able to find myself again and build enough confidence to get a new job and move back to my home in Massachusetts.

Now I have a great job, some solid friends and a new outlook on adulting.

For me, surviving post grad has been a whirlwind, and for you it will be different. It won’t be easy, it will be expensive, and at times you will lose sight of who you thought you were – but that is exactly what life after life is all about.

Moral of the story – I can’t give you the perfect answer on “how to survive life” not after college, not through the winter, and not after a bad breakup. But what I can do – I can tell you that you will make it and that it will be worth it. So for now – don’t worry, enjoy the moment, and strive to be nothing less than you.

JustRachel

Post grad grumpies

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At 23 I have already perfected the art of settling. I have a good job, good friends, money in the bank and food in the cupboard. I have some stuff I don’t need and almost all the things I do.

From the outside looking in some might be jealous, some would criticize my apparent lack of gratitude, and others would chose not to care. From the outside looking in you would assume I’m happy – and I should be – but I’m not.

But why?

Well, Im quickly realizing that the problem with having a good job at 23 is that both ourselves and the world assume that we should be grateful. But if you know you deserve more out of life a good job can feel a lot more like a bad boyfriend (partner). Where you know the relationship is toxic but you’re grateful for the opportunity to be valued and loved. And isn’t that exactly what settling is? Being grateful but knowing that something isn’t right?

At this point in my life I can’t say I pushed for many of the opportunities that have come my way. And it isn’t that I haven’t worked hard on this that or the other, but at the same time 9/10 times I didn’t ask to end up where I am – I just shrugged and said yes. And until recently I’ve come to think that this was normal. That, this is how we adult, this is how we grow up. But it’s not is it?

To break it down: a post grad perspective of what I assumed life after college and grad school was supposed to look like…

We find a job, count ourselves lucky, take it graciously, settle in to daily routines and then, like an arranged marriage we expect and hope that we will fall in love with what we do. (This situation more often applies to people who don’t know exactly what they want to do out of school or don’t end up working somewhere like Disney or Google or Pinterest or what have you) And for a lot of people, or at least the ones I follow, the jobs they have found after graduating have seemed to click. These people for whatever reason seem (externally at least) happy. And of course, maybe this isn’t true or maybe it is – but on behalf of those who are struggling to love what we do and those looking at their job like a relationship they’ve settled into – I don’t think that this is what life is meant to be about.

So yeah, at 23 I’ve all but perfected the art of settling – or at least it feels that way. And for a lot of things and a lot of reasons I should be grateful and I should count myself lucky. But I guess the problem with that is that when you know you deserve better and when you know you can be so much more – the post grad gratefuls can feel a lot more like post grad grumpies and for me, that’s not something I ever dreamed of doing.

JustRachel

That Chic’s A… Beast of a Mother (Bam!)

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Today I want to start a new phrase. Not like DUFF or MILF or DILF – but something along the lines of “Mother of Dragons” or “Khaleesi”.

I want to start something that completely encapsulates what it is like to be the most Momish Mom in your friend group. To be the one that pulls bandaids out of her bra strap and has a purse like Mary God Damn Poppins – to be the one who, male or female your uterus (gut) is literally screaming so damn loud to have kids that it comes out as an energy entirely unlike anything anyone has ever seen.

And Yes, I am talking about the one person who is always prepared and the one person who, despite being trashed, tired or sick and on your death bed you can still manage to – on command – negotiate four other completely obliterated morons out of an invisible maze while holding back two girls hair, making sure the third doesn’t break an ankle on top of that heel she totaled and keeping an eye on the fourth who is running away screaming “I DON’T NEED HELP!” (but spoiler alert… she so does)

In my friend group we say that this person has “Big Wife Energy”, we call her Becky – but I don’t think that captures the full meaning of being the one true “Mother of Morons” or a Beast of a Mother – a BAM if you will. Yeah – shes a BAM!

So what qualifies someone as a true Beast of a Mother? Well Buzzfeed obviously has its answers, but for me and for my friend group, BAM’s come in many shapes and sizes.

You have the:

  • Bad Mom BAM, the one who gets wine drunk on a tuesday.
  • The Dad BAM who protects you and threatens ill fitting suitors.
  • The Becky BAM, who, as I said is our friend groups first and foremost expert on BAM lifestyle.
  • The Casual BAM – the one who comes out when his/her children have scrapes bruises or heart ache.

and depending on your personal BAM style, the list goes on and on.

But at the end of the day these men and women deserve to be recognized and praised for all that they do for us.

So here are to the beasts. The baddies. And of course, the BAMs – long may you reign.

JustRachel

Back at it again with Employment, Enjoyment and Adulting

Hey guys, gals and the gender non-binary! I’m officially back and bloggier than ever!

So first off, I want to start off this blog by apologizing. While I know y’all are not dependent on our content by any means, I hope you have missed our wit and candor over these past few months in hiding.

So what happened? Well let me tell you! I have spent the last four months off the grid and keeping my thoughts to myself. Does this mean I haven’t been adulting? No. But also, kinda. See the past few months have been a whirlwind of emotion and self discovery where I have worked seemingly odd jobs, met amazing people, and now, finally, arrived at a place where I am back at it again and ready to share my story with you all.

So here it goes …

As many of you know seven months ago I was let go of my job – but what you don’t know is that four months or so ago, after finishing my degree, I decided to take a hiatus. (As if leaving the working world for three months to finish my education wasn’t already technically a hiatus – but I digress)

I left my life and almost all that came with it to spend the summer in Maine, on the lake I hold most dear. This was both a beneficial and toxic decision based on the fallout of my actions leading up to and following my move to Maine, but overall I stand by my decision and am happy that I did what I did.

Anyway, There I spent three months working at this wonderful and quirky place called Quisisanna. Quisisana is, essentially, a highly recognized yet equally discrete woodland local, where families may and do chose to return every year for a weeklong stay among the pines and the musically inclined. There I laughed, I cried (because of all the onions I had to chop) and I reveled in the beauty of off grid life.

But now I am back, I am employed and I am ready to start back up with all my awkward and all my adulting.

So what does this new life entail? Well it essentially consists of me turning my world upside down.

Since moving back from Maine I have moved into a new apartment, started a new job, decided NOT to further run away from my life by moving to China to teach English (a job I was offered but chose to decline after starting at fidelity where I am now) and now I’m just in this place where I’m trying to figure it all out in the simplest ways possible before I either go or drive myself crazy.

So now that we’re all caught up, what comes next?

Next up and coming soon are more blogs about what it’s like to take time off, to move into a new space alone, to commute a ridiculous amount of time per week so that I can stay close to my grounding forces here in Mass, finances and how to manage them (ish) and pretty much anything else associated with this new form of adulting that I fell into.

In other words, this is about to be a busy couple of months and I am so excited to be back at it again and sharing it all with you.

JustRachel

Why you should never date the guy who comes to you with other girl drama

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Mom never warned you about him. The home grown, grass fed, US of A home town hero. He was raised on the Sandlot, on mallo’s and grahams – he’s the guy next-door, brought up on good ol’ fashioned values and he can’t catch a break with women but he really likes you. Sound familiar?

He’s the one that calls you about all the other girls, spends nights sitting with you talking about how awful girls can be, as if you after surviving high school and middle school knew nothing about how girls could be.

You sympathize, and he likes that. But then he takes kindness for infatuation and before you know it he takes a swing and aims for the outfield expecting you to catch his heart on the pop fly.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with this. With guys trusting girl friends, with guys being vulnerable and opening up – in fact that should be encouraged more, but it is the tone they use that defines the relationship that will follow.

He isn’t Friendzoned but he’s headed that way

Until this point you’ve always been that friend, that girl, that “DUFF” of sorts that agrees with him, that hypes him up and gives him the confidence he needs. But when he asks you out… well.

Alright ladies, I know you have all been there. You all have that hopeless romantic guy friend who – despite seeming like one of the nicest humans out there can’t seem to catch a break when it comes to the ladies. I have at least 5 in my life at any time. But – then you take the leap, you go out, and… yeeeeahhh.

Enter – the Friendzone

First dates don’t always work out. If they did a lot more of us would be madly in love and a lot more trusting of our emotions. But they often head more toward the friend zone than the romantic zone.

Don’t date this one

Truth is, I have spent years going for the ones that go for me like a shark in bloodied water. But none of the relationships work out. At the end of the day you can’t date the ones that complain about other girls. Date the one who talks fondly of others and be the person they talk fondly about.

At the end of the day it isn’t about what they gave you, how much the dinner cost or how or if it ended. It’s about the experience. So go after the ones that experience life. Not the ones who dwell on its shortcomings.