What happened to middle school dances. To the guarantee that someone would show up far to drunk to a party where ALL the adults were watching. What happened to “apple bottomed jeans”? and to “boots with the fur”? But most importantly why did growing up, mean that my scheduled social obligations had to go out the window?

“Go out, Meet People”

Most assume that in the tinder and bumble age of dating it is easy to meet people out in public. For me, this is not the case.

This, in part, is because I moved into a town with virtually no bars and all families/ college students. But at the same time, college didn’t prepare me for what comes after the end of my own young adult novel.

And why would it… because even the end of the Harry Potter series skipped twenty years ahead to sending young Albus Potter off to Hogwarts – so what is the real value of telling someone like me how to live after my nemesis is gone and my education is all said and done?

Truth is… it’s not easy to meet people when all you do is work and sleep and a decent night out costs forty bucks.

Social Structure

Today I realized that the thing I miss the most in my life is organized socialization.

I miss the idea that someone else has planned IN ADVANCE for me to be somewhere out of social obligation. And the fact that all I had to do was show up rather than putting it in my google calendar for three weeks from next Tuesday.

Graduation Made Me Do It

I will confess that I am washed up. That limbo is neither a game nor a state of being but rather a way of living and that I have embodied limbo wholeheartedly since last May.

Truth is, I am not ready to let go of the structure. Of the idea that I can be stimulated by something other than healthcare claims data and research. Truth is, I am not ready to give up on pre-planned events, but I have to.

That being said… What they don’t tell you when you graduate is that after twenty-two years of your life you will no longer have daily or weekly social obligations. You will not have to attend school functions, educational events, conferences based on scholarly merit, or movie nights. Upon graduation, it is no longer socially acceptable to attend school-related social events, excluding homecoming or other “big games”. Upon graduating and of course, landing a job, the only “social” event you are required to attend is work – and as someone who loves structure, I am NOT a fan.

Am I Wrong To Want More?

A question I constantly grapple with is… am I wrong to want more from my life? Am I wrong to want someone to talk to on the phone or in person? To go out to dinner with, even if I know dinner has to be at 9 pm when classes get out. Am I wrong to want a life beyond what is good for me and my career? Or am I just too ungrateful to realize that everything I have is more than a gift and that a year from now re-reading this, I’ll laugh about the days when having a scheduled life — beyond the crazy schedule I have given myself — and realize I was exactly where I was meant to be.