Introducing – the Millennials Guide to The Do’s and Don’ts of the Dating Death Trap – [feel free to add]
Point one: Communication
[DO] Improve your practice of good communication
Chivalry is always the first to be thought dead, but our ability to communicate has diminished so much that we have resorted to ludicrous terms like ‘ghosting.’
‘Ghosting’ can be defined as one person, who often reached out to communicate with another suddenly stops completely. It is also rude and most of us have done it…
I for one will tell the people I am interested in that being honest is paramount to all else. If you tell me that you aren’t interested anymore, I will be ok, if you ignore me until I’m forced to figure it out for myself, I won’t be as relaxed about the issue. And similar to this is the idea of buffet style dating. The route taken when one person choses to pick, choose and use a number of other individuals at one time. Being honest about that style of dating may not be highly approved of, but at the same time, no one can blame you if you have been up front from the jump. So just be honest and communicate.
[DON’T] Allow Communication to be One sided
Here is where we get into the “playing games” debate. So from my experience in dating, I have realized that the guys I was with never lead me on, never played games – but I took what they said and got it jumbled in my head. I can admit that is on me. But allowing communication to get jumbled in the first place is a major issue that contributes to drama and severed relationships.
At the end of the day we can’t force something that isn’t there. Be honest with your partner because that kind of communication practice might help you in other areas of your life as well.
Point two: Pace
[DO] Go at your own speed
Remember that your relationship is equal between two people, the rest of the world has no business knowing what you do and when. Being comfortable and trusting the person you are with is so crucial to how you treat yourself, your partner, and those around you. Rushing things could lead to some ill feelings and if those are not expressed one could resent the person they are with.
I feel like these days we move so quickly. With apps like tinder and bumble the dating scene becomes a mix of sexually frustrated individuals, lonely love-struck wannabees, and genuine people wanting to find a real connection.
But rushing isn’t just a concept with intent, but one where ‘coming on too strong’ ie. showing interest, can become an immediate turn off. So while there is a benefit to playing hard to get, the best advice is to just take it at your own pace.
If you cant tell if you are moving too fast check out this link from the Huffington Post here.
Point three: Boundaries and Space
[DO] Have Boundaries
If you can’t hang out with your best friend 24 hours a day 7 days a week, odds are you can’t handle your significant other for that amount of time either. Creating boundaries allows for the much needed space to continue growing as an individual, not just one half of a whole. Be your own person, then share that person with those you love.
[DON’T] Overwhelm each other
The best way, I have found, to kill a new romance is to be on top of each other (not literally of course). When you spend all your time with one person you tend to cut yourself off from the other important people in your life, and in doing so you risk missing out on invaluable opportunities to learn and grow. If you truly love someone, and make the choice to spend your lives together then you can use that time to drive each other crazy, but right now, take it day by day.
[DON’T] Have so many boundaries that you are scheduling other romances in
In all relationships and on every side of the dating spectrum, the idea that someone isn’t open enough, can lead to doubt and a lack of trust. It seems like an obvious rule, but making yourself available (in whatever way you are comfortable) is a huge aspect of being in a relationship. It isn’t about always being 100%, that would be too high of an expectation, but being yourself and making time to be with someone you care about shouldn’t have to be a schedule based item. We make time to do the things we care about, so if you care about someone, and feel like you at e struggling to schedule them in, odds are you aren’t as into it as you could be.
…AND TO THAT SAME END…
If you are scheduling one romance around another, do yourself and that other person a favor and cut it off. If you need more than one at a time, odds are the ones you are with aren’t giving you what you really need.
For more info on the proper way and reason why to set boundaries Click here.
hookups are not dates
no one person is in charge of paying for everything
a relationship is about equal give and take
Have more do’s and don’ts? add them below in the comments