my good friends know who he is – my acquaintances know who he could be – but I know him as the one who got away
I was always the awkward angry type. I grew up watching rom coms and believing that – this is what life could be like. Believing – I could one day fall for my best friend and then that would be it – because he would feel the same way and we’d keep being friends and grow the relationship from there.
When the movie ends, they never show you what happens after the “happily ever after” they just fade to credits and you assume that the characters walked off into the sunset without any issue.
A couple years back I was working up to a couple sunset moments. I mean they all started like a movie so who was I to not be a hopeless romantic and assume they could end in the same way. [ I was wrong ] See my freshman year I broke someone’s heart – hell maybe I even broke a few, but it wasn’t until the following year when I was chasing a dream – that I realized the most important heart I broke that year was my own.
Four years back… [trust me it gets less cheesy]
Four years ago my life restarted, I was just starting college – coming off of the most incredible summer of my life. I was ready for my life to change and sure enough it was.
Then I started dealing with reality…
See what they don’t tell you when you get to school is that nine out of ten people have just as much family drama and just as many family disfunctions as you do. I personally found this comforting in my own twisted way – but it didn’t make dealing with everything any easier.
I ran from a lot my first year of school. I ran from boys, friends, obligations, my past – but most importantly I ran from myself.
Now like I said I broke a couple hearts that year – but it wasn’t until a big part of me left that I realized how dangerous my own actions could be when it came to my heart.
Cue the drunk texts
My sophomore and junior year of college I learned the importance of blocking people. And to be completely honest it was never their fault – but my own. I don’t know how many drunk texts I sent to the guys who dared to show interest in me, but they almost never ended well.
It was around this time – or rather Christmas that I started referring to someone I used to know as the one
The truth I am scared to tell
Have you ever met that person that gets you? The one who understands exactly who you are. Sees through the disguise. Knows all your flaws and knows that the way you see yourself is the hardest weight to carry?
I have.
And I scared him off.
See the truth is – you never think you’re going to lose someone. You never assume that a skipped goodbye will turn into three years of waiting to see someone again. You never assume that one person – who you care so deeply about because you know that your relationship will never be the same as it was when you met – will leave.
but it happens
Look take it from someone who has watched people up and leave. Who has gotten jealous over nothing and written novels about her mistakes – its easy to wish someone gone in a moment, but having them follow through – having them walk away unexpectedly – it haunts you.
my good friends know who he is – my acquaintances know who he could be – but I know him as the one who got away
For me this guy will always be the one who got away. And while I know there was nothing I could have done – I know there is a lot I should have done differently.
Truth is life pulls us in a million different directions – to a dozen different places, and maybe the way we have worked it out to be in our heads isn’t the way it was meant to be – but that doesn’t mean we wont wonder.
Awkward n' Adulting 