Almost ten years ago, I’ll never forget spending the night at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, MA for what would be the last of a five year battle. My mother, who was terminally ill with breast cancer, was in a medically induced coma to stop her pain and suffering. You would think that during this time, everything would be hitting the fan, that my emotions would be out of control and I would be hysterically crying, but I wasn’t. You see, since I was in the second grade, I saw my mothers very turbulent battle with this type of cancer. What most people don’t know is that during some of the lowest points in her health, I was there for her always and I will never forget what she told me.
My mother was the oldest in a family of six other siblings. As you could imagine life back then was both a growing experience and a true test of character. What I know of her during this time was the story she told me and those who have recounted her life. I’ll never forget hearing about what a true indigo leader she was, someone who was an empath and was not fully aware of her gift.A lot of these gifts, I also have as her and I shared a very unique bond.
My sister, who my mother loved dearly may have been the oldest, but my mom loved her more than life itself. Though I am not close to her now, I know my mom would have been so proud of the woman she has become because she really is independent, strong, and fully capable of doing anything she sets her mind to. With her, if it isn’t happening,she will make it happen. I’ve always admired her for this, and my mother did to. I know like everyone we all doubt ourselves, but she was gifted with ambition and strength.
As for me, well after my mother passed in that hospital, I found peace, but I never really dealt with the part of me that died that day. The change that would occur in the family and the moments we would all have that my mom would no longer get to experience. For the remaining years in high school, I had a very difficult time without her. I was trying to come into myself and was doing so in a very immature and public way that I sometimes regret, but like anything- I learned so much about myself and who I was and was able to realize that life continues moving on. Now I feel stagnant and it’s time to start changing things, sometimes to get back to the drawing board, we have to remember the struggles and challenges we’ve had, how we overcame them and that we can do that again.
My father remarried and I am so happy for him and the family, as the years have gone on, I am so happy with the way things are now. I really love how cool my step mother is, how loving and supportive she is and that there is life again in my house.
You might be thinking, well why are you bringing all of this up? Whats the point? I wanted to use this blog as a journal and space to get my feelings out and share with you the process and journey. I think too often times we’re too focused on the end result and not the mountains you have to move to get there. With all of this being said, I am now at another turning point in my life and it’s time to make things happen and continue with entrepreneurship. I am about to take the road less traveled, but I know that in the end, this is what I’m being called to do. Life for me is just starting and i’m trying to embrace it with open arms!