cult or culture – a crossfit story

So I joined CrossFit… and before you click away, before you assume my neck quadrupled in size, that I grew three heads, and that I now eat nails for lunch and throw cars for breakfast, let me take a moment to explain what I mean.

A little over a month ago I hit a pretty deep low after a close friend of mine lost someone very close to her. And with no where else to put my energy, my frustration, my pain, I just started hurting.

See what they don’t tell you when you enter the “real world” is that grief and depression and low days… they aren’t excuses, they aren’t ways to get out of work even when you can barely get out of bed. Because, unlike the flu – depression doesn’t come with sniffles and coughs and feverish nights. And while I am fortunate enough to work in a place that would understand – that isn’t a privilege I want or plan on taking advantage of. (and I am not the only one)

Shortly after I started climbing back out of this low, I was given the opportunity to take my lunches to go to the gym – the benefits since then have not only helped me physically and mentally, but emotionally as well.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love my job… BUT… there is not enough love that I would be willing to give up on being the best version of myself. Truth is, I don’t always love coming to work. Truth is, being an adult is hard and it isn’t because of a lack of work ethic or the bills or the privilege I have and have learned – it’s because I have never and will never be the kind of person that can sit, at a computer, for 8 plus hours a day. I just can’t do it.

Before I realized it Crossfit became my escape – and like all the other times in my life that the gym has saved me, this gym brought me back to a place where I could feel like myself again.

Then I got sucked in.

My work started to suffer a bit.

And before I knew it – I had to wake up and re arrange my priorities.

In the past two weeks I have been to the Crossfit gym 3 times? Maybe less. And while I feel myself slipping away again, I don’t really know if I can trust myself to go all in again.

So here’s where I set the record straight —

Crossfit isn’t a cult, it’s a culture. It is a way for the people I see every time I go to the gym to find the same kind of peace that I do. It is a way for us to push ourselves harder than we would if we worked alone and as an athlete – that is something that gives me a lot of comfort.

Do I plan on growing three more necks, no. But, when the time is right, and when I can reclaim that sense of balance in my life – I intend to go back and stay back in it.

The moral of the story – don’t judge a gym by the biceps that workout in it, and don’t assume that everyone in the gym is there to get swol.

Truth is, we all have a story – and we don’t have to join a cult to speak our truth. We just need a culture that fits us, our goals and supports us for who we are.

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