Lately, I have had some days. Vague, I know, but the truth is, I can’t label them good days or bad days, they’re just… days.
See I am a firm believer in the saying “it’s a great day to have a day.” and I can’t claim credit because I got it from a teammate, but it stuck and now is as good a time as ever to ‘have a day’.
I guess the best way to spell out how I have been, is to look at a Twenty-One Pilots album. I’ve gone through phases this week of feeling “stressed out”, feeling like a “blurry face” in a crowd – the only difference being that I most definitely do care what people think. I’ve been detached, slightly withdrawn, and it isn’t a new feeling but it persists on – taunting me and distracting me at work ever so often.
Maybe this feeling of just having a day is part of growing up. Maybe it is a byproduct of seasonal affective or as I like to label it, “seasonal defective disorder,” maybe being stuck or lost, or maybe having a day is just a part of being an adult.
But sometimes it worries me and sometimes I doubt myself because of the labels I have been given…And I guess the best way to explain that train of thought is to share something my friend kinda said this week… which was different but could arguably go along with “I hate the term mental illness” and I do, I hate the term mentally ill because when I think of illnesses – I imagine cures – but for most of the population, whether we admit to it or not, the “illness” going on, the “illness” attacking our brains isn’t something we can cure – it’s only something we can manage and like a good or bad day we just all manage to get through, but what if we don’t just want to get by?
And personally, I don’t just want to get by I want to have a DAY, not a bad day, or an insecure day, not even a lower case day, I wanna have A DAY. and maybe something will stop me maybe it won’t but I guess I am just sick of floating by this week. I am sick of being a blurry faced, stressed out, adulting wannabe and I am certainly sick of not feeling like me,
so today. today I am going to have a DAY, a full uppercase DAY because it is a great day to have a day, and I’m done trying to turn back time to something easier because what I have now… it isn’t perfect, but its a day. AND IT IS ALWAYS A GREAT DAY TO HAVE A DAY.