I signed up for Grad-Advantage thinking it would prepare me for the “one year program” I had remaining in my grad school education – and to be fair, it did in some ways prepare me for what I was to set forth to do – what it didn’t prepare me for however, was the fact that I would have absolutely no life if I lived a “successful” post grad life.

Biting of More than I Could Chew

I thought I could do it all – but where I am now, relative to where I was then is an entirely different mindset. You see for me, I have to work to pay for school, and I need to go to school to do what I love (ie. Track, friends, relationships) but what they didn’t tell me is that I couldn’t be an adult – and I couldn’t be successful and also have it all.

I am currently in my second week of grad school – in fact, as I type I am currently in class receiving the same lecture I heard five times [yes five] during my undergrad career – the only difference ? now I am paying my own money to sit and ‘learn’ at half the pace I do while I am out in the field working.

that being said…

The Classroom is no Match for the Real Thing

Any working American can affirm this but the classroom is no match for real work experience. I have learned more in the past three months than I did in an entire curriculum of college or grad school and to be honest – it is a little frustrating.

Now I get it – I am on my third fourteen hour day this week – I am tired, I am crazy, and I really want my bed – but at the same time I have clear expectations and a sense of worth when it comes to my education, and I can’t be the only one that gets frustrated when the thing that is holding me back from moving up in the ranks is also the very thing that forces me to cling to the ledge of my sanity.

So did I bite off more than I can chew? Definitely – But I will adapt as I always have because I know that this education no matter how tedious it currently feels will pay off in the long run.

In the Long Run

In the long run I want it all. I want to work, to play, to fall in love and earn a salary that can help me afford the number of children I want – but in the short term I feel kind of stuck. I feel stuck because I can’t do what I love without going to work or school, but I also don’t have time after working and schooling to put my heart into what I love.

In the future – ie. next week, I hope to change my tune, but right now I just feel stuck, tired and unprepared – and while I have always known that this is where I am meant to be at this stage in my life – I really do wish I could have it all somehow… and I know I am not the only one.